Las Vegas is really just a broke-ass exburb of Los Angeles so, in that regard, I’m happy to consider myself a hometowner (more than DTZM anyways) to be season previewing this 2021 RAMMIT squad.
Oh haha, all the Angeloeños here scoff with the self-awareness of some kid in Long Island declaring his home as the Center of the Universe, everyone wants to be like LA and now we get to be celebrated for having the top team in the NFC West. Great! Let’s grab some Shakey’s and a Dodger cap before we rev up the comment section here for a barrage of, “Oh sure BUT YOU REALLY GOTTA LIVE HERE TO GET IT” humblebrags.
No. LA has great weather and is a desirable distance from the ocean. After that, it’s just a ton of people who don’t seem to understand that it’s actually possible to have manageable traffic when you don’t design your roadway infrastructure to be gridlocked from day one. I don’t say this rip on any of you fine LA folk — it IS impossible to do anything about the traffic in SoCal — but when people talk about Californians bringing their bullshit to other states that don’t want it, this is the tangible things we’re talking about (also some people hate the way you all vote but, I dunno, Reagan seems to have done a lot of good for rich white men so I’m not going at y’all there).
I mean, your state is the fifth largest economy in the world. That’s too big to function effectively. You’re all being priced out of living in your communities because you refuse to put in place any sort of measure that leverages the global desire for your land to subsidize the people (and voters) who actually live there. That’s a not-diversified spending plan. Worst of all, you people let the most despicable people who do nothing but rip on your state STILL BE GOVERNOR AND ELOPE THERE. I mean, you all make up about the worst kind of communists if you won’t control your borders better. Actually, the worst communist would be multi-billionaire Rams owner Stan Kroenke.
And so now that’s we’re talking about the Rams, feel free to put down your surfboards and boomboxes playing Red Hot Chili Peppers, LA [DFO]ers, and try to keep up.
The 2020 Rams went 10-6 behind the leagues top-rated defense — anchored by the league’s best player in Aaron Donald (I don’t care that PFF put him #3) — and a sub-elite quarterback in Jared Goff. They won their wildcard game against Seattle before losing handily to Green Bay in the divisional round. They gave up 484 yards in that performance so, as we get to the big offseason move of swapping QBs with Detroit to bring Matt Stafford to the City of Angels, there’s no need for LA readers to put down their latest $16 health shake to complain that the defense was playing with some serious injuries because that is already quite believable, even to us who aren’t Coastal Elites.
But to say Detroit and RAMMIT swapped QBs is a little misleading. LA wanted out of Goff so bad that they sweetened the deal for a 33 year old sack-pad by tossing in two firsts and a third for the Lions. Kind of like how Californians want out of those property taxes so bad that they….blah blah blah, blah blah.
So the ’21 Rams are in win-now mode. The defense is expected to again be a top-5 unit with CB Jalen Ramsey, Donald, and SS Jordan “Will” Fuller providing consistent performances for new Rams Defensive Coordinator and former Falcons Interim Head Coach, Raheem Morris. The Rams have a tough schedule (10th in the NFL) but got a veteran QB who will surely be glad to have run support in Cam Akers newly-acquired Sony Michel from the Patriots (the football team, not the group of lunatics looking to take over Sacramento via a stupid state recall system) to ease pressure on WRs Cooper Kupp, DeSean Jackson, and Robert Woods. Stafford shouldn’t have to play from behind all the time like he did for the loser Lions so, no disrespect to Sean McVcVay, Stafford shouldn’t be chasing his 5,038 yard season passing record in 2021. He’s supposed to be Peyton Manning on the Broncos here.
The Rams are sitting at #5 on the ESPN Power Rankings and there’s no reason to think this team — with the usual caveats about injuries, COVID, wildfires consuming the entire state while all its residents help by posting memes — won’t be in the NFC championship game again. Figure them for a good 12 wins, Kupp as a FF stud, and for RAMSNATION to lead the league in fan fights.
.Or not. Who cares? This isn’t Buffalo or Green Bay. If the team sucks in December, their fans can all just go to the beach or star in a movie… but not learn how to drive.
I appreciate that Shakey’s got a mention…
This is a quality depiction of California and the RAMMIT. Bravo!
Although I should point out that property taxes are actually stupidly low for most residents because of the idiotic Prop 13.
Right, California is the home of liberals who put those “In this house we believe in science, that Black Lives Matter…[laundry list of liberal causes]” signs on their lawn right beside one that opposes a proposal to build a four-plex apartment building in their neighborhood, because affordable housing is nice for other neighborhoods but DO NOT FUCK WITH OUR PARKING AND PROPERTY VALUES.
So I spend the last two days thinking that I needed a new laptop, because it was grinding to a near halt. Then I noticed that it actually works fine on startup, and it turns out that it was Microsoft Edge that was fucking everything up, even after it’s closed. So I installed Chrome and everything seems to be ok.
The lesson is, as always, that Microsoft sucks.
Clearly Dunstan hasn’t gotten the Bill Gates brand of vaxx.
[glances over]
Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of my actress neighbor being smoking hot out loud while I walk through this perfect weather to check and see if that $600 budget surplus check has showed up in my mailbox yet.
/HOA hits Rikki with $600 fine for his mailbox being out of compliance
Pfft. I am the HOA!
/not anymore, actually. I finally unloaded this on some other poor sucker
smoking hot out loud
What does that actually sound like?
In the 80’s it was this;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyF8RHM1OCg
The cool thing about moving as much as we have is that we get to root for the local team as well as the Steelers. We have pulled for the Seahawks, the Jaguars, the Falcons, and when we got here we chose between the Rams and the Bolts. It really was no contest, so go Rams!
LCSS slowly returns his bolt-inspired blade to its sheath….
We actually picked the Rams because Gumby liked Roman Gabriel when we were kids. That just tells you we’re old as fuck! But, never forget, Gumby is 25 days older than me, so right now he’s technically a year older!
NFC West should put at least 2, maybe 3 teams in the playoffs this year, it will be a fun division to watch.
Kliff Kingsbury does not make playoff appearances. But SF, if they actually meet somewhere near their potential, would be a good team to have in the post-season mix.
I was disappointed when Blax started talking about the Rams. Gimme more trenchant analysis of the California failure pile!
State of Jefferson forever!
If it’s full of Trump people, no thank you.
Assholes have been trying to break up Cali for years (to get more GOP reps). Ain’t gonna happen.
Yeah, I’ll pass, unless you want to work out a Rams-Lions type swap where you get Jefferson in exchange for combining North and South Dakota into one state, Wyoming gets divvied up between Montana and Idaho, and I get DC and Puerto Rico statehood, (shut up, Don; it’s a team sport!)
“Counties with Delcarations” probably tells you all you need to know.
The Venn diagram of those counties and “Counties With A Sponsored Militia” is a circle.
I spotted that & knew this was the one to include.
I don’t know why it’s colored green; it should be the color of whatever wildfire ash is.
In conclusion, Fuck the Dodgers. Fantastic article!
I too am not a fan of the American chickenhawk.
I really couldn’t agree with you any more.