Your “It’s 4 O’Clock Somewhere” NFL Football Open Thread

Let’s continue to nosh on games, shall we?

Browns/Chiefs:

How does a team committed to a power run game keep up with the Chiefs? My guess is that they need a special teams score and a few turnovers to narrow the scoring gap.

Fins/Pats:

The only jury that football fans would willingly sit on is the one regarding Tua. The catching talent he’s been given is okaaaay, when Fuller comes back from detention, that is. Oof! I just looked at the Pats morbid selection of wr’s. Backups as far as the eye can see, matey. Oh, you weren’t fooled by Agholor’s one-off last year, were you?

Pack/Saints:

I was impressed watching AJ Dillon this preseason. He’s a pilemover with one cutback in his running arsenal and has speed if he’s given space to get going. Henry Lite perhaps? That’s stretching it. Anyhoo, Bay of Green should be fine if Jones goes down.

Broncos/Giants:

As I told Hippo over the phone machines yesterday, Fangio seems to have a thing for rook Kadarius Toney. That just doesn’t make any sense. Speaking of rooks, did Javonte hurdle Gordon for the starter role at rb already? Williams sat the last preseason game while The Commissioner played. I’m reading too much into that, aren’t I?

Let’s watch some more games.

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JustStopDude

I hate this fucking sport.

Don T

Tua doing a good Fitzpatrick impersonation. Really got down the reckless and sucky parts.

Redshirt
Viva La Tabula Raza

That was an incredible INT by NE.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
King Hippo

ruh roh, Tua

Spur

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Mother Puncher

Glad to see this old site is doing better than it was Thursday

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Redshirt

The secret word of the day is F5.

Spur

am getting a beer to finish these late games.
Anyone want anything?

Horatio Cornblower

Not gonna lie, I could use some ice cream.

King Hippo

MELVIN!!!

Brocky

So assuming the saints aren’t dumb enough to keep kamura in the game, i have a nice twenty point lead going into tonight’s game.

My opponent is starting the rams defense. Andy dalton is gonna throw 3 pick sixes on purpose while yelling “fuck you brocky” at the camera.

These have been the fantasy musings of brocky

Senor Weaselo

I was out shopping and didn’t flip OBJ for anyone and as a result am currently on pace to lose to Ayo by… about 7 points.

Horatio Cornblower

Good to see the NFL tightening up the “no hitting the QB in the head” rule, to the point that even the black QBs are getting the call.

Senor Weaselo

However, it’s only a 9-yard penalty.

/Do the math…

King Hippo

they call that the Mistuh Richardson Rule

Mother Puncher

I’ve been on the road for 4 hours to play a show for $150 and missed my Bengals 🙁

King Hippo

well, now you have to boycott if it’s good luck. Just SCIENCE.

Redshirt

You didn’t miss much.

In another related topic, I have about two hours before I need to contact my doctor.

Redshirt

Seriously:

Defense looks better but still has flaws.
Chase showed up and the offense has weapons.
OL is a smidge better but Burrow did get knocked around.
Running game showed up at the end, but could’ve been better
Burrow picked up where he left off. Was limping a bit after a nasty sack in the 4th Qtr but shook it off.
Zac Taylor and Coaching Staff showed they are Madden Game levels of aggressive, it won them the game in the OT, but it only went to OT because it cost them a TD in the 4th Qtr when the Viking were on the ropes.

Too early to start making Playoff plans, but a good first step.

Senor Weaselo

I’m missing premium gig time since it’s High Holy Days, though considering it meant I could go with Senorita Weaselo to the Poconos last weekend, it works out.

Redshirt

Come on, Fox Director. Cut to Aaron Rodgers on the sideline. You know you want to.

King Hippo

that Chefs D has to go RIGHT BACK onto the pitch, though. I’d onside the motherfucker.

King Hippo

Dunno if you can trust him, though. So few attempts, and Magic Undies can steal goal line touches.

Spur

Love is in the game. Rodgers badmouthing him to the backups on the sidelines.
This is going to be great.

Spur

Winston bringing the pain to the Packers. Good.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess that 5th TD put him over 100 yds for the game.

Spur

Giant coaching decisions were sub optimal

King Hippo

we just HAVE TO let Los Gigantes hang around

Redshirt
Viva La Tabula Raza

Why hasn’t fox switched from the Green Bay shitshow to the Denver game.?

Anthony In TX

Because regional broadcasting rules in 2021 are more bullshit than they’ve ever been?

Gumbygirl

Joe and Troy.

King Hippo

ugggghhhhhhh here comes the sphincter tightening

Redshirt

Welcome to the club. I’m probably going to be passing diamonds for the next few days.

Spur

And we have started the camera shots of Jorden Love. Rodgers gonna have a monster hissy fit if he gets pulled.

Viva La Tabula Raza

And there’s the Love.

Horatio Cornblower

The best thing I can say about Daniel Jones as a quarterback is that he isn’t a terrible running back.

Horatio Cornblower

Schlereth is just openly siding with Denver here, isn’t he?

King Hippo

We did get him at least one Superb Owl ring. And he is 100% a meathead.

King Hippo

Has any quartered back ever thrown 4+ TD passes in a game, but not gone for 100+ yards? I’d bet not.

WCS

Seems like something Alex Smith would have done.

King Hippo

Meanwhile, in Alex Smith impressions – A.A. Ron is up to -0.01 fantasy points

Horatio Cornblower

Football nerdery, you say?

https://www.pro-football-reference.com/leaders/pass_td_single_game.htm

Walter Football, I respond.

This list only goes to 5 TDs. I didn’t go through all of them yet, but based on what I’ve seen it seems very unlikely. Lowest I found was someone named Gary Cuozzo, who threw for 5 TDs and 208 yards.

Gumbygirl

Joe Jackson beating on the kid.

WCS

He’s Stepping Out.

Horatio Cornblower

He’s The Man.

Anthony In TX

I’ve just found my new euphemism for, uh… “me time.”

Don T

Winston getting a roughing the passer flag is as close as the NFL will get to social justice.

Spur

WOW. Winston gets a Rodgers BS roughing the QB flag.

Brocky

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ArmedandHammered

The boy was better today, still unable to walk but was coherent and could actually hold a conversation. I will be working most of the day tomorrow from his hospital room and take some games we can play to help with his boredom. I would like to thank everyone for the kind words and the encouragement. Best imaginary internet friends in the world.

Brocky

Good to hear it

King Hippo

Baby steps forward, y’all hang in

Gumbygirl

We are all pulling for him, and you.

Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
Horatio Cornblower

Good news. Hang in there.

litre_cola

Thank you for the update! Stay strong internet friend.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Medvedev serving for the match, uh, again.

Dunstan

And there it is!

Spur

Am loving this Green Bay game. I hoping for 15 weeks of this Rodgers experience.

Anthony In TX

There’s a non-zero chance he’s just sabotaging everything out of spite.

And I fucking love it.

King Hippo

I am against A.A. Ron in money league. He has…-0.69 points

Spur

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Mr. Ayo

Danny Dimes back at it!

King Hippo

NAILED IT!!!

King Hippo

Denver really misses being able to let loose with our Chubb.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Medvedev serving for the match.

ArmedandHammered

Fucking crowd will not shut up.

King Hippo

By holding on for one more year, GB lost their most desperate trade partner (Donks)

Brick Meathook

In order to keep this website safe, here’s another submarine story. I hope these don’t bore you.

This is the “hall of mirrors” story.

We were a “northern boat” trained and designed to operate in the upper North Atlantic and Arctic Oceans.

Sometimes our boat would have ice in it, but that’s a different story.
So on our 40 day patrol we would leave our base at King’s Bay Georgia and hit our dive point and head north.

That’s where we wanted to be.

The Gulf Stream is a very warm ocean current that flows up the Atlantic seaboard all the way to England. The Labrador current flows south and is ice cold, and the two currents meet off of Newfoundland, where my mother is from, and the two currents swirl together.

But this is the “sweet spot” for a submarine. This is the “hall of mirrors.”

We were being tracked by five different navies, and we could outsmart every single one of them.

Surface ships could only track us by sound, primarily engine noise. So we would get in the Labrador/Gulf mix (warm and cold) and all underwater sound waves went haywire, to our advantage.

In the “hall of mirrors” the sound would be deflected (or “bent”) due to temperature and salinity changes and interfaces. We constantly measured this. Nothing was what it seemed to be, but we knew how to use it.

Can you hear us? Do you think we are over here? No, we’re actually over there.

The sound would bend, just like in a hall of mirrors. They never knew where we were.

Meanwhile, we are downstairs drinking coffee and watching movies. We knew what we were doing.

But we knew where they were, and believe you me we were locked on to them with our 48s (Mk 48 torpedoes), and we would usually just quietly slip away, while the surface ships were still searching for ghosts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Hall of Mirrors scene in Disenchantment is my absolute favorite sequence from the show.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I read recently that the Gulf Stream is behaving erratically. I am sure the Navy is already working on adapting to this if they need to.
Not everybody “believes” in climate change, but I can assure you that the Department of Defense does.

Spur

Rodgers is getting loose with his balls.

King Hippo

He might just be a meathead.

King Hippo

TEDDY. FUCKING. BALLGAME!

Horatio Cornblower

I have him and Sutton on my bench. Feeling pretty good about myself right now. Surely nothing bad will happen to the Broncos going forward!

King Hippo

I started Sutton in money league. He has ONE catch.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, he’s apparently about to get a lot more targets this season.

King Hippo

GO FOR IT VIC

King Hippo

You know, this Donks-day turned shitty awful fast.

Don T

How ‘bout a 4th down TD for yer troubles #GoodCsll

King Hippo

14 of our 17 points proximately called by “the book would NEVAR” 4th down goings-for-it.

King Hippo

CAUSED, I meant

Horatio Cornblower

Am I too understand that Jerry Jeudy’s ankle is spinning like a helicopter?

King Hippo

Yeah, he Dak!’d hisself

Don T

Rogders is in Thanksgiving with the Fam. mode

Dunstan

You mean he’s sitting all by himself?

Horatio Cornblower

He means Rodgers is in an entirely different stadium

Spur

Aaron Rodgers sure looks excited to be playing.
No way he plays all 16 games.

King Hippo

Yes, I screamed aaaagggggghhhhhhh FUCK YOU, HAMLER

/we need to stop drafting Paedo State WRs

King Hippo

Teddy Ballgame feeling he’s got a Mister Marcus-size cock today.

hippofant

And his receivers be dropping the ball like it has syphilis.