Your “C’Mon, Gimme Some More of That Sweet Action!” NFL Open Thread

Man, that was good stuff! (is typing at 12:15 EST) Dimes throwing it around like crazy, that bananacakes last-second upset and that leg fracture. Ouch! Hopefully the second half of games can keep up the pace!

To The Games!

Jets/Broncos:

This is my Survivor pick-don’t let me down Hippo! Look for both Williams and Gordon to feast on passes out of the backfield. The Jets are perfect in that they’ve allowed 18 out of 18 passes to be caught. Denver’s gonna toss the Jets Saleh.

Fins/Raiders:

Miami doesn’t look nearly as good as their trajectory would have suggested. And now Tua is tossed on the IR scrapheap for a bit. The underwhelming Brissett might just be a slight improvement on the second year (not) wonder though.

Bucs/Rams:

Make way, make way, his majesty Brady has arrived. Please watch this game with the volume turned to -11. It’ll be interesting to watch Ramsey on Godwin out of the slot-anything the Rams can do to take away weapons will be helpful to their cause. I’d expect Fat Stafford to have 40+ pass attempts in this tilt.

Seahawks/Vikes:

Dalvin is ‘unlikely to play’ so bring out the handcuffs that you’ve hidden in your underwear drawer. As far as cornerbacks are concerned, Minny’s are more generous than every other unit and ranked lower than no one else’s. If all goes according to plan you’ll hear ‘chunk play’ often.

I’m done. And you’ve just started.

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King Hippo

Clean sheet through 3, but is in jeopardy. Need a sack!

Col. Duke LaCross

Gronk ded?

ballsofsteelandfury

Extremely sleepy

Don T

Desean Jackson is alive! Where the hell are the space lasers?

King Hippo

Scotchy is taking Goyim Space Lasers behind the ol’ woodshed this week.

litre_cola

I am by far the worst team in that league.

King Hippo

I’ll be 2-6 in a jiffy

litre_cola

I for one had no idea DJax was still in the league

King Hippo

Not even the first time they tried it today.

ThePirateSloth

I dunno why, I like Aikmen. I just wish we could have him paired with someone better. Like swap him to MNF or something.

Col. Duke LaCross

Is Josh from Chipotle on the spectrum?

Gumbygirl

Ha, you Succ!

Horatio Cornblower

Someone on the Jets was taunting? About what?

WCS

Must have seen a member of the Sharks in the crowd.

ThePirateSloth

I’m watching the Seahawks game on delay, so I’m behind in making fun of ButtFumble announcing.

Fuck, he’s terrible.

litre_cola

Put Mattison in my lineup and he has done fuck all. All is normal.

litre_cola

I was in beautiful Victoria for the weekend. I fucking love that place and would move there in a heartbeat if our jobs allowed. (they do not)

Horatio Cornblower

But they’ll allow you to move to Regina!

litre_cola

Yep, Alberta, Sasky, or home to Manitoba. That is a hard no.

litre_cola

Larry? Nice guy, very bad at presenting things on TEAMS. We need a session for him with Yeah Rights daughter for learnin.

ballsofsteelandfury

We may need to retire the Fat Stafford nickname. Like many that arrive in LA, he’s lost weight, is looking good, and may just get a sugar daddy soon.

ThePirateSloth

OMAHA

Horatio Cornblower

Come in from walking the dog and see Denver up 17-0. Bridgewater must be doing great for my FF team, right?
/Checks notes

Wrong.

Oh well, at least the “take the Jets opponent” strategy is paying off in Eliminator.

litre_cola

Good day! Hail Gamblor! How the fuck we doin boys?

ballsofsteelandfury

Better than the Giants under Tom Coughlin.

Also better than Andy Reid.

King Hippo

Hope Don Fangio is warning against complacency in his halftime talk. HIPPO WANTS THE CLEAN SHEET.

Recovery Whiskey

Myers first miss of the year

Don T

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ballsofsteelandfury

Brady would have preferred to be in shotgun and do a forward pass so he could get closer to breaking the record.

King Hippo

You see how they run it, since playing a real opponent today. Everything isn’t centered around serving MRSA Dreamboat’s ego.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, but it was an end around. I’m shocked he wasn’t in shotgun.

Brocky

Not trying to sound blunt, but has a coach ever died midseason before?

ballsofsteelandfury

The Google shows plenty of results for coaches, but no head coach.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Recovery Whiskey

Its raining in Seattle and Minnesota scored. Sucks all around

Brick Meathook

Here’s another submarine story. I hope these don’t bore you.

This is the “spooks” story.

When we were out on a 40 day patrol we were “on alert” to do a nuclear weapons launch (which we never did; you would have read about it).

But this was all highly scheduled, so after our alert ended we were still a submarine on patrol with a lot of options.

Sometimes after we got off alert a boat would meet us in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean. They had civilians on board who would bury themselves in our bow torpedo room.

We called them “spooks.”

When they were aboard we were at “the maneuvering watch” where every crewman is at his assigned watch station. I was was engineer back aft so I never saw anything. 

But our gossip chain rivaled any hen house or quilting party.

Yet my forward shipmates never talked about what “the spooks” did. I don’t think they even knew.

But the cost of admission to a submarine at sea that’s just finished a 40 day alert patrol is fresh and real ice cream, and a lot of it, and we don’t care who you are.

You better bring it, and fresh fruit too, or you ain’t boarding this vessel.

ballsofsteelandfury

So the spooks brought ice cream when they met you in the middle of the ocean?

Also, how was the handover done? The only reference I have is that scene in The Hunt For Red October.

Brick Meathook

I was in the engineroom. I never saw it.

That’s how you know I’m authentic.

I didn’t know now anything.

Brick Meathook

I enjoyed the ice cream.

ballsofsteelandfury

Ice cream follow up: what flavours didya get?

Brick Meathook

They would bring real ice cream over in 5 gallon containers: vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate. Several containers of each flavor.

I like vanilla and strawberry.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice!

King Hippo

Andy Reid, pulling an Urban Meyer?

WCS

That’s just his daily myocardial infarction. He’ll eat it off.

King Hippo

#NoDaysOff

Gatoraids

No problem, just having a heart attack. (Pounds Chest)..Almost over! Done. Done.”

WCS

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Recovery Whiskey

Defensive holding on a receiver negates a QB sack

King Hippo

I am starting (but drawing dead) both Sutton and Patrick in DFO-ball, but I am expecting maybe 5-6 passes in the 2nd half.

Cecil Rhodes

Fatt Staffordown! Break out the pork rinds!

King Hippo

Von Miller, apparently still can play.

Recovery Whiskey

Vikes Hawks good game so far. Offenses dictating

Recovery Whiskey

So are y’all commenting at a rate of 2-3 a minute or is it this claptrap site eating comments.

King Hippo

Captain Dingleberry Discards His #NuAIDS-Ridden Boot

Cecil Rhodes

With all of the derpitude taking place in the Raiders-Dolphins match, a draw would be a just result. What say you, dear colleagues?

King Hippo

So it is said, so let it be written.

ballsofsteelandfury

A draw is a gentlemanly way to settle affairs, I’d say.

Gatoraids

lolphins call

Petronel

Two drops, one Kupp, no yards

Recovery Whiskey

Track meet start in Minny

Gumbygirl

I want the Rams to straight up murder Brady. Thugg it up!

Recovery Whiskey

Brady will get the calls

Anthony In TX

Aaron Donald: (breathing hard on the sideline while the Rams’ offense is on the field)
Ref: (throws flag)

King Hippo

I would very much enjoy SOLE POSSESSION OF FIRST PLACE Donks, however illusory and temporary.

Recovery Whiskey

Touchdown for those Seattle guys

King Hippo

The Raiders want Rikki to write an episode.

Gumbygirl

Here we go!

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Recovery Whiskey

LOL. The Vikings stole Seattle’s soccer pregame intro. Boom boom clap followed by a horn

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This from the Sun Times (in a really whiny/bitchy column) tracks:

They produced 47 net yards — lowest by the Bears since 1981 — and managed two fields goals on 10 possessions. Including the playoffs, it was the 22nd time they scored fewer than 20 points in Nagy’s 53 games.

King Hippo

That’s…pretty hard to do, without it snowing.

Recovery Whiskey

Fields is a rookie. But the fault here has to be Nagy. Similar to Pete Carroll’s DC’s, Andy Reid’s OC’s aren’t shit.

King Hippo

TEDDY BALLGAME

Don T

Scooby and the gang go to Detroit
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Redshirt

Now BLEERGH can’t count to zero?

Recovery Whiskey

Got the Costco run finished and housework done. Ready for some Foobaw

The homeless tent encampment across the street just had a 911 fire call. No fucks given here. Its like Negan and Lucile enjoying hot sauce on canned dog food while the zombies rage outside.

How y’all doin??

King Hippo

God to Detroit – JUST GIVE UP.

Don T

Increible

King Hippo

I am still trying to grasp the physics of how that bounces FORWARD off that trajectory

hippofant

The ball is spinning, so it’s almost pure luck where in its rotation the ball is when it happens to make contact.

Recovery Whiskey

66 yards easy

hippofant

Next are the locusts if you don’t!