The 9 Circles of Leasts – Week 1

Duchess
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First Circle (Limbo) – Dez Bryant’s broken foot, Josh McNown’s Head,  and Terrell Suggs torn Achilles.

Second Circle (Lust) – Jamis Winston. The rookie QB showdown was great they combined for 7 touchdowns thrown… 5 of them were to Titan players and one of those 5 was thrown by Winston. Winston and Tampa Bay are working hard to ensure Lovie Smith is only in Tampa for 2 years.

Third Circle (Gluttony) – Eli Manning for someone having a sponsorship with a watch company yet not able to tell time. QB’s when you are nursing a lead take a sack. or let the play clock run down. Eli proved he was a boy playing Checkers when the rest were playing Chess.

Fourth Circle (Greed) – Johnny F’ing Football. NFL Network and everyone couldn’t be prouder of Johnny getting in there and tossing his first touchdown. Yet white washing the rest of his disastrous playing. The Jets made the Browns look like the Jets.

Fifth Circle (Anger) – Seahawk’s Coaching. They tried to be too cute and lost because of their poor decisions… Sound familiar?

Sixth Circle (Heresy) – The concept of playing defense in the NFL. It just didn’t happen this week. Patriots and Steelers would have given up 150yrds to a plastic bag blowing in the wind. Tampa Bay’s leading tackler was Chris Conte with 5. The Saints had a total of 44 tackles in their game. Sure there were a few great hits but there were far more teams shooting themselves in the foot than teams being overwhelmed by a defense.

Seventh Circle (Violence) – Adam “Stop Calling Me Pac-Man” Jones. Seriously a guy ripping of another player helmet and then grabbing him near the neck and shoving his head back into the helemt…oh thats a fine?  How, how is this only a fine? True if the helmet just fell off  but you can actually watch him pull the helmet off and push Amari Coopers head back into it

Eighth Circle (Fraud) – Anyone and everyone associated to and or watching the 49er’s/Viking’s game. I woke up today thinking it was Friday because that game was Thursday Night Football bad. The announcing was atrocious, the reffing was bad and the playing was even worse. The only good that came out of the game was watching Carl Brutananadilewski get a win.

Ninth Circle (Treachery) – Goodell

 

Other Notably Leasts: Pey Pey 2000 rusting over, Joe Flacco being so Elite he combusted, and Russell Wilson’s hubris in Tweet form.

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ballsofsteelandfurySenor WeaseloMr. Robinson's NeighborhoodMoose -The End Is Well NighDuchess Recent comment authors
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ballsofsteelandfury

I do love these posts so. Great job!

Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood
Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood

To be honest, you can pretty much leave Goodell in the ninth circle permanently and it will always be accurate…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why all the blame on Elisha? I think Coughlin should have just called for a kneel down, moot the whole fucking thing.

Wakezilla

Week 10 Anger level of hell edition: Seattle Seahawks O-Line for letting Charmslinger take such a pounding the entire season, he’s now out for the rest of the season with an ACL tear after running for his life.

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

I hate to be the bitter Giants fan around here but how many fucking timeouts did the Cowboys get? None of the final 2 minutes with the clock made any sense. The Cowboys were incorrectly awarded two extra timeouts one for a penalty that occurred after they used a timeout and then again for a penalty that was declined after Odell caught the first down. And we still could’ve won.

Am I right?

http://reaction.club/r/2e11406.gif

/I hate myself.

MikeMartzColorsDontRun

*continues secretly slipping crazy pills into your morning coffee*

Senor Weaselo

Apparently all penalties stop the clock in the last two minutes. Or something like that. I don’t know, I had turned on Rick and Morty at that point.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

You know, I had forgotten completely about last night’s second game until now.

Good lord, that was just really off-the-charts horrible. Berman and Dilfer need to be punished for what they did last night.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Why was Trent Dilfer constantly yelling at me last night? At least Berman was talking at a normalish level

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

They were talking at different launch points.

monty this seems strange to me

The Raiders just offered Plastic Bag Blowing In The Wind a lucrative free agent contract.

Beerguyrob

Plastic bag was from AM/PM and filled with empty six-pack rings. It starts alongside Aldon Smith this Sunday.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Old Tire Found on the Edge of the Freeway was really disappointed to hear this news; he thought he had a good shot at making the roster.

Enrico Pallazzo

I just think it’s great that little Elisha didn’t want a ten point lead with 90 seconds left. Brilliant.

Horatio Cornblower

I was listening to Francesca, (god he’s horrible), last night when they first reported that Rashad Jennings was claiming Eli told him not to score. I was all set to rush home and pick up Andre Williams, figuring Jennings would be cut for spreading lies.

Then Eli came on and admitted it was true.

What the fuck? How does that make any sense? A TD and PAT puts them up by 10 with less than two minutes to go! if you can’t hold that lead I don’t know what to tell you, other than that you’re the Packers in last year’s NFC Championship game.

Senor Weaselo

I can almost understand on 1st down if you want to kill the clock even more, but 1st AND 2nd down? Yeah, it is possible for wacky stuff to happen on a big play and an onside kick or something like that and your defense looked like tissue last drive, but think of how many things would need to happen to blow a 10-point lead in that little time!

WCS

Two-time Super Bowl MVP material!

blaxabbath

Is Duchess’ Coaching stuff in Limbo too?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also, I would like to nominate Raiders linebacker Ray Ray Armstrong for the Treachery circle. Aside from blowing his assignment to give up Cincinnati’s first touchdown on a fourth down, he also managed to injure Nate Allen – his own teammate.

blaxabbath

I don’t have a circle for it (jerk?) but ARI gave up well over 100 yards on textbook outlet screens to space. To a short quarterback. And a pretty vanilla RB corps in the backfield. Often on third and 5+.

I assume newer versions of Madden have corrected the AI regarding this, but it reminds me of my Madden ’94 days of, “I feel like blitzing” and selecting punt rush — and the worst case scenario was like a 20 yard pass on which my returner would make the tackle.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Regarding the Amari Cooper thing; Goodell might have done something if he had seen it happen live, but if it’s on videotape it’s like it never happened as far as he’s concerned.

blaxabbath

I just figured the NFLPA was like every other union that gives preferential treatment based on senority. Just gotta take care of these grizzled old vets, else this place could go open shop!

/Management outsources everything to China anyways.

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

Janay Rice has already talked to Amari Cooper about how to properly apologize for his involvement.