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Morning After Rant

laserguru

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What the fuck was that? What in the everlasting fuck do you call that performance? Jesus H. Christ, Stephen F. Austin played tighter defense. Shit, the Iraqi Republican Guard put up more of a resistance. You have the best running back in the game and you give it to him 10 times? Ten fucking times? How the fuck are you going to justify that? And you line him up next to Teddy in the shotgun! Don’t you know he runs from seven yards back and prefers a full back blocking for him? Was this your fucking game plan Norval? Because if it is you can go ahead and pack all of your belongings in the waddling neck bag of yours and prepare to get the fuck out of town!

Fuck, man! You had me believing the hype. Like a goddamn dunderheaded dipshit I bought in. Goddamn you all to Hell for that! You said this is going to be our year, things are turning around and you play like that clusterfuck of a performance? You have less than one week to unfuck yourselves or I swear to god I will book a ticket to Minneapolis and skullfuck each and every last one of you motherfuckers! Son of a bitch!

Go Vikings!

Shit!

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laserguru

Fucking Pedro man!

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ballsofsteelandfury

I was waiting for this. You did not disappoint, yeah right!

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WhyEaglesWhy

I thought I was having a bad day, then I watched the late game and thought of you. Holy fuck. My condolences.

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Sep

This was some inspired ranting… Bravo!

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Old School Zero

Confession: I totally bought into the Niners complete collapse and picked Minnesota to win on the Eliminator Challenge pool. I realize this morning that I completely forgot a decimal point in my Norv Turner Mediocrity Coefficient. You’d think I would have known better after all the years with him as head coach, but no, I did not learn.

Which is to say, I’m so sorry about your offense.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That reminds me, I need to go get my Baltimore pick in for next week.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You might want to revisit offensive ratings of teams under Turner. They’ll be fine. They won’t, however, come close to beating the Packers.

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King Hippo

I would issue words of caution about picking road teams in Survivor except in the most dire of circumstances (ie, no home faves that are more than 3-4 point spreads), but I’m a guy who doubled down on goddamned Dallas in Week One so I’m hardly one to fucking talk.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

or road trip suicide pacts.

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ballsofsteelandfury

It worked for you, though.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s because she went first.

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Wakezilla

Seriously though, 10 freaking carries for AP? Da fuq is that shit? Dude has been off for a year. I think he can handle the fucking workload.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Talk about a bait and switch.

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WCS

I mean, I kind of thought you’d be accustomed to this kind of thing by now…

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Horatio Cornblower

Um, Skol?

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MikeMartzColorsDontRun

SKOLLAPSE?
SKULLFUCKED BY THE OTHER TEAM?
NO COUNTRY FOR SKOLD MEN?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can we rant about other things here? I assume the answer is yes.

A house nearby me left their dog outside in the rain. Their neighbor heard the dog crying and was trying to figure out what to do. Another neighbor told her she should report it to the police.

Listen, I love my dog (Balls of Steel can tell you how ridiculous we are with her) and that’s a really shitty thing to do to your pet…but I mean come on. Calling the cops because someone’s dog is wet?

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King Hippo

Yeah, that’s…odd. Animals ARE indeed animals, and kind of designed for the elements, after all.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No need to call the police when you can simply apply Superglue the locks before they get home.

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s what you get for living next to Hollywood actors…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Actually, the new guy seems fine (not very visible – which gets a big thumbs up) and [name redacted] is as amused/horrified by the association bullshit as I am.

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jjfozz

I was hoping for all kinds of ill shit to happen to Adrian Peterson. That loss was a start, now if somehow he could get his dick caught in a Cuisinart, or his balls baked with a blow torch, I’d be happy.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m going to feel that way about Pacman Jones for the next 16 weeks.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You know somewhere someone has done these things.

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pickettschargeksk

That game was the most disheartening display of grotesque miscalculation and myopia seen on television since the goddamn Checkers speech.

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Enrico Pallazzo

This is about what I would expect from people that got destroyed by Jim Tomsula.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You have my sympathy. Believe me, I know how it feels to get unreasonably psyched up (even though you have repeatedly told yourself to cool it, that they still have a lot of wrinkles to iron out) for your team’s first game and see them shit the bed in such an epic fashion.

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jjfozz

As a Ravens fan, I’m am down with this. I am DOWN!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cheer up, you get to play the Raiders next week!

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Yeah… that might be a close game.

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laserguru

I will say that this was surprisingly cathartic to write.

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montythisseemsstrangetome

It’s a beautiful read. Out of great pain comes great art.

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Bloody Lethal

Last night I had a moment of clarity wherein I realized: the Vikings are never going to be any good. They’re not like the Jets where it’s a continuous loud sucking noise and they’re not even like a so close but yet so far team. Even when they are good, they will be playing on borrowed time. It will not last. They will never win the whole thing. Someone in that organization sold their soul to the Devil. The stink is there. I am deeply, truly sad for them.

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laserguru

How long must we pay for the Favre thing? How long?!?

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King Hippo

The 4 inch curse!

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mparks

You can feel sorry for Vikings fans, but don’t feel sorry for anyone in that organization. We often don’t get to decide what teams we’re fans of (geography and all), but anyone who consciously decides to align their careers with Ziggy Wilf deserves every ounce of karmic pain that comes their way.

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packman_jon

Does Norval know the pistol is a thing and can get both the shotgun snap AND AD 7-8 yards behind center?

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King Hippo

If I were around a Vikings fan, I’d be careful advocating pistols after last night.

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Beerguyrob

It’s his mission in life to prove that Marty Schottenheimer deserved every job Norv eventually filled.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The pistol was Jovan Belcher’s favorite formation.

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