Your Early Sunday Slate O’Games Open Thread

Has the sked maker (I imagine him as an harried old man in a small office, papers in folders everywhere-he’s not received a raise since Rozelle retired) been kind to us? Let’s take a looky-loo.

To The Games!

Team/Falcons:

That nasty Washington D was supposed to pick up where it left off last year but there are cracks in the armoire. The secondary is ahead of only Detroit, KC and the Giants in expected points per passing play and lb Jon Bostic is a travesty in coverage, having surrendered 197 yards so far.

Texans/Bills:

Allen turned things around in a ‘get well’ game last week and has been gifted another one. One of the problems he’s been dealing with is poor interior line play. That unit allowed 16 pressures last week and had better improve when Buffalo gets to the meat of their schedule.

Lions/Bears:

Be careful what you ask for. Unless you were asking for .4 yards per pass play. Is that what it was, Chicago fans? They’re the only team to average less than 3 yards so far this season.

Panthers/Cowboys:

Time for Carolina to see if they’re on the ‘real’ or ‘pretend’ side of the ledger. At least they have a full 10 days rest and Dallas is dealing with a short week.

Colts/Fins:

Indy was thought by many to be a playoff contender this year but poor qb play (exacerbated by injuries/lousy performance from the o-line) has put that notion up in the air. And so has reducing touches to their dynamic 2nd year rb Taylor.

Browns/Vikes:

As both teams love to run the ball and are not apologetic about it, what say we stash this game into the mid-1970’s where it belongs?

Giants/Saints:

It’s the last train to Clarksville, um, whoops, Winville for New York. Showing up in the coming weeks are Dallas, Carolina, the Rams, Chiefs, Raiders and the bucking Fucs.

Titans/Jets:

Poor Zach has been through the ringer and put up a mere 20 points vs the Panthers, Pats and Broncos. Finally, some sweet relief (maybe?) against a Tennessee team that blitzes at a 30% rate. Oh no. Well, the good news is that opposing qb’s have a 155.3 rating when completing a pass in this situation.

Chiefs/Eagles:

Philly’s D tends to keep big plays to a minimum so far this year and that might well be tested by KC today. The Chiefs D will again be without de Clark and cb Ward but never fear, Dicaprio Bootle has been elevated from that old Key and Peele sketch to the game time roster.

Do that thing.

5 5 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
253 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brocky

Bears do… .good?

King Hippo

ok, Clubhouse Bearistocrats! supporters. Do you love Two of the Good Ones’ coloUr commentary, or do you LOVE IT!!!

Brocky

anything is better than Buck/Aikman/Collinsworth

King Hippo

MONTY HE LOOKS GOOD TO ME

Fronkenshteen

When did Jacoby Brissett turn into Jimmie “J.J.” Walker?

Cecil Rhodes

But will he stop for a Susan B. Anthony?

Anthony In TX

Preseason pundits, re: Texans defense – “They’re gonna get killed by tight ends over the middle because of Lovie’s outdated inflexible Tampa-2 defense.”

Texans – “Yeah, you right.”

Dunstan

PHL/KC commentator: “What a snatch!”

So I see CBS doesn’t believe in phrasing….

King Hippo

Good Hustle?

Cecil Rhodes

Did Beth Mowins just refer to Zach Cunningham as Richie Cunningham? What a happy day this is.

King Hippo

She is leaning into Rikki’s persona!

Fronkenshteen

Agreed. And please…try the fish.

King Hippo

Not so good, Al!

2Pack

Cowboys cheerleaders… trying to draw your attention off of that run defense. It works for me.

Brocky

comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by Brocky
Fronkenshteen

Closest thing I’ve seen to the buttfumble.

ArmedandHammered

lol lions.

King Hippo

Just a turd out there.

Fronkenshteen

I wonder how Patrick Mahomes has affected Andy Reid’s gastrointestinal health?

Horatio Cornblower

Well, CBS could show me Carolina-Dallas, a genuinely interesting game or, because I live in CT, albeit much closer to Bahstahn than New Yawk, I could get the Giants-Saints games, which no one deserves to watch.

I’ll let you all guess which of the two has been bestowed upon me.

King Hippo

I get PIT/GB over BAL/DEN in North Cakalaky, because God hates me too.

Fronkenshteen

Welp, I’m already doneski in fantasy this week.

Spur

Dallas just ran wild on that Panthers Defense. Darnold about go 3 and Out.

King Hippo

I should have benched Dak! goddamnit

Spur

Darnold not going 3 and out.

ArmedandHammered

That jet had a clear runway to the QB.

Spur

comment image

King Hippo

Tanny Fanny, doing his Tower One impersonation

herodotus450

Failing to adapt to new music delivery mechanisms and then fading into obscurity?

Spur

Did he ever really leave?

King Hippo

was on sabbatical

ArmedandHammered

Did that Vikes player have a gold chain on his mouthpiece?

rockingdog

Fancy golden mouthpiece is Fancy
That’s ROCKiNGGGG

King Hippo

Lucky for him Two of the Good Ones (and Gus) are announcing CHI/DET

King Hippo

JJ WOO!!!!!

Anthony In TX

JESUS, Texans

King Hippo

Well done, 500s

rockingdog

Throw it to Allen Robinson you cowards!

herodotus450

The “Villainous Beauties” wiki categorizes that with tags such as Ambitious, Bondage Used On Villainess, Brunette, and more!
https://villainous-beauties.fandom.com/wiki/Vicky_Patterson_(Identity_Theft_of_a_Cheerleader)

rockingdog

October Octo-Box on Red Zone Channel!!!
That’s Rocking!

Hopefully WR Allen Robinson gets me some pts…

King Hippo

October y OctoBox >>>>>>>>> OctoMom

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Go Bears!

/Bears lose 9-47

King Hippo

Failure to feed Monty inside the 10? YUP, that’s the mother sucking the son.

UPDATE – THAT IS BETTER WOO

rockingdog

Bears gonna establish the running game
That’s ROCKING!!!

Spur

Panthers D is legit but the lack of offense will catch up with them today. Cowboys will pull away late 3rd Quarter for a win after the Panther D is spent.

King Hippo

Free Huey! Emancipate Urself From Gender Slavery!! WHO YA GOT??

JustStopDude

My viewing options are garbage and I am too hungover to go anywhere.

Well at least I have nonstop local political ads every commercial break.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Cleveland Browns fan has spoken

Spur

comment image

Spur
King Hippo

but Xians aren’t PERFECT, just 4GIVEN!!!1111

Spur

comment image

King Hippo

F = ma

Senor Weaselo

THAT’S MY PURSE!

2Pack

Some solid line play there

Spur

I took

KC over 53
Saints -7
Titans – 5.5

Redshirt

Either Ohio and Kentucky really needs to legalize sports gambling. Indiana is just too far to drive for a small payout.

Spur

just get a VPN and bet online

Redshirt

Knowing my luck with gambling, I’ll lose the bet and the VPN will scramble my IP Address location to the house next door so I’ll be charged with gambling illegally.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
rockingdog

Found a funny;

girlfriend: I’m seeing someone behind your back

me: *believes in ghosts* is it my grandpa

Redshirt
Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Redshirt

Oh, come on! What else does JV Cincy have to do? “They haven’t defeated a Power 5 School.” Defeats Indiana. “Well, they haven’t defeated a Top 10 school and one of College Football’s elites.” Defeats Notre Dame.

Oklahoma isn’t in the SEC yet, so why are they being treated like one. Besides, everyone knows they’re going to be a SEC bitch slappee by the first season. Also, its not like making the playoff is a complete reward for UC; they still have to face Alabama. Beating Notre Dame is one thing; if Cincinnati beats Alabama, I think that would completely destroy and undo reality itself past, present and future concurrently.

If Cincinnati runs the table, let them have their moment. Then let them get murderdeathkilled by ‘Bama.

2021 College Football Bowl Predictions – NCAA Bowl Game Projections – CBSSports.com

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Come on, man, you know you can’t have nice things

Anthony In TX

It’s gonna be funny as hell if Cincinnati makes the playoff from the AAC (they won’t), migrates to the Big 12, then never does anything again.

Redshirt

I know. That’s why I want it happen now, instead of when they are 3-loss school in the Big 12 and told “We’re sorry, three losses is just too much. If you were undefeated, we’d let you in easily.”

Spur

Sooners are going to lose to Texas this year. It’s going to be one of those wacky CFB years.

Bama
Georgia
Iowa

Redshirt

Yeah, how did Iowa sneak in to the playoff conversation? I knew from the Big 10, Ohio State, Michigan (hypothetically) and that disgrace from the east would get in by name recognition, but I didn’t know Iowa was in that group.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Spur

Morning Folks

King Hippo

Assuming one is a significant underdog, it makes sense to do the following, yes?

Start Sgt. Schultz at TE
Move Sermon from Flex to RB2 (ahead of Jamaal Williams)
Roll with Kittle (in the Mittle) as Flex, knowing Antonio Brown is available in case of late scratch?

I think Truthers/Tomsulas is gonna be a shootout.

King Hippo

Does anyone else hear Heroic RedZone Muzak and imagine Coked-Up Red Zone Guy dancing manically around the studio in his boxers, chopping up lines? Sort of like that “Sister Christian” scene in Boogie Nights?

Redshirt

Actually, I imagine CURZG in a chemically induced coma being intravenously fed Red Bull, original receipt Coca-Cola that contains cocaine and Distilled Salt Water. That how when they wake him up at 12:59:59 PM, he’s already at an 11.

ArmedandHammered

It makes me think of the first Conan movie.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Urban Meyer video will be on quotables, right?

Redshirt

“Oh, shit. I died on the sidelines, and gone to Hell!”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Philly’s D tends to keep big plays to a minimum”

Hell yeah, wear rubbers and dental dams when getting water ice with that chick from Tacony.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Uncle Ed used to say “Buddy, always trust a Palestinian. They elected a guy named Arafat, and he was a jowly chubby bastard. I was annoyed when Alia Bigassed lost in the next election.”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Last time I saw desperate Jets on the cusp of going 0 for 4 Mark Gastineau was trying to find Brigitte Nielsen’s g-spot.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did I miss a name change?

Redshirt

Time to play the DFO Admins’ favorite game:

Profile Name Change, Banned Guy Sneaking Past the Ban, or Actually a New Guy!!!

YARN | IT’S A WORKING TITLE! | My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (2010) – S06E06 Animation | Video clips by quotes | f9980f37 | 紗 (getyarn.io)

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

My heart bleeds seeing Washington deeply care about Ron Rivera and making such a genuine statement by donating to a therapy that is very hard to find.

However my asshole bleeds whenever Adrian Peterson picks up a cylindrical shaped object.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It was time for a change.

King Hippo

I think I speak FOAR us all when ah say we’uns all here for asshole blood.

Warthog

Old School Zero’s back?!

King Hippo

BEES AT THE DEATH!!!

Fronkenshteen

Poop

Sharkbait

It’s Brentford’s league. We’re just living in it

Dunstan

Going to be a day of baseball watching for me.

I don’t have any love for the city of Toronto, but Vlad Guerrero Jr. alone is worth cheering for. Also, tiebreakers provide for maximum chaos.

King Hippo

What is the 4-way tiebreaker? A dance-off??

Sharkbait

Winner saves the Rec Center

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know the exact way it will happen, but there is a chance for a four-way tie for the Wild Card, and whatever that way is, that’s what I’m rooting for.
comment image

Senor Weaselo

I would be rooting for it if not for our team being a part of chaos. So… rooting for Yanks win and then three teams for one spot tiebreaker which has the advantage the four team spot doesn’t have of a Game 164 before the Wild Card Game.

(The four-team is: Yanks/Red Sox lose, Jays/Mariners win)

Last edited 3 years ago by Senor Weaselo
BrettFavresColonoscopy

If the Bears weren’t the Bears, Nagy would have been giving the dreaded “vote of confidence” in the press last week and fired with within the month if things didn’t change.

But ownership more likely has less idea what is going on than towelie.

Horatio Cornblower

/Star Spangled Banner plays

Virginia McCaskey: That’s the rhythm to ‘Funky Town’!

Cecil Rhodes

My word, it seems that one of the more rambunctious players in this Spurs-Villa contest is named “Tan guy”. Now, descriptive terminology is essential in a high-functioning, civilized society, but given the colour of his skin, did his parents not think that naming him “Tan guy” would be a touch over the top?

ballsofsteelandfury

That would imply he was born with less melanin and the sun did the work.

Not quite sure that’s entirely accurate.

King Hippo

Hey y’all, the right an’ proper term is “high yella” – and that feller do NOT qualify. – Jefferson Beauregard S., Lickspittle, AL

1 2 3