Your Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Are you in the playoffs? I think I’ve got it made in three of four leagues but I’ll have to see how things shake out tonight. Can’t believe that last minute fill-ins J. Guyton and K.J. Osborn both came through in Freezer Vodka-that never happens for me.

Newsy Notes:

-There’s a corner of the interwebs that is marveling over Herbert’s toss to Guyton at the end of the half and when I saw it I just said, “of course, it’s the fucking Giants!” After all, they have now given up 59 points in the last minutes of the first half while having not scored a point. But I’ve watched the play several times now and the D played it correctly, thinking that with under thirty seconds left the play would be a 15 yard out pass or a thirty yarder to the middle of the field, a timeout and a field goal. It would be difficult to anticipate that a 64 air yard pass would gently drop into Guyton’s bucket in the end zone. Ballsy call. That’s Herbert’s 10th pass completion over 55+ air yards in a little over a year and a half, btw.

-These Walking Boots Were Made For Walking: Speaking of big arms, Josh Allen is in a boot and has no idea what his injury is. I wouldn’t get too excited because these days the walking boot is used quite a bit to relieve any sort of strain on a foot injury and speed healing.

-Speaking of Foot Injuries: The Ravens medical staff (as of this morning) wasn’t sure if LAMAR! had regular sprainage or (oh no) high ankle sprainage. The latter would of course would be very bad news.

-All of the Fins rb’s are Covided! If things remain the same you could see a backfield of has-beens Lamar Miller and Duke Johnson or noobie Gerrid Doaks.

To The Game!

Rams/Cards:

-Thank goodness Arizonny is home for this big tilt, right? Thing is, they’re 3-2 there and undefeated on the road. Must be the humidity.

-Rams went all-in and grabbed Von Miller and promptly gave up an average of almost 30 points in the month of November. You would think there’s just too much talent along the line and at linebacker and they’ll get it figured out.

-Sony Michel, it’s your time to shine. What do the Cards two losses and two closest wins have in common? That would be getting steamrolled by the opponent’s run game. Average yards given up have been 166 in those tilts. Not better news-they give up an average of 4.7 yards per play on the ground which is the 2nd-worst in the league. Sounds like a fatal playoff flaw to me.

-To pull this one out Stafford has to avoid turnovers-he has a 23-3 TD/INT number in the Rams wins.

Go ahead and type. You know you want to.

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Gumbygirl

Not gonna lie, that Khal Drogo/Aquaman feller gives me a tingle in the undercarriage. Maybe I just have to pee? Shalom suckas, I’m going to read. Should wake up to a winter wonderland!

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TheRevanchist

As someone who drank wine before dinner, and didn’t get home soon enough to watch the game, the highlights were fantastic. I really missed a doozy of a game. I’m never rooting for LA to win, but I am happy that Stafford keeps winning. Good for him! He seems like a nice fellow.

2Pack

I always felt sorry for him in Detroit. He does seen like a good dude.

Brocky

So I somehow won. I was projected to win by 30, then I was losing by 10, and that last little bit of chuck yardage was the difference.

This ends a 4 game losing streak. I was in first place in week 7, then dropped 5 of my next six. I’m too lazy to add more managers to my league, so playoffs don’t start till week after next, but God darn, i still need a victory and help next week to sneak into the fourth seed.

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Brocky

Heehee, Chuck yardage

Col. Duke LaCross

Conner ded.

SonOfSpam

EXHALE.

Nice game by RAMMMMIT and my Super Bowl bet is still in play.

Redshirt

Well that….that happened.

Col. Duke LaCross

What the fuck was that last play?

Sharkbait

The Aristocrats!

Redshirt

The Whore Mary?

Redshirt

You have one job, Hands Team. One job!

Senor Weaselo

They had a job! With their hands!

ballsofsteelandfury

SUCCESSFUL ONSIDE!!

clint greasewood

Sudden Change

SonOfSpam

Dammit RAMMMMMMMIT way to fuck up the onside kick.

Sharkbait

Qards are giving it back.

SonOfSpam

So LA has the 2022 Superb Owl.

Next year? Arizona.

Just announced the 2024 will be VEGAS BABY.

Need a DFO trip with chartered planes and suites at Bellagio.

Zymm, get working on this please and thank you.

ballsofsteelandfury

From what I hear, she already has the private jet sorted out.

SonOfSpam

I’ll pick you up on the way to the airport.

Brocky

I’ve always wanted to go to Vegas. I’ve literally had two opportunities fall through

SonOfSpam

MAKE IT HAPPEN.

You need to experience it at least once, like getting cornholed by a horse.

Dunstan

Which is also available in Vegas. Or so I’ve heard.

ballsofsteelandfury

Vegas Virgin!

/ rubs hands together gleefully like Monty Burns

Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Redshirt

Why call timeout there? Their entire OL ran fifty yards. Why give them a chance to catch their breath?

Brocky

………. .

Redshirt

Arizona knows there are only four quarters in a game, correct?

“Don’t worry, men! We’ll get them in the 5th Quintet!”

hippofant

Their analytics department got their degrees from the University of Phoenix.

clint greasewood

I need a 40+yard Gay field Goal.

Redshirt

Huh, I guess Face Masks are now legal.

SonOfSpam

Hey dunno if you covered this before, but were you affected by the non-climate-change over the weekend? Was worried about our Kentucky-adjacent commentist.

Redshirt

No. I was spared. Pray for those who weren’t spared.

SonOfSpam

Glad to hear it. Stay away from those, seems like a bad time.

Redshirt

Yeah, I worked in a place like that candle factory. I knew that if a tornado hit it, it would collapse like a house of cards. If a tornado was on the way, screw the Tornado Shelter Area, I’m running to my car and flooring it out of its path.

Gumbygirl

When I was 19′-20 I worked in a horrible corrugated shack plastics factory. The warehouse, on a hill about 50 yards behind it caught fire. Huge inferno, tons of toxic smoke. They evacuated hundreds of people. The owners kept us working, with water pouring in among the equipment. They told us the firemen said we weren’t allowed to leave because we would run over their hoses. I called my dad, who was the chairman of the countywide private industry council. We were all told we could leave suddenly. The fireman were pissed off when they saw us coming out-they had been told we were already gone. The owners were mobbed up sleazebags. I got fired not long after.

BugEyedBoo

I was down in your neck of the woods this weekend, just off the UC campus. I had to fix my daughter’s car. I’d be badmouthing her lazy-ass boyfriend and raving about getting him to fix it, but a) he barely knows how to put gas in it, and b) I know exactly which jackleg repair attempt failed, and who was responsible for it.

Redshirt

Sounds like the person that said my radiator had a hole in it and was bone-dry. After driving it on the highway for 20 miles with the thermostat in between the R and M of NORMAL.

Or maybe it was the guy who said all four of my brakes and rotors were bad and it was undriveable. After I drove the car there, in stop and go traffic.

BugEyedBoo

No, rats/squirrels/chipmunks ate the wiring to the fuel injectors. The dealership ‘repaired’ it by running loose wire to the injectors from the wiring harness. To be fair, a new wiring harness is $700 not counting labor, so this scheme was sort of okay. But then the vermin came back for seconds, and this time ate the repairs. Yours truly put in a shrink tube connector where the wire used to be, but there was only about a half-inch of wire to work with, and I knew when I did it that I had just made a new point of failure. This time, instead of a shrink wrap connector we have twisted wires, electrical tape, and blind faith.

Last edited 2 years ago by BugEyedBoo
SonOfSpam

Conner is much better than he ever was in Pittsburgh, right?

ballsofsteelandfury

They’re using him a LOT better than when he was there.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, that’s definitely a lot of it. Also wonder if he’s better since he’s further removed from his college cancer experience. Like…more back to the beast he was? Dunno, but it seems like having cancer would take A WHILE to recover from.

ballsofsteelandfury

Maybe. I do think they wanted him to be the next Franco Harris and that’s just not his game. That’s why they drafted Najee Harris.

Conner is not a workhorse. He’s a versatile back that shines in a non-traditional playmaker role.

Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
ballsofsteelandfury

He’s very similar to Cordarrelle Patterson just coming at it from the RB side instead of from the WR side.

Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
SonOfSpam

Yeah, his receiving skills have been surprising. Good for Kliff for seeing it. Kinda (very very) sorry I ignored him in fantasy drafts.

BugEyedBoo

I had a chance to pick up Najee Harris off the waiver wire, week 1. Why on earth would I want to do that?

BugEyedBoo

Functional offensive line helps.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is true.

Sharkbait

I’m gonna finish my money league at 7-7. Luckily I’m #3 overall because my division is dogshit

Dunstan

“7-7? You can make a career of that!” — Jeff Fisher

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dear Roger Goodell,
I’m watching Lost In Space.
Fuck You,
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

SonOfSpam

(Raiders fans think this is a new show)

SonOfSpam

((also excited about that new band Night Ranger)

Don T

Now on Kindle – “Double Teams Are for Cowards: the Kliff Kingsbury Story”

SonOfSpam

Thing about Kupp, you pass him on the street, at most you think “goofy hipster dork” but probably not even that. Dude is an absolute beast.

litre_cola

He works at Foot Locker. Get ya some tight kicks brah. Or a rancher in Montana.

Don T

1% means there’s still a chance. My guys are grinders! Balls is fucked.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ugh, he’s beating me too in a different league.

ballsofsteelandfury

I love how Yahoo gives you a 1% chance even though you have no one playing tonight.

ballsofsteelandfury

Also, watch me shoot my wad this week and suck it up next week in the playoffs.

SonOfSpam

Sounds like you’re gonna felch your playoff game.

SonOfSpam

Been doing that for a few years now. It’s really annoying, can’t help it.

SonOfSpam

Haven’t THC’d since college, and back then it was stems n seeds. Just drink til you can’t feel pain, then keep going.

ballsofsteelandfury

I love your waffles.

Don T

For the Die Hard die hards
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Sharkbait

Fan-fucking tastic

Fronkenshteen

,it will take a herculean effort for my parlay to come in tonight, by which I mean a mobster named Hercules must have gotten the rams to throw this game. TILLIDRUH—-I’m a shite bettor.

Brocky

Guess who’s starting kyler Murray in fantasy

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SonOfSpam

Jesus?

Don T

The Holy Spirit #Obvio
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ArmedandHammered

I laughed so hard at this my stomach still hurts the next morning. Not just because of the pic but wondering about the thought process that went into this and what the person manufacturing it was doing to keep from laughing.

Don T

I just wanna find an ergonomic office chair with bite-proof armrests.

SonOfSpam

Sounds like you need a new secretary.

litre_cola

Or his helper monkey Mojo has something wrong with him.

Gumbygirl

.

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Sharkbait

Just put the game on in time to see the Kyler pick. Watching old 8 out of 10 cats does countdown christmas episodes seemed like a better time.

Doktor Zymm

You don’t have to accept the standard game length like some sort of sheep person! Go to bed and sleep like a sheepdog person!

Sharkbait

It can be both!

Gatoraids

Yeah without a manning cast not involved cuz my opponent had Edmonds, which woulda been horrifying to watch had he started. so now part of a 5 person tiebreaker in a league that someone decided to goto h2h instead of points in espn. expect as much complaining as the election tomorrow.

SonOfSpam

Can we call the game over now? Like a baseball rain thing or whatnot?

SonOfSpam

It is my real name. In a weird quirk, it is also my social security number.

litre_cola

Ok, needed that. I have Kupp TD, Connor TD, and RAMMIT ML in a parlay, letttsss gooooooo

SonOfSpam

Kyler LOVES throwing to RAMMMMIT linebackers.