Hello there fellow DFO’er. For those of you in the northern hemisphere, welcome to (Olaf voice) summar. For those in the southern hemisphere, cause DFO has that kinda reach, right, hope your winter is short. And hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do [in bed].
Mark Twain
Ain’t that the troooth.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
I just spent 20 futile minutes trying to get an avatar. That program is pitiful. Or maybe it’s me!
Gumbygirl
Huh, look at that! Accidental Excellence!
Gumbygirl
Sharkbait
Every week I don’t make this list, I think about how I need to work harder at commenting, and then I think about JJ Watt and what a douche he is and then I say fuck it.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
You have to think of it as this list is the NHL President’s Cup, for excellence in the regular season, while the banner is the Stanley Cup.
Oh, do you not have 2 of the last 3 banners?
Pity.
/gets deservedly banned from bannering
Horatio Cornblower
Whelp, we’re at Labor and Delivery, so…GET READY FOR A BIRTH LIVEBLOG!
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Happy 9 Month Broken Condom Anniversary!
SonOfSpam
Btw, I’m on another plane right meow, and with this trip, I have locked in United platinum status for next year.
It’s fucking June, just give me the wings and the code to Brick’s locker already.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Been sitting during a 2 day rainstorm listening to Radiohead.
- OK Computer
- Hail to the thief
- The Bends
- Kid A
- In Rainbows
- Pablo Honey
- Amnesiac
- King of Limbs
- Moon Shaped Pool
I will not be taking questions. Thank you
litre_cola
May I suggest Garbage?
ballsofsteelandfury
may I suggest Garbage?
“Been There. In That.”
-J. Tomsula, peeking his head out of a Burger King dumpster in Pacoima
scotchnaut
Super lucky to have a wifey that works in the medical field-her advice is ‘always push back’. Here’s a brief synopsis of what went down last Friday-
Doc-“X-rays indicate that your right knee is ‘kinda’ arthritic. Your left knee is fine.”
Me: “My left knee is the one that is the most painful, by far. Nothing there?”
Doc: “Nope.”
Me: “The left knee was the one I had surgery on 12 years ago.”
Doc: “Says here it was the right knee.”
Me: [points to scar on left knee] “No, it was the left.”
Doc: “Huh.” [scribbles]
Me: “Can I get an MRI on that knee-I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong, it hurts so much after I jog.”
Doc: “I’ll book an appointment for an MRI for you on that knee, it was the right one, right?”
Me: [Jesus Fuckballs!!!!!] “No! It was the left knee! Maybe, can I get an MRI on both knees?”
Doc: “Yeah, I guess so.”
/I complain about this but all of the procedures will be free of charge because The Socialist Health Care Sucks!
scotchnaut
So….I’m in hour 13 (and counting) of today’s meetings, and I just coughed and farted at the same time.
Great fucking day.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
https://www.espn.com/nhl/story/_/id/34098235/able-stabilize-business-power-nhl-generared-record-revenues-season
“We’re going to expand to Houston, Sao Paulo Brazil, and Rabat, Morocco! These are key, untapped hockey markets we know will thrive in the near future!”|
WCS
“A hockey franchise in Morocco? I’m shocked! Well, not that shocked.”
-various memes out there*
*Hey! look who took ‘lazy’ to the next level!
scotchnaut
Even with the explanation, Forbidden Door sound like a Balls Search Term™
LemonJello
A BST? Will that be in an appendix to “The Hippo to English Translation Guide”?
ArmedandHammered
Which volume? I think there’s five now.
WCS
The Yankees could play .500 the rest of the year and win 96 games.
It’s mid-June.
Senor Weaselo
Dirt Stillers could play .750 ball the rest of the year, and still not finish .500.
That’s not Bucco fever you have, it’s Ebola!
WCS
You’re boston.
The other team could pull out a fucking uzi and I still wouldn’t be sympathetic to you not getting a call
Brocky
NAWT FAYYYYYUHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Dunstan
The difference between WordPress and Boston?
Occasionally I like WordPress
Brocky
Holy shit Montreal just iced their own kicker!
ballsofsteelandfury
*kickour
litre_cola
My daughter just referred to the 56-year-old guy as “the old man” and boy do I have some disappointing news for her about who’s about to have to pay their own goddamn student loans.
Horatio Cornblower
“You know, these little guys would have been murdered if they tried to go to the rim back in the ’80’s”
-Laimbeer, Mahorn, Mason, etc.
“You know, you guys wouldn’t have even made the roster back in the 70’s.”
-Havlicek, Dandridge, Unseld, Hayes, MacAdoo, etc.
scotchnaut
LeBron James wouldn’t even notice as he ran over Bill Laimbeer on his way to the basket.
He’d probably have to notice Mahorn, because Mahorn would stab him.
Horatio Cornblower
Oh no… oh no… I have terrible news. The NHL has caught the sickness from the NBA, and apparently is scheduling two days in between Finals games…
herodotus450
#GaryBettmanIsAnIntergalaticDisgrace
WCS
Can someone please explain to me the popularity of Stephen A. Smith? Yeah, I’m old and yeah, I’ve come across plenty of shouty stupid people in the past. What giveth?
scotchnaut
He’s a literal migraine that gained sentience.
WCS
You spelled ‘bowel movement’ wrong.
scotchnaut
That’s Colin Cowherd.
WCS
This was always my favorite. If I ever have to go back to the office I’m gonna order it.
Horatio Cornblower
“Get Dad what he REALLY wants for Father’s Day…”
To be left the fuck alone?
WCS
I love demotivational posters
Sharkbait
Yay for Boris! Yay for Sharky! Yay for meeting imaginary friends!
Gumbygirl
I’m training a brand new protege tomorrow.
Eldest granddaughter wants to learn how to make bread.
This is a perfect opportunity to evaluate a couple of different disciplines.
She will have only the recipes from Sunday Gravy to guide her. This will test her acumen, retention, attention to detail, reading comprehension and sense of humor.
It will also test how well I construct a recipe.
If it fails, it was all her fault.
yeah right
Someone explain to me the thinking behind being on a plane and having a mask on that you wear completely under your chin. There’s no mandate so you could just not wear it. Your not helping anyone or yourself. You’re just an ass clown with a mask pulling on your ears and covering nothing but neck.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
(should it be ass clown or assclown?)
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Ass-clown
ballsofsteelandfury
*Ass-cloUwn
Mr. Ayo
The only other choice was Edmonton. I’ll let Litre comment on that one…
Well you see, our dipshit conservative government here in Texas North demanded to FIFA that the only way that they would host is if they had 5 games and a round of 32 and 16 game. Basically our Premier who is on my top 5 most hated people (not for this reason) torpedoed the deal. There would be too many upgrades to Commonwealth Stadium to be done anyway as it is very old and decrepit and not up to FIFA standards for amenities.
Also, who the fuck is Edmonton demanding things from FIFA??? It’s fucking Edmonton.
Guess I will just have to meet Balls in Ciudad de Mexico.
litre_cola
Pertinent to the post:
ballsofsteelandfury
Seems only fair to have held the finale at Wichita.
Dunstan
Dallas: “We’d like to apply for a spot as a host city.”
FIFA: “You’re in!”
New York: “We’d like to apply for a spot as a host city.”
FIFA: “You’re in!”
Cincinnati: “We’d like to apply for a spot as a host city.”
FIFA: “… … Good for you! We’ll be in touch.”
(blocks Cincinnati’s phone number)
Redshirt
Mr. Ayo
I just want to say that I will be moving to a new place that needs ZERO masonry repairs. I hope to send my heartfelt apologies for my absence from my ivory tower.
/swings cape inward
Don T
I really would retire (and/or fake my own death) if I could. Fuck a duck, my neck is killing me.
King Hippo
I took a leave of absence from job 1 before I rage quit. Summer of restaurant and home DIY.
litre_cola
Man, I wish I had practical skills I could direct my negative energy towards.
King Hippo
I don’t have practical skills, but I do have a chainsaw and a lot of dead wood around my property.
Although my neighbors are really getting tired of me referring to them as dead wood.
Horatio Cornblower
“Mark Messier? Is he your long lost brother? Ha ha, just kidding Eli, nobody is messier than you.” – Olivia, cutting deep after having had one too many glasses of Chardonnay.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Shit. I forgot to send my dad a father’s day card.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
That’s okay, you can just give it to him by hand when he gets back from buying those cigarettes.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
MOOSE IS NOT MY FATHER
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I have the house to myself for the evening and the Dr. Mrs. is expecting me to be facedown drunk by the time she gets home. I’d hate to disappoint her.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
/looks at huge collection of strap-on’s
“Now it’s my time to shine.”
-Dr. Mrs., later this evening
scotchnaut
Leopards spotted eating faces, film at eleven.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
They’ve really taken to saying the quiet part out loud…
BeefReeferLives
Oooooooooh, this sounds good. I am also Team Stromboli! Gumby is currently all bark and no bite- he lost two crowns and a three tooth bridge in the last two weeks, so they aren’t going to be on the menu any time soon. Le sigh.
Gumbygirl
This Gumby, I call him Severodonetsk because he keeps losing bridges!
litre_cola
“The Stromboli, in theory, was invented in South Philadelphia and was actually made as more of a sandwich in it’s origin.
“Everything is”-The Maestro
Horatio Cornblower
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Commenting just so both sides benefit.
Then he got an idea. An awful idea. The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea!
OHTANI-SAN HAPPY FUN TIME THREE RUN HOMER JOIN US OR DIE
sigh yeah we’re still losing
UPDATE: Lady BFC did not like gumbygirl’s golf joke as much as balls and I did.
I will not be sharing that joke in my house, but rest assured I found it excellent.
I’m a glutton for pun-ishment
I’m merely a glutton.
I shared it with my lady friend and her son today and they both laughed.
Great, more people for you to scream “who’s your daddy?” at.
Nothing I love more that seeing Dumbass Far-Right Butthurt.
THE BOYS on Twitter: “Enjoy!!!” / Twitter
Has anyone officially declared this thread open?
In honor of Pride Month, this thread is still in the closet, though everyone already knows but is respectfully quiet about it until the thread is ready to come out.
“+1” — Lindsay Graham
In honor of Pride, we put out a new rainbow welcome mat, and it even has light blue and brown stripes to take the side of Horatio’s daughter in that argument.
Eating some couscous salad that is past it’s expiration date. Why? Because bulgurs can’t be choosers.
(hovers over -1 button)
(remembers all the people that have “disappeared” in scotchy’s area)
We need to have a competition where people intentionally try to make comments that will get the most negative votes (except for personal insults to other members and their families of course). A Razz Open Thread, if you will.
Gee, I wonder why DFO’s Token Republican would suggest such a contest….
Please, I was making comments people hated in DFO and KSK time long before Trump got his feelings hurt at the 2011 White House Correspondents Dinner and decided to run for President.
Don’t you own a food delivery service?
Nothing better fell off the truck?
Speaking of, peas have become available and wifey and I just spent 2 1/2 hours shucking a 25 pound box.
That’s nice. It’s important to give peas a chance.
I make that joke every time I can-so much so that my oldest can see it coming down the track from a mile away.
.
That’s a euphemism for sex, right?
Uh, I’m in my late 50’s and we’ve been married for 20+ years. You may want to re-check your math.
I’m shucked and a-pea-led
.
I’m still chuckling over the golf joke that Gumbygirl posted.
I liked that one too!
https://twitter.com/jessecase/status/1539106115287494657?t=G-nnNCqygKdK3p4EPc0rkg&s=19
Incredible, Thanks for sharing.
My Dearest Love,
I long for your loving embrace. The Parisian ladies of the night, though highly motivated and energetic, don’t match up to you.
YUGE day up here in the frozen wasteland. As of September, I will never have to teach anything other than music ever again! Just interviewed – and got hired – for a permanent music teaching position here. I’ve spent my entire life working up to this point and I can’t even begin to describe how thrilled I am. This feels absolutely incredible.
SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Congrats
Truly, tis the school that deserves congratulating. They landed THE FACKIN’ MAESTRO
Mazel tov!
Or as they (maybe) say in Canadia, Mazel ToUv!
THIS GUY THE MAESTRO I CALL HIM IKE AND TINA TURNER CAUSE HE GOT WHAT HE WANTED.
So when do you open your new reucourd laubeul?
Congrats, man. You’ve more than earned it! Outstanding hustle!
You should celebrate with a delicious beverage like a martini-which, when you think about it, is really a sandwich.
I mean, if you’re gonna call it a martiniwich…
(glances at martini)
Uh, yeah, this was to celebrate The Maestro’s new job. That’s why I made it. Cheers!
Ottawa is gonna be drained of all her liquour tonight!
Yay for the Maestro! Have a Zamboni!
Congratulations! First the house. Then this.
Our little sandwich baby is all growns up!
I can’t get over how much of a pathetic fucking whining loser Trump was (and remains). Who the fuck would ever look up that that joke of a human?
Like, how on earth could anyone ever listen to that whining, wheedling, and cajoling and perceive that man as “strong”? Or loan him money?
The authoritarian mindset is bewildering to all who don’t share it. I am so wired for things to be LOGICAL that it does my head in, too.
Anyone who takes this as Gospel deserves to be fleeced of every cent they have.
I don’t know. I got a Trump-vibe from John Walker Captain America in the Falcon and Winter Soldier series, except with sympathy and positive attributes.
ah ’twas the Carpenter Highway for my lunchtime potato chips, silly me eating solid food
“I do not want to be a winner by cheating.”
Well said, Rusty Bowers.
He’s very effective. God-fearing Conservative.
Hippo got – and was VERY grateful for – a trigger point injection today. That’s a decently long needle going between my neck and left shoulder, staying there for like 30 seconds to “flood the zone” with steroids. My neck doctor is awesome, and best never retire.
BUT SERIOUSLY, kids. Take care of your c-spine. Don’t slouch. My mother always told ME that, but did I listen??
Steroids? Hippo gonna go full on roid rage if/when Richarlison moves to Spurs
HippoRage FTW! I would be fine sending him to Spurs for a reasonable fee. But Daniel Levy gon’ Daniel Levy. And I want no part of Harry Winks as “make weight”
See, folks, complaining works
was just going to make that same joke
No one is more successful in this country than the aggrieved white dude complaining about not being giving everything he wants irrespective of merit.
It’s the American Way
The Failson. Can’t do a thing on his own, but has been told his entire life he’s a God among men.
Not you, BFC!