Monday Morning Mock Draft: Let’s All Cool Off

People, it is hot here in Connecticut. We are at 91, but through some combination of atmospheric conditions and alchemy, it feels like 97. Sure, that’s laughably cool to you West Coast types, but to us pale, pasty New Englanders it is the 2nd Circle of Hell type weather. On top of that, it pretty much stopped raining several weeks ago, and now it hurts to walk barefoot across my lawn. Again, our idea of a “drought” is laughable to pretty much anyone from Colorado to the left as you look at the map, but the world revolves around the East Coast, and goddammit our whining will be heard!

That said, we need to do something to cool things off around here, and frankly the planet as a whole. Since it’s pretty clear no one in government is going to do it, I’ll have to do it through the draft. It’s the only power I have, and on this occasion I will use it for good.

Or at least to kill time during a Monday.

This week we’re drafting cool characters in entertainment. They need to be fictional, but it can be any form of media, be it stage, screen or, if you’re a real nerd, even literature. An actor portraying multiple cool roles can be drafted multiple times, but only once per role. A repeating character in a series of books, however, can only be drafted once.

The commissioner for today’s draft will also be my first pick, as I think it would be grossly unfair if I took him off the board by naming him commissioner, then took the character I had in mind for the first pick. And that’s just not cool.

Your commissioner and first pick:

It didn’t end all that well for him, (spoiler alert, I guess), but they don’t get much cooler than Luke.

The rest of you are on the clock.

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WCS

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William Strannix from Under Siege

Last edited 2 years ago by WCS
SonOfSpam

Since I Blair Witch’d my first pick, here’s a cool character with a cool name

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Gumbygirl

Last one, gotta make breakfast. But this is the best one!

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Redshirt

How is Winston Wolf from Pulp Fiction still on the board?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOZB6mNqhuA

SonOfSpam

He ain’t?

WCS

Blare Which also solved the problems of being lost in the woods.

Gumbygirl

This made me snort-laugh. It was sexay AF!

2Pack

Sonny Crockett in the third round

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Senor Weaselo

Third pick, even if the creator’s doing her best to consign it: Charlie Weasley, second oldest of the Weasley clan. Toss-up with him and Bill, but Charlie went from probably competing for a chance to play Seeker for England, to working with dragons in Romania, including sneaking one out of Hogwarts.

BeefReeferLives

& IIRC, in the book, he was actually described as “cool” when his character was first introduced.

Senor Weaselo

That might’ve been Bill, actually, since Harry was expecting a carbon copy of Percy.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m going with Philip Marlowe from the Raymond Chandler books.

SonOfSpam

Jules’ wallet alone makes him cool

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ballsofsteelandfury

The Blair Witch agrees.

WCS

Did the Blare Which have a wallet that reads, “Bad Mother Scarer”?

SonOfSpam

Well, I’m an idiot.

He’s cool though.

Gumbygirl

This is not a charade! Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon

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Redshirt

Why does the referee always get a pass?! He was in the ring with them. Once Apollo was no longer able to defend himself, that was grounds for stopping it.

You had one job, ref! One job!

Senor Weaselo

My favorite remains The Count of Monte Fisto.

BeefReeferLives

Now there’s a porn movie title if I’ve ever heard one….

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Since the Big Lebowski seal has been broken, I’ll take Sam Elliot’s “The Stranger” and then just keep picking Sam Elliot characters for a little until I land.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3. SID 6.7 as portrayed by Russell Crowe in Virtuosity.

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WCS

Deep cut, and a damn good one.

BeefReeferLives

Doc’s pick reminded me of this cool cat:

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Gumbygirl

🎵He’s the top, he’s the tip
He’s the championship!
He’s the most tip-top, Top Cat!🎶

Redshirt

How about real people in historical films? If so, I’ll take “Abraham Lincoln” in “Lincoln”. He was able to portray a serene-like confidence that allowed people to gravitate to him.

If not, how about Abraham Lincoln in “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why would you take the Lincoln in “Lincoln” when you could have had the one in “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”?

WCS

Because that movie sucked.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But surely you’d agree that an Abraham Lincoln who hunts vampires is way cooler than one who doesn’t, right?

Redshirt

Lincoln hunted the Confederacy.
AND
Vampires are cooler than the Confederate States of America.
::
Lincoln hunting vampires are cool

The logic adds up.

Redshirt

Fair enough, Oh Wise Commish.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S67sDHdhpio

Gumbygirl

This guy was cool!

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Gumbygirl

Oops, he was cool in To Catch A Thief

Doktor Zymm

Going with the Pink Panther, that is one cool cat
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Senor Weaselo

Definitely not Clouseau?

WCS

“Cato, you fool!”

BeefReeferLives

Ever see this? Warped my mind as a young ‘un…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7y4WhR3W2Nc

WCS

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Did I just steal this entire draft?

Jeff Lebowski, aka The Dude

Last edited 2 years ago by WCS
Gumbygirl

Fuck!!! I really need to wake up earlier.

Redshirt

Fornication!!! I really need to see that movie.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’d be an insult to The Dude if you did, though.

WCS

Is this… is it weekday?

ArmedandHammered

I just want the draft back, it really pulled the thread together.

Game Time Decision

Since my last pick was voided,

I’ll take Remington Steele

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2Pack

Second round, Captain Hilts. Think he was sorta a dick too?

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Last edited 2 years ago by 2Pack
2Pack

No, looking back now and paying attention this time, I deserve to be in a tent in the woods. I kinda suck at this game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2. Jake Manfred (as portrayed by Clive Owen) in Croupier

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Game Time Decision

Pam Poovey
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Last edited 2 years ago by Game Time Decision
BeefReeferLives

bit of a shame it’s fictional characters only. If not, I would totally be picking the coolest QB in history, Jim McMahon.

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BeefReeferLives

He was truly “up for anything”

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Just gonna…walk the Earth

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ArmedandHammered

Surprised he lasted this long.

ArmedandHammered

Sam Spade as portrayed by Humphrey Bogart

Last edited 2 years ago by ArmedandHammered
Gumbygirl

It’s the stuff that dreams are made of

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BeefReeferLives

Hmm. Did a search and didn’t see “The Fonz” picked yet, but hard to believe I’m not Blairing this…

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Redshirt

In my defense, Republicans are trying to send America back to the 1950s, and that may have caused me to subconsciously avoid picking him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m wondering why progressives haven’t embraced the message of turning back the clock to the fifties – starting first with the tax code.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

That’s your All Time Value Pick right there

Redshirt

Danny Ocean from “Ocean’s Eleven”.

Redshirt

I said “Eleven”, not “11”, so I’ll take “Clooney”. I’m not worthy enough to draft “Sinatra”.

Game Time Decision

So can I get Danny Ocean from “Ocean’s Twelve”?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jason Bourne

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Last edited 2 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I enjoyed the homage in Passengers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49bWQ8SHi_g

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So take him. He’s still on the board.

And I enjoyed that film as well.

Senor Weaselo

Second pick: Also going with the Fellowship, but I’ll take Aragorn.

yeah right

Legolas from Lord of the Rings.

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

I’m technically correct, which is the best kind of correct.

2Pack

Going with Phil from The Hangover. A real guy documentary there friends.

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2Pack

Uhmmm… Nope

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1. Roach from Apocalypse Now.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=f96p-IhcZhQ

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Redshirt
LemonJello

2nd Pick: Din Djarin, The Mandalorian

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Doktor Zymm

Zaphod Beeblebrox
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Dunstan

Now there’s a frood who really knows where his towel is.

ballsofsteelandfury

To piggyback on Horatio’s second pick: Indiana Jones

ballsofsteelandfury

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The Maestro

You know I had to do it.

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Senor Weaselo

Can we get a ruling on if Maestro can get both Blues Brothers?

The Maestro

Well it’s true, you know.

Jake ordered four fried chickens (and a Coke).

Elwood ordered dry white toast.

Combine those and you have the start of a pretty tasty sandwich.

Redshirt

I think Blues Brothers 2000 proved you can’t have one without the other.

Senor Weaselo

Starting my draft off with the beagle with a million alter egos, including one with cool in the name: Snoopy.

That’s right, got the lockdown on Joe Cool.

Gumbygirl

Damn you, you took my pick! I have an image, so I win

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yeah right

Death Row Marv in Sin City.

LemonJello

Looking at my big board now that my 2nd pick is gone…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ll take Steve McQueen. If I’m allowed to take the human, that’s the pick. If it needs to be a specific character, pretty much anything works but for draft’s sake we can say Hilts in the Great Escape

blaxabbath

Call me Steve Keim trading up to get Josh Rosen but I like Porter from Payback.

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yeah right

While there were several cool characters in the movie I’ll take Winston “The Wolf” from Pulp Fiction.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[throws down clipboard]

Game Time Decision

Fletch

Doktor Zymm

Lassie managed to be cool even while some dumb kid kept tagging along
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ArmedandHammered

James Coburn as Flint:

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LemonJello

1st Pick: The Man with No Name

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

(But seriously I’ll take Crash Davis)

ballsofsteelandfury

There can only be one: James Bond

ballsofsteelandfury

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I got here first and opted to wait until you picked rather than take 007

ballsofsteelandfury

Thank you! That’s was very nice of you

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