INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
The recording studio at KDFO looks much as we’d remember it from the before-time. There is no evidence of the PRODUCER’s long descent into quarantine madness, or of DJ 3000’s work as a “special master” to separate material from Alex Jones’ phone into classifications of “blatantly illegal” and “merely embarrassing”. The PRODUCER is seated in front of the soundboard, getting things ready for the show.
DJ 3000: …AND SO THERE ARE SEPARATE FOLDER FOR “REGULAR PORNOGRAPHY” AND “ILLEGAL PORNOGRAPHY” AND “GAY FROG PORNOGRAPHY.”
PRODUCER: I guess the only real question is “which one is using up the most terabytes of space?”
DJ 3000: OH, THE “ILLEGAL PORNOGRAPHY” FOLDER BY FAR. I THINK MOST OF THE REGULAR STUFF IS IN THERE BY ACCIDENT, TO BE HONEST.
PRODUCER: That’s…disturbing.
DJ 3000: NOT NEARLY AS MUCH AS THE GAY FROG PORNOGRAPHY. MOST OF IT IS JUST HOMOSEXUAL FRENCH GUYS DOING STUFF, BUT THE STUFF THAT ISN’T…[shudders visibly]
PRODUCER: [checks watch] Anyhow, I hope our guest shows up soon. He sounded really excited to…
—[door flies open]—
SEAN LEE: Hi guys! I’m so glad…
—[door strikes doorjamb, reflects back and slams into Sean Lee’s forehead]—
SEAN LEE: [reels] Oh, ow, goddamnit.
The PRODUCER and DJ 3000 both cringe in sympathy.
PRODUCER: Oh, man, jeez, are you okay?
SEAN LEE: It’s cool, it’s cool, I’m fine.
SEAN LEE rubs his forehead while blinking, then shakes his head and resumes entering the room. Both DJ 3000 and the PRODUCER notice that his left arm is hanging limply at his side.
DJ 3000: HEY MAN WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOUR ARM THERE?
SEAN LEE: [grimaces as he attempts to lift it] Oh, don’t worry about it, I just dislocated it when I was closing the car door.
PRODUCER: Shit, are you sure you should be here right now? Maybe you should get that looked at before…
SEAN LEE: No, no, no. I’m fine. Listen, you guys are starting to sound like all those [makes air quote motion] “neurologists” who told me I needed to retire from the NFL. Meanwhile, every single reputable craniologist in town was telling me that my 1-percenter brainpan can handle more punishment than the average skull. So who are you gonna listen to? The guys telling you you gotta stop doing something that you’ve been doing your whole life?
DJ 3000: GETTING CONCUSSIONS?
SEAN LEE: You can’t let anything stand in your way when it comes to the stuff that you love. Like if you like cutting yourself, go for it. If you like boarding yourself in your own room for weeks at a time and screaming at anyone who approaches to “GO AWAY”, you go for it. If you can’t stop jerking off to animated videos of happy frogs defecating into each other’s mouths, just get yourself signed on with a quality VPN and get to work.
PRODUCER: I’m a little afraid to ask what you came up with for a topic for today’s edition.
SEAN LEE: I thought today’s subject could be “self-harm”. We’re looking for songs about doing things that sad little killjoys are going to tell you are self-destructive or dangerous.
DJ 3000: LIKE STAYING UP ALL NIGHT?
SEAN LEE: Sure!
PRODUCER: How about eating disorders?
SEAN LEE: Absolutely.
DJ 3000: PROMISCUOUS BEHAVIOR?
SEAN LEE: Love it. Let’s get rolling. Can you guys get us started with a little Nine Inch Nails?
Today’s theme is: Self-Harm. We’re looking for songs that about activities that are self-destructive – addiction, insomnia, promiscuity, etc.. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTp3ach35aWAy” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. The clue for last week’s puzzle song was “8047672M” which is of course the metric equivalent of 500 miles (by The Proclaimers) Have at it!
Can’t you see the damage done
Is all over now
You can’t cry anymore girl
Cause your tears dried up
With the needle and the score yeah
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SADxEMkaxTI
So very obvious Double Shot, smgdh…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wn5l_QcnJ28&ab_channel=ChristForte
This the one, RTD?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cV6pnvCVM4
Dammit, good call
It was in the early morning hours
When I fell into a phone call
Believing I had supernatural powers
I slammed into a brick wall
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-AQTtXUxYU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwJnnf1Ogcw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x09XSa1X1eU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImtdntJQfSs
Lonnie swept the playroom
And he swallowed up all he found
It was forty-eight hours til
Lonnie came around
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3HBfcFPTFI
Getting hammered and then burning all your social bridges? Yeah, that’s self-destructive.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFdVOi3f3xk
“No! Not my permanent record!” – Eli Manning
“Going down? Record? Well let’s see. Michelle – what’s the longest you’ve clocked me at?” – Rex R.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1rXm_G-LQs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ao_kInU2-jc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZHej4vX6ug
“And then you ask for medication
Who cares for medication
When you’ve worn away the cure”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLy_wiQEw0o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-xTttimcNk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0J3vgcE5i2o
Not the worst self harm, but its up there
https://youtu.be/EtNZnhxWLHo
“I crashed my car into the bridge…”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxxajLWwzqY
I didn’t make this request organically. The reddit thread about this story was where it came from:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/2022/08/05/patriots-rich-ohrnberger-bill-belichick-wrecked-car/10246737002/
Kick Ass Tune
None of the videos are showing for me, fuck it, gonna Blair Witch this shit
https://youtu.be/jryzEU7WAlg
Kind of funny that I was just talking about live music; I saw these guys play in east LA a number of years ago with a friend who moved to Ithaca a month ago.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXhvCtqmhBs
Double Shot! (In Kurt’s case, it was 20 gauge)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCqH40q0pIA
HATING YOURSELF DOUBLE SHOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpNw7jYkbVc
Fifth round and HIPPO OUT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfI1S0PKJR8
I welcome forehead kisses from the floor
I said, “For real. This time, no more.”
Like I usually do…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sX_NS8o70Ds
I am currently demanding that Horatio go see this artist, since she’s playing in CT in a week.
I’ll look her up.
This thread needs a touch of Brewer and Shipley.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9HXClusp_E&ab_channel=Brewer%26Shipley-Topic
Somebody say “toxic relationships?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SmxVCM39j4
I’ll bet he pulled in more than his share of hippie girlies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbD7lfrsY2s&ab_channel=RHINO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcATvu5f9vE
“I’ve never seen them eat. All I’ve seen them do is drink liquor and snort drugs.” – Courtney Taylor-Taylor, describing this band
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nu14SxYNkcc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxYOeYBg-_E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPLOls-71xw
Let’s make it a triple…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiksK7YXkJE
Sometimes I live in the country,
Sometimes I live in town,
Sometimes I have a great notion,
To jump in the river and drown.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7Wx2Ht7tUY
A possible genius in the making?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2WcOdz96ko
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Hjtm06CdcY
The most best appropriate Double Shot ever? People in Wichita think so.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQvUBf5l7Vw&ab_channel=IggyPopOnVEVO
They used this song…to sell goddamned DISNEY CRUISES
Royal Caribbean
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVkfHezbWIM
Somebody scream “Get out of my Face and Watch me Die”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM5DOSC0jUo
There is nothing quite like late night driving to Ministry.
‘Specially if you’re driving a hot rod built by Jesu.
Usually wired
Originally by Sia, but Karen Gillan kills it here. Selfie was a better show than it got credit for.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AN2ntx4kPO4
See now I have to go get some liquor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCehccEZzX4
See if this fits, if not it’s a kick ass jam.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuuObGsB0No
I won’t forget to put roses on your grave
https://youtu.be/RS_yyRk_dj8
Double Shot! (of morphine)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCnx2kjk8T4
Excellent choice
Jane’s Addiction talking about a woman by the name of Jane that is in an abusive relationship and has a heroin habit-it’s called Jane Says. Also, Jane.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7Q_8q3XXrQ&ab_channel=UPROXXIndieMixtape
Double Shot!
“I chip away Cause I’m not OK
So I chip away
Poked a hole right into myself
And inside I found someone
Who said I was O.K.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjy3OmD6Vk0
SO JAUNTY considering subject matter. JAUNTY I say!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POD9Hq0EqXA&ab_channel=EltonJohn-Topic
Jaunty Double Shot!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jILAu6pftT8
Like Trout and Ohtani?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H58gMiQQRm0
“YOU GUYS SUCK!” She says. “Not you two, I mean. The other guys.”
If I had talent and was better looking, I could be Dave Gahan!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snILjFUkk_A
After seeing them live a few years ago, my wife was convinced Dave’s issues are about not coming out.
Songs of Faith and Devotion (remarkably good album) convinced me that he thinks himself Jeebus.
Look man, this tune is more my speed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISmgOrhELXs&ab_channel=IvanNovikov
May as well make it a double. Yes, yes, PHRASING.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E9ydw_aDMg
My personal anthem in the Before Time, In the Not-So-Long-Ago before my body revolted against me.
Triple / Double Shot!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uziw8tzrW9U
That don’t confront me none.
Duran Squared with a great cover.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ah4f62bYAcw&ab_channel=DuranDuranVEVO
Semi-quasi-self contained double shot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0jjeegQdjU
This is a form of self-harm:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph3QowmTZ3k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szBaid3wgKg
Double Shot!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=camV5mpW2uU
Triple shot!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHSYRgwlnOc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VZuA7iJY4Y
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsbfoAGtZzI
For tWBS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r21Qza6vadU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO3WEfBIPvM
Nice pick. This was under consideration for the puzzle song.
https://youtu.be/U8b88US-6ts
Might need a judgement on this, but it seems to qualify?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2RmMa6ASu0
Kissing dirt and/or falling down mountains is a really good way to get hurt. This song also fits for…other reasons.
How else? Don’t leave us hangin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cABZfkRcQ6A
LET’S GET LIT DOUBLE SHOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc5iTNVEOAg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gO7uemm6Yo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dn2z19QnEfQ
and the counter point
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xcwt9mSbYE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbigVkiAe0s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJy0LP8iYPg
I’m gonna try
For the Kingdom if I can
Cause it makes me feel like I’m a man
When I put a spike into my vein
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lr84oYHMsy4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3dtqx-Wf5s