Your Lazy Saturday Afternoon Preseason NFL Football Open Thread

Hippo noted that he was writing some garbage and I’m here to garbage up the site as well.

Newsy Notes:

-Hey! The Giants won a meaningless game BUT the offense didn’t look moribund. Coach The Ball and Coach Roach (thanks DonT) isolated Saquon on linebackers a few times! And it worked. Holy Squeezy Cheese!

-Zach Wilson has managed to free up 2-4 extra weeks so that he can chase some tasty cougar tail. I’m trying to say he’s a bit injured.

-Len Dawson, qb of the Chiefs in the 60’s and 70’s is on his last drive. He’s in hospice care.

To The Games!

Colts/Bills:

-For being the Super Bowl fave, Buffalo sure is a likeable squadoo.

-Who is going to gobble up the 112 targets that True American Hero Cole Beasley left behind? Crowder was brought in but camp reports indicate he looked a bit slow and MacKenzie has flown by him for the slot spot.

Seahawks/Steelers:

-Rashaad Penny came out of the gate hot, slipped and fell and is questionable for this game. He can’t help himself, the Injury Report is like a second home for him.

-Life Without Ben: Steeler players can’t quite put their fingers on it but training camp just somehow seems ‘safer’ this year.

Fins/Bucs:

-Good luck figuring out the four-headed monster that is Miami’s backfield. Well, three, after Mostert goes down with a leg injury.

Saints/Texans:

-Nobody is talking about Davis Mills who had a sneaky good rookie campaign. He had four 300 yard games, passed at a 70% rate and if you toss out a dreadful game vs the Bills he had a 16-6 TD/Int number. He’ll be playing from behind all year so he’ll have to go to the air. I think he can get close to 30 scores and he will be dirt cheap.

Cowboys/Broncs:

-It’ll be interesting to see what Wilson is capable of in an offense that doesn’t deliberately handcuff his passing ability.

-Lots of folks are down on Zeke this year but the guy sure is dependable.

Rams/Chargers:

-This is the Super Bowl I want to see but I think the Chargers are one more year away.

Type some good stuff.

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TheRevanchist

I started to watch Uncharted. I couldn’t make it past the first 30 minutes. Why does Mark Wahlburg ruin everything?

Redshirt

All our hopes on a preseason tie, rests on a QB that has a name even an RPG player would find as “too silly”.

Gumbygirl

Rammit!!!

Redshirt

Hey, Cooper Rush is still around. Good for him!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just wish Sugar Rush was still around.

Redshirt

Watching Star Wars is different after watching Rogue One and Obi-Wan. And except for the other movies, its a good different.

Now about that Original Cut of the Original Trilogy…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Obi-Wan is a kids’ show. If I keep that in mind, it’s fine. When I forget as much, I find it very unpalatable.

Doktor Zymm

I’m going to start a yam-themed Pere Ubu tribute band called Pere Ube

SonOfSpam

They could cover Rolling Stones songs like Starch Me Up

Doktor Zymm

All the classics, like ZZ Top’s Tuber Snake Boogie

WCS

Pantera Bread’s “This Loaf” from the album Vulgar Display of Flour.

Gumbygirl
SonOfSpam

SUPERB OWL CHAMP RAMS about to start against San Diego or some shit

King Hippo

Josh Johnson v. Cooper Rush. Does that got nil-nl written all over it or what?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I miss Sugar Rush with Hunter March. He’s my favorite TV presenter, surpassing even Cat Deeley.

King Hippo

New Game Show! How Many Oxy Until Hippo Can’t Feel His Agonizing Teeth?

Redshirt

(presses buzzer) What is its trick question? You’ve built up so much of a tolerance, Oxy is Hippoease for Tic Tacs.

Gumbygirl

Here ya go, Brick. This should make you feel better! Mid-Rats- the finest Danger Dogs

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Last edited 2 years ago by Gumbygirl
BC Dick

Raviolurters. Tasty.

JimU

The Miami Dolphins QB is something called a Skylar Thompson which I believe is a late 70’s personal coupe from AMC.

Last edited 2 years ago by JimU
King Hippo

The Car That Fucked Ted

King Hippo

Wal-Mart era!!!!!

King Hippo

great camerawork, KDKA

Gumbygirl

Kenny Pickett!

King Hippo

CHARM US TUMESCENT, DONKS!!!

Game Time Decision

Nano charm

King Hippo

HERE CUMS UNCLE JACK!!!

WCS

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WCS

I will NEVER get tired of this HippoSpehk

Redshirt

(repressed childhood memory resurfaces)

King Hippo

ur fault 4 being such a dirty, dirty slut

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My local dirtball team is up 8-2 after three innings. Man, I sure do love the [checks notes] Dodgers!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now 10-2. Let’s go Dangers!

Doktor Zymm

I am very much enjoying your particular form of bandwagoning

Brick Meathook

There should be a team named The Los Angeles Danger Dogs

King Hippo

could be LAFC’s farm team

Redshirt

..and my dirtball team is…well, dirt.

Gumbygirl

Nowhere near as dirty as mine! If I had one. And I don’t

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Come hop on the Diggers bandwagon! There’s plenty of room! You can sit next to me! (Don’t tell the others)

Gumbygirl

They could be my side bitch. If I had one. And, big if, if there were such a thing as based-ball. There is no such thing. It’s been declared extinct, since the disco era. No one denies this!

WCS

Note to self:

Just because you can eat a second quesadilla doesn’t mean you should.

Redshirt

Note to self:

Just because you can eat a second quesadilla means you must.

Fixed it for you.

King Hippo

a reminder that cheese is the Devil, and mexican food gives me thunderous migraines

yeah right

Keep the rolaids people in business.
I like were you’re going.

Last edited 2 years ago by yeah right
WCS

STILLERS HAVE TO PUNT

FIRE TOMLINE FIRE EEEVRY1!!111!

Redshirt

Welcome to the cellar. Beers in the fridge. But its Light Beer.

MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

WCS

Figures I’m sober now, too!

I BLAEM TOMLIBN AN THE LIBS

Gumbygirl

I love Charlie Batch!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish I could find the image of Charlie Batch that KSK used to use.

herodotus450

dumb people like to say that stuff stays on the internet forever but it doesn’t. Like an hour after the KSK-ening most of the site was gone.

Game Time Decision

Except for that last post. It had staying power much like the guys in the videos in the comments

WCS

KISSINTITTAYSDOWN

STILLERS OUR GOIN TO DA SUPERBOWL

Redshirt

Cincinnati Bengals Reign of the AFC North (2021-2021)

It was nice while it lasted.

Redshirt

First Mar-A-Lago and now this. I don’t think I can take one more dose of Schadenfreude.

Reporter Said Tom Brady Looked “Miserable” During Last Practice Before Leave (msn.com)

WCS

TWWL is promoting Preseason Fantasy Foobaw. That’s even below Hippo levels of GAMBLOR.

King Hippo

(pats self on back)

yeah right

Korean fried chicken is a very real thing that is delicious and needs to stay around from this day forward.

Doktor Zymm

Were there people denying its existence? They fry a damn good chicken!

Brick Meathook

Who’s approving comments in this joint?

BC Dick

Good question. I know my gang rape joke didn’t make it even though it was pretty funny.
Not for the baby seals, mind you.

Doktor Zymm

I gotcha

Redshirt

Chargers, I’m not certain about this team. When they played the Bengals last season, I thought the same thing you did, “I’m watching the future Super Bowl (insert future Roman Numeral) Champions right now.” However, when you look at last year’s schedule, they are some losses that are just head-scratching.

As much as I hate constantly saying this, this 2022 season will show if the Chargers are for real or just another mirage.

Doktor Zymm

In a momentous occasion that only happens every few years, I actually got around to one of the tasks on my non-time sensitive and kind of a pain in the ass list of stuff to do! I dropped off an old printer for electronics recycling!

Now to celebrate by being unproductive the rest of the day!

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The hazardous waste dropoff site is actually fairly close to my house – not TOO close, mind you, but a short drive away.

Doktor Zymm

Any Best Buy will take electronics for free recycling, it made the whole thing way easier as I could just stop in Gilroy on my drive home from the barn

Game Time Decision

I have a grocery bag or 2 of CFLs to be recycled, so feel this. I also have an old tower to take in. But ya know, it’s not at the top of my list

Brick Meathook

Is this thing on?

ArmedandHammered

I think so, I am just kicking back and reading really bad paranormal harem fantasy fiction. So far the Golden were dragon dude has added an Irish kitsune, a Greek siren, and a drow vampire mercenary to his harem, next is a cheerleader werewolf, an elven green dragon, or a succubus mage.

TheRevanchist

I am at the hospital visiting the Mrs. watching Hoarders. Makes me feel better about my kids’ rooms.

Game Time Decision

That show is just a weird watch. Most of the hoarder, if not all, have some serious mental issues and for them to overcome it and allow the place to be cleaned up is amazing

WCS

“Modeling for dicktowel dot com. You?”

King Hippo

I wonder if he had that penis reduction surgery Cryil Figgis was pondering?

BC Dick

Canadian little league games on tv. Goddamn they’re so smooth and sweet.
Their swings, that is. Yes, their swings are smooth. That’ll fool em.

King Hippo

BC Dick turned into Marc Trestman so gradually, we barely even noticed!

BC Dick

Overmatched, they are. Like a green licence plate struggling through the mountain highways.
Ontario and Quebec should have decent baseball programs but they are nowhere to be seen. BC has 14 of the last 15 Canadian little league titles (roughly). Maybe it’s all the ice covering the rest of the country from October to April.

WCS

he went 578-34, which is insane

Isn’t that Hippo’s record in Football Manager?

BC Dick

Yes, they are dominant. It’s the Ravens or a huge upset in that league.

herodotus450

I thought the “Alabama Shakes” was when your favorite pig gets sent off to the slaughterhouse depriving you of both saturated lipids and company, but it turns out they’re actually a serviceable band.

King Hippo

From the hometown of King Laserface!

TheRevanchist

The lead singer decided to branch out on her own a little. Avoid those albums.

Brick Meathook

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BC Dick

Man, I love going to six flags

Gumbygirl

Wait, you’re actually in the hospital? I thought you were just spinning Brickyarns. Feel better soon!

Brick Meathook

No joke, real deal.

King Hippo

Get. All. The. Pills!

/I’ve met this dude, and he is indeed an international man of mystery. And a dominator of board games.

Brick Meathook

I’m on morphine, Percocet, and Dilaudid, with Tramadol and Hydrocodone on standby. Next they want me to try Gabapentine. This is a three day post-op pain management period where I’m hooked up to sensors and they give me every painkiller known to man. As long as I’m beeping it’s all good,

Yet I can still do a Saturday New York Times crossword in 17 minutes. They’re not giving me enough.

WCS
Don T

Don’t let them take the other testicle! #Brickstrong

JK. Recovery’s afoot, I gather. Best of luck.

Brick Meathook

boosh!

ArmedandHammered

I hope your recovery goes really well and the pain meds flow like water.

ArmedandHammered

Oh, and will you pedicures be half price now?

Redshirt

Damn it, will people ever read the updated Terms and Conditions. DFO has already met it Death Quota for the 21st Century!

King Hippo

Things One Learns from Pre-Season – Case Keenum is the new Brokeback stand-in, or if you’d prefer, the replacement Bollo del Verdad.

BC Dick

The ‘08 Lions and ‘17 Browns went 4-0 in the practice season. Everything you see this month is worthless. Hope is dead and its remains were sold to a discount sperm bank chain, now defunct.

BC Dick

True, it can serve a youthful porpoise, giving you a glimpse of ability regardless of quality of competition. However, Making plays against the future plumbers of America hardly seems like the best evaluation. Since I’ve played one season of fantasy and won it, I feel undeservedly entitled to make that determination.

Last edited 2 years ago by BC Dick
King Hippo

I am just happy for something to occupy my brain.

Gumbygirl

This. I’m not even paying attention, but just having football sounds in the background is so soothing.

King Hippo

SAME. It is a beacon of light and hope in a dark fookin’ world.

BC Dick

I already said what happened to hope. Light’s time is coming up fast. The Darkness has its PR people planning a hostile takeover.

Redshirt

City of Chicago: “Why would the Bears want to leave Soldier Field? It is an ideal stadium.”

Soldier Field Turf: “KILL ME! KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

King Hippo

How is J Peterman still in the League? If you assumed the Bearistocrats! were involved…well, by gum, you’d be right.

BC Dick

Very soft, huge button flaps, cargo pockets, draw string waist, deep bi-swing vents in the back perfect for jumping into a gondola.

King Hippo

4th string Chefs gonna need a touched down.

King Hippo

Good point on Davis Mills (I almost called him Miles Davis, YES I am high as a muthafucka), good thing Scotchy ain’t in my lea…oh goddamnit.

Last edited 2 years ago by King Hippo
King Hippo

Team that is often waaaayyyyy behind and doesn’t have another developmental QB behind Davis? Doesn’t get much safer than that.

BC Dick

He looked pretty damn good for what he was working with last year