The Qatar Slave LaboUr Cup has messed with footy’s schedule, and we got Shempions action in the first week of September (and before any international break).  Perhaps this will cause a little heartburn for the European contestants, or we won’t notice at all.

Anyway, none of this is Thomas Tuchel, who was sacked after Chelski lost in Croatia mid-week.  Tuchel presumably did NOT find this a rocking decision.

If you are not already watching “Welcome to Wrexham” – fix that shit straight away.  Starting Tuesday morning, lots of sportsball to carry us through until then.

Our dear imaginary pal Litre and his lovely wife are in Las Vegas…and Mighty Whitey take on the Tresspassers at 4:30a Vegas Time (7:30 EST, USA).  Alternate Red Bulls with your drinky-poos, eh?  One wonders whether Chelski will have Emma Hayes as their interim manager?  I am calling it, though.  Fulham will smash these.

The filthy Shite host Wolves next (10:00, USA), but I highly recommend streaming Cherries/Trashbirds, or even Beesus/Saints.  But you do you.

Tasty Spotlight Dance, Spurs away to City of Men (12:30, USA).  This side befuddled Pep last season, and could be an outside contender – but realistically, I see Spurs battling the Shite for 3rd, with the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols 6-10 points back of CIty.  But only a fool makes predictions that specific, especially THIS EARLY.  But Other Hippo insisted.  Y’all know I am idjit already.

You have to stream those Pistoleros…pistol-whipping poor Pickford-less Everton (9:00 Sunday), with USA going Tool Time (Hammers/Bonesaws) instead.  Palace host the shit-hot Red Devils to end Lesser Sunday (11:30, USA) – bleeding into precious Red Zone time.  On 9/11 no less, have you NO SHAME??

UPDATE – Never mind, apparently the whole stupid country shuts down when some old limey cunt dies.  DUE BETTER, Inglen!

Alabama (-20) at Texas (Noon, Fox)

NO, it is most assuredly not OK to root for Steerfuckers South, even against Roll Damn Tide.  Not that it matters, Coach Satan despises allowing so much as a moral victory.  Spread covered by HT, per usual.

South Cakalaky (+8.5) at Arkansas (Noon, ESPN)

This contest intrigues me greatly.  I could see Pig Sooey letting down a bit, after beating JV WKRP in Week One.  The Chickens also have that Rattlesnake kid playing QB.  I know I sure as shit wouldn’t try sacking no goddamned rattler.

Missouri (+7.5) at Kansas State (Noon, ESPN2)

Rule #1 of JV gambling (well, #2 after DON’T FUCKING DO IT) – love Kansas State as a significant underdog, fade as a favoUrite.  Mizzou could be a post-hype sleeper team.  Make Internet Dad proud, guys!

Washington State (+17.5) at Wisconsin (3:30, Fox)

Tasty intersectional matchup (I could see Wazzu winning outright), and/or convenient excuse to post my fave pervert picture.

Colorado (+17.5) at Air Force (3:30, CBS)

Jesus, CBS.  Have some pride!  And if you are this big a dog against a service academy, as a “power” conference coach?  You is getting fired right soon.

Houston (+3) at Texas Tech (4:00, FS1)

The JV 500s won a maniacal, 3OT game against UTSA last weekend.  Now, they get Guns Up!  There Will Be Points.

Back for MOAR tonight!