Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us [in bed].
Helen Keller

This is about anal isn’t it.

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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If the Steelers had only done what I told them to do, and drafted Dan Marino in 83, no one would be talking about the fucking Patriots as the greatest team evuh.
Gumbygirl

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Oh, fun aside – one of my neighbors (who is otherwise a very likeable fellow) told me that his work timed themselves doing 40-yard dashes and that he ran a 4.6. In a Herculean effort to remain diplomatic, I changed the subject.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I covered 40 yards in 4.6 seconds it’s because I’m falling off a 50 yard cliff.
Horatio Cornblower

What, are you on the board of Bed, Bath & (into the great) Beyond?
BeefReeferLives

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(due to Labor Day reasons, turns picks to the Commissioner for the Monday Morning Supplemental Mock Draft)

This may bend the rules and get me the Mock Draft Death Penalty but I can’t just leave this to one or two picks.

Present Bengals (due to recent history, not too many notes):

Protect Nine.
Quit relying on your backup RB over your starting RB when games on the line. If you want to play Perine when the season/championship on the line, make him your starter then.
Past Bengals (due to past history, a lot of notes and mock draft pick trades have been made)

1975: For your new Head Coach Head Coach, maybe go with the WR/QB coach instead of the OL coach.
1982: If your RB Pete Johnson has failed to gain 5, 3, 1, 1 and 1 yard, maybe try someone else.
1989: If one of your players is a recovered drug addict, maybe don’t leave him alone before the biggest game of his life.
1992: Don’t fire Sam Wyche after one 3-13 season just because he’s an asshole control freak.
1992: Don’t hire Dave Shula just because he’s the son of a famous football icon, just like you.
1992: Don’t draft David Klingler after your starting QB had an average season and you have other positions of need.
1992: Don’t change David Klingler’s passing style to match your QB’s coach style from the 1970s.
1997: Don’t wait too long to pull the plug on Jeff Blake and put in Boomer Esiason, especially if your somehow in a playoff hunt.
1998: Keep Neil O’Donnell around after the 1998 season. Even though he did go 2-9, he did have a 61.8% completion percentage, a TD-INT ratio of 15-4 and a QB Rating of 90.2. Either his record starts to match his stats or you give a rookie QB a chance to learn the system on the bench instead of on the field.
1999: Don’t think about it. Take Ditka’s entire draft and then go from there!
2005: That Wild Card Game: Once Carson Palmer gets hurt, throw out the game plan and put one in to match Jon Kitna. Kitna doesn’t exactly have Palmer’s arm but he does know how to get the ball to the right guy (a proto-Dalton, if you will).
2016: That Wild Card Game II:
Outside the scope of this draft, but maybe the referees decide to actually get involved before the game turns into a Prison Brawl.
Get your team off the field after Antonio Brown gets hurt. Adam Jones can’t cost you the game if Joey Porter’s on the field smugly smiling to nothing.
Joey Porter: As always, no notes. Everything the Steelers do are, as always, infallible.
Redshirt

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Are we gonna talk about the fact this front office thinks they have the Lea Michele of Quarterbacks [Kyler Murrary] and only scrubbed the learning provision of his contract after blowback?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

My favorite thing about the ‘Lea Michele can’t read’ thing is that I have yet to see her respond definitively that she can read.
Horatio Cornblower

She hasn’t read anything about it either.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I’ve not bathed or shaved or showered since last Tuesday-time to right a wrong. Wifey is hyped about no longer sleeping next to “El Stinko”. She doesn’t have a way with words.
scotchnaut

I see you spent your holiday weekend hunting.
WCS

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That cat of Brick’s is transporting me to a higher plane of consciousness… om mani padme hum… or maybe I’m just hungry? Could be that. Or something else entirely.
Gumbygirl

New thread idea; “Brick Cat”. Commenters relate the most bizarre thing that entered their head that week. Most “+” gets a fondue set or some game appropriate shit like that.
2Pack

Brick’s Cat:

Brick’s Other Cat:

Brick Meathook

Brick’s cornering the market on mesmerizing pussy.
ballsofsteelandfury

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Never forget

ballsofsteelandfury

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Let’s not act like the Bills are innocent here, they knew about the rape allegations and decided it was worth drafting that guy anyway.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Guess they too wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Wakezilla

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I hope Lea Michele never, ever, ever refutes this rumor that she can’t read.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would say “She only knows the alphabet up to G,” but all the singers I went to school with were shit at theory.
Senor Weaselo

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Such a storied franchise [ the Jets]

2Pack

RIP KSK #Upforwhatever
Sharkbait

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J ust
E mbrace
T he
S uck
WCS

I was always partial to:

J – ust
E – nd
T – he
S – eason
Sharkbait

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imma laugh forever if grumblelord started another bambino-esque new england sports curse after removing brady
fleshwound_NPG

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NAWT FACKIN FAAAHHHHHHHHHH NO ONE DENIES THIS
WCS

NO ONE UNDASTAHNS OWAH PAIN!!!!
Horatio Cornblower

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WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

We’re all resting for tomorrow’s kickoff.

Bring your A game!
Mr. Ayo

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Iga just brought sexy back!
TheRevanchist

Look at that “A.”
WCS

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THIS NFL OFFSEASON I CALL IT QUEEN ELIZABETH’S LIFE BECAUSE IT IS COMING TO AN END TODAY.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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So when does WCS’s kid take his rightful place on the throne of England?
Horatio Cornblower

That will happen after the UN delivers the gold. First, I need to use the Doomsday Device on France.
WCS

“Doomsday Device” is a hell of a nickname for your penis.
LemonJello

To be fair, every time he uses it there’s fallout, so
SonOfSpam

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late 80s/early 90s: russia collapses, ussr dissolved by gorby, bills are good

2022: russia military collapsing, gorby dies, bills are good
fleshwound_NPG

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I, uh….wouldn’t run that read option play again.
King Hippo

Lea Michele agrees.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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My wife just referred to Camilla as “that fucking whore” if you’re wondering how the Cornblower household is reacting to stories about the English monarchy.
Horatio Cornblower

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SHOW OZZY, YOU FUCKS
fleshwound_NPG

“YEAH. SLOW PONZI, TWO DUCKS!”
-commentist TrentVerde
SonOfSpam

-Trent Green
Horatio Cornblower

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Welcome back to network TV reminding you how horrid everything else they broadcast is.
WCS

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I’m not certain why everyone is happy about a woman being replaced at work by a man. Isn’t that the opposite of progress?
Redshirt

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Ladies and gentlemen I am officially on motherfucking vacation.

Monday morning I’m Seattle bound to visit youngest right and littlest right.

It’s supposed to be mid 70’s and sunny all week.

Sign my ass up and get me out of this post apocalyptic shit, STAT.

I’ll live blog as I go.

I haven’t had a full week off in ten fucking years.

CHEERS!
yeah right

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Hey, what the fuck happened to Brick? Did he lose a foot or just hurt a foot? In either case I hope he’s ok. Shit.
Fronkenshteen

His left foot has been excised for the sake of someone’s fantasy football namesake.

Please pay respect for Brick’s sacrifice inn these trying times.
Mr. Ayo

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Offensive coordinator nephew who inherited a team that was 0-29 featuring a team with not a single player who experienced a win, who won their first game since 2018 last week…

Won again!!!

They’re 2-1 on the season with back to back fucking victories!!!

Their first home win tonight in 4 years.

Kick that ass East Peoria Raiders!

Kick ALL THAT ASS!
yeah right

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Has anyone seen Gaslit? I’m reading Watergate: A New History and I want to give it a go after I finish
Sharkbait

Nope. No one has ever seen it.
Mr. Ayo

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Beating the Irish is a great tribute to the British monarchy
TheRevanchist

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/reads that Boris is paid by the click

Cliiiiiiiiiiick
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Wow I gotta say I don’t agree with that call at all, call me biased.

It’s in the iu v. Idaho game. Idaho tries a trick play throwing to an offensive lineman. It’s intercepted and intercepted 70 yards.

Gets called back because of defensive pass interference, on the offensive lineman.
Brocky

Who da ho?

I DA HO!
litre_cola

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Who has 2 thumbs and is at FedEx Field watching his Jaguras? This fucking guy.
LemonJello

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Trent Green is in somewhat of a panic over all the “Never Forget” signs he’s been seeing today [Sept 11].
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

/dying🤓
Fronkenshteen

We need a photoshop of the Memento guy looking in the mirror, covered with “I’m Trent Green!” tattoos
King Hippo

Best I can do:

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Today we commemorate a great injustice. A wrong that was permitted to occur due to overconfidence, elitism, entitlement, and being so focused on our own superiority that we ignored the warning signs until we saw the unthinkable occur on our own screens and realized we were too late stop it. May we all commit ourselves to righting this wrong and allow us to continue stronger.

But enough of the Cincinnati Bengals 2nd Half performance in the Super Bowl. Today is also September 11th.
Redshirt

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A bears win was an unexpected surprise.

And yes, Mr. Bigglesworth was by my side

Brocky

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OK, I’m taking a bathroom break, because unlike the Bengals special teams I’m not willing to shit all over myself in public.
Horatio Cornblower

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Rodgers is gonna make that rookie ride in the bus washroom back to the airport.
hippofant

With Roethlisberger.
ArmedandHammered

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I think any time they introduce Ol’ Double J’s wife the word “wife” needs to be preceded by “long suffering”
Horatio Cornblower

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We have finally achieved the DFO hive mind:

JimU

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I’m watching the tits and dragons show. What have I missed?
JimU

When did Trubisky and Rex Grossman start a show of their own?
WCS

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They should fine JJ every time they have to re-punt for someone hitting the stupid giant scoreboard
Doktor Zymm

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

NOTE banner image from here