So, um, why is Denver getting another prime time game after they acquitted themselves so terribly just two weeks ago? Ours is not to wonder why, we should just watch and hope that the two strugglebacks under center somehow turn things around tonight. Vegas has only two other games that feature a lower over/under than this one. (one of them is the mandatory Giants/Packers London tilt. Gah.)
Newsy Notes:
-That delusional animal rights activist insists on keeping himself in the news by filing a police report regarding him getting clocked by Bobby Wagner after running onto the field last week. Can you do that if you’re still in concussion protocol? Perhaps he should go back to throwing red paint on heiresses wearing mink coats or whatever.
-Ever the situational contrarian, Qaron insists that he would like to stay in London longer. (preferably on the team’s shilling or pound or Euro, I’m guessing)
-Speaking of the game yet again, Tyrod is still concussed and will be travelling with the team. Meanwhile, Dimes was a limited participant in practice. We know how this thing will go-if Dimes can’t make it, Tyrod will be magically cleared late on Saturday afternoon. Actually, he’ll be cleared no matter what, in case Dimes re-injures himself during the game. I’m not cynical, you’re cynical for calling me cynical.
To The Game!
Colts/Broncs:
-Adjustment Problems? Matt Ryan was my sneaky pick to have a great year with a new team. Well, he’s turned the ball over 8 times and been sacked 15 times. That o-line is doing him no favors.
-His partner on the other side of the pasture was so glad to get away from a franchise that was run-first, had a lousy o-line and a good defense. So, thank beJezuz he ended up on a run-first team with a lousy o-line and a good defense.
-Both teams are without their flashy rb’s but Indy is also without a starting safety, linebacker and defensive end.
-Shortcake Backfield? Mighty mites Nyheim Hines (5’9″, a buck 95) and Phillip Lindsay (5’8″, 190) should have a great time running between the tackles tonight. Good luck and good night.
-The Broncos rb Gordo has 70% of the backfield to himself-one would think-despite fantasy dudes running to pick up Mike Boone. The latter failed to pick up a handful of blitzes and dropped two easy passes when he was called into action last week. If Gordo continues to fumble the ball it will be good old Latavius Murray (inactive tonight) that will be picking up the slack. (and the blitzes)
Do that thing with your digits.
Just slammed my penis in a splintery wooden door, better than this game
If Melvin Gordon carried a baby in Texas someone would call it in and get 10k.
Fucking banner this man.
Next week is Redacteds v Bears. Oof.
War crime alert. But also, mandatory means MANDATORY!
I’m completely tickled by the fact that (in my mind) Elway’s nickname inside the Donks organization is “Applejack”.
Office Clerk #1: “Did you see that memo that Applejack sent out regarding proper game-day wear?”
Office Clerk #2: “I’ve never pressed ‘delete’ faster in my entire career.”
Who’s Pepper Jack?
We’ve got a big local liquor store by that name so this is probably real.
That FUMBRE still counts in me soiled underpants
We are somehow ruling that handoff to Gordon an incomplete pass.
Would you trust Melvin Gordon to hold a new born?
How new? I gotta check the born-on date.
“Absolutely!” – Herschel Walker
Both coaches should be forced to undergo concussion protocol
in an epic dressdown of my son today, i pulled the “You owe them” card, i.e., you owe the people who ame before you for the sufcces we all enjoy today.
Christ, I am an 87 year old Italian man. where’s my homemade wine?
Man, I knew some old guys who could make that Dago Red. And quite a few who could not, but nobody was brave enough to tell them!
My grandfather made blackbeery wine and dandelion wine, you have got to be desperate to get fucked up to do that. he would give me glasses of blackerry wine nd it was rock me to sleep, sandman
I have had many good homebrewed beers (and even made a few decent ones myself), but I have never had decent homemade wine.
I have (see above old Italian guys) but it’s most likely to be rough stuff. Every once in awhile, there was a Guido with a gift.
What we need is some good music, to soothe the pain of this Thursday, Thursday game.
Russ is cooking duck confit.
watch dahmer on netflix, if you don’t believe in the end of our society, you will
this game is like watching two drunk dogs trying to fuck
I’ve walked in on my parents before, too.
I love having a defensing unit
Because your offense looks like it would do better with Tebow.
I mean, I hate not being able to dispel this MOAR strongly.
The working title for the McCaffrey-Bin Laden thing is SIX FIVE. I’m hoping to have it done by next fall.
We will raise the moneys and make this happen!
Yo let’s get a kick starter!
No rush-take your time.
Russ Cooking
https://giphy.com/gifs/thegoldbergs-season-6-episode-2-the-goldbergs-AssljToGUt00qcBsDX
6-0 colts. lord, i apologize for whatever i did. seriously. my fault.
Depends on what boubon you’re drinking
Umm, lemme check. Elijah Criag.
So that’s a biblical hame righ
which maans i am holy
Placement every quarter, win 12-nil. PERFECTION.
Me: well since I have last place, I’ll get first in the waiver wire. With Taylor injured, hines will get the start. Should get a decent chunk of points
God:
Al Michaels: “That’s the first catch by Courtney Sutton.* A fantastic wide receiver and a key member of ‘Friends’.”
*I swear I heard that
tiki. i should have named my son that.y
FOZZZ THERE IS NOT A SAINT NAMED TIKI IT’S AN AFFONRT TO GOD!!!!! TRADITION!!!!
Serously, fuck that shit
sorry for th typesos log day
threebouorns in
fucking pricks at my sons HS
remind me wy i’m watching this gme
Because it’s one of the most culturally acceptable reasons to keep drinking!
Not for the London games. In that case you’re drinking because of the damage that Nigel Farage did to your country’s economic prospects.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sLSzugXlPNM
You lack both IRL friends and social grace?
MCCAFFREY: The nurse told me something had happened to the two towers. My heart just sank. “Please no,” I said. “Not Joe and Amani.”
Sorry, I’ll draft the rest of this on my own.
My lord and my God
Well, the post does say “Do that thing with your digits”
This uh is not a barnburner.
Barely a corralburner.
A corral’s worth of farm animals getting charred is colloquially known as a “ReidBQ”.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you nuts? Turn that corral fire down to 250 Fahrenheit. Horse thighs need to cook low and slow-everybody knows that!”
Russ has no idea how to burn a barn, he transferred to Wisconsin from the East Coast.
Matty Ice, YOU GOT CHUBBED!
Head on swivel folks. These horses are doing a lot of kicking!
What were the odds of the entire game being played between the 35 yard lines?
Ciara rocking that mango pantsuit!
IN-COM-PLETE!!!!
– Eli’s homework, currently
MICHAELS: This stadium opened the night before 9/11, and of course the whole world changed the next day.
ME: No shit, Ed McCaffrey broke his leg.
Would love to see a “30 For 30” featuring the McCaffrey and Bin Laden extended families regarding those events.
If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!
But in the meantime, there’s an interview about it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UBFy-zloPY
THIS IS THE BEST IDEA I HAVE EVAR HEARD
If you are a “Kaylee” you are either a smokeshow, or 400+ pounds
All I’m going to say is if all the tight ends are going to drop passes you might as well have the most talented one out there.
Hey, so uh…. guess who I picked up in fantasy this week?
Evenin, I would like Russ to get his head out of his ass tonight. Preferably to Sutton, Hail Gamblor.
Settle in, tis a rough watch FOAR the neutral.
“Orange Crush” outro music by REM. That’s cheeky because I’ve never noticed it before.
HORSE FIGHT
Buy glue stocks now.
In this economy??
Use crypto!
In this economy????
HOOVES UP!
The Brits like to say “horses for courses” announcng the footy, and after 10 years of watching I still don’t get their meaning.
Hippo, has Elway been upgraded or downgraded to ‘Consultant’? What’s going on there?
He gpt “promoted up” to a position without any power but he can still hang around and eat apples and sugar cubes.
/2023 Broncos draft room
Elway: “DRAFT A QB! DRAFT A QB!”
GM George Paton: “Settle down Applejack-here’s a nice juicy Honeycrisp apple for you to chew on.”
Elway: “You Bastard! Do you have any more?”
I figured Paton would just slap him and call him a coward.
Concussion #1 happened pretty early.
oh noes, Hines’ back is locking up!
Ok, this game is officially on the clock. If it isn’t awesome in the next 20 minutes I’m going to go read my book.
That is NAWT an awesome start
Book? Spill.
A Catalogue of Catastrophe, the newest full length book in the Chronicles of St. Mary’s
https://www.goodreads.com/series/109102-the-chronicles-of-st-mary-s
ooooh, I would like to have a boxed set ready for Kwanzaa
This series is great as the books are not only awesome, but also THICC
Dat is the best way to booky-book.
I’m down to a half book and there’s nothing in the queue. I need a fix.
happy to mail you some HippoSelections from my closet of booky-books past, just send me your address before your area is snowed in for winter
Heh, Global warming means he only gets winter for 5 months now.
that’s hardly a Canadia winter at all! THANKS Obama!!!1111
– Nathan Peterman trying to have a quiet evening at home with a glass of wine
Not yet glue!
[fans self]
– John Elway
I am wearing my #55 Chubb tonight. Sending Charmslinger a message.
As a 53 year old, i will never not laugh at the word “Chubb”
It was even funnier when we had a TE on the roster named “Butt”
Butt is funny, but Chubb, rules. “Chubb up the middle.”
They were same draft class! I found myself going Chubb Chubb Chubb Butt Butt Butt – hopefully not out loud at the office
Did Butt ever block for Chubb?
Butt was a TE, we really just needed a FB dive play for Chubb to make that happen.
Butt always opens up holes for Chubb.
Guys, no shit. Please go to the SLack channel. got a major fucking event on my hands.
Let’s ride!
DAMN SKIPPY. That’s a man who is VERY secure about the size of his penis right thar.
Me: Oh, cool, my top two picks, Johnathan Taylor and Javonte Williams, face off tonight. This will be a fun and enjoyable evening for a FF fan such as myself!
Also me: (looking at injury report). Say, I wonder what Drano tastes like?
Everybody knows that Charmslinger would have gone off that night, but he didn’t have a stitch to weeeeaaaaarrrr.
He’s got bread, though.
MRSA Dreamboat asks Herr DeSantis to declare this a hate crime.
Check out this insidious bullshit that the NFL is trying to pull off. They’ve hired somebody by the name of Mary Jo White to ‘investigate’ Dan Snyder. Check out her history.
https://twitter.com/commanderwire/status/1494936892990623745
And Danny Boy will still countersue her, because he just can’t help himself.
I guess that “Perla” bitch that Herr DeSantis hired to pwn the libs was already busy?
Until the NFL starts taking concussions seriously, I move their themes and songs be distorted like an NES game using a Game Genie. This will also apply when the referees start to throw flags to make the games more competitive or to fit The Narrative.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cGAgNu3_7c