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Hippo Still Hates All The Things (Night Edition)

King Hippo

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,

Washington State (+13) at Southern Cal (7:30, Fox)

We might have to call them Troi Boiz-2-Men if they navigate this fixture.  Then again, I’d prefer to not.

Kansas State (-1.5) at Iowa State (7:30, ESPNU)

Apparently this is branded as Farmageddon and I just can’t love that any more than I already does.

Texas A&M (+24) at Alabama (8:00, CBS)

Jimbo and Saban should just fuck already and get it over with, yeah?

Oregon (-13) at Arizona (9:00, PAC12)

Thi slate is wretched, but Bear Down FOAR Midterms isn’t nearly as bad as they have been.  And Quack Attack is almost always overrated.

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TheRevanchist

Beavers scoring on a Saturday night!

Man, what a great game.

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WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All right I gotta head up to bed. You folks are the best. I will pay for my indulgence tomorrow.

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Horatio Cornblower

Nothing like watching reruns of poker tournaments to track the rise and fall of the Zubaz empire.

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WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

I’ve been drinking, (surprise!), so forgive the jihad I’m apparently on about Molina, but here are his stats:

https://www.baseball-reference.com/players/m/molinya01.shtml

19 year career, 176 HR, .277 avg, 1022 RBI. My goodness, that man averaged 9.3 HRs a year! AND 54 RBIs! STAMP THAT HALL OF FAME PASSPORT POSTHASTE, MY GOOD MAN!!!

“But but but” you mewl, drooling from both sides of your mouth as though you were some Missouri yokel hopped up on too much of the fentanyl “what of his defensive stats! For those are the true measure of a Hall of Fame catcher!”

“Ah”, I respond, waving the Narcan tentalizingly over your rapidly bluing face, “the link above shows you his defensive stats and those show you that Yadier never led the league, (black bold face stats), in anything other than passed balls in 2005”

In a 19 year career he had 2 Top 5 finished for MVP, (3rd and 4th), three more in the Top 25, (23rd 2x and 21st) (before today I had no idea they even counted past 10), and his closest comparable contemporaries, (that’s called alliteration, kids, something that no less an authority than Bloom County’s Opus the Penguin once called “your key to substantive literature”) are notable Not-Hall-of-Famers AJ Pierzynski and Benitio Santiago.

Molina had a nice career and apparently made $173+ million doing it, (and 2 WS rings), but he is absolutely not a Hall of Fame player.

Pujols is, even if he is a sanctimonious sack of shit, if only for the sheer amount on money he stole from Arte Moreno.

We now return you to your regular programming of dick jokes, NFL, Premier League, and dick jokes.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve been drinking too and it’s pretty clear to me that nobody who had been doing any *serious* drinkinng would have been able to have typed up something that much coherent thing.

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Horatio Cornblower

4 beers total tonight.

Two IPAs at 7%, a nice Octoberfest at 6.9% (see what I did there), and a 12 oz Baltic Porter at 11%. That last one was simply delicious. I want a lifetime of sipping those on cold winter nights while sitting in front of a fire and wearing flannel PJs and ridiculous bunny slippers

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Horatio Cornblower

For me these days that’s pretty serious. Being at an age where I won’t see 50 again I do what I can to avoid hangovers. Fucking things are just brutal.

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herodotus450

MVP votes/wins is a sack of shit metric, topped only by the Hall of Fame itself. Which would make it some kind of SACK of sack of shit….
Anything voted on by sanctimonious Peter King-esque word writing guys should be shot into the sun; Heisman Trophy is up first.

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Horatio Cornblower

I will say that the MLB HoF voting is much, much, MUCH better than the NFL HoF, which is insanely stupid on several levels.

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WCS

tl;dr

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Horatio Cornblower

Tough, but fair.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

td;cr

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s a Tim Tebow joke, if you think about it carefully.

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WCS

— Lea Michele

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BaldingSpiritually

Hell of a game, but wonder if either FSU feared a wide right or assumed NC State would drive down the field with no timeouts and less than a minute left. They’ll surely be kicking themselves for that pass over continuing to pound the ball.

Either way I’m triple happy knowing that LSU and A&M also lost

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WCS

Horatio now (artist’s conception):

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Last edited 3 years ago by WCS
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Horatio Cornblower

“Pujols and Molina, sure-fire Hall of Famers”

Michael Kay, just now, who is half right about that, even if Pujols is a shit human being who left his wife after she survived brain cancer, and whose resurgence over the last half of this season isn’t suspicious at all.

I actually don’t mind the Cardinals, but I can’t stand Molina or Pujols.

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Horatio Cornblower

Molina hits a single that the press will slobber over for the next five years before giving him the most undeserved 79% election to the Hall of Fame ever.

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Horatio Cornblower

If St. Louis loses with Yadier Molina on deck and 0-3 for the night I am absolutely going to have to call my physician about an erection lasting more than 4 hours.

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh god, he’s coming up with a man on and 2 outs.

I don’t ask for much, Lord, but if You could see fit to make Yadier choke like the somewhat-above-average player he is I will consider* joining the priesthood.

*I will not actually do this

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You wouldn’t have fit in, anyways.*

*assumes you do not, in fact, molest children

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Horatio Cornblower

As long as the definition of “molest” doesn’t include screaming “Why the fuck can’t you grasp the infield fly rule” at Little Leaguers I think I’m OK.

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herodotus450

that might have been the dumbest last play of the game call I’ve ever seen.

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WCS

/a wild DONKS-Clots TNF games draws near!

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Gumbygirl

Roll Damn Tide!

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Horatio Cornblower

Me, watching Hurricane Ian hit Florida.

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Horatio Cornblower

I do believe that even the Mets couldn’t fuck this one up.

Off to root for the Phillies.

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Senor Weaselo

“Oh yeah?” -Blue Jays

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Horatio Cornblower

I don’t mind the Blue Jays, but watching Alex Menoah (sp? who cares) eat shit left a smile on my face.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, they danced with it…

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WCS

PRAISE BLEERGH

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WCS

If yinz aren’t watching the finale of Saban-Fisher Hate Fuck Each Other, turn it on.

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WCS

BLEERGH FEASTS ON FOURTH DOWN

That was hilarible, aTm!

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WCS

JV SHANK’LOR STRIKES TWICE

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Gumbygirl

Gumby just said “Last night was that Barry Bostwick thing at the casino,” and then was shocked I had no idea what he was blathering about.
Turns out it was The Rocky Horror Picture Show .

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herodotus450

Eh, wake me up when it’s a live stage show reunion of Spin City

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WCS

Bama’s fucking up themselves enough to let aTm hang around…

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Horatio Cornblower

Speaking of confident, the Fightin’ Horatios are 3-4, despite a list if injuries that even Brocky’s FF Gods would find excessive, and in danger of resembling a competent program.

Why, if this keeps up the attendance at Rentschler Field, (why yes, it is an abandoned airfield!), may go from being measured in the dozens to the hundreds!

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Doktor Zymm

Have y’all seen footage of the Crimea bridge explosion? It’s pretty intense. Fuck Putin!

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Horatio Cornblower

I have. Short-term it’s great. Long-term, after a tactical nuke goes off somewhere in eastern Ukraine, eh, not so much.

I do, however, fully endorse and co-sign your “fuck Putin” position.

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SonOfSpam

Yes, yes, and also YES.

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Horatio Cornblower

Are you telling me that a heavily favored team from Toronto came up short in the play-offs? In October!? I mean I’d understand it in June, hell I’d expect it, but October?

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Sharkbait

Toronto choking memes will never not be funny.

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Horatio Cornblower

“Eh”-David Carradine

2
yeah right

Cause for discussion among the LA crowd.

Is the Coliseum in downtown LA like the announcers said.

My initial vote is no because you can’t safely walk to City Hall.

What say you!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yes it is because you CAN walk to DTLA from there. No one said anything about safety.

Hell, you can’t walk safely from the Coliseum to the USC dorms at night…

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SonOfSpam

Close enough? But technically, I’d say no.

Either way, hooboy have I ever drunkenly seen concerts there!

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SonOfSpam

Ok and Mrs says it is downtown. THIS WILL NEVER BE SOLVED.

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Horatio Cornblower

When I was in LA in 1998, (the one and only time I’ve been in LA), we drove past the Coliseum and there was nothing around it, so based on that and my resulting expert opinion I say it can’t possibly be downtown.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No. It’s in South Central.

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ballsofsteelandfury

He’s not wrong.

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Col. Duke LaCross

The future Duchess LaCross is in New York for a week, so I’m taking care of this very good boy right here. Little dude just annihilated a Shake Shack double cheeseburger and some cheese fries. We’ll both be farting up a storm while his Mama is away!

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yeah right

Accept the results. That’s the first step.

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Gumbygirl

He’s cute! What’s his name?

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Col. Duke LaCross

That’s Bowie!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What the hell, man? I’d have eated that cheeseburger!

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King Hippo

aTm’s quartered back looks like a McPoyle

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WCS

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Another one? So many of them.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jimmi Simpson became one of my favorite actors so gradually I hardly even noticed.

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BaldingSpiritually

Johnny Wilson is making me sad

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Gumbygirl

Woooo, my Blazers won!

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WCS

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Gumbygirl

Vape only, I’m babysitting FIL.

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Horatio Cornblower

My wife was just vaping out of her purse at our bar.

I married out of my league.

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Sharkbait

Thats damn impressive

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Horatio Cornblower

Almost as impressive as how that Arsenal flag wound up outside our house.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mary Louise-Parker deserved better than that trainwreck of a show.

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Col. Duke LaCross

The first three seasons were pretty good, then holy shit did it go off the rails quickly.

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King Hippo

heavily co-signed

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Horatio Cornblower

I’ve heard that so many times I’ve just never bothered to even start the show.

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BaldingSpiritually

Hooray NC State offense. Run to left for 2 yards, run to right for 1, throw ball away on third

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WCS

Throw a swing pass for negative one yard, and you’ve got a Matt Canada offense brewing!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Swing pass? Tell me more?” – Jason Garrett

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King Hippo

Fightin’ Horatios will finish with better record than the Wolven Sort.

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Horatio Cornblower

FIU should probably just drop football entirely.

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Doktor Zymm

I went to Napa Valley Distillery to pick up my quarterly club shipment today. They’re an awesome place, basically cocktail Valhalla, make all their own syrups and fancy bitters and provide recipe cards with everything. They make everything, but their mainstay is neutral brandies that they flavour, and those brandies are made by distilling wine that doesn’t meet standards from all the wineries around. They have a satellite location at the Oxbow Market in downtown Napa, which is kind of funny, as the Oxbow Market’s liquor license only allows vendors in the market to sell beer and wine. Turns out they were able to convince the authorities in the area that the wine they distill never stops being wine, so the brandies are ok. And that’s why they don’t sell their bourbons or gins at the Oxbow!

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herodotus450

Well technically this money and I both come from the same atomic soup 4.5 billion years ago so it’s not really stealing.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have been to Oxbow Market several times!

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Doktor Zymm

Let me know next time you’re around and we’ll go do a tasting!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That sounds fun but you know what would be even more fun? A tasering!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I had no idea that Andy Roddick was so woke. He’s basically the anti- John Isner (both in politics and for having won a Grand Slam tournament).

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King Hippo

I fgured for tennis, “woke” would mean actually using a Black person’s name when addressing them.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve never had a negative opinion of Roddick, I just had always assumed that he was politically neutral. He is not.

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King Hippo

Mal Washington was also probably cool, he was my very favoUrite

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Horatio Cornblower

He upset Lendl in New Haven way back when that mattered. Connecticut always loved him.

1
Horatio Cornblower

He also married Brooklyn Decker, which I’m going to assume is worth at least three Grand Slams.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My high school basketball coach once advised me never to play poker against people like her.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love Hippo’s use of irony in posting about hating all the things immediately followed by an image of the Song Girls, who are beloved by all.

1
yeah right

I stuck with the Mariners game the whole way. That was insane.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I only caught the ninth. Damn.

0
yeah right

It was nuts. I really felt the dynamic change with the grand slam cutting it to 8-5 and stayed with it.

Last edited 3 years ago by yeah right
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King Hippo

I mean, to catch even one inning of a professional beisbol match is quite an accomplishment. Don’t sell yourself short!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I saw the score and didn’t think it was worth tuning in to, so I watched college football instead. Not a huge mistake, but I definitely missed out.

I did catch the end of the Cleveland game, though. En español!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Washington State is making a game of this!

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King Hippo

Somebody is getting horse tranquilizer in his shoulder come halftime

0
WCS

Dirt Leafs!

1
WCS

Another ex-Dirt Stiller finds post-season success elsewhere.

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King Hippo

Charmslinger is injured now, too. Just. Fucking. Great.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Honestly, you’re better off

1
King Hippo

Brett. Rypien. Just. No.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Want a Mason Rudolph?

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King Hippo

oooooofffff, it could be worse then

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Gumbygirl

Nobody wants a Mason Rudolph, silly!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Better get a refund on those nanobubbles

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Gumbygirl

Hurt feefees?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Andy Reid’s voice sounds nothing like I always assumed it did.

0
WCS

I’d like to make a Clubhouse Motion, and submit we refer to Hippo’s abode as the “Fortress of Pillatude” moving forward.

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King Hippo

I should get a tax break for that wen u think about it

1
King Hippo

Sparky one first down away from Taking Care of Penix

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WCS

And now the Dirt Argos/Bills just had two fielders just plaster into each other simultaneously allowing a two-out, three run blooper to tie the match.

BRAIN OWIE SATURDAY

edit: I’ve seen enough carts on the pitch for one month, thanks.

Last edited 3 years ago by WCS
1
Dunstan

In a game they were leading 8-1.

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Dunstan

I think maybe being in the same city as the Leafs is rubbing off on them.

1
BaldingSpiritually

Greetings from Carter Finley fellow DFOers, had to leave our seats due to a lighting issue and the NC State FSU game is delayed. Also FSU fans won’t shut up with the chant

Is this a good enough reason to start drinking?

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Dunstan

The sun rose this morning. That’s a good enough reason to start drinking.

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SonOfSpam

(had it not, an ever better reason)

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WCS

I know Hippo is locked away in the PillzCave, so say hello to the ghost of tWBS for us.

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King Hippo

noooooooooo

/and you are also local and a Wolven Sort??

1
BaldingSpiritually

Embarrassed to say I’ve been for several years yet this is my first game.

1
King Hippo

choosing not to watch NC State is never embarrassing

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Which one? “Build The Wall”? “Lock Her Up”? God, I hate Florida.

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SonOfSpam

I am full of Bruins happiness.

And next week they are bi.

And then…off to Nike U for a fairly biggun.

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WCS

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Al’s favorite kind!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, I hope USC and UCLA are still looking this hot when they play each other. Might engender a BOTG of TSJ.

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King Hippo

Do any of y’all root for the Troi Boiz?

0
yeah right

Guilty as charged. A lifer for football. Yes I watched OJ win the Heisman as a Trojan.

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King Hippo

DA JUUUUUUUUICE!!

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Gumbygirl

He’s loose, I hear. Damn shame.

1
King Hippo

Looking harder and harder to hold these Penixes back.

0
King Hippo

Last competitive match looks to be Penixes/Sparky on PAC-12

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