I was going to write ‘early afternoon’ slate of games but west coasters tend to get cranky if they read that before having their first cup of meth in the morning. Tee-hee.
To The Games!
Falcons/Bengals:
Life at .500 can mean different things to different teams. Cincy didn’t expect this at all and Atlanta fans (there are some you know) are mildly surprised to be at 3-3. The Falcons run game continues apace without Patterson-Huntley, Allgeier and Mariota racked up 160 yards vs the Niners.
Lions/Cowboys:
Dak is healthy immediately after Cooper Rush was exposed by the Eagles. Imagine that. Of all the one win teams in the NFL, the Lions have the most energy.
Colts/Titans:
Tennessee has righted the yacht after starting out 0-2. Is it a bit weird that these guys just played 3 weeks ago? Anyway, the Titans are looking for their second straight season sweep.
Packers/Commies:
Taylor Heinicke and Scary Terry will need a bit of luck against the league’s best passing D. Qaron is playing at a Heinicke-like level these days, his o-line doing him no favors. Perhaps he could have Tom come over and yell at them-it would be a nice change from the usual simmering disdain.
Bucs/Panthers:
The suddenly McCafferty-less Carolina must make do with Hubbard and Foreman. Tampa was once fearsome vs the run but they are now in the middle of the pack at 14th.
Giants/Jags:
This is bizarre-Jacksonville hasn’t beaten an NFC team since 2018, that’s 18 straight losses. The bad news is that the Giants were their last victory. Saquon is on a nice roll but the Jags rank 3rd against the run.
Browns/Ravens:
The AFC North is muddled with 3-3 Baltimore leading the division at 3-3. DeSean Jackson was just signed, his designation being, “an injury to be named later”.
Have at it.
Woo! At last Red Zone is showing the Ti–Jesús Christ Malik Willis WTF?!
I need 3 pts from Dallas for a parlay. Would make my week.
I love that networks use injured players flailing around on the field as an opportunity to shoehorn in extra ads.
THAT’S GOOD CAPITALISM!
[slaps CBS on the ass, hard]
Not just that. They went to commercial for the Old Man on the Chain Gang Guy.
Also, they interviewed the guy. He was on the Chain Gang since the Bengals started in ’68 at Nippert Stadium and he was emphatic he was not going to be sent of this field.
Goff goofs up
So apparently the new thing is for losers to deepfake the faces of women they know onto porn stars and post the video online. It seems to me that a better use of that technology would be to deepfake your *own* face onto one of the guys and tell everyone you just got paid to bang Asa Akira.
“Or to show everyone what a large penis you have.” — Brett F.
Motion to Reconsider GIFs not being allowed as Banners.
There would be no reason to start Boyd because I have Chase, Tyreek, Godwin and Mike Williams (with the Herbert stack) but it still hurts.
(over a shot of Trey Hendrickson being walked to the Locker Room holding his injured arm)
TV Commentator: “Bengals fans give a sigh of relief that Trey Hendrickson is gonna be okay.”
This is why I listen to radio with the TV on mute and just deal with the delay.
I guess Gisele took the talent in the divorce.
Dimesception negated by a defensive penalty-gotta love it!
RTD: All right! They ruled it down at the one. Now’s the chance for my RB1 Jamaal Williams to pick up a touchdown!
JAMAAL WILLIAMS: [fumbles]
That looked like a fucking touchdown, and now they fumbled. Fucking Liouns!
Lions really messed that up. No challenge on the possible TD and next play a fumble
Could get some epic bitch fits out of Q-aaron and MRSA Dreamboat today
Can’t wait to hear their podcast, “Why Is Everyone Letting Me Down?”.
‘It’s not me, it’s everyone else, as usual.
Why hasn’t this been posted yet?! C’mon guys! Brady Sucks!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtLqmWt2h2g&ab_channel=Frequency85
Did I just see T.J. Hockenson playing on defense?
Never mind, Hutchinson.
Got no games on. What is going on with the Bucs?
Losing 7-0, last I saw.
More like Suck-a-neers, from the sound of it.
I’m pissed off because they turned up their nose at a field goal attempt and didn’t convert (I have Succop on fantasy).
Never understood why you would have defenses in fantasy but if you did, why wouldn’t you count yards gained on fumbles and interceptions? In summation, I am a person of many contrasts.
Chase is gimpy. Redshirt is saddy.
If the yard marker guy can get up and do his job, so should Chase.
Bruce and Lance and Julian! Those used to be the strongest names we had!
Are you in the Conan O’Brien episodes? You’ll have to explain that to the kiddo for context.
This seems to be that period. I’m sort of checking in here and there.
Julian was never a strong name. Sexy, sure. But strong? Nope.
“Stupid sexy Julian.” — Jim Lahey
Jerruh is one more Jack Daniels from making a phone call to the sideline telling to put Cooper in.
The Titans D is delivering for me-never understood why the Giants gave up on Andrew Adams. Oh yeah, they were completely incompetent at evaluating talent. Forgot about that.
must not have been a hog molly
[hogs the molly] – Daniel Jones
“Molly does not make you a hog. Trust me on this…”
-Wes Welker
ZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAPPPPP episode is on.
I was wearing a hawaain shirt just a few days ago myself!
Better start acting like a big fat party animal or people are gonna get the wrong idea.
Baton Rouge Joe has 344 yds at the half. Wow.
and with the scoreline, might keep slinging it, at least for Q3
Wow
Hawaii down!
The sun comes up, Eli Apple gets burned.
Dallas game is putting me to sleep
Smart Ratbirds timeout, keeps #ThePauls from trying long FG or Hail Mary to end the half.
Another Chasedown.
#WhitePplProblems! I want to lay down to watch the remainder of this early window, but afraid I will fall asleep and miss sommet good (and/or the Brett Rypien Experience)
Have you heard about a recent invention called “an alarm clock”? What happens is that you set it to go off at the time you’d like to wake up and then you wake up at that time.
Maybe his new non Blackberry phone has one of them alarm things.
I wouldn’t be surprised if his new phone was missing the number “4” and the letters “g” and “u”.
My first cell phone was a Nokia brick. I dropped it in the washing machine, and after that, I couldn’t use the 4 button. I still kept it for at least a year after that!
“Tell me more.” – Robert Williams III, Boston Celtics
SCOTT MUTHAFUCKIN’ HANSEN FOAR COMMISH
Gimme them Al-jeer point Atlanta!
While I was in Dallas last week, something was mentioned about the Cowboys stadium and why it is in Arlington: The city vowed (either publicly or to Jerry) to never bring any public transit to the city and especially the stadiums.
There are no shuttle busses for park and rides, there are no bus lines going to the stadiums. You MUST pay for parking to go to a Cowboys or Rangers game (both Rangers stadiums are there too).
I mean fuck, I could go to the Seahawks game next Sunday, by getting on a train at 8am from Portland. The train station is directly in front of the stadium. I could come home THE SAME DAY on a late evening train. No need for driving, I can drink beer on the 3 train. When I lived there, my bus line picked me up 2 blocks from my place and dropped me off 2 blocks from the stadium.
Fuck, I hate the suburbs and our car dominated suburban culture.
All about keeping THOSE PPL away from our lily white suburban malls
Someone needs to pee on Robert Moses’ grave.
Somehow my kid got in to watching The Simpsons.
We’re enjoying the Poochie episode on this beautiful NFL morning.
Think of all the “X died on his way back to his home planet” jokes you made, now he’ll retroactively GET!
-You mean Cerberus?
-[beneath me winking]
Brilliant
C’mon, punch it in Allgeier, I need those sweet, sweet bye week points!
Pitts scoring (bench) would make me feel extra STOOPID so will be overturned.
IS ALL COMING UP SCOTCHNAUT EH?
I’ll take that and stuff it into my overalls back pocket!
YES!
Every time Brady gets sacked, it warms the cockles of my black, hate filled, heart.
always disappoints when he gets back up, though
It’s days like this that I ask myself why I am spending valuable moments of my life watching the NFL when I could just as easily be watching pornography.
There is always halftime.
“Tua Meets the Line” is a kind of fetish porn…
I mean, if you close your eyes, you could listen to porn:
“Look how hard he is hitting that hole”
“Split that gap young man!”
“Pound it! POUND IT!”
“Look how deep that hole is!”
The Church Lady was certainly troubled by the similarities:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgMkBNWuquo
Radio: “Cam Taylor-Britt is in, Eli Apple is out!”
This game is getting better and better!
What y’all neeeeeed is a good defense…
It’s a good thing for MRSA that Black Panthers are in full tank mode. They really do need Bryce Young, though.
The keys to happiness:
(1) Don’t check fantasy scores while watching RedZone
(2) DO be too pill-addled to remember which players you are fading
A Falcons receiver just destroyed a member of the Chain Gang.
Backup First Down Marker guy in!
“It’s just a concussion, tell him to get up or he’ll be replaced by a trained monkey.”
-Goodell, while sipping a Chateau Lafleur Bordeaux from the skull of Tutankhamun
Matty Ice Picks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5aM0MAtOIQ&ab
Total Yards
Cincy-224
Atlanta-25
There are 26 NFL games on between now and when the Bills play again. Devin Singletary wears 26. Singletary sounds like Tackleberry. In Police Academy, Tackleberry was played by David Graf. David Graf appeared in season 3 episode 16 of the original Quantum Leap. Josh Allen leaps players. I have no idea where I’m going with this.Go Bills and Fuck the pats.
That required a bit of homework. Kudos!
Margerie Taylor Green gets where you’re going with this…
Amon- Ra is history
I never saw “Temple of Doom”.
There’s my Chasedown. Thanks buddy!