Instant Hippo Thoughts – Lucky Week 13, 2022 Season

I mean, not lucky if you are a Donks supporter.  JEEBUS.

The saddest part of the early slate?  That is as well as Denver is capable of playing, and they lost 10-9 at the death – to Lamar!s backup.  Supposedly not a season-ender, but it was a knee owie…so wait and see.  For Denver, the ass poundings will continue.  No dinner before, no lube during.

A Divisional Draw is the Most Glorious of all footed ball outcomes.  And thanks to some back and forth cromulence, that’s what Sharky and family got LIVE in Jersey.  Vertically Enhanced Persons 20, Commies 20.  Brian Daboll has done a hell of a job, but he’s not great with tomeout usage.  Appreciated his decision to punt on 4th and 3 near midfield in Extra Time – dumb machismo normally triggers coaches into going for it and losing.  As it was, Gary Gnu had a 58-yard attempt at the gun to win it.  He just came up a little bit Doug Martin.

Bearistocrats! delayed, but not denied.  Brilliant early TD run by Strawberry Fields, and a 16-3 lead near halftime.  But lo, they gave up a 4th down TD catch to the shit-hot Christian Watson, and the momentum never shifted back (despite Green Bay remaining less-than-stellar on offense).  Chi**** would manage only a FG and a blocked FG the rest of the way (the latter being Karma for a cowardly playcall on 3rd and 5 near the Packers’ 20).  Watson scored his 2nd tally (much needed in fantasy) inside 2:00 on an end-around, and the two-pointer ended all prospects of a comeback drive.  28-19, I hate Q-aron being happy.  I guess he at least gets to have the shit beaten out of his old-ass body another few weeks.

Captain Dingleberry, playing at home IN A DOME, with Justin Jefferson healthy?  A pitiful 4.9 YPA against the Jets.  At one point, Greg the Leg cut the margin to 20-15, and I fantasized about a NYJ win on 7 FGs.  Instead, the teams would trade TDs, followed by two red zone turnovers on downs.  Mike White went for almost 4 bills, and fought to keep his side in it.  But the head-scratching Vikings hold on, 27-22.  They can’t feel good about how their offense looks, though.  It’s so weird.

Not as weird as Mr. Bad Touch against the 500s.  America was fully behind the imaginary team, and they spit the bit.  Not due to Watson whatsoever – #ThePauls’ D/ST produced 3 TDs.  The offense netted FOUR points (2 FG, surrendered a safety).  We finally got an offensive TD deep into garbage time, but way too little and way too late.  Believeland gets the slimy 27-14 win.  Fucking Texas, man.

How would DET react to losing their winning streak in a nailbiter against Buffalo?  By beating the absolute tar shit out of the Jaguras, naturally.  340 yards passing and a robust 8.3 YPA for Baby Buster.  Now that the Fuck LioUns have played out of Bryce Young range, perhaps they don’t go QB in the draft at all?  Two defensive studs might be all they need to be a playoff team, come 2023.  Prison Girfriend looked like he surely broke his leg late in Q2, but amazingly came back into the game.  But a 40-14 loss makes one wonder why they’d even bother?  We did at least get a brief C.J. Cregg sighting, which was kewl.

Clash of styles, with DonT’s Magnificent Tits heading to Philly.  The Iggles had looked vulnerable, especially on defense.  With emphasis on “had” – they unloaded on Tennessee, 35-10 Iggles in a walk.  Jalen Hurts looks to be your NFL MVP, by universal acclimation.

Many in the Clubhouse are heartened, as the Yinzers continue to crawl bleeding towards their magical .500 land.  I noticed almost nothing about this slog, but it ended with a 19-16 road win over Sherman’s Ashes (though, to be fair, at least half the crowd seemed to be Stillers folk).  You really could see a 7-10 NFC South champion this year.  BLECH.

Pour one out for Janeane, ankle owie and no high heels for a few months.  Maybe no FITBAW for at least a few weeks, it looked pretty damned bad.  But Brock Purdy Mouth looked WAY better than you’d expect from a Mister Irrelevant rookie/3rd string quartered back.  That Baby Shanny juju, I guess (he was also awesome with some eagle-eyed, crucial challenge flags).  Fuck’s sake, Purdy ended up having a better day than Tua – despite the latter throwing a 75-yard TD on his very first attempt.  Final two plays before the 2-minute warning?  A  Robbie Gould dagger FG (to go up 9), followed by a strip sack/fumble six.  33-17, Tomsulas keep rolling.

Clippers du Merde employed the unique strategy of NOT covering Davante Adams.  It did not work out for them, Cotton.  Herbert the Duck fought gamely, but that offense is broken.  That’s Rikki’s Raiders! win their 3rd on the spin, 27-20.  Josh Jacobs may have been a game-time decision (shout out, Ontario!) – but Vegas still rode him like a rented mule.

You expected WKRP/Chefs to be perhaps the Game of the Week, and it was indeed fairly compelling.  Cincy looked like it would provide an object lesson as to why you can’t leave the Andy Reid/Pat Mahomes combo platter just hanging around within striking distance. 14-3 lead became a 24-17 deficit – but they fought back.  Tough bunch of dudes.  Buttkicker missed from 53 (would have tied things at 27), and Burrow expertly ground the clock completely into dust.  That kid will get his Lombardi, sooner or later.  I’d bet on sooner.  27-24, Cincy.  Mirror score of the 2021 AFC title match.

You expected Truthers at RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! to be a wet bag of shit, and you would NOT be surprised (until a late trading of TDs).  SEA hold on for a 27-23 win, thwarting the saddest ever attempt at a 2-minute drill.  It’s the John Wolford show until Fatthew returns in 2023, so expect similar showings to follow.  FUN XMAS FACT – the middle fixture of Christmas Day’s NFL triple-header?  Donks at RRRRRRRRRAM IT!!  Be afraid, be very afraid.  YES, I will still watch.

Fat Humps get a full national game for the SECOND TIME IN SIX DAYS – fuck off, I don’t wanna watch this and y’all can’t make me.  I am certain that the N-GCp shall prevail.