Your “All The Sports, Ever!” Open Thread

Is there such a thing as too many sporting events on a given day? If so, today is that day. Just with respect to my own cheering interests Man City is playing while I cobble this piece together (they’re up 2-0 on Girona with goals scored by The Broom and a well-rested Haaland), the Sens play the disease-riddled Red Wings at 1pm EST and Sillycuse is on at 3pm.

Oh yeah, there’s a World Cup third-place thingy going on and five bowl games are being played including The Jimmy Kimmel LA Bowl between Washington State and Fresno State. (no word yet on which team he’ll be playing for) There’s a smattering of juicy college basketball tilts and the good folks at NBC, are trying to keep up with some drone racing.  A true pornacopia of sportsball offerings-we are blessed.

To The Game!

Colts/Vikes:

-Welcome to the spotlight Jeff Saturday, coach of a high school team that was four games over .500 during your three years there. [snorts]

-I’ll be taking the over on that Justin Jefferson receiving prop of 94.5 yards. He’s the surest thing in the league nowadays.

-As I may have mentioned last week, Minny can clinch the NFC North with a W today.

-The Colts defensive front is fully healthy for the first time this year-they’ve got to get to Cousins in order to have a chance of an upset.

-A wee bit of history-this will be the 1,000th game played for the Vikings franchise. Fran Tarkenton came off the bench in their first game back in 1961 to get them the win. They are pro sport’s most successful team that hasn’t won a championship.

-The Colts pass D is surprisingly good-as concerns yards allowed they are third-best in the league.

Now get watching something, anything.

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Mr. Ayo

Captain Dingleberry reporting for duty!

Again

King Hippo

Dingleberry dingles!

ThePirateSloth

A ‘no context’ TPS day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WwJ6OVSwkM

King Hippo

Thielen been purged from the offense today

King Hippo

Shouldn’t Dingleberry blame Jeebus?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I tried instituting that once. It’s not necessarily a good idea.” – Frank Reich, thinking back to 2019

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[this joke is fine but I feel like I hit a single here when a home run was available. Just can’t quite figure out how to frame it properly]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“No! Andrew, don’t! Put it down! PUT IT DOWN!” – Frank Reich, preseason 2019, realizing he hadn’t thought his new disciplinary technique through properly

Mr. Ayo

You know what’s greater than zero?

That’s right, Vikings fans. It’s 33!

Mr. Ayo
litre_cola

At Wild Rose Brewery while wee man ninjas it up. This is an absolute beating, pity the Lions are going to run out of track.

Last edited 1 year ago by litre_cola
Doktor Zymm

Does Justin Jefferson go by JJ? He should

SonOfSpam

“Justin Jefferson” was also Sally Hemings’s derisive nickname for the small-dicked 3rd President.

clint greasewood

That would be DYN-O-MITE!!!

Last edited 1 year ago by clint greasewood
herodotus450

This Red Wings team the refs must think are gay because they just got denied some icing.

Doktor Zymm

Streaming on my phone isn’t the best, but it played perfectly for a few seconds so I got the phrase “tenth pick of the year for Kirk Cousins”

clint greasewood

comment image

Game Time Decision

How do you like me now?
-kirk cousins not reading the room or the defence

SonOfSpam

Ok, this is now the best comedy I’ve seen in years.

yeah right

Do you have any idea how absolutely goddamn frustrating, embarrassing, disgusting (choose your own descriptor) this fucking shit is?

To know, deep down, this idiot team has this bullshit fucking pants shitting complete lack of effort just waiting to rear its fucking head?

I’m goddamn sick of it.

Game is off. Fuck it I’m going to watch Cabaret then go see the Nutcracker.

Fuck this.

SonOfSpam

Good idea to reset before granddaughter’s ballet. Don’t wanna be screaming “FUCK THIS SHIT” during Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. I mean, it’d be funny as hell, but not for her right at that moment.

yeah right

Yeah. I need something less emasculating to watch instead of this game.

Mr. Ayo

I was going to say it couldn’t possibly get any worse, then Dingleberry went and proved me completely wrong.

King Hippo

It is a most well-earned nickname

Petronel

Gotta admit, as a fan of CHAOS! (in games I don’t have to care about), this has been far more entertaining than I was expecting.

Mr. Ayo

Do the fake punt again!

King Hippo

Nobody expects a Spanish Inquisition

litre_cola

Brilliant.

Redshirt

I’m so looking forward to 13-4 Dallas going to 8-9 or 7-10 Tampa in the playoffs.

Doktor Zymm

Indeed, although it is a rare occasion where I might be okay with the Cowbreds winning, as the winner might be going to Philly

Doktor Zymm

Is my internet right? It’s 20-0 Indy? Is this what happens when Saturday plays on his. Name day?

King Hippo

23 now, could be WAY worse

2Pack

Do not adjust your television set.

Mr. Ayo

I was going to laugh because they were punting. Instead I got to laugh when they had their punter throw an incomplete pass.

King Hippo

BDD gon’ have another aneurysm

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Whew. Vikings won’t be maintaining that razor-thin -1 on the PF/PA chart for long…

2Pack

Errand punters pass!

Indianapolis-Colts-cheerleaders.jpg
herodotus450

Fenway Bowl trophy isn’t even green (its a scale model of Fenway Park, supposedly) and looks like something I made in 9th grade art class.

herodotus450

got most of the paste onto the popsicle sticks on that one, too.

Gumbygirl

We had a friend who got his driver’s licence in 9th grade. Greg dropped out of school and joined the circus.

Doktor Zymm

Do they let the consolation game end in a tie? I feel like that would be nice

Doktor Zymm

Eh, either/or

Mr. Ayo

On the positive side, yeah right can leave early to watch his granddaughter in the Nutcracker.

King Hippo

And his nuts have been pre-cracked!

herodotus450

Only thing weaker than that penalty call is the exchange rate of that Maple Money vs. USD

clint greasewood

Vikings Funeral
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herodotus450

Sens score but it’s banked in off the post, which as we all know wouldn’t count if the gmae hadn’t strayed so far

litre_cola

It me, I bet on the Vikings.

Horatio Cornblower

I also hate money.

King Hippo

GAMBLOR will do that to a man

Doktor Zymm

They were doing so well until the Battle of Stamford bridge!

litre_cola

Stamford Bridge is in Fulham. I have never mentioned it before. A lot of people don’t know that.

Gumbygirl

I was expecting a beatdown in this game, but not the Clots doing the beatin’.

Horatio Cornblower

Vikings have been frauds all season. It’s caught up with them.

At least Dallas has the common decency to save that collapse for the first game of the play-offs, so as to ensure my rage burns white-hot for a month.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s a fine way to stay warm during those Connecticut winters.

2Pack

They do look like a different team. Let’s see if they can keep the wheels on.

Col. Duke LaCross

The Vikings are out here in the season of giving, lending hope to the Lions.

Doktor Zymm

And to my NFL futures bet that I had written off!

Horatio Cornblower

Josh Allen doing a commercial with Abby, who has Down’s syndrome

Josh: “Remember our handshake?”

Abby: “Yeah, I do dipshit. Do you think you can maybe remember not to force it into triple coverage in a bad-weather game and exercise a modicum of patience so as to benefit the team over the long run?”

Josh: “Is that in the script?”

Abby: (slapping Josh hard across the face) “FOCUS YOU GODDAMN HILLBILLY!!!”

litre_cola

When does Elon release NFTs of himself like his orange idol?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’ll go bigger and launch his own cryptocurrency.

Mr. Ayo

A Saturday cannot be denied on a Saturday

clint greasewood

Loki the trickster is wreaking havoc on these Vikings.

Horatio Cornblower

If only Daniel Alfredsson had been slow-starting with his car.

Horatio Cornblower

Yep. Had the wrong Sens star with the unfortunate driving record.

herodotus450

A leaky Talbot Cam is also what doomed my ’71 Buick. Well, that and the springs were totally shot from all the action in the back seat, amirite?

SonOfSpam

Assuming you mean boxcar.

AT LEAST IT WAS THAT NIGHT!!!

King Hippo

I miss our Humps supporter fan/imaginary friend. Stupid Hippo Brain can’t recall her handle.

litre_cola

Isn’t someone in the clubhouse an usher there?

King Hippo

Oh yeah, Shogun?

Gumbygirl

Brocky, right? Is he still doing that?

Mr. Ayo

Is that what he does when God isn’t randomly poking him in the eye?

Horatio Cornblower

Once again, please support my initiative to have all DFOers tagged for ease of determining location.

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
herodotus450

“Huh, this can’t be right, it says Herodotus450’s tracker hasn’t moved from the couch coordinates in the last 3 days except for when it goes to the fridge coordinates and the bad-smelling-hole-in-the-floor coordinates. We better get a team out there to check the batteries.”

Gumbygirl

That would be most of us!

Horatio Cornblower

-sigh- for the last goddam time that’s completely normal for *all* DFOers, except Zymm, who shows up at random spots all over the world, and Scotchy, who we’ve just stopped asking about for…reasons.

Horatio Cornblower

This would have been a great day to go up to Fenway Fahckin’ Park, drink some beer and watch UConn stagger through a bowl game, but instead the Fenway Bowl folks committed to an ACC vs. AAC match-up and are playing before a half-empty stadium.

King Hippo

Come on now, that Barrel of Nails brought at least 4 or 5 hundred to the ballpark.

litre_cola

Who the fuck are these announcers?

King Hippo

That one guy’s eyebrows are nightmarish

Gumbygirl

Looks like a live- action Muppet.

King Hippo

That is so very apt. APT I sez

Mr. Ayo

Noah Eagle, noted scion of Ian Eagle is the Play by Play.

Nate Burleson is the color analyst. Noted NFL player from the pre Charmslinger HOX.

Horatio Cornblower

The idea that Ian Eagle is old enough to have a son who is old enough to use nepotism to get a job he probably doesn’t deserve makes me want to cross my fingers and check my 401K.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Having watched the market this week, no, don’t do that.

SonOfSpam

I went heavy into Tesla a few months back, so I assume my retirement’s gonna happen soon!

Horatio Cornblower

If by “retirement” you mean “suicide” then signs point to yes.

I’m beginning to think this Elon Musk guy might not be the genius he claims to be.

Gumbygirl

I like Nate Burleson. He does the Nickelodeon stuff.

Mr. Ayo

Definitely. He’s actually good at this.

King Hippo

Didn’t he also make sweet love to Kay Adams? Gotta respek that.

Mr. Ayo

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herodotus450

Yeah was sad* to see that Brady Tkakthuck’s Asshole Syndrome turned him into one giant asshole and he’s out for 2-4 weeks.
*: not actually sad, you see

Gumbygirl

Did I see a Fronk comment in the last post? How’s it going, Fronkish Boy?

Redshirt

That’s like a soldier surviving a battle and then tripping on a rock and landing on your sword.

litre_cola

Or the Plaxico Burress.

Horatio Cornblower

Absolutely stunned I got through a sadly necessary trip to the local mall and am still in this thing.

King Hippo

Someone should steal that SKOL tifo for yeah right

King Hippo

Marty Ice v Captain Dingleberry. Name a whiter quartered backing match up U CAN’T

Redshirt

(checks the box scores to see if Klingler and O’Brien played each other)

King Hippo

Ken O’Brien is good throwback hustle

Redshirt

I was thinking with Richard Todd, but Anderson and Esiason wouldn’t quite work and Thompson wouldn’t qualify and I don’t think Schonert started any games.

herodotus450

Hmm yes we also would have accepted “a Cree-killing meeting in the 1820s” or “a lard-infused Jello pudding convention in the 1960s” as acceptable Indiana burns.

yeah right

The very definition of commitment: Yes those are my Vikings playing in a few minutes. First game of the always appreciated Saturday December triple header.

Will I be able to see the end of the game?

I will not.

You see, several years ago when Eldest Granddaughter was in ballet and I was watching her perform in the Nutcracker, her younger sister, The Wahini, asked, “Grandaddy, will you come to watch me in the ballet?”

“”Of course I will.” I responded.

Showtime is at 2 so I’ll have to leave when the game is in the 4th quarter.

I totally forgot until my daughter reminded me 2 days ago.

I’m going to see the Nutcracker for like the 10th goddamn time.

Wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Redshirt

There’s a reason why grandparents are called GRANDparents!

SonOfSpam

That’s a good gramps. You’ll earn that wine/weed tonite.

King Hippo

Plus it’s the Humps. They can give you a week off and just handle they business.

Gumbygirl

Gumby and I have to go to Riverside to see his dad, who is also appearing in the Nutcracker!
NARRATOR: He is not.