Is there such a thing as too many sporting events on a given day? If so, today is that day. Just with respect to my own cheering interests Man City is playing while I cobble this piece together (they’re up 2-0 on Girona with goals scored by The Broom and a well-rested Haaland), the Sens play the disease-riddled Red Wings at 1pm EST and Sillycuse is on at 3pm.
Oh yeah, there’s a World Cup third-place thingy going on and five bowl games are being played including The Jimmy Kimmel LA Bowl between Washington State and Fresno State. (no word yet on which team he’ll be playing for) There’s a smattering of juicy college basketball tilts and the good folks at NBC, are trying to keep up with some drone racing. A true pornacopia of sportsball offerings-we are blessed.
To The Game!
Colts/Vikes:
-Welcome to the spotlight Jeff Saturday, coach of a high school team that was four games over .500 during your three years there. [snorts]
-I’ll be taking the over on that Justin Jefferson receiving prop of 94.5 yards. He’s the surest thing in the league nowadays.
-As I may have mentioned last week, Minny can clinch the NFC North with a W today.
-The Colts defensive front is fully healthy for the first time this year-they’ve got to get to Cousins in order to have a chance of an upset.
-A wee bit of history-this will be the 1,000th game played for the Vikings franchise. Fran Tarkenton came off the bench in their first game back in 1961 to get them the win. They are pro sport’s most successful team that hasn’t won a championship.
-The Colts pass D is surprisingly good-as concerns yards allowed they are third-best in the league.
Now get watching something, anything.
Captain Dingleberry reporting for duty!
Again
Dingleberry dingles!
A ‘no context’ TPS day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WwJ6OVSwkM
Me: “George Plimpton predicted these Vikings a long time ago.””
Sergio Leone: [looks at script] “Why am I even being dragged into this crap?”
The Void: ……………
Sergio Leone: “Ok, fine! [looks at script again, says in wooden voice] “He’s referencing the book ‘Paper Tigers’. Happy?” [slams script down]
Thielen been purged from the offense today
I always snort when qb’s make completely dumbass, panicky plays that result in a turnover and are then seen on the sideline looking at a tablet. They should be looking at a mirror.
Shouldn’t Dingleberry blame Jeebus?
“I tried instituting that once. It’s not necessarily a good idea.” – Frank Reich, thinking back to 2019
[this joke is fine but I feel like I hit a single here when a home run was available. Just can’t quite figure out how to frame it properly]
“No! Andrew, don’t! Put it down! PUT IT DOWN!” – Frank Reich, preseason 2019, realizing he hadn’t thought his new disciplinary technique through properly
You know what’s greater than zero?
That’s right, Vikings fans. It’s 33!
This game in a tweet
https://twitter.com/LeBatardShow/status/1604199388326162432
At Wild Rose Brewery while wee man ninjas it up. This is an absolute beating, pity the Lions are going to run out of track.
“I, I do love a beating.”
-Janay Rice
Does Justin Jefferson go by JJ? He should
“Justin Jefferson” was also Sally Hemings’s derisive nickname for the small-dicked 3rd President.
“Introducing the New JJ, now with 85% Fewer Prostitutes!”
That would be DYN-O-MITE!!!
This Red Wings team the refs must think are gay because they just got denied some icing.
Dread Wings haven’t had a shot in over eight minutes. Even I am beating them.
Streaming on my phone isn’t the best, but it played perfectly for a few seconds so I got the phrase “tenth pick of the year for Kirk Cousins”
How do you like me now?
-kirk cousins not reading the room or the defence
Ok, this is now the best comedy I’ve seen in years.
Do you have any idea how absolutely goddamn frustrating, embarrassing, disgusting (choose your own descriptor) this fucking shit is?
To know, deep down, this idiot team has this bullshit fucking pants shitting complete lack of effort just waiting to rear its fucking head?
I’m goddamn sick of it.
Game is off. Fuck it I’m going to watch Cabaret then go see the Nutcracker.
Fuck this.
Good idea to reset before granddaughter’s ballet. Don’t wanna be screaming “FUCK THIS SHIT” during Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. I mean, it’d be funny as hell, but not for her right at that moment.
Yeah. I need something less emasculating to watch instead of this game.
I was going to say it couldn’t possibly get any worse, then Dingleberry went and proved me completely wrong.
It is a most well-earned nickname
Gotta admit, as a fan of CHAOS! (in games I don’t have to care about), this has been far more entertaining than I was expecting.
“No, no, no-I asked for a Blow up, not a Blow out.”
-Michelangelo Antonioni, watching the game
No likes at all. Should have gone with my first instinct-Pier Paolo Pasolini.
Do the fake punt again!
Nobody expects a Spanish Inquisition
Brilliant.
I’m so looking forward to 13-4 Dallas going to 8-9 or 7-10 Tampa in the playoffs.
Indeed, although it is a rare occasion where I might be okay with the Cowbreds winning, as the winner might be going to Philly
Is my internet right? It’s 20-0 Indy? Is this what happens when Saturday plays on his. Name day?
23 now, could be WAY worse
Do not adjust your television set.
I was going to laugh because they were punting. Instead I got to laugh when they had their punter throw an incomplete pass.
BDD gon’ have another aneurysm
Whew. Vikings won’t be maintaining that razor-thin -1 on the PF/PA chart for long…
Errand punters pass!
Fenway Bowl trophy isn’t even green (its a scale model of Fenway Park, supposedly) and looks like something I made in 9th grade art class.
Art Teacher: [looks over scale model] “Not bad, not bad at all for a 18 year-old. Well done, Herodotus. Now, if you could just stop dating your classmates…”
got most of the paste onto the popsicle sticks on that one, too.
We had a friend who got his driver’s licence in 9th grade. Greg dropped out of school and joined the circus.
Clown cars don’t drive themselves. Yet.
“I TOLD you we’d catch up to you, Vikes!”
-advanced stats
Game tied 2-2. Very soft object meets easily moveable force. Stay tuned.
Do they let the consolation game end in a tie? I feel like that would be nice
Wings/Senators is a kind of consolation game in that fans of both teams need to be consoled on the regular but I’ve the notion you’re talking about soccer.
Eh, either/or
On the positive side, yeah right can leave early to watch his granddaughter in the Nutcracker.
And his nuts have been pre-cracked!
YR: “I showed up early to watch you practice!”
Granddaughter: “You’re the best, Grandpa!”
YR: “Uh, sure. Yes. Yes I am.”
Only thing weaker than that penalty call is the exchange rate of that Maple Money vs. USD
Vikings Funeral
Sens score but it’s banked in off the post, which as we all know wouldn’t count if the gmae hadn’t strayed so far
It me, I bet on the Vikings.
I also hate money.
GAMBLOR will do that to a man
They were doing so well until the Battle of Stamford bridge!
Stamford Bridge is in Fulham. I have never mentioned it before. A lot of people don’t know that.
I was expecting a beatdown in this game, but not the Clots doing the beatin’.
Vikings have been frauds all season. It’s caught up with them.
At least Dallas has the common decency to save that collapse for the first game of the play-offs, so as to ensure my rage burns white-hot for a month.
It’s a fine way to stay warm during those Connecticut winters.
They do look like a different team. Let’s see if they can keep the wheels on.
The Vikings are out here in the season of giving, lending hope to the Lions.
And to my NFL futures bet that I had written off!
Josh Allen doing a commercial with Abby, who has Down’s syndrome
Josh: “Remember our handshake?”
Abby: “Yeah, I do dipshit. Do you think you can maybe remember not to force it into triple coverage in a bad-weather game and exercise a modicum of patience so as to benefit the team over the long run?”
Josh: “Is that in the script?”
Abby: (slapping Josh hard across the face) “FOCUS YOU GODDAMN HILLBILLY!!!”
When does Elon release NFTs of himself like his orange idol?
4 out of 5 Scienticians agree.
Edit> Hey, you’re not Ayo’s comment.
He’ll go bigger and launch his own cryptocurrency.
A Saturday cannot be denied on a Saturday
Loki the trickster is wreaking havoc on these Vikings.
Oh Ottawa, you miserable slow-starting son’s of bitches.
If only Daniel Alfredsson had been slow-starting with his car.
? I know not of what you reference. Are you thinking Danny Heatley?
Yep. Had the wrong Sens star with the unfortunate driving record.
A leaky Talbot Cam is also what doomed my ’71 Buick. Well, that and the springs were totally shot from all the action in the back seat, amirite?
Hey! I was the byproduct of an unsanctioned-by-marriage tussle in the back seat of a car.
/true anecdote
Assuming you mean boxcar.
AT LEAST IT WAS THAT NIGHT!!!
I miss our Humps supporter fan/imaginary friend. Stupid Hippo Brain can’t recall her handle.
Isn’t someone in the clubhouse an usher there?
Oh yeah, Shogun?
Brocky, right? Is he still doing that?
Is that what he does when God isn’t randomly poking him in the eye?
Once again, please support my initiative to have all DFOers tagged for ease of determining location.
“Huh, this can’t be right, it says Herodotus450’s tracker hasn’t moved from the couch coordinates in the last 3 days except for when it goes to the fridge coordinates and the bad-smelling-hole-in-the-floor coordinates. We better get a team out there to check the batteries.”
That would be most of us!
-sigh- for the last goddam time that’s completely normal for *all* DFOers, except Zymm, who shows up at random spots all over the world, and Scotchy, who we’ve just stopped asking about for…reasons.
“Oh God, oh god-the pyjamas are stuck to his skin. They’ve become one!”
-a member of the team, reacting badly to something he’s seen several times before
This would have been a great day to go up to Fenway Fahckin’ Park, drink some beer and watch UConn stagger through a bowl game, but instead the Fenway Bowl folks committed to an ACC vs. AAC match-up and are playing before a half-empty stadium.
Come on now, that Barrel of Nails brought at least 4 or 5 hundred to the ballpark.
Who the fuck are these announcers?
That one guy’s eyebrows are nightmarish
Looks like a live- action Muppet.
That is so very apt. APT I sez
Noah Eagle, noted scion of Ian Eagle is the Play by Play.
Nate Burleson is the color analyst. Noted NFL player from the pre Charmslinger HOX.
The idea that Ian Eagle is old enough to have a son who is old enough to use nepotism to get a job he probably doesn’t deserve makes me want to cross my fingers and check my 401K.
Having watched the market this week, no, don’t do that.
I went heavy into Tesla a few months back, so I assume my retirement’s gonna happen soon!
If by “retirement” you mean “suicide” then signs point to yes.
I’m beginning to think this Elon Musk guy might not be the genius he claims to be.
I like Nate Burleson. He does the Nickelodeon stuff.
Definitely. He’s actually good at this.
Didn’t he also make sweet love to Kay Adams? Gotta respek that.
By my count the Sens and Dread Wings are missing 15(!) regular players between them. This might be the aesthetic equivalent of a kindergarten slap fight.
Yeah was sad* to see that Brady Tkakthuck’s Asshole Syndrome turned him into one giant asshole and he’s out for 2-4 weeks.
*: not actually sad, you see
He’s my asshole so I like him.
Did I see a Fronk comment in the last post? How’s it going, Fronkish Boy?
Lost the LDB Challenge to a synth-pop 80’s reggae version yesterday morning. I was alone in my vehicle and said audibly, “Ah c’mon. Really?”
That’s like a soldier surviving a battle and then tripping on a rock and landing on your sword.
Or the Plaxico Burress.
“The Bob Marley channel is totally safe to listen to this time of year”, he told himself smugly.
Absolutely stunned I got through a sadly necessary trip to the local mall and am still in this thing.
Someone should steal that SKOL tifo for yeah right
Marty Ice v Captain Dingleberry. Name a whiter quartered backing match up U CAN’T
(checks the box scores to see if Klingler and O’Brien played each other)
Ken O’Brien is good throwback hustle
I was thinking with Richard Todd, but Anderson and Esiason wouldn’t quite work and Thompson wouldn’t qualify and I don’t think Schonert started any games.
It isn’t a KKK meeting in the 1920’s so Indiana hasn’t shown up for this game at all.
Hmm yes we also would have accepted “a Cree-killing meeting in the 1820s” or “a lard-infused Jello pudding convention in the 1960s” as acceptable Indiana burns.
The very definition of commitment: Yes those are my Vikings playing in a few minutes. First game of the always appreciated Saturday December triple header.
Will I be able to see the end of the game?
I will not.
You see, several years ago when Eldest Granddaughter was in ballet and I was watching her perform in the Nutcracker, her younger sister, The Wahini, asked, “Grandaddy, will you come to watch me in the ballet?”
“”Of course I will.” I responded.
Showtime is at 2 so I’ll have to leave when the game is in the 4th quarter.
I totally forgot until my daughter reminded me 2 days ago.
I’m going to see the Nutcracker for like the 10th goddamn time.
Wouldn’t miss it for the world.
There’s a reason why grandparents are called GRANDparents!
That’s a good gramps. You’ll earn that wine/weed tonite.
Plus it’s the Humps. They can give you a week off and just handle they business.
Gumby and I have to go to Riverside to see his dad, who is also appearing in the Nutcracker!
NARRATOR: He is not.