Merry Shitsmas, one and all.  Here is some of what happened yesterday (I fell asleep and didn’t write up anything last night):

Holy cats, I turned off Yinzers/Raiders as Josh Jacobs broke off a long run (was fading him in fantasy), but it got called back for a MOST LOVELY XMAS EVE BLEERGH.  Vegas would go on to not score the rest of the way, Coach Epps would bizarrely try another FG and punt on 4th and 1 with under 5:00 to play…and somehow it all worked out.  Last minute TD means Yinz stay faintly alive at 7-8, with a bananapieorgies 13-10 victory.

Bill Bidwill’s sexuality aside, you can’t say Vegas are a boring football squadron.  Stillers are just too strange for Hippo to even start.

Riverboat Ron finally benched Heinecke, in a game where he was…kind of playing well?  Especially away to the Tomsulas, 37-20 winners.  Flawed team is flawed, Baby Shanny remains the eccentric genius, at least when it comes to QB evaluation.

Iggles really lost a bad beat game in JerralWorld, albeit in very entertaining fashion.  Good for the neutral, anyway.  BlueBunny made the decision to kick for a 40-34 lead, despite being inside the 5 (where I think is where the maths turns, as I explained to Oldest HippoSpawn as we finished our pot roast), but the Cowpersons’ D (heh) stiffened (heh) once Minshew rallied his charges to the DAL 20.  Philly still needs to lose out before anything chaotic could happen, but they would have been able to rest Hurts (and still probably should) the rest of the regular season, had they won.

Everybody chasing NFC wild card qualification lost yesterday (DET to the Black Panthers, Gigantes to Minny, Redacteds as noted above, SeaTruthers in KC).  It’s basically a giant mulligan, so long as Bay of Green loses in FRIGID Miami today.  Otherwise, here comes King Narrative.  FACK.

Of these games, only Vikes/NYG was interesting, and it was bizarre even by these two teams’ high standards.  It looked at 17-16 like it would be a matter of forcing the Vikes to punt or kick a FG, but Justin Jefferson converted for 6 instead.  I half-expected them to go for 2 (that’s the new maths, make it a 2-score game), but they kicked.  Giants then IMMEDIATELY hit a long TD pass and tied it at 24 with the deuce, all before the 2-minute warning.

Giants came SO CLOSE to big defensive plays, multiple times.  But DIngleberry (admittedly, gamely) too some big hits, and even TOOK RISKS just throwing it in JJ’s vicinity.  The last such occurrence setting up a spike and game-winning 61-yard FG.  Easily good from 64, and SKOL retains the #2 seed.

WKRP damned near pissed away a 22-nil lead, tossing an ill-advised Pick Six with the P*ts on life support, late Q3.  The first of THREE missed PATs (some two, some one) by New England blunted the momentum somewhat, but a fluky-as-fuck Hail Mary tip drill TD catch by Jakobi Meyers (yes, THAT Jakobi Meyers) made things 22-18, which would stand for Glorious Xmas Scorinami.  But only because of a Cincy “peanut punch” on 3rd and inches from the Bengals’ 6.  The Legend of White Mac got a bitch fit BLEERGH, so they couldn’t even leverage the field position.  Sad Hail Mary pickerception ended things, 25 yards from the end zone.

Yes, it is very much looking like Clippers and LOLfins for the last two playoff spots (Ratbirds clinched with an ugly-even-for-them-and-ATL 17-9 home win), but plenty can still happen, pending today’s action.

Buffalo also tamed the Bearistocrats!, pulling away late for a deceptive 35-13 scoreline.  Saints ran off the last 17 after spotting #ThePauls the first 10, in the coldest game in #ThePauls home history.  Sex Criminal ThShaun played awfully again.  Such a shame.

Oh, and we are guaranteed Week 18 SNF, because the Very Sad Tits lost at home to Hobo Lovie Smith, 19-14.  Neither TN nor DUUUUUVVVVVAAAAALLLL can clinch the Surly Duff division before their finale.  Giddyup.

MRSA faithful can’t have enjoyed those CLT and NO wins, neither.  Division of chaos remains chaotic.

Enjoy the trifecta today, and Boxing Day after that.