Your Very Last Regular Season of Football Open Thread

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As Barry Manilow so eloquently put it, “Looks like we made it!”. Quoting Manilow drives traffic to the site, I read that back in the early ’90’s and I’m sure it still holds true today. While there are some games that have playoff implications the majority of these tilts are more along the lines of a Draft Order Hokey Pokey so teams will be putting their left foot both in and out.

To The Games!

Bucs/Falcons:

Atlanta has once again proved that you can find viable running back talent fairly late in the draft. I’m sure that Allgeier was drafted as Patterson insurance and has ended up with 900 (on the button!) yards. If you’re an old school coach that is dedicated to the run you just don’t have to expend resources on the rb spot.

Pats/Bills:

I’m glad the scheduling gods have Buffalo at home for this one because the outpouring of support for Damar and the team is going to be something special. The coverage of it? Well, needless to say I’ll be muting the hell out of that crap.

Vikes/Bears:

Nothing about this game catches my fancy, except for maybe a fancy catch by Jefferson.

Ravens/Bengals:

Does anyone have an update on Lamar’s status? The coaching staff has been quiet about what’s going on which strikes me as odd-no daily updates, little word on progress. Has he shut it down? Odd.

Texans/Colts:

Oh look, it’s a slap fight between two homeless alcoholics.

Jets/Fins:

Next year I think the AFC East will be the best division in the footed ball universe. Each team has purpose and is headed in the right direction. I’m certain that New York will give White a shot at the starter spot and that should provide a bit of stability there.

Panthers/Saints:

Meh.

Browns/Steelers:

Sorry Cleveland, Tomlin has to keep his .500+ streak intact and his slim playoff hopes alive. You’ll be rolling over as you always do-it’s in your DNA.

Have at it.

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Redshirt

Cincinnati picks up the Pyrrhic Victory.

Recovery Whiskey

Lolvie wins the Bears the 1 pick

Doktor Zymm

Also, WOOOO NEUTRAL
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Doktor Zymm

Is Lovey Smith going back to work for the Bears?

Gatoraids

hes going to get Floresed

Recovery Whiskey

Happy Patriots Schadenfreude Day everyone

Dunstan
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, we’re celebrating it *again*?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(I’m curious if it will work out that the Pats would have made the playoffs if not for this play)

Recovery Whiskey

Sorry Yinzers.

ballsofsteelandfury

It was a long shot anyway. Glad to have the winning record though.

Gumbygirl

Me too! Coach Epps is the best.

Brick Meathook

Tony Romo calls a game like a guy who is describing a game he is watching on TV

Gatoraids

Wheres the owners box reaction for the Houston game when ya need it

Recovery Whiskey

Lovie can’t help himself

Mr. Ayo

GOD DAMMIT CLOTS. YOU HAD ONE JOB!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hand DOINK!

Game Time Decision

Wtf Colts?

Gatoraids

Houston accidentally caught that TD

Downfield Matriculator

These Pittsburgh Steelers, I call them NYC on the early morning of 9/11/01 because they were having a perfectly good day until the Jets crashed and burned

Cecil Rhodes

Gilbert Gottfried gives two thumbs up from his comedy club in olam ha-ba!

Recovery Whiskey

Harbaugh is interested in the Denver NFL job. Setting up the potential for more “Pete Carroll’s shadow” narratives if Harbaugh takes the job and has to coax anything out of Wilson

Gatoraids

Dolphins made sure not to let Marino hold for that field goal

King Hippo

FUCK YOU DOLPHIN

Game Time Decision

Moar like you pay for the dolphin to fuck you

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like the pantheon needs a new addition called THE NARRATOR who takes actions to support THE NARRATIVE. For example, that dubious offensive interference call on Hunter Henry was the work of THE NARRATOR.

Doktor Zymm

Can we make this a triad like the Fates?

Recovery Whiskey

Bourne showed little supremacy on that dropped pass

Gatoraids

Another Big Mac attack

WCS

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DEATH AND TAXES BOW TO MIKE TOMLIN’S WINNING RECORD

Redshirt

This Bengals game, I call it Rogue One because the good guys may end up winning but all the heroes are slowly dying in the final act.

WCS

Young Guns

Brocky

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Brick Meathook

The Buffalo dead guy would have prevented that NE touchdown

Doktor Zymm

Aw, so close to a safety in Miami

Sharkbait

CBS turned Wordle into a gameshow. Why am I not surprised?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Have a new idea? No one in entertainment cares!

Game Time Decision

Chubb comes leaking out of the backfield for the score

Bad pron dialog or NFL coloUr commentator

Redshirt

Higgins ded!

PUT IN THE FUCKING BACKUPS!!!!!!

please

WCS

Holy shitballs, YINZER TAEKS will BE HAWTT today with that BLEERGH

WCS

Cam Heyward does get the BAD TOUCH BLEERGH on TheShaun.

This will have SOM TAEKS later.

King Hippo

Absolutely horrible call

WCS

The rule itself is bullshit (especially in this case), but, that was what the refs look for. I can see why it was called. I don’t like it, and honestly, does anyone want to see TheShaun have anything good? But, I see why they threw it.

Cecil Rhodes

John Brown and James Cook showing the American insurgents who is really in charge!

Game Time Decision

And with the tree put away from the GTD maison, xmas is concluded for another season here.
Lights outside came down on Monday as it was a nice day here, well for here.
Kinda nice to have the house back to normal

Gumbygirl

I’m doing that Tuesday or Wednesday.

Sharkbait

You can’t leave John Brown hanging like that

WCS

“Hearing the people in the next room fucking” entertaining, or “watching someone completely freeze on stage” entertaining?

King Hippo

BLEEDING KANSAS y’all

LemonJello

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

DDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!11111!!!!!ELEVEN!!!!!!

[DOOR FLIES SHUT]

Doktor Zymm

In an interesting demonstration of the Doppler effect, the Jaguras bandanna wrapped around LemonJello’s wingwang tended towards a purpley-teal as he ran past!

blaxabbath

Parents are going to arrive with blaxito any minute. Just sitting by the fire waiting. I have on the Forensic Files 2 podcast (which is just the show audio for each episode) and a muted NE-BUF.

This will be my 10 minutes of live NFL this month.

King Hippo

MIA/NYJ needs to be 6-6 or 9-9

Doktor Zymm

I vote for 9-9, then we can party like it’s (week) 18 9-9!

Gatoraids

or a very niiiiiiiice score consider theyre both blowing it

Last edited 1 year ago by Gatoraids
blaxabbath

I feel like every player named Knox has an 8 on their jersey.

Last edited 1 year ago by blaxabbath
Brick Meathook

Nick Knox: best drummer name in the history of drummer names (The Cramps)

King Hippo

3 of the 5 TDs in Buffalo/NE scored by Wolven Sort skill players. Jakobi Meyers, Nyheim Hines x2

Last edited 1 year ago by King Hippo
WCS

Refs just let Stiller DE Larry Okanjubi attempt to Sub-Zero TheShaun.

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Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
Game Time Decision

Who doesn’t like the illegal touching now?

Redshirt

.

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blaxabbath

24-10 seems like an insurmountable lead but it isn’t like Cincinnati has really taken the life from the Ravens this week like we’ve seen them do so well to teams in the past.

WCS

A 500s win would drop out of them from the number one pick.

“Fake Team Can’t Even Lose Right”

— Springfield Shopper Sports Headline, 1/9/23

Doktor Zymm

I think I’ll get $300 worth of massages in the next few days for the rest of the wellness stipend. So overall, one month of horseback riding lessons, an overpriced adventure watch, and a couple 90 minute massages. Thanks Zuck!

blaxabbath

What’s next? I haven’t kept up and can’t go back 300 slack messages

Doktor Zymm

My official last day from the layoff is Jan 13th, so I’m trying to use up all the perks and benefits that reset on the new year while I still can

Dunstan

Are pain pills considered medical expenses? Asking for a semiaquatic friend.

Doktor Zymm

That would probably fall under insurance rather than ‘wellness’

Brick Meathook

Have you ever thought about billing to yourself?

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, but I would have to forge documentation and I’m trying to keep it legal

Sharkbait

Trees in the Ardennes put up more of a fight against the Germans than the pats on that kickoff

Petronel

Pats special teams looking…pretty special today

WCS

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Brick Meathook

Best Ardennes movie: Battleground (1949) with James Whitmore and Van Johnson
(the majority of it was shot on sound stages, like below, and very well. Good movie.)
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Worst Ardennes movie: Battle of the Bulge (1965) with Henry Fonda and Robert Shaw
(it was shot in Spain in a flat desert for a battle in a snowy Northern European mountain forest; it looks like North Africa. Terrible movie)
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Last edited 1 year ago by Brick Meathook
Brocky

And shit like that is why I think God is real and he serves few purposes other than to specifically fuck with me

Brocky

For extra context: I was one of many fantasy players to pick up hines the week he was projected to start, and he promptly got knocked out of the game on the first drive

Doktor Zymm

You should codify your religion and get a fundraising spot on local tv for the Church of Fuck Brocky

Petronel

Give this man some oxygen!

Gumbygirl

Hines!