Your Giants/Vikings Wild Card Game Open Thread

It’s otherwise known as the Scotchy/Yeah right Darby For The Ages. I hope for the sake of his sanity that my esteemed opponent can get those visions of that 41-0 pasting out of his head. [giggles in blowout]

To The Game!

Giants/Vikes:

-Despite these teams being around for so long they’ve rarely met up in the playoffs. The Giants hold a 2-1 edge in games played.

-On the face of it Minny should be able to do anything they want in the run game. Cook averaged 4.5 ypc last time they played but that was under what NY usually gives up. Also, the Giants are 31st in pass defense DVOA vs tight ends-that was in evidence when Hockey went for 109 yards and two TD’s, further lowering the Giants stats in that category. And of course there’s Jefferson who is uncoverable at present and was earlier in the season flirting with Megatron’s total yards receiving record.

-So…what do the Giants bring to the table? Well, their run game has been extremely effective-they are ranked fifth in number of explosive plays and tenth in EPA per run play. They’re doing this out of base personnel (11 men) looks which usually means that an offense is going to pass. Because the D has to account for the possibility that Saquon might get the ball out of this set the revolving door of sub-average wr’s have been “functional”.

-The Giants don’t have a single player with an injury designation for the first time in my memory. They get back stating cb Adoree Jackson and starting safety Xavier McKinney.

-Minny is 11-0 in one score games but NY isn’t that bad either, going 8-4-1.

PAYDAY?: Daniel Jones argument for a multi-year contract keeps improving. The knock against him is that he doesn’t take chances-he has a 6.4 average yards per throw and a 76% completion percentage between the hash marks-but I’d argue that all those ‘dump off’ passes have been the plan all along as Daboll has had to build him back up from scratch.

-The knock on Cousins is that he’s quite flappable when pressure arrives-last year his passer rating was 72.5 under those circumstances but this year the stat sits at 83.4.

Stay gorgeous in the comments.

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LemonJello

Team with the most points at the end of the game, according to most of these slap-dicks in the booth or studio.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll believe it when I see it.

Brocky

Exactly. Damn electoral college

Doktor Zymm

My gate is right next to the Trader Vics where loads of people are watching the game? It’s handy!

Doktor Zymm

Lotta Niners fans watching for next week’s matchup seem to be slightly favoring the Vikes

Last edited 1 year ago by Doktor Zymm
LemonJello

Any werewolves ordering Pina Coladas in there?

Dunstan

Is there a werewolf drinking a pina colada? How’s his hair?

LemonJello

Ahhhh-WOOOoooooooo!!!

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Horatio Cornblower

Little old lady gettin’ mutilated later tonight.

-Scotchy, changing things up to stay motivated

Sharkbait

Ohhh now I want a tiki drink

Brick Meathook

Richard Nixon’s favorite restaurant. And his hair was perfect.

Spur

Love it. Come on Giants keep it +3

Redshirt

Give it to Barkley. I’d like to win at least one of my bets in my life.

Redshirt

Okay, now win please!

(I’m rooting for the Giants? What have I done with my life?!)

Brick Meathook

I want to see Cousins lose just to watch his high-intensity seething.

That guy is wrapped too tight.

Doktor Zymm

I think I might be the only person in first on my flight, they are upselling hard at the gate and the seat map was empty yesterday when I checked in

Redshirt

Start talking to yourself and hitting yourself. Get the entire First Class Section to yourself.

Gumbygirl

Where are you headed?

Doktor Zymm

Down to LA for a couple days, so short flight small plane

King Hippo

Everybody’s gonna want the Good Hodgins in 2023!

Sharkbait

Yup

Dunstan

Ok, the mom in the iPhone commercial who is shoving other parents out of the way so she can film her child’s footrace is a psycho, right? I mean, we can all agree on this?

Brick Meathook

Yes, that commercial baffles me. It seems to celebrate asshole-ness.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They should have done it as a crossover ad event and had her drive off in her BMW at the end (which was parked in a handicapped spot).

Doktor Zymm

Diagonally across two handicapped spots!

ThePirateSloth

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Brick Meathook

That FedEx commercial was directed by Wes Anderson’s non-union Mexican equivalent

Brick Meathook

One of our best lesbian directors:

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[pulls up Balls’ AVN post, looks up “Best Director, All-Female Movie or Series” category]

Funny, I don’t see Wes Anderson receiving any acknowledgement for directing lesbians.

Brick Meathook

Oh it was there. Symmetrical frame composition, Futura font, lesbian muff diving, interstitial title cards, narrator . . .

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Looks like I’ve got a new project for the offseason.” – Zach Wilson, watching the mother-and-child Toyota commercial.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ugh. Watching this game feels like doing homework.

Doktor Zymm

Would a last minute Cousins interception be the equivalent of stealing the stupid kid’s homework on the bus in the morning and turning it in as your own?

Brocky

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Brocky

I got mixed feelings on vikings fans.

I really don’t have to deal with them the way I do packers fans, and I don’t have transfered Hate for Minneapolis from other sports, but I just would prefer them to just not be successful

Doktor Zymm

I’m fairly neutral, I theoretically should have stronger feelings about the NFC North, but I just don’t. The whole division is just all fake midwest polite with their rivalries and I can’t support that

King Hippo

99x out of 100, feelings are a very bad idea

LemonJello

THIS GIANTS DEFENSE, I CALL THEM AN ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THEY’RE TRYING TO FUCK COUSINS BUT ARE JUST GETTING FRUSTRATED.*

*obligatory

WCS

I did like that, thank you, Kirk.

Horatio Cornblower

Find something you love to do as much as the Giants love not covering the TE on a blitz play and you’ll never work a day in your life.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[loves to do drugs and has never worked a day in his life] – Ryan Leaf

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: this song was featured in the X-Files episode that starred Jack Black and Giovani Ribisi!

Horatio Cornblower

THIS JONES-COUSINS MATCH-UP I CALL IT A CHIROPRACTOR’S WET DREAM, BECAUSE SOMEONE IS BOUND TO MAKE A BACK-BREAKING MISTAKE!!

Cecil Rhodes

“Oooh, goodie! I love breaking my back!”
-Trent Green as he dodges traffic on his e-scooter

LemonJello

Can they just send Bradshaw to a farm upstate?

Gatoraids

Terrible Towel with a bit of chloroform should do it

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So he can do a cameo on the new “Farmer Wants a Wife” series? No thank you.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve begun to legitimately hate him for what he’s willing to do to his reputation in order to make a buck.

Sharkbait

Faintest of faintest positive test today and I feel 100%, so back to having tasty beverages. I think I’ll reward myself with a Treehouse

Last edited 1 year ago by Sharkbait
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hold on a minute. What’s the password?” – Elisha

Horatio Cornblower

I do that for remembering to get up in the morning.

Hey! I got up this morning!

Sharkbait

Once we’re covid free we should meet up at the brewery.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, alright.

Spur

who has a costco card? I need someone to take me on trip. I’ll buy you a hotdog.

Horatio Cornblower

“We have a BJ’s card” he said, regretting it immediately.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We need a rave-themed name for Daniel Jones. DJ Dimes?

Sharkbait
Doktor Zymm

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Mr. Ayo

So Danny Dimes was born in May, which makes him Skinny Wet Hello Kitty.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DJ Kittenz?

/note to self: host a rave in Thailand; call it “Kitten Kamp” to ensure Kliff Kingsbury’s attendance.

clint greasewood

Kirk Cousins is DJ Horny Frying Ninja.

King Hippo

Evil Drunk checks out

Spur

Robotic Wet Bong, sounds like trouble.

ballsofsteelandfury

Horny Wet Bong? Sounds right.

Mr. Ayo

Lazy Smoking Pikachu.

I quit that years ago!

Gumbygirl

I AM an Insane Wet Cucumber, how did they know?

ballsofsteelandfury

FANCY!

Redshirt

Voiceover: “We’ve replaced the Giants playbook with the Falcons playbook from 2004. Let’s see if anyone notices.”

Cecil Rhodes

“What’s with all the pictures of dogs in this playbook? And why are there betting odds next to each photo?”
-B. Daboll, Minneapolis

Doktor Zymm

At least it’s not as bad as the time Eli forgot his joke book and it got mixed in with the playbooks!
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yeah I am!” – Daniel Jones, pinching off a nitrous balloon

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Daniel Jones must have gotten concussed pretty badly in the first quarter because apparently he now thinks he’s Lamar Jackson.

Doktor Zymm

Super confused why the guys in purple aren’t blocking for him!

herodotus450

It’ll take an act of Congress* to get more Golladay!
*: Congress is sort’ve like your Parliament but with less French-speaking beavers

Spur

AssCAR racing? pass

ballsofsteelandfury

I think everyone knows my stance on this.

LemonJello

Wide?

Doktor Zymm

Ok, THIS is the best Viking Underwear I found
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Doktor Zymm

If the Vikes made this their uniform I would 100% become a fan

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh DUN NUN NUN…

HEJ!

Brick Meathook

PLANE – The movie about a plane

Doktor Zymm

Is it a Euclidean plane?

LemonJello

Would it be an origin story?

Horatio Cornblower

The poster has me confused…

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Spur

It’s called the Little Apple but to the Giants it’s the closest to playing in the Big Apple

Brick Meathook

MIN vs BUF in the SB would advance the loser into a tie with DEN and NE for most SB losses (5)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Remember when I was wondering whether we had a kharacter at DFO who was into the whole rave scene? How could I have forgotten? I mean he’s more drawn to the drug side of the scene, but he definitely shows up.

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Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
ArmedandHammered

What no comparisons between Cousins and a Mississippi family reunion yet? Not watching the game at the moment but I got one, how is Cousins like a MS family reunion, he’s going deep with no protection and at the riskiest times.

LemonJello

I’m waiting for a particularly rough series by Cousins to post my well-worn Cousins/family reunion joke…

Doktor Zymm

Not sure if the crotch on those see-thru Giants pants is double-layered to make it not see-thru, or if we’re just getting a LOT of visible panty lines

TheRevanchist

That’s just too much sexy for a Viking to handle.

Or is it?

Doktor Zymm

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LemonJello

“I see London, I see France!”

-Eli Manning

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh, you’ve got experience with international diplomacy too?” – Sarah Palin

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All things considered, THE NARRATOR is going to have its hands full dragging the Bills to a Super Bowl title.

Doktor Zymm

I wouldn’t pick Dingleberry to pull something like that off

Dunstan

Speaking of picking Dingleberries, I’d better go for a shower.

King Hippo

oh, an’ scotchnaut gon’ DRANK

King Hippo

Somebody should arrange a “meet cute” between D-Slay and K-Flay

LemonJello

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Brocky

I legitimately don’t remember the last time it was wild card weekend and all the teams i wanted to lose were in the nfc

Doktor Zymm

I have a gut feeling that the Giants win this. Or it could be gas, not sure.

Brocky

With all the illness around the clubhouse it wouldn’t surprise me

Spur

Nice, Fox has the game in 4k

Spur

This is the bet am worried on +3 NYG

King Hippo

Continued moment-taking – I believe it was Dok who said the divisional nature of these WC fixtures might make them more competitive than expected.

It’s almost like she’s the smartest of us or sommet.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I was saying the same thing, idiots.” – Josh McDaniels

yeah right

Just want to take a moment to say I love you all and will be watching the game in a bit. It’s recorded because fuck commercials.

SKOL motherfuckers!

King Hippo

Also take a moment to thank Doctor Martin Luther th’ KING, for his holiday allowing us to stay up and crunk all night long!

Sharkbait

Boston sends its thanks with whatever the fuck this is.

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King Hippo

It was as “ethnic” as they could get by the Southie selectmen.

Gumbygirl

It looks like someone shoving their head up their own ass. Like this

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Sharkbait

As much as it pains me, I’m on the Gmen bandwagon thanks to Mrs. Sharkbait.

Brocky

As a bears fan who’ll always love the brady killer, its an easy pick for me over a divisional rival