In the Politburo back rooms, we had this mini-discussion, and I figured – why not throw it out there for Clubhouse discussion? We are being phased into the sportsball desert – two great Conference title battles tomorrow, but fuckall today.
The Endless Void is coming, and right soon. There are other contests of varying irrelevance on the TV, but fuck ’em. Hippo just ain’t care.
George Carlin has poked around at this idea from several angles, but this is my favoUrite:
Note that soccer was excluded because no goddamned dots on the ball!. That’s no longer the case with any of the Lesser Footy that I watch, so I says it counts. MLS, however, is just SOCCER and not a sport. Exclusively on AppleTV, no less. That’s XFL-calibre wanking motion for ya.
As to his rule changes, who wouldn’t enjoy landmines in the baseball field.
Speak about this and/or whatever the fuck else grabs you. Then get plenty of rest for the morrow.
Aussie Rules Racquetball Final is commencing.
But the ball (and bowl) spins in the opposite direction there
My first music festival
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YREhdLlMccw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CloT6O4N56E
The HFSestival always seemed too overwhelming for me.
Kids today are really bad at depression. They aren’t even getting any good music out of it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70_szWBOaic
Seriously. Gen-X gave us uplifting bangers like this.
If you’re gonna do opiates or attempt suicide under 25 there’s no excuse for not putting out at least an EP
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlc0_GUdfIQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-PmKzbZ93A
Oh crossword, you are clever. RBs = Arby’s
Watched All Quiet on the Western Front and it was a very solid war movie.
I’ve seen 3 of the nominated movies now and so far Banshees of Inishiren is my favorite.
Playing Civ6 as I frequently do, and I’m only 2 cities away from destroying the evil Americans. They’ve been a thorn in my side since the ancient era, which doesn’t even make sense. Long live Gaul!
I’m not implying anything about anyone on this site but it seems like George Carlin has nice shoulders.
What’d you say about me!?
I like to say “I’m not implying anything” before random phrases, just to make people think
This is another advantage of being a Doktorb.
I was told that Cali was showing up for this game. I was lied to.
They thought you were going to be in bed and they wouldn’t have to play
Gin+Lillet+gingerbeer = yum!
Riding lessons tomorrow cancelled, therefore boring-ass first quarter, here we are!
Also, might make myself some sort of gin based drink…hmmm
I’m doing gin and and tonics all day tomorrow but I’m a basic bitch.
A classic, even if it doesn’t prevent malaria anymore. That reminds me, I need to check about malaria prophylaxis for Madagascar
I took doxycycline while in Mozambique and it served me well enough. Very vivid dreams, though.
Something downthread reminded me of the best sort of joke that I find hilarious and I call it the ‘Record scratch/U-turn Joke’ whereby you just don’t see it coming.
Maria Bamford is the master of this-once when describing her sex life with her new husband it was just “HAMMER. ANVIL. HAMMER. ANVIL.”
Also Bamford: My mother was always on a diet. After she died she was cremated…Bam! Finally hit her goal weight!
KITH: “Hey son, I bought you a puppy but on the way home I got hungry and I ate it. Just kidding-I’d never buy you a puppy.”
I’ve posted this a few times but the game show host coming out of nowhere in “Space Madness” is-I don’t know what to say. Completely unpredictable. His ass banging on Stimpy’s nose. Trying his very best to make Stimpy make the wrong decision… I laughed for 20 minutes straight at least after watching that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvDCgR_9-fE&ab_channel=ComedyCentralUK
Ass banging on a nose is incredibly convincing.
Sucks that John K. is stranger than the meth cult from True Detective because this cartoon is legendary.
It’s by far my most memorable moment from the show, the only thing that comes close is the random song about canada
Don’t piss on the electric fence for me
Also LOG
Happy Happy, Joy Joy remains a running callback in my family.
I want to watch the Celtics-Lakers game, the Dr. Mrs. wants to watch John Wick 2. I should probably make a tactical retreat here, right?
Women’s rumble! First two entrants:
Rhea Ripley
& Liv morgan
Next entrants
Danna Brook
& Emma
&
Shayna Bayzler
Next batch:
#6 Bayley
#7 B-Fab
#8 Roxeanne Perez
#9. Dakota Kai
#10 Io Skye
I’m pulling for lady number 6
Next five entrants 11 – 15
#11 Natalya
#12 Candice Lerae
#13 Zoey Stark
#14 Xia Li
#15 Becky Lynch
16-20
#16 Teagan Knox
#17 ASUKA!!!
#18 Piper Niven
#19 Tamina
#20 Chelsea Greene
#21-25
#21 Zelina Vega
#22 Raquel Rodriguez
#23 Mia Yim
#24 Lacey Evans
#25 Michelle McCool
Make that lady number 24… My final answer.
Final batch #26-30!
#26 Indi Hartwell
#27 Sonya Deville
#28 Shotzi
#29 Nikko Cross
#30 Nia Jax
That might be the best of the lot!
There’s only 30. Which one was your favorite
(I’m on mobile so I can’t see which comment you’re replying too)
The final batch (26-30) had the most quality all around.
Favourite lady? Will need further investigation…
I’m going with Natalya for favourite lady!
24, Lacey could put me in a headlock, leglock, spinning toe hold… whatever she wants Buddy.
That’s some great hustle Brocky!
I’ve been half-assedly trying to switch off Chrome onto something that doesn’t eat memory the way Andy Reid eats ribs, and annoyingly enough Edge is one of the more memory efficient browsers out there right now. I miss the internet of 2010
Aren’t they all just Chrome under the hood anyway?
Sounds like a question for Boss Todd.
I see there’s a California (the entire state?) vs Stanford basketball game on the TV. They play games after I go to bed? Does this happen on a regular basis?
Are you in bed right now?
In spirit? Yes.
This is fact a big part of how Larry Scott killed the PAC12.
Ann Hart never one questioned Scott on his leadership, his goals, or plans to correct the goals he routinely missed from his first year as conference commissioner.
In order for something to be a sport, it must include simultaneous physical activity from multiple participants. So just about everything that includes running/jumping and a ball (or similar object) would be a sport – fútbol, hockey, handball, badminton, ultimate frisbee.
Any activity where the winner is based on time is racing. Whether that’s in the form of time trials (bobsled, downhill skiing) or at the same time (cross-country, swimming).
Any activity where the winner is determined via subjective judging (skateboarding, figure skating, etc.) is, uh…I don’t know the name for it, but it gets it own category.
And finally is games. Golf is a game. Bowling is a game. But I guess that means stuff like archery is also a game?
So here’s the counterargument for sex as a sport?
https://youtu.be/2kliAzNAJVg
Du hast.
Du hast mich.
So finally some women’s wrestling action
In a women’s championship match, we have Alexa Bliss and Bianca Belair!
TWBS is masturbating furiously wherever he is.
Lol I was thinking about him when I saw pictures from alexa’s wedding this year. Like think of Patrick Swayze but at lot less investigating his own death
“More like flushin’ roulette, amirite?” – Shelly Miscavige
So last year I saw in person cody rhodes wrestle a full cage match with a torn Pecan.
Now he’s your 2023 men’s royal rumble winner!
….where’s redshirt, I feel nerdy talking about this to myself
How was his Pistachio though?
Oh Jesus christ what a typo
“For those that don’t get it, I somehow autocorrected pectoral to pecan”
You can’t correct it if someone has identified the comedy value in your initial comment. Sorry, those are the rules. Embrace it.
They are some viscous rules we got.
This guy gets it.
I don’t wanna.
I initially wanted to say, “I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them” but I think I may have made that rule.
A torn Pecan is a tragedy when whole Pecans are so much better. Also, how OCD do you have to be to make a pie like this?
Martha Stewart level.
SillyCuse-led by senior guard Chubby McFuckerson-lost by 15 to
VDVT.Will Boeheim throw another hissy fit and storm out of the post-game press conference after getting another question about why his team isn’t doing so well?
https://twitter.com/OrangeFizz/status/1618117752258166785
He lost me last year when he said he didn’t care that Cuse had its first overall losing season since 69-70. Bull. Fucking. Shit. He was once much better than that but now that he’s untouchable-he pretends to not give a shit about anything.
/a long time ago he was the calm mediator that tried to reach a consensus when Big East coaches got together.
He’s well past his expiration date, the results show it, and he’s too arrogant to admit. It’s why I can’t stand him. Well, that and he killed a guy.
If I did root for Syracuse, (which I do not), his attitude last year would have driven me to a homicidal rage. “I had fun coaching my sons”. Fuck outta here.
Pure Conjecture Alert: I think he wants the “official” all-time wins record and he’s 90 games behind Coach K. And that’s why I think his posturing about having a losing season is complete bullshit.
Sens sapping the Canadiens’ will to survive to the tune of 3-0.
Montreal still has a team? That’s nice.
“The Connecticut Ice Tournament”
When marketing still hasn’t come back from the end of year break.
Or the 21st Century, for that matter.
The RNC paid for an ad for the GOP nominee for Kentucky’s governor on ESPN.
Isn’t that their guy?
Rod Brind’amor’s kid plays for UConn’s opponent, Quinnipiac. Probably one of the reasons they’re 3rd in the country.
That’s a real school? I thought they just did sketchy polling.
I thought Quinnipiac was the name of lake where the Kennedy boys drowned their mouthier girlfriends.
Despite everyone’s effort, I must once again release the Kraken.
You’re going to poop right there? Won’t that get you arrested?
Because you’re gonna fuck it?
I’m thinking of you taking that thing to the stall with you and making the awkward decision to set it on the filthy floor or do you try to balance it on your knees with one hand?
Handicap stall and balance on the hand rail
Not his first rodeo!
I think we’re all concerned at the frequency you’re doing this. You should probably go get your prostate checked, just to be safe
I’m still emotionally recovering from my first colonoscopy, so no chance.
I’m here
Ruh roh
https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/2023/01/28/bengals-cocky-joe-burrow-eli-apple/?itid=hp-more-top-stories_p003_f002
These Bungles are actually quasi-likable (for now).
Not as likeable as the Vontaze
Burfict edition.
Those teams were definitely funny! Maybe not so much for Redshirt…
UConn has a 25-year-old on their hockey team, and a 17-year-old.
Let’s see I think that’s legal in… 41 states
“50 if I have anything to say about it!”
M. Gaetz, Washington DC
I feel like all this discussion about real sports is a thinly veiled shot at wwe.
There doing the men’s rumble first, so no ladies yet.
We had one gal make a small appearance but she’s in the women’s rumble, so I’ll wait.
Sprots are sprots. Sprouts are sprouts.
.
Set the playback speed to 2X:
https://vimeo.com/793568964
No turn before ocean
I’m on a 3 day roll. Completed all of my Portuguese lessons. It’s a slow process but it’s getting there.
Home renovation update: Just took a shower and the basement floor has water all over it. Very much excited about this turn of events.
It also cleans your basement? That’s cool.
I hadn’t thought of it that way.
As near as I can tell the shower water got redirected where the old cast iron pipe meets the new PVC, for reasons I do not know other than a potential clog, and went back up through an old pipe that now isn’t connected to anything.
Which means flushing the upstairs toilet is now like playing Russian roulette.
If anyone says “more like flushin’ roulette” I swear to god I will find you.
You’re just mad you didn’t think of that pun until after submitting your original comment, but you can edit you know!
Not now I can’t.
So….. is this a finished basement? I know silver linings but I’m thinking about how me and dad flooded our basement last year. We were lucky in only part if it got to the carpet
We did semi-finish the basement, but it’s not heated and does not have a finished floor. if we do either one of those the town taxes it as living space. if we don’t do either it’s not considered for property tax purposes. So that floor stays painted concrete.
No harm done, just aggravating.
You dodged a massive bullet my friend
[put this one into the main thread cause I’m proud of it and don’t want it to be overlooked]
Speaking of what is a sprot? The US Figure Skating Championships are this weekend. Right now on USA network they’re showing the pairs. Johnny Weir looks fab, as usuaI! don’t care what anyone else says, Johnny, Tara, and Terry are the best announcing team in all of sports.
So if we’re going to make jokes about beerfest, then we need to decide which athlete’s have the eye of the jew:
I’m not touching that joke, but feel free to debate
apropos of nothing, this was always my brother’s favourite “Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy”: (paraphrased from pill-addled memory)
I’m ok with saving the planet for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think our children should be having sex.
Mines:
If you ever fall off the Empire State Building, go limp and someone will catch you. Because, hey. Free dummy.
I most vividly remember the one about the dad trolling his kid and saying disney world burned down
He cried and cried, but deep down I bet he thought it was a pretty good joke.
There was another skit I saw years ago and I can’t remember the exact name.
It showed a bunch if generic corporate inspiration stuff, and it went on for like two minutes.. and then finally went:
Something SomethingCorp,….. even we don’t know what we do!
My favorite is from the Groove Tube “Brown 25 – Only good things come from Uranus.”
Blernsball is the only real sport, all others are merely pretenders
Man next you’re gonna tell me that wrestling is fake.
Also royal rumble is tonight. There will be a women’s rumble tonight. I think I’m gonna do the same thing I did last year and make up for a lack of participation in sexy Friday
I’m beginning to think ya’ll are gonna say professional Starcraft isn’t a “sprot” smdndngh
Evening. We’re at some friends’ house and everyone separated so they could do bath time and bedtime with their kids.
No exaggeration, there has been screaming and crying for the last ten minutes. Lady BFC is asking me if this is “standard”. I think any baby clock just got pushed back another year or ever.
Is is a sprot?
“Welcome to the 2023 Child Bathing Championships!”
Marc Trestman and Brad Childress volunteer to be judges!
I recorded the Excel game that was on ESPNNews. I am a terrible person.
Does the final include building graphs and pivot tables?
Most younguns either dislike bathtime, having to go to bed (they need sleep, which makes them grumpy and obstinate – since you can’t reason with them yet), or both.
I really need that chair:
They’re all gnarly.
Which one? Whale vertebrae, bear limb, or throne of antlers? I like the antler one myself?
Brick seems like an antler man, too!
I call the bear chair!
Buddy’s gonna be disappointed.
Buddy’s gonna be in it.
I always wondered if I had a time machine and went back to some famous event involving George Washington or Julius Caesar and when I got there and they spoke, they all had crazy high-pitched voices.
I wonder if I went back in time to this photo, in fact you can come with me we all can go, and we all walk into the saloon and we’re afraid these tough guys will kill our modern wimpy asses. But instead, they all turn out to be cowboy interior decorators and are all raging queens.
On the right, is that a wolf on wheels, like some kind of giant pull toy, and why is the bears head upside down under the chair?
I guess the bear is pooping out its own head?
Well, having it’s head up it’s ass is probably why it got killed.
Here is my hot take:
I put things that require physical and mental exertion into 3 categories:
Sports
Games
Recreational activities
I have some general rules:
1) Anything that has a winner or loser (ties included) is either a sport or a game.
2) Anything that requires subjective judgement as the main way of determining the winner is not a sport.
3) If the thing is professionalized or performed purely by amateurs doesn’t matter.
Given this, here is how I classify the most common things:
Sports:
Football, fútbol, baseball, basketball, hockey, rugby, cricket, tennis, golf, track and field, skiing, water polo, weightlifting, rowing, bowling, archery
Games:
Clue, Twister, chess, figure skating, freestyle skiing, Monopoly, Chinese checkers, gymnastics, Greco-Roman wrestling.
Recreational activities:
Surfing, masturbating, sex, running, walking, yoga, working out.
Some enterprising fella should get a Competitive Shitting League going in Germany.
They are the home of Beerfest!
Btw, drinking games are, obvio, games.
I still feel that’s how the NFL should’ve solved the OT problem. Bootline-chug between the QB-RB/WR/TE-OL/DL-LB/DB-K/P.
I propose “sex” be moved to the “Games” category for both competitive and manipulative reasons.
The thing is, with sex, the participants are either all winners or all losers. No in-between.
Depending on who you wake up next to, you could lose the game of sex.
That person or persons would feel the same way. Hence all losers or all winners.
When I get some time (and get drunk), let me tell you the story of my friend’s ex, who is the only woman I will call a cunt with no apologies and remorse.
According to rule #2, football in no longer a sport. #whatisacatch #roughingthepasser
NFL excluded. CFL, AFL, and other football leagues count.
This could be extended to any sport that has game-altering fouls, definitely including soccer/futbal
Sports are sports that I can’t do at a professional level. Games and recreational activities, I’m fine with Balls’s dichotomy on winners/losers.
When someone says they watch MLS, you just assume they kick dogs and starve babies to death. And probably watched Avatar 2.
I instantly think they’re on a watchlist.
I thought I knew evil existed in the world. And then I learned about people who watched Avatar 2.
I swear this happened:
I was in a meeting at work and people were shooting the shit before it started. One guy asked the room if anyone had seen Avatar 2. No one said yes. He told us it was the greatest movie and better than the first one.
I literally moved my seat away from him.
Hey, I mentioned om Slack – but do you want to do a thread or wrte a blurb (I can help post) for Wrexham in the morning?
Shit. I need to reinstall slack. Let me get back on there.
And watched it for the plot.