It took me all late game to figure it out, but finally it hit like a bolt out of the blue. Big Narrative wanted Andy Reid to face the Iggles. So obvious in retrospect, but I guess I dumbly thought Burrow and the ‘KRP crew were an excellent story, and would get a (dies laughing) fair shake.
When I go deeper down my mental rabbit hole, remember how The Shield CONSISTENTLY fucked the Bengals – and ONLY the Bengals – after their gentlemanly conduct during that scary MNF game when a human being was ded on the field for 2+ minutes.
I shall probably go to my grave believing that the “5 minutes to warmup, guys” got to the media by way of Cincy, somehow. It’s the only way to make the pieces fit.
Anyway, it was a game of very consequential BLEERGHing – and every single goddamned instance favoured the Chefs. Seriously, Cincinnati got zero breaks. Even beyond the micro level, the “tight whistle” went one way, “loose whistle” the other. I am not even sure Brady ever had a game cooked this badly (at least when one considers the FREQUENCY of the buttfucking).
So, we really only had ONE game of actual football yesterday, and it was an odd creature. We got our answer to the existential “how many slots down the Santa Clara QB depth chart before performance declines?”
Four. The answer is four.
Turns out that Josh Johnson, of the Donks’ practice squad most of the season (i.e., unable to beat out BRETT FUCKING RYPIEN for the backup jerb to Charmslinger) isn’t good at all. Baby Shanny couldn’t even disguise how not good. Yet, it was somehow 7-7 late in Q2, before a series of dumb fuckups gifted not one but TWO late TDs. 21-7 at the half, and the game was really over.
Then, to make things more fucked up…Johnson got head owied, and Purdy Mouth had to go back in. But he could no longer throw the ball, and they called like 1-2 passes (all within 5 feet) the rest of the game. Except when McCaffrey threw it deep once (incomplete). It was mildly uncomfortable to watch, if also a bit humorous.
Philly managed 10 more points for a 31-7 final. Things got awfully chippy in Q4, but nothing that would keep any Iggles out of the Owl.
We’ll be back same bat time and bat channel in two weeks, to discuss whatever bullshit comes our way in the finale. I guess. Ugh.
If Wrexham wins the replay, the will play at home facing Tottenham. That’s a winnable game for Wrexham if they don’t lose on the road in the replay.
I can’t imagine that game being anything other than a snuff film, but I’d be cheering my ass off for Wrexham.
You know Spurs will Spurs it up somehow.
What happens if the replay ends in a tie?
PK’s.
In Wichita.
LOFTY
15 minutes to warm up THEN PK’s.
If Cincy didn’t do penalties, Cincy would be at the SB, probably. Or Burrow would have just thrown another pic.
It would’ve been been a race for who messes up first: Burrow due to lack of protection or Mahomes due to his ankle.
Say what you will about the late hit out of bounds, that guy didn’t say “fuck it I’m going deep” into double coverage on 3rd and 3. That and the terrible punt are what did Cincy in.
This is what gives me hope for this team.
https://bengalswire.usatoday.com/2023/01/30/bengals-bj-hill-stands-bodyguard-joseph-ossai-afc-championship-questions/
BJ is a stand-up dude. Him and Pratt were unsung Wolven Sort defensive heroes.
With Kellen Moore out, Coach Blue Bunny has to win the Superb Owl next year or Jerrah quite literally will have the entire McCarthy clan disappeared.
Those will be some wide holes that they have to dig.
The Narrative is “See?! We’re Not Racist!”
https://www.si.com/.amp/nfl/2023/01/30/super-bowl-57-two-black-starting-quarterbacks-youngest-starters
“Only took 57 years because we have so few black players, you see! Why, I bet you’ll see two black owners in the Super Bowl in [FABRIC OF SPACE TIME RIPS APART].”
“I call myself a ‘black owner’ and the rest of ’em take my franchise away!”
-J. Richardson
I’ve been up since 7:30, because the workers arrived then and I had to get to the office for depositions later today. It is not almost 12:30 and I am exhausted. How you people who get up before 10 do this every day is beyond me.
Of course this is my life for the next 5-6 weeks, so I guess I’ll be finding out.
Naps, my imaginary friend. Naps.
I’ll say this for #nuAIDS; I’ve had no problem falling asleep.
Trouble focusing, staying awake, breathing through a snot-filled nose, yes.
The snot goes away, the rest abated only partially for me.
I think we’re finally coming out the other side, except for the cough, and some lingering snot. I still can’t smell or taste anything, I’m hoping that goes away soon. Sunday Gravy is coming!
I never lost my sense of smell or taste. Weird!
Me neither. My kid did (only for a week or so), and she’s who gave it to me. Complete Russian Roulette, or as Emo Carr would call it – Friday night.
Learn to go to bed earlier. You’ll feel jipped. You won’t want to move up your routine. Do it.
Naps are fine so long as you don’t screw up that early bedtime.
It seems so strange to think that there was a time in my life where I would say to myself “I’ll just stay up another half hour and watch the first few bits of Conan.”
Natural light helps, but really you just need to get used to it. Mornings can be quite nice because fewer people are around and they mostly leave you alone
I actually would like to get up earlier, but I seem to be wired to stay up until 2:00 am, then get up at 10:00. But of course those aren’t actual business hours.
Won’t someone please think of the mediocre middle-aged male!?!?
Hippo, I’m gonna need you to go back and redo this post. There’s nothing wrong with it, and I’ve already read it, but I was asleep when it posted and therefore it can’t count. Them’s the rules!
“She’s right, anything that happens while women are asleep doesn’t count.” – D. Sharper
“I concur.” -B. Cosby
Monday morning. Already heard a couple, “dont feel like i could get done with anything this weekend” from these chicks who spend 80% of their waking hours watching animal videos and sending memes between each other on Instagram.
I so badly just want to, unsolicited, offer up a: “wasting your time on bullshit is completing something.”
It’s just such a shame the fuckers had to shit all over what had been such a fun season. Makes me equal part sad and angry.
Can’t we get him subpoenaed again then send his yacht to the Crimea?
And them him to Belize?
Wait, no, he’d probably just start a new sex trafficking ring there using local women.
Oh THAT narrative. Because of my time warp over here I was only able to watch the first half of the Eagles game and the very last bit of the WKRP game when I woke up to go run. AFN is replaying them both in our prime time tonight so I’ll get a better look at the action. Too bad I was pulling for WKRP. But I think the Eagles will take the Owl. They looked really tough.
We can but hope. It would be a brave act to screw over Philly fans on national TV when normies are watching too (for the commercials)
Yeah be prepared for the barrage of D cell batteries… in the face… IN THE FACE!!!
Is Brock feeling Purdy bad this morning?
/shows self out
We should do away with the Unnecessary Roughness penalty. I’m fine with a Late Hit Out Of Bounds because that’s easily definable. The Unnecessary Roughness is purely subjective and could be used by referees to affect the outcome.
Split it into a 5/15 penalty, a’la Running Into/Roughing the Kicker. While we’re at it, make Offensive Holding a 5-yard penalty, and DPI a 15-yard penalty a’la College.
Or automatically booth review the ones that are not Stevie Wonder obvious.
There needs to be a way to punish quarterbacks who pretend they’re stepping out of bounds so the defender lets up, then squeezes out a bunch of extra yards. Alex Smith was particularly awful about this.
Unsportsmanlike. 15 yards.
Take away their legs.
Oh, never mind, Alex. I see you’ve already paid up.
Lesson from the Shield: Don’t Make Us Look Bad
Hippo suddenly was abducted from his home in a windowless van for this post. He is now covered in a black hood with wrists zip tied, awaiting the arrival of “Big Red.”
How is that any different than how he usually spends his Monday mornings?
The only difference is that this time, when some yells “Bring out the gimp,” it’ll be a different gimp.
I read this piece + comments and then drove my son to school. On the way back, I flipped on local sports talk asking, “I don’t know why but it doesn’t like Brian Flores is getting a HC hiring.”
My hair almost stood up in a Kaepe7ick fro, I was so shocked to hear.