Instant Hippo Thoughts – Conference Shempionships, 2022 Season

It took me all late game to figure it out, but finally it hit like a bolt out of the blue.  Big Narrative wanted Andy Reid to face the Iggles.  So obvious in retrospect, but I guess I dumbly thought Burrow and the ‘KRP crew were an excellent story, and would get a (dies laughing) fair shake.

When I go deeper down my mental rabbit hole, remember how The Shield CONSISTENTLY fucked the Bengals – and ONLY the Bengals – after their gentlemanly conduct during that scary MNF game when a human being was ded on the field for 2+ minutes.

I shall probably go to my grave believing that the “5 minutes to warmup, guys” got to the media by way of Cincy, somehow.  It’s the only way to make the pieces fit.

Anyway, it was a game of very consequential BLEERGHing – and every single goddamned instance favoured the Chefs.  Seriously, Cincinnati got zero breaks.  Even beyond the micro level, the “tight whistle” went one way, “loose whistle” the other.  I am not even sure Brady ever had a game cooked this badly (at least when one considers the FREQUENCY of the buttfucking).

So, we really only had ONE game of actual football yesterday, and it was an odd creature.  We got our answer to the existential “how many slots down the Santa Clara QB depth chart before performance declines?”

Four.  The answer is four.

Turns out that Josh Johnson, of the Donks’ practice squad most of the season (i.e., unable to beat out BRETT FUCKING RYPIEN for the backup jerb to Charmslinger) isn’t good at all.  Baby Shanny couldn’t even disguise how not good.  Yet, it was somehow 7-7 late in Q2, before a series of dumb fuckups gifted not one but TWO late TDs.  21-7 at the half, and the game was really over.

Then, to make things more fucked up…Johnson got head owied, and Purdy Mouth had to go back in.  But he could no longer throw the ball, and they called like 1-2 passes (all within 5 feet) the rest of the game.  Except when McCaffrey threw it deep once (incomplete).  It was mildly uncomfortable to watch, if also a bit humorous.

Philly managed 10 more points for a 31-7 final.  Things got awfully chippy in Q4, but nothing that would keep any Iggles out of the Owl.

We’ll be back same bat time and bat channel in two weeks, to discuss whatever bullshit comes our way in the finale.  I guess.  Ugh.