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"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

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Instant Hippo Thoughts Sponsored By The Narrator

King Hippo

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This was a really, REALLY good game of football.  Jalen Hurts played his ass off.  As DonT noted, Toradol turned Mahomes around while Rihanna did her cat-in-heat screechings.

I really, REALLY would have liked to see how that untainted game ends.  With the Chefs up 3, Hurts a buck-forty-five and one timeout to answer.  Would have been compelling as fuck, whoever won.

But noooooooo, The Narrator always wins.  Rikki was right, and is now officially DFO’s prophet.

Roger Goodell and Carl Cheffers can eat all the rancid ass in hell.

And yeah, I’ll see you for the same cornholing next season.

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[…] you may have heard, the Superb Owl happened. It was a great game for almost four full quarters, but the let them play […]

0
Brick Meathook

Here’s a massive data center in Ashburn VA, near Dulles Airport. This photo doesn’t show how far back this facility goes; each structure is about seven stories high with no windows or signage (this one is owned by Amazon). There are easily ten more facilities in the area that are this big or larger. An enormous percentage of internet traffic flows through Ashburn. As big as these facilities are, there are very few cars parked there. I took the photo from the driveway of the [Redacteds] training facility.

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Gumbygirl

Hippo, I turned yer Blues footy match on just in time for Salah to make me wish I had not. Dammit!

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King Hippo

No worries. We are just poop.

1
SonOfSpam

(attention from Germany intensifies)

4
Don T

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would like to nominate the Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esq. for a Nobel Prize in the Field of Obviousness for her February 13, 2023 observation that “wow, painting really puts you in a bad mood, doesn’t it?”

5
ballsofsteelandfury

I think she’s pissed at the Nobel committee for their oversight in the field of Vacuuming.

5
SonOfSpam

They have a category for Sucking but Lindsey Graham won it again.

3
LongtimeLionsLoser

MTG really got hosed in that voting…she was a lock.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Only cause Nancy Reagan isn’t around anymore.

2
Don T

You: I want to be the model too!
/shakes palette trying to get blue right

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The worst part is knowing that she’s going to expect this to be done in an afternoon, as opposed to the couple of days I’m going to take to do it right.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If they ever make the day after the Owl into a holiday, they need to include a prohibition on vacuuming.

8
Sharkbait

One of these years I’ll get smart and take superb owl monday off

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King Hippo

Not even hungover but still very work-avoidant

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Sharkbait

I mean isn’t that every day?

2
King Hippo

True dat

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I saw an article awhile ago and it was saying to move the Owl back a week and then it will land on a long weekend ( so it would be this coming weekend). I don’t remember it enough as to how it worked to push it back a week. Maybe something like a second bye week for everyone.

0
2Pack

Paid 1k minimum for the ticket too.

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King Hippo

Silly goose, conventionally attractive blondes don’t pay for ANYTHING

3
Sharkbait

Rob Lowe gifted her the seats

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Rob Lowe was on Team Refs long before the memes.

6
Gumbygirl

Blow jobs and regret aren’t hard currency, but she has certainly paid a price!

10
Doktor Zymm

Arizona should never be allowed to host a Super Bowl again, the turf was unexcusable

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Have you read “Infinite Jest”? The idea of forcing a neighbor to accept U.S. territory that has become an irredeemable toxic waste dump is not a terrible one. We should turn Arizona into Mexico’s problem.

3
King Hippo

Hippo’s idea – the players union should insist on authority over pitch condition AND officials.

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Doktor Zymm

The thing with officiating is that it’ll never be perfect, and in games that are close because they are between teams of comprable skill it will almost always be able to tip the balance one way or the other. Due to conscious or unconscious bias, there very well may be consistent directions for this tilt.

In baseball, basketball, and hockey, they partially correct for this by playing a series. That’s not really an option for football due to the intensity of the game, so we see a lot more tipping point type calls from refs.

How could this be fixed? The main thing would be writing rules in such a way that minimizes judgement calls in enforcement. Also helpful would be computer assistance, so that the same action on the field would be ruled the same way each time; This may not help us agree with the rulings, but at the rule becomes consistent.

Absent those two things we will continue to see the stupid Narrator’s influence on games through officiating

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like we need a new addition to the pantheon: the God of healing/pain management. “TORADOR”, perhaps?

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I think it needs to make fun of lessor footy and how a drink of “magic” water cures them, but not creative or funny enough to come up with anything

0
Doktor Zymm

The Greek for benumb is Narkono, so how about Na’arko to stick with the random apostrophe theme?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, that’s good. I’ll work that into something I’m whipping up.

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Gumbygirl

Trust our Zymm to come up with le mot juste! ( Gumbygirl sez, not entirely sure she spelled juste correctly!)

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s all Greek to me

1
Brick Meathook

The KC cornerback who “admitted” to committing the holding penalty was clearly gotten to by the Shield. This is the biggest cover-up since Jack Ruby.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Look, he DID tug on the jersey a little. But that’s a much clearer let it slide moment than any catches were catches.

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

you had me at tug
-B Kraft

5
Brick Meathook

Maybe Jack Ruby was in the Dallas police basement that day. And maybe he did have a pistol and hold it near Oswald, on national TV, at the same time Oswald was shot. This is a mere coincidence, and not proof that Ruby shot anybody. That’s just more Warren Commission nonsense.

Wait, what were we talking about?

2
2Pack

Either the grassy nole or the crappy grass on the field. I forget.

1
King Hippo

LBJ apparently thought it was the Cubans, fwiw

1
2Pack

It looked pretty incidental. On a short field the 5 yards of legal contact space is probably difficult to judge moving full speed too. Even though the DB admitted he tugged… it was a pretty light tug. And it did not look like the route was gonna get him to the catch anyway.

Last edited 3 years ago by 2Pack
2
King Hippo

It did not impede the receiver, and was in no way consistent with how play had been officiated the first 98% of the game.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Two things can be true: there was a tug on the jersey that really didn’t effect the route, and the refs are pre-disposed to bail Mahomes out at the least excuse, so keep your hands to yourself.

I’m also pretty sure that the refs gave the Eagles catches on two incomplete passes, and I *know* the Eagles would have won if they didn’t kick a ball right to a defender for a TD and then forget how to cover a punt.

Also Mahomes is going to have to go to rehab for an opioid addiction after whatever they did to his ankle during halftime, but that’s another story.

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King Hippo

Hey now, you let Mahomes have his fun time pill habit!

You are correct in that the DB should have let him go. A touchdown still leaves you with at least a 10-15% chance to respond. The hold takes you down to like 0.00002%

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m agreeing with you

1
Horatio Cornblower

I watched the game in the presence of a rabid Eagles fan who had $70 on the game.

I mean, I was rooting for the Eagles too, but it was still pretty hilarious

2
LongtimeLionsLoser

You all are missing the big story.

Chad Henne has retired a champion!

The same Chad Henne who QB’d Michigan’s loss to Appalachian State in the mid-2000’s.

#GoBlue

5
King Hippo

I look forward to seeing you face off with our many tOSU homers next JV season

1
LongtimeLionsLoser

I played The Foosball at Cornell, but a few high school teammates/friends played at UM, so I’m a Wolverine fan for many reasons.

0
King Hippo

I guess of the B1G, I very mildly like Sparty, because it is the NC State of Meeeechigan, and because Gov. Whitmer is such a badass.

0
LongtimeLionsLoser

Whitmer is sneakily hot. I’m for some of her positions, and against others, but think that she could be stunning in most positions.

2
Senor Weaselo

Lookit Mr. Ivy League here with his Cortaca Jug, thinking he can subtly name-drop!

2
King Hippo

Finally a fellow Ivy that Ayo can relate to on a peer to peer level.

1
Gumbygirl

He fancy!

0
LongtimeLionsLoser

I am

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LongtimeLionsLoser

I am Andy Bernard!

0
LongtimeLionsLoser

I only mentioned that because a surprising number of people from my team sophomore year went on to bigger things.

Ron Prince, Pete Mangurian, Bill Lazor, Tim Tibesar, Ricky Rahne and Kevin Boothe.

0
Col. Duke LaCross

Heh, fuck golf!

https://es.pn/3xczxW7

1
ballsofsteelandfury

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Last edited 3 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
4
LemonJello

That turf looked like something Arthur Blank had sitting waaaaayyy back in one of his Home Depot warehouses that even contractors wouldn’t touch.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel incredibly gratified for not having watched last night’s game. Seeing the stars align for the Chiefs (late holding call; state of the field neutering Philadelphia’s pass rush) always makes me sick to my stomach. The now firmly established narrative (CAN MAHOMES GET AS MANY RINGS AS BRADY?) is going to last for years and is going to make the NFL playoffs completely unwatchable for me.

3
Don T

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I know, I know, if I really cared that much about it I should have bet some money on the Chiefs so I’d at least be able to cash in.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Hey, apparently there’s a Liverpool Derby on today??

0
King Hippo

Merseyside Derby, maybe the last one for a decade or so.

Not playing those monkeycunts twice a season is the one upside of relegation.

2
LongtimeLionsLoser

I enjoyed last night’s game, but watching people slide all over the place and not be able to get traction on cuts (both teams) was ridiculous.

They grew grass indoors, delivered it in hexagons, and assembled it, in the stadium for the World Cup at the Silverdome in Pontiac, MI back in 1994! How they can’t get the grass anchored and the field painted correctly (without using Wd-40 based field paint) for the biggest sporting event of the year in the US is forking beyond me.

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Last edited 3 years ago by LongtimeLionsLoser
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ballsofsteelandfury

The answer, as always, is Arizona.

3
Doktor Zymm

It was kinda astounding to watch, you could just see it peel away in clumps. Whatever breed of grass that is must have a really shallow root structure, or they just cheaped out on the depth of dirt

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Sharkbait

Last night: I really need to stop betting on the NFL. It’s obviously scripted.

This morning:comment image

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

The officials swallowed their whistles in the first quarter and then had the balls/directive to call that shit with less than two minutes left. The integrity of the NFL hasn’t been this in question since Paul Hornung’s gambling.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like referring to the NFL’s integrity as being “in question” is far too charitable.

2
The Maestro

Honestly, that holding call just felt like when the phone rings right as you’re about to… y’know. Just cold water on an otherwise fabulous experience.

Also, I don’t especially care about pop music, but I would absolutely let Rihanna run me over with a dump truck. A$AP Rocky has it so damn good.

1
Don T

Alls I know is that I’ve made two NFL bets in my life and both hit last night. In lieu of adoration and worship, I’ll take the money sankyouvedymoch.

7
ballsofsteelandfury

People say it’s crazy to bet on the NFL but really you just have to figure out which side the Narrator wants and bet accordingly.

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