After an intense Hate Week and the sudden end of the NFL season, here’s Valentine’s Day: the most superficial and fabricated holiday there is. First, it’s a workday. Second, it’s all about merchandising and half-assing affection. Hearing “What are WE going to do for Valentine’s Day” sounds more like a warning than a question. I once wavered at that one, and

So if you hate Valentine’s Day, employ any remaining bile. Me? I’m in a lovin’ mood today because the Shempiens knockouts are here now.

Ahh, the Shempiens, warm oases of Big Time Sport just when the NFL Pre-preseason starts. More importantly, Shempien games fall smack in the middle of Tuesday AND Wednesday afternoons.

All I’m saying is these games are momentous world events that warrant putting off sorting your receipts or attending meetings that require your attention. During games, you can still attend the rest of the meetings and, my favorite, deploy the auto suggestions to reply to all emails. “Sure” and “That’s a great idea” are top performers, especially when answering to creditors. And by middle of the second half, during a stoppage waiting for a stretcher, you will find yourself cursing at the unsportsmanship while gliding down the slope of doing fuckall for the rest of the day.

Yes, stretcher; second half. The Shempiens are European fútbol matches.

YOU:

That’s a Lemonjello original bit. Hit me every time 😝

All times Central:

Paris St. Germain (FRA) hosts Bayern Munich (GER) – 2:00 PM

Gotta say: even I–yo–am fed up with the Messi overexposure. Don’t get me wrong: I’m a Messi fan and sometime stan, but it’s too much all the time. Good news for everyone in this camp: PSG faces immediate elimination.

Then again, Bayern Munich seems vulnerable. The German table is…

 Via AAA Art Stuffs, Ltd.

… tighter than a Bavarian colon during Oktoberfest. Yeah yeah, do better with the ethnic, I know.

Predicción: I’ll celebrate the elimination of any.

KH: Somehow, I had missed the news of Mbappe’s injury woes.  He is absolutely essential to any European ambitions.  I’ll back the less star-driven Munchen XI here.

Predicción: 1-1 Draw in the Paris leg

Balls: Messi is hurt and PSG is going out of the competition in a hurry. He got his World Cup though, so he ain’t care.

Predicción: Bayern 2 PSG 1

Litre: Davies has played like shit since the world cup, but Mane has proven he was the straw that stirred Liverpool’s drink the last few years.

Predicción:This will be a 1-1 draw.

A.C. Milan (ITA) hosts Tottenham Hotspur (englen) – 2:00 PM 

“Zlatan plays in AC Milan” is surely a direct quote from Ibrahimovich, given his fondness for the self third person. The man loves himself passionately.

Zlatan is just returning after being away for a year and undergoing ACL surgery. During that time AC Milan has been cromulent. El Mee Lan, as it’s insufferably called in Spanish by most commentators, is currently FIF in Italia–but in good shape to finish second behind runaway Napoli. And now comes Zlatan, who recently said in a sudden fit of humility: “I’m still God, I’m still number one. Now let’s change the music when I get back.”

As to Spurs, woa man. Lester (LESTER!) beat Spurs 4-1 last Sunday in the EPL. Spurs also lost midfielder Rodrigo Betancur, a young Uruguay international on the rise. Furthermore,

Predicción: Imma watch the PSG game instead.

KH:  Only a mother could love this matchup.  Spurs have, I guess, the advantage of unpredictability in form (see the 1-nil win over Pep and pals) – plus, Fuckface can always score out of nowhere.  But woof, they conceded FOUR to No-Longer-Foxy Footy in their first fixture without Lloris.  Conte will play everyone in a deep/low block here.

Predicción: nil-nil Draw, uglier than a $5 whore

Balls: Neither team inspires confidence. The truth is they both got extremely lucky in the draw as, would they be playing any other team, they would both be eliminated.

Predicción: A 1-1 tie that doesn’t satisfy anyone.

Litre: I am with Don T here and will watch the PSG Bayern game. I used to really like HM Son, but jesus fuck he has turned into a big whiny twat. I will say that Kane is far less hateable than if he were playing for the Manchesters, or the tenants who reside in Fulham Broadway. Anywhooooo this game should be boring as fuck as two defensive managers face off.

Predicción: Oh hell this will be a 1-0 TWBS thriller.

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