This post was actually inspired by BFC’s Thursday Night Open Thread in which he professed his love for the maple bar.

The plan is for this to be an ongoing off-season series on Saturday nights in which I present to you my five favourite somethings and then you comment and tell me:

• How I’m wrong
• Your Top Five
• Suggestions for the next top five list

Without further ado, I present to you my Top Five favourite donuts!

1 – Maple Bar

This is my Go-To. If I’m ever at a donut shop or any place that sells donuts, I first check to see if they have any maple bars and if they look any good. If anything, the maple bar is my canary in the donut mine. If the maple bar is good, chances are the rest of the donuts will be at minimum good, if not excellent.

Pros:

Most Favourable dollar to donut ratio.

Not too sweet

Easily dunkable into a cup of coffee

Cons:

Can be quite filling

Too many places only offer them with bacon. If I want bacon, I’ll go to Denny’s.

2 – Buttermilk Bar

Another bar, which I enjoy because you get more donut for your dollar, but the buttermilk bar steps it up another notch with how dense it is. This is a breakfast donut. You eat one of these, you’re good to go until at least lunch if not dinner. I prefer the glazed version and, if they have, the maple glazed best. I’m probably half Canadian.

The donut, when cooked correctly, has a delicious crisp exterior and a fluffy soft interior. Like my favourite lady, it is a perfect mix of light and thick.

Pros:

Very favourable dollar to donut ratio

Meal-replacement

Perfectly dunkable in a glass of cold milk

Cons:

Some people can’t handle the density

Not all places know how to make them right

3 – Buttermilk Old Fashioned

The thing that sets this donut apart and the reason why I love it so is the shape.

I like to tear the outside edges apart and eat them one at a time. Eventually, you end up with only the inner O-Ring and then you munch on that to your heart’s delight. This is the perfect donut to eat like it was foreplay: slowly and sensually.

Pros:

You can play with your food

Dee-fuckin-licious

Cons:

At donut shops that don’t know what they are doing, these do not tear easily or they crumble when you try to tear them.

4 – French Cruller

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. And you’re not wrong. I know what it looks like. And I like it.

The thing I like the most about this donut is how light it is. When cooked correctly, the inside is light and airy. It almost seems like an asshole-shaped creampuff without the cream.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Pros:

You can probably eat five in about the same time it takes to eat one buttermilk bar

Comes with different flavours of glazing. I prefer strawberry.

Cons:

Some people don’t like the way it looks

5 – Apple Fritter

This is probably the unhealthiest donut there is but, damn it, it is so good! I love it when you get a lot of little pieces of apple mixed in the dough.

Like the buttermilk bar, this donut is a great combination of crispy and fluffy. It just has the added bonus of nutritious apples added in!

I prefer to tear pieces off and eat them individually. I also stick my pinky out while I do that LIKE A FUCKING LADY!

Pros:

Apples = Nutrition

Excellent dollar to donut ratio

Cons:

Can you afford health insurance? If not, this donut is not for you.

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What say you in the comments?