As I think I may have mentioned in the past, I’m on a thing at work where I HAVE TO take vacation days each month due to a vacation cap. If I don’t use them, I stop accumulating vacation time and I don’t trust stupid HR people to remember to restart my vacation accumulator machine.
Hence, I am taking two days off each month to play golf during the week. This works out great because the courses are usually not crowded and the greens fees are much cheaper.
This time around, I had chosen Thursday as my day as I only had a couple of meetings and nothing was that important that I couldn’t miss it or reschedule. Read: I didn’t have any meetings with my bosses.
Now, as you all may also know, the weather in Sunny Southern California has been more on the wet side lately. This is wonderful and has helped to pull us out of drought. However, it doesn’t help with the golf game.
Luckily, we had gone about a week without rain and there was nothing on the forecast for the next two weeks when I turned in my vacation request. Sure enough, on Wednesday night, it started to rain.
The rain wasn’t too hard, but it was steady through the night. As I woke up on Thursday morning, I wondered if I should even bother to play.
I went outside and saw that it had let up. It was only slightly drizzly. Fuck it. I had taken the day off already. What was I going to do, work? Fuck that.
I drove to the course through the rain. In some places, it was raining hard. The course is on the side of a mountain so I was worried it would be raining there. I was happy to find the rain had subsided when I arrived to the course.
My tee time was at 8 and I got there a half hour early to warm up. I went to check in before hitting the range and the pro shop guy told me the others I was supposed to play with had cancelled due to the rain. His under the breath “Pussies!” was implied.
He could put me on immediately with a father and son that were about to tee off. Fine with me!
On a cold and rainy day and with no warmup, I headed to the first tee. The father and son were very nice, so I felt pretty good about the round ahead.
The course we were playing surrounds a hill so most of the holes curl in one direction or another. The first hole was a dogleg left Par 5.
Now, keeping in mind that I had not warmed up at all and the hole curled more sharply than my dick to the left, I decided to hit my 1 Iron instead of driver or a wood.
It went straight down the middle and stopped at the perfect distance to set up the next shot. I repeated that on the next shot, chipped into the green, and two-putted. A picture-perfect par!
One thing I did do to prepare for the round was to write down on the scorecard my target score for each hole. I’ve mentioned before that since my goal is to shoot under 100, I can double bogey the 9 toughest holes by score index and bogey the rest.
I got a bogey 5 on the second and third, a double on the Score Index 3 fourth, and a true par on the fifth. I was way ahead of schedule!
The sixth and seventh holes were Par 3s, but I went over my target by one on each hole. The eight was a disaster 9 on a Par 5, but I made up for it with a true Par on the ninth.
I scored a 49 on the Front Nine with three True Pars. I felt pretty good considering:
- The ground conditions were not favourable.
- The rain/drizzle had started again.
- I was on pace.
- I play better in the Back!
We got a bit of a backup at the tenth tee as some players were going slow and others stopped to pee. We passed a twosome trying to figure the game out somewhere in the eleventh fairway.
I kept pace with my target scores on the first three holes of the Back Nine. The thirteenth was another disaster 9 on a Par 5 but I put it out of my head and focused on the holes ahead.
I hit my target score on two out of the remaining five holes and ended up with a 53 on the Back Nine for a total of 102.
Not bad at all considering I had played probably one of my worst rounds in years in similar conditions about a month earlier.
PROS
I was proud of myself for not pussying out and for playing despite the conditions. I was rewarded with a good score.
The course I played is more difficult than the ones I usually play. It felt good to score well on a tough course. I think this score might arguably be more impressive than the 98 I had previously scored.
It lowered my handicap.
CONS
The cold weather doesn’t agree with my Mexican ass.
OVERALL RATING:
Thanks to this 102, my handicap has officially been lowered from 33.2 to 32.7!
Btw, I think this round may officially be my best round ever thanks to something called a Scoring Differential. I’ll get into that next time. I just want to wrap this up so I can read the next chapter in Rikki’s The Night I Won The Super Bowl series!
See you next time.
Was the uncertainty around Cranky Jim Boeheim affecting Cuse’s recruiting? Next year’s projected lineup (including transfers) will have 3 top 40 recruits that’s as many as have come to the program in the last 7 years.
My boss just sent a mass email suggesting a fun inclusion idea for our next office meeting would be sharing pictures from our proms.
Look, just leave me along, let me handle my cases, make sure my check clears every two weeks. There is no goddamn need for anything beyond that.
The DFO Work mission statement:
Leaving me alone makes everything easier for everyone.
Yeah nobody wants to see a picture of you and your mom anyways.
grumble grumble not so fast grumble grumble
“The Night I Won the Super Bowl” OR “The Most Boastful Story Ever Told at DFO” (Part 9):
My first glimpse of her was from the backside. She was reaching upwards to access something from an upper shelf behind the snack bar. We had just finished the front nine, I have absolutely no memory of how well I was playing; all I can remember is how incredible her legs looked in the snug white shorts of her uniform. She was short, and even fully extended her legs were commensurately short, but they were tanned and trim and absolutely heavenly.
“You look like you play tennis,” I said to her as she turned around.
She smiled at me. She looked to be some variety of Polynesian (born in the Philippines and raised in Hawaii, I learned later). With her brown skin and white teeth and pink lips she looked like she’d jumped off the page of a tourism brochure. “I do play tennis,” she said.
“Let me have…a bag of Sun Chips and a Gatorade.” I told her, grabbing my wallet out of my pocket.
She handed me the items and took my money, then handed me a receipt. I picked up a pen that was on the counter.
“Listen,” I said, using the pen to jot down my phone number on the back of the receipt – the house phone at Fort Awesome, since I didn’t yet have a cellphone – “if you’d ever like to go hit tennis balls sometime, give me a call.”
And that was it. I headed back out onto the course and left the ball in her court, so to speak. And in about a week she gave me a call.
That’s a hell of an opening sentence!
Just saw a commercial for a company called ‘Rinse’, which does your laundry for you while you presumably sit on your ass watching TV.
This is absolutely how the Eloi got started.
But I’m sitting on my whole ass.
I’m doing other shit and hate folding. But I’m a sudster man.
I like how we’re all here hoping Balls can lower his score while waiting impatiently to see how Rikki raises his.
Nods towards Balls and Ayo
I’ll bet she plays tennis.
Makes sense Lee Corvalo himself is a big inspiration for Balls.
THIS FOURSOME THAT WAS TO INCLUDE BALLSOFSTEELANDFURY I CALL THEM THE J6 INSURRECTIONISTS BECAUSE THEY ALL TALK BIG ABOUT STORMS COMING BUT WHEN THE DAY TO ACT ARRIVES THESE PUSSIES LEAVE SOME AMATEUR WITH A SLIGHT HANDICAP TO TAKE ALL THE SHOTS ON UNFAVORABLE GROUNDS!
Goddammit I should not be laughing as hard at this as I am.
Yes you should! Fuck Ashli Babbit and her short bus gang forever.
Good round there. I am usually better on wet grass. I think it slows down my wilder shots. I tend to have many wild shots.
What’s wet grass?
-Ben Shapiro
“No wild shots.”
–
So, on this day, you were not better on the back side, since it was wet.
On a strange twist of fate, you are correct!
Somewhere, Sir Mix A Lot is disappointed.
https://twitter.com/bengals/status/1648653977775480832
The last time I was at a game at Great American Ball Park they were serving Gold Star. Which was pretty much the same IMO; a pound of cheddar cheese can cover up a multitude of sins. But most cinnamon chili aficionados had a preference for Skyline.
“Welcome to the Jungle, Baby
We’re gonna make you scream” (the next day, on the toilet)