No Warhammer tonight, instead I wanted to introduce you to the SCP Foundation, SCP stands for Secure, Control, Protect. They are like the Men In Black of the paranormal world, they even have their own wiki which is where the contributors sometimes work together but there are a lot of single author entries. The SCP started on 4chan in 2007 but eventually became more mainstream, as much as anything started on 4 chan can be. The Foundation is a fictional organization where paranormal activities, entities, and events are studied, contained, and/or neutralized depending on how life threatening they are. Or maybe they want you to think they are fictional? From the way I am viewing things, I hope to hell it is fictional because a lot of this shit scares the fuck out of me. Such as SCP-303 The Doorman
Yeah, gonna nope right away from that one.
Although there are some SCPs which are helpful or useful such as SCP-999: The Tickle Monster
Each paranormal instance (being entity, activity, or event) is given a number which always has SCP as a prefix. In the reports everything is referenced by this number, so sometimes you have to do a little research to fully understand the contents of the report. There is a lot of cross-dimensional travel, some time travel, and even space travel as the SCP has a faster than light drive, but what they keep discovering out there has made them decide to stick around earth, it’s a lot safer it seems as every planet they visit which had sentient beings no longer has sentient beings, just ruins, lots of dead bodies, or an atmosphere which has become corrosive to anything it touches, except the contaminated ground.
Almost all of the reports are done as if a scientist was creating them, very structured notes, some information redacted for security. SCP personnel are designated by a letter grade from D to A. D being the lowest and from the entries I have read and watched on youtube, D probably means disposable, because the Foundation has no compunctions about throwing a D class into a cell with an SCP just to see what happens. Usually another D word like Death or Dismemberment or Disembowelment. Some of the SCPs are actually memes which have to be destroyed if found in the wild, with SCP personnel having to give amnesia inducting drugs to affected populations.
One of my favorites is a room sized brass machine which has an input and output. There is a control lever with 3 settings – Course, Normal, Fine. Reading the results of each lab test are hilarious, since the machine is sentient and it has started to hate or like some researchers, causing the results of each test to be affected by the machines regard for the researcher. There are hundreds as of entries detailing the tests in an ongoing arc.
A lot of the entries address mysteries from history, such as the Mary Celeste or the Plague Doctor. Folk tales and myths also feature heavily in the archives with a crooked man from the nursery rhyme “There was a crooked man and he had a crooked house…:
The three most common classes are Safe, meaning containment is simple, Euclid, meaning containment is more complex, and Keter, meaning containment is very difficult to maintain. (from https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/guide-for-newcomers).
There is sooooo much content here, that there is not a single rabbit hole, it is more like a mass of rabbit warrens, all interconnected, and having shared paths before splitting off again.
Do not be afraid to enter and enjoy the journey.
Ok, I’m kind of concerned that my upstairs neighbor might come crashing through the ceiling with some heavy machinery that is giving trouble. On the plus side, no machinery noise. On the minus side, I don’t know how many extremely loud bangs punctuated by ‘fuck!’ the flooring in my cheap apartment complex was built to support.
I think I should probably accelerate my plan of rearranging my place and moving my bed to a different room
But there is no joy in DFO—the mighty Kraken will no longer be released.
A perfect Final Four, in that none of the teams are remotely likeable or from places with genuine passion for the sport. Two Vichy sides.
(maybe 3 of 4, I don’t recall whether Ice Fuck You, Dolphin! came from elsewhere.
Bettman’s wrinkly nut sack in ’93.
All this does is validate his Southern strategy in his interdimensional disgrace of a mind.
Kraken might has well pack up for Oklahoma City at this point smdh
Kraken released from the playoffs.
No clean sheet!
Sorry! But what a fucking run for a brand new team.
We march on Dallas at sunrise. The scorched and salted earth will serve a reminder to all who oppose the fighting tentacles going forward.
18 Baseball Points to ONE!
(checks Reds score)
“I’ll be damned. Its not us this time!”
Wow! That kind of performance pulled them all the way up to 5th place!
But fifth place with PROMISE
(middle of the 8th)
Brewers Manager: “Its only 8-1. We’re still in this!”
Cardinals Manager:
2023 Matt Ryan: “I’m taking this job to pay the bills, but I’m not giving up on my dream job.”
2005 Redshirt: “I’m taking this job to pay the bills, but I’m not giving up on my dream job.”
2002 Carson Palmer: “I’m taking this job to pay the bills, but not giving up on my dream job.”
2012 Andy Dalton: “I’m taking this job to pay the bills, but not giving up on my dream job.”
1999 Ki-Jana Carter: “I’m not taking this job… just one little slash across my knee and I’ll be free…”
2004 Melania Trump (lying on a bed, fighting back tears in eyes, being to depersonalize herself): “I’m taking this job to pay the bills…”
She was dead inside long before 2004.
2020 Bob Kraft: “I’m not paying my bill unless you give me a handjob.”
The Dr. Mrs. can be incredibly adorable sometimes, like when she forgets to put avocado on her salad and frames it as “I was saving it for you!”
I think the two-line pass rule was the lamest rule in sports history. So glad it’s gone.
Jiiiiiinx
What’s the latest in nhl? I need something to talk about tomorrow.
My understanding is that Bettman remains an intergalactic disgrace
Do we like the kraken?
A certain Miracle Whip enthusiast is a season ticket possessor.
The Kraken goalie stopped 50+ shots before one finally got through.
Because you all love these updates…
Ohtani: Home run, triple, and 2 singles. Almost became the first starting pitcher to hit for the cycle.
And in a mild upset, the Angels actually won the game.
Did you know the #BFIB are getting their shit together? Don’t b all jelly, tis FOAR teh GREATER GOOD
THE GREATER GOOD
What’s the deal that this guy is this good?
Is it really just rice?
He’ll put pee-pee in your coke, which is hella distracting.
If I were a technician for one of those multi-function Coke machines at the movies I’d program one of the flavors to display as “pee pee” to see how long it would take before I got fired.
Is this like an elaborate open source prequel to the Half Life and Portal series?
Also, how long does the writers strike have to last before we start seeing studios licensing and rebranding these as an X-files reboot?
Not liking X-Files is one of Hippo’s gravest apostasies. I swear to fuck, it ended at least one relationship.
I only watched it to make sense of the plot of The XXX-Files
Most of these would make incredibly great TV. Especially SCP-4431, Bleeding Beneath Antarctica.
That porn parody is a little too on the nose
Oh, someone has started doing short movies on youtube of the investigations, done like a war movie. One is of a Foundation team entering an abandoned government lab which was hidden deep in an old mine. Really creepy and really well done.
Post Fasting Menu-
-Licorice
-Timmy’s Ice Cap
-Bean salad with pepperoncini peppers
-Pringles
-Ice water
-Doritos
-Chicken wings
-Beer
-More Ice water
-Even more Ice water
/I’m done, see you tomorrow
and dope, rite????
I was pricked with Fentanyl Lite Lite. Can’t tell you how disappointed I was. I had my wits about me two minutes after the probe was extricated!
You should write a strongly worded e-mail to your Maple Congressman
Ayo, rn (artist’s rendering)
Ayo, rn (artist’s conception)
I’m an experienced Game 7 veteran. No, it NEVER gets any easier.
I hear tell most of y’all is too tense to scream TWWAAAAALLLLVVVE!! at one another, or even toss a solitary fish.
(current state of Cincinnati sports)
Reds: “Somehow, we’re only four games under.500, only five games out of first and we’re calling up one of our best prospects to the Majors!”
Bengals: “Here’s a picture of Joe Burrow wearing a headband on the practice field.”
Fans: “WHO DEY! WHO DEY!”
Reds: “Now wait a minute! The NL Central is weak and we’re exceeding expectations. It’s still their offseason; not even Training Camp. And it’s the same QB only he’s now wearing a headband.”
Guy in the Crowd: “Yeah, but… it’s a new headband.”
…
Fans: “WHO DEY! WHO DEY!”
“Lemme tell you about college basketball in Cin—”
— Bob H., WV right before his phone signal was lost
I understand nothing of this. Will I read it multiple times? Of course!
Watch the videos, especially the doorman, such a creepy little fuck. The first time he appeared was in a bathroom watching a woman shower, so it is creepy on multiple levels.
I get impression he looks like this.
This is one of the ones I have enjoyed. It’s so disturbing.
https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1733
Damn, that is a good one.