Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see [in bed].
Winston Churchill
As we all are old and getting older, just stretch before trying anything in bed. And not sure how Churchill knows about this stuff, but not judging.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
New washing machine came in. The hose for the new machine is too small to fit the outflow pipe, so if we turn it on water is going to spray everywhere.
Mrs. Horatio just announced she is “going grocery shopping” and I’m pretty sure she meant “killing several hobos”
Horatio Cornblower
“small hose the sprays everywhere” and now you’ve insulting your dwarf nice going jerk
SonOfSpam
Even as I was typing that out part of me was thinking “Why? You know what’s going to happen. Why?”
Horatio Cornblower
Found a funny while looking for a Cheers gif:
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
This song is terrible but it’s full of cromulent advice.
SonOfSpam
Someone in that band has a PhD in molecular biology or something like that. I think the singer.
Horatio Cornblower
Yes, Dexter has an advanced degree, but before you get overly impressed it’s from USC I think.
SonOfSpam
USC I think.
– a USC student when asked how to spell “cat”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Yes, very good!”
-L. Michele
SonOfSpam
I love me some unemployment, as long as I’m not in Guangzhou or Belgium the time flies by and it’ll be far too soon when I have to go back to whatever it is I do for a living
Doktor Zymm
According to Balls you assassinate people.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
But according to Beastmode you are a scientist.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
So I really don’t know who to believe.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Scientists assassinate people all the time. With vaccines!” — RFK, Jr.
Dunstan
— [sleazy Hollywood producer’s door flies open] —
With regards to employment, how comfortable are you with the label “scab”?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
This is a satire post, for the record, and Alex has actually been gainfully employed here at DFO for the last year, as it is on record that he accidentally spilled that bucket of acetone on all of our priceless, but insured, works of art at Headquarters. Such a shame that all the paint got washed away in that freak rainstorm, and that we were temporarily storing the art outside, and all that’s left are blank, very clean looking canvases.
herodotus450
Did he gently use all our fleshlights?
litre_cola
Gently? No
Alex_Demote
DOGS
Alex_Demote
And in response to GG’s highly appropriate password post last week, I’d just add this. Great hustle here GTD.
2Pack
Way to show up, Florida.
Horatio Cornblower
-2000 election
-2016 election
-2020 election
Brocky
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr. Ayo
Goddamnit Vegas, you let me down. You gotta start the booing right away before Bettman starts all the sucking up to your city and team.
Dunstan
THERE HE IS!
GET HIM!
WCS
Usually when someone gets pounded this hard in Vegas, Buddy Cole is involved
Dunstan
- Lost nba finals
- Didn’t get a single MAGA idiot arrested
- Lost the Stanley cup
This city of Miami right here I call Brocky’s fantasy football season because they are having a shitty 24 hours!
Brocky
These Florida Panthers I call them Fredo Corleone cause they’re going out on the (frozen) water in Vegas and they ain’t coming back.
herodotus450
THESE VEGAS GOLDEN KNIGHTS I CALL THEM CLIMATE CHANGE BECAUSE THEY’RE DESTROYING FLORIDA
Dunstan
I moved some chickens around today. Birds are really weird, smelly creatures
Doktor Zymm
I moved some chickens around today
Not gonna lie-that’s the greatest euphemism for masturbating I’ve ever (wait for it) come across.
scotchnaut
Girls don’t have to choke them, moving them will do the trick.
Gumbygirl
Today, in False Equivalencies:
Don T
Okay I’m as anti-gun as they come but that is still hilarious and top notch counterprotesting.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Gumby had an appointment down the street from Sherman’s today. He got some cake, because he’s nobody’s fool. He made another stop after that.
Gumbygirl
The ketchup splatter is the cherry on top…
BeefReeferLives
FUN* exercise – what Commentist(s) should we send on which reality shows?
2pack – Survivor
Balls – Temptation Island
Dok Zymm (plus who gets to be teammate??) – The Amazing Race
*YMMV
King Hippo
Oh Zymm and I would do damage.
litre_cola
I really want this to happen now.
King Hippo
“Eat the entrails of an Aardvark.”
“What kinda sauce you goin with here?”
litre_cola
Evening folks
2Pack
Me two!
— Lea Michele
Mr. Ayo
Wifey has this sixth sense as to when she’s going to have an ‘interesting’ convo with a family member so she usually puts them on speaker just in case I feel like being entertained. Sure enough earlier this evening her nutbar mother (my despised MIL, of course) called, and under the pretense of returning a wheelchair and walker that she needed at the time, tried to get wifey’s credit card number so that she could make sure ‘there was a credit applied to her account’.
/She’s fucking relentless, trying to suck money out of her three kids
scotchnaut
(wondering how many digits in Canadian credit cards, probably three)
SonOfSpam
with an umlaut to catch you off guard
litre_cola
I will definitely check out tonight’s premiere [of Temptation Island] and see if the couples are worth my time. Sometimes they are annoying and I don’t give a shit if they break up or not.
Other times, I can tell early it’s going to be a trainwreck and I need to get the popcorn ready.
I’ll keep y’all posted!
ballsofsteelandfury
It’s not on USA tonight
SonOfSpam
IT WAS LAST NIGHT WHY O WHY DID I LISTEN TO YOU
SonOfSpam
As with everything in my life, i blame balls
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Gumbygirl
Cotes du Rhone here. Been a long week.
Today, Decilitre basically declared it pyjama day at school. When questioned, “Everyone else forgot.”
The whole school?
“Yeah, they don’t listen.”
litre_cola
Decilitre has it figured out.
Mr. Ayo
He is 6, a knucklehead but at least I didn’t have to come pick him up due to him choking out a kid that stole his lego….allegedly.
litre_cola
BC Dick get that youngster his NRA membership yet?
King Hippo
No but BC Dick took his lessons and is licensed now.
litre_cola
I’ll teach the boy. No mercy for the clothed.
BC Dick
I try not to be negative about it but my son’s friend is a total Milhouse. It’s fine and to each their own and everything but….jeez. Naturally my wife has befriended his mom so, for example, they’re on the same kid basketball team.
Anyways, not to get into specifics but I just find it funny.
blaxabbath
Better to be Milhouse than Milhouse’s dad. Milhouse at least has a friend
Doktor Zymm
Yeah but Kirk sleeps in a racecar bed. Do you???
SonOfSpam
“I sleep in a big bed with my wife. And a dwarf.” – Horatio
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Well, we’re living here in Morgantown
And the basketball program is being shut down
They’re filling out police reports
The Athletic Director is trying to thwart
News of the freshman recruits banging escorts.
Well Huggins got them to the Sweet Sixteen one year
But that cost the program dear.
The players hardly graduated at all
But that never mattered the next fall.
Well, we’re living here in Morgantown.
The coach is a drunken clown,
Empty beer cans in the trunk
His reputation is completely sunk.
Well, we’re living here in Morgantown”
scotchnaut
National Sports Media: “We hope that Huggins gets the help that he needs.”
WV Sports Media: “We saw this coming from a mile away in real time and chose not to report about it. Was that wrong?”
scotchnaut
Went for an almost 8 mile walk this am, which was a good stress reliever before more in law time. Now to watch the GWS replay on the train (fingers crossed, GWS hat on for good luck).
BrettFavresColonoscopy
“Almost 8 Mile” is by far my favorite Eminem cover band!
scotchnaut
“I too am interested in things that are almost 8 units of measurement.” – Deanna F.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Great phone conversations tonight. Talked to godson and his mom who is, omitting family obviously, one of my best friends ever. We go back 40 years.
After our crazy ass days she manifested into a palliative nurse.
Three out of five days a week she holds the hand of people who are going on.
To the next step.
On her vacation, she volunteers for summer camps for kids whose parents maybe weren’t supposed to be shepherd on just yet.
She’s amazing. And so good at her job.
Gave me a different look on life.
yeah right
Happy Father’s day to all of the Dad’s livin the thug life.
2Pack
Eldest right sent me a photo of a plate of burgers and some salsa verde.
She said “In honor of Father’s Day I’m showing my girls something that my dad taught me to cook.”
In what will be no surprise to anyone both of my daughters consistently share food photos with me of things they’re making.
Eldest granddaughter does too.
That hits me right in the heart.
yeah right
Thank you guys, as always freighting and humbling to write with the likes of this lot.
Funny how age keeps coming into play. I know “Yeah Right” ratted me out the other day and announced my birthday. I turned 63 on Friday and I’m guessing that I am the oldest relic that resides here.
All the heroin I’ve done? And shots of brown liquor? How the hell am I still alive? Yesterday? 11 beers (gave up on the hard stuff 25 years ago) and smoked an ⅛ of good weed all by myself.
Why big sky, why?
DJ TAJ
Brooks was picked by the Cincinnati Bengals in the 2006 Supplemental Draft. He played as a linebacker and had a successful career with the San Francisco 49ers, earning multiple Pro Bowl selections.
This might be the quintessential Bengals sentence.
herodotus450
WCS
The loose extra fabric on Bojan’s sweatpants would’ve saved that #JustSayin
Don T
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the USMNT is a great watch and a world-class team. Until it’s time to shoot towards the goal.
Don T
If you have having trouble “loggin in”, once logged in it may say that you are not logged in, at that point, refresh the page. If that does not work, then clear your cache and “loggin in” again.
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1671269223836909569
[Zaphod] poured a drink down his other throat with the plan that it would head the previous one off at the pass, join forces with it, and together they would get the second one to pull itself together. Then all three would go off in search of the first, give it a good talking to and maybe a bit of a sing as well.
He felt uncertain as to whether the fourth drink had understood all that, so he sent a fifth to explain the plan more fully and a sixth for moral support.
How long till James Cameron does a movie about searching for the people lost while sightseeing the Titanic. Also, I need to see a headline “Titanic Claims More Lives”. The best thing I learnt today – the “sub” was controlled by a 40 dollar Logitech game controller. Bet they forgot to recharge it after the last dive.
I’d like to share a Futurama joke I always enjoy, with you all.
https://youtu.be/O4RLOo6bchU
You should have seen Pride Night at the Los Angeles Bugcatchers.
“Scientists have successfully demonstrated for the first time that solar power can be wirelessly transmitted in space and also beamed to Earth.”
https://www.independent.co.uk/space/space-earth-wireless-power-beamed-b2353588.html
Um….. hasn’t that been going on for about 4.5 billion years already?
Stupid egghead nerds.
THIS TITANIC SUBMERSIBLE I CALL IT TRACI LORD’S 15TH BIRTHDAY BECAUSE IT’S GOING DOWN FAST AND TAKING AN UNREGULATED INDUSTRY WITH IT!!!
Who am I kidding? Nothing’s beating Spam’s wasted seamen crack.
Wasted, semen, crack…. I swear I had something for this.
Ugh, Jesus, enough about Hunter Biden already!
The Coast Guard can’t find some dopey sub?
Is Ted Cruz hiding in Cancun again?
THIS ATLANTIC OCEAN I CALL IT BLAX’S SOCK BECAUSE IT’S FULL OF WASTED SEAMEN
You know, my mom reads this.
Then she’s aware of the risks.
grumble grumble she reads it to me too grumble
/rules out Lea Michele as Blax’s mom.
June 20 is a little early to be entering the dog days…
Watching a Coast Guard press conference about the missing sub and that guy’s using a lot of words for “those people are totally fucked and maybe we’ll find them by 2050”
THIS TITANIC SUBMERSIBLE I CALL IT ASHLI BABBIT ON JANUARY 4TH, 2021 BECAUSE IT ONLY HAS ABOUT 40 HOURS OF AIR LEFT!
also it was doing fine until it broke a window
This is the most exciting thing since the Kursk disaster.
Shit like this never happened while I was on a sub, just sayin’.
Stretching is overrated. Little light cardio is better. And GTD is always loose and on watch.
I find that stretching helps with the cardio, and really, just happy I can still see and touch my toes ( with straight legs)
Except she’s right, he’s not a “literary” vampire.
Have you not read my Sesame Street erotic fanfic?
turns out, Bert just likes to watch
Just the audiobook.
“Not only does he count, he is unique in literature.
The Count from is approximately 6,523,728 years old, potentially making him one of the oldest Vampires in literature. At his age, he witnessed Earths 1st BiPedal Hominins, and the Pliocene–Pleistocene boundary extinction”
If you want a deep dive…
https://www.reddit.com/r/technicallythetruth/comments/p247f9/the_count_absolutely_counts/
grumble grumble you know who else is always loose grumble grumble
.
Guys, I don’t think I can vote for Hunter Biden anymore.
Who would’ve thought a recovering addict would get in trouble with the IRS?
pshaw, we all noe yew is SOVEREIGN CITIZEN suck it IRS!!!
Well I’m sure the right wing nutjobs on Twitter are happy it’s resolved with probation
/checks Twitter
lol
If it wasn’t for those assholes being a serious risk of destroying America, I would really enjoy their butthurtness.
Dealing with family stuff. Thanks for covering for me, WCS.
Scotchy’s Huggins song wins all the whatevers this week.
Yeah, that was fantastic.
RIP Teresa. You’ll be surfing buttholes in heaven now.
https://deadline.com/2023/06/teresa-taylor-dead-butthole-surfers-drummer-slacker-actor-obituary-1235420304/
I wonder if she still has Madonna’s pubic hair.
Reading their chapter in Our Band Could Be Your Life I’m stunned any of them are still alive. Packed a lot of living into 60 years. Vaya con Dios.
I nominate Dunstan for special teams kommenter of the week.
banner?
I mean he had a bunch of other great ones too.
This is superb work.