I took this week off as I usually do, because we get the 4th off and I get a 5-day vacation for the price of 4! THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!!
Which also means I likely won’t be around much tomorrow, but I will be around more than I thought I would, because my original plan was to go climb some New Hampshire mountains that exceed 4,000 feet, something I last did in 1997. In 1998 se had our first kid. We are now empty-nesters. Are those things related to each other? MAYBE!
The weather forecast for the Mt. Washington area, however, is basically a 50-60% chance of thunderstorms for most of the week and unless you want to make the newspaper for all the wrong reasons you do not want to be above treelined when one of those things comes rolling through. I once spent the night in the woods well below the summit of one of the Tripyramids, (a series of peaks in NH that exceed 4,000′. Bonus points if you guess how many), and that was scary enough.
So that’s out, but I’ll probably still stay up until 2 am and get up at 11, as God intended.
Anyway, Scotchy is again the brains behind the topic this week, (Rikki also had one in the running, but then I realized (a month after he gave me the topic), that he was moving a dwarf joke), and it’s ‘One-Hit Wonders,’ but only for sports. Mayhaps one day we’ll draft musical acts. In fact I can pretty much guarantee that we will.
With the first pick Scotchy takes someone named Andrew Hammond, who was apparently known as The Hamburger. I don’t have a fucking clue who this guy is. TO THE GOOGLES!!
Ah, Hammond is a hockey goalie who had a hell of a rookie season for the Ottawa Senators in 2014-2015 and is now retired, having washed out of the KHL after two games with Tract Chelyabinsk. “Washing out” is unfair, (which is why I said it); it appears from his Wikipedia that Andrew was motivated to return to North America, and really, who could blame him?
With the second pick I will take Brady Anderson. In 1996, whilst playing for the Orioles of Baltimore, Anderson hit 50 home runs and had 110 RBIs. He never hit more than half that many HRs again, (nor had he before), and the closest he ever got in RBIs would be 81. Anderson is a classic one-hit wonder in the world of sports, and apropos of nothing I believe ’96 is generally considered the start of the steroid era in baseball.
A reminder, just in case anyone, (Blax), skips to the bottom and doesn’t know quite what we’re doing here: One-year wonders, sports only. Rikki’s in charge, assuming he reads this far.
The rest of you are on the clock. I’m going to get drunk.
Planning our drive to LegoLand on Thursday. I understand SoCal traffic is ugly. Does it really matter if we approach from the east between noon and 3p?
That’s the best way to approach SoCal. I’m assuming you’ll be taking the 15 to the 78? You should be alright.
Maps has me on I8.
Aim for carpool lanes and toll roads, if you can. You can pay the limousine lane tolls retroactively, if you don’t mind paying a bit more.
It should be three Blax in the car, so that is carpool-sufficient yeah? And do y’all have carpool laws/lanes all day? They were only like 6-9a and 4-7p in DC burbs.
All day HOV lanes.
Pete Kozma. Had the most inexplicable, blazing hot September/October run ever, then turned back into a pumpkin.
He might be the origin story of Cardinals Devil Magick
Did someone say Rick Ankiel?
I’ll take the mega-mustachioed Lanny McDonald with my next pick. In the three years previous to the 82-83 season his average goals per season was 25. In the three years afterward the average was 30. That isolated year? He scored 66 goals. You may ask yourself, “Damn, that’s a ton of goals-he must have easily posted 100+ points that year!. Nope. He had a paltry 32 assists and ended up at 98 points in total. Complete pucking puck hog!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thiLsc_q0hA&ab_channel=NationTricolore
I’m shocked* that the Yinzer contingent hasn’t yakked about Barry Foster with his 390 carries and his 426 total touches in 1992. Y’all are quite ok with destroying a guy’s career as long as it gets you an 11-5 record. For shame!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw5YXPXBOnY&ab_channel=ItzYinzburgh
*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hC3uyQdQKM&ab_channel=SimpsonsClips
I have blocked the Neil O’Donnel years from my memory.
Josh Gordon has to qualify, right? It was one year of 1600+ yards and 9 TD’s and then nothing else afterwards
/watches videos that can’t be posted to the site
//[strokes chin] “It would seem that his route tree was limited to crossers and go routes”
///he’s the only fella to post back-to-back 200 yard games? That’s impressive.
200 receiving yards in consecutive games had never, and hasn’t happened since? That is damned impressive.
Aaron Small. Small Ball went 10-0 for the Yankees is 2005, but the rest of the career is a footnote.
Huh. And here I was thinking “Small Ball” was Lance Armstrong’s nickname. What with the whole only having one testicle and also the shrinkage due to performance-enhancing drug abuse.
Still waiting for Balls to draft a cheerleader who made a single appearance in an adult film.
I almost drafted Doug Flutie but he had 3 good seasons and a cheerleader daughter.
Bryant “Big Country” Reeves. How did that even seem like a good idea at the time?
As with our current wild fire smoke problem, blame Canada.
I can’t find it but I remember Glenn Robinson dunking on him and starting to do the staredown but Reeves held out his hand and implied, “You got me, that was good!!” Took Robinson by surprise, took everyone by surprise.
/I honestly think that Reeves didn’t like playing basketball, got his money and got out as soon as he could
I mean, he’s not expecting to grow flowers in the desert…
Moar like Coco Gaffe
WimbleDoneInTheFirstRound
NoMo Gauff
Shaun Micheel won the 2003 PGA Championship for not just his one major victory in his career, his sole win on the PGA Tour.
Like Horatio said about Michael Chang and Grand Slams in tennis, golf is all about the majors. Micheel got his one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnvwmCCDJbA&ab_channel=GolfChannel
Joe Charboneau won Rookie of the Year for Cleveland in 1980, then hurt his back the following year and was never the same. Was well-known for dyeing his hair (SCANDALOUS) and drinking beer through his nose (awesome? gross? dunno). There was a song about him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2JV0btxRvQ&ab_channel=booblikon
Here’s one that immediately comes to mind:
https://www.smokingmusket.com/2017/9/7/16267460/west-virginia-rb-kay-jay-harris-record-breaking-day-against-east-carolina-ecu-wvu
KJ Harris set a Big East Conference record 337 yards, and four touched downs, on 25 carries against East Carolina on Sept. 4 2004 (coincidentally, my 23rd anniversary of being born).
Harris finished the eleven game season with less than 1000 yards.
You have the same birthday as my older brother. This is September in my family- Gumby’s bday is the 1st, my sister is the 3rd, brother is the 4th, former SIL is the 23, niece and nephew the 24th, BIL the 25th, and mine is the 26th. That’s a lot of cards for me to forget to send!
My old roommate is the 3rd, I’m 4th, my best friend is the 7th, both ex-wifey and her mom at the 18th, another friend is the 21st, and my aunt is the 30th.
Lil’er WCS is Oct. 2, and my brother is Oct. 6th.
The Boz. Talked a lot, did very little.
He Hate Me. Made himself and the XFL interesting for exactly one game. Caught on as a special teamer and had one return for a touchdown, otherwise, just a footnote.
4. Michael Chang. Bit of a reach, since it’s not like he had a bad career or anything, but he was never able to win another Grand Slam title after his miracle run at age 17.
I would definitely consider him a one-hit wonder. Tennis is all about Grand Slams, and he got one of them very early and then never again.
Lots of one-time Slam winners, then. Juan Martin del Potro won the 2009 U.S. Open, beating Nadal and Federer, and looked like he was going to be the next big thing. But injuries kind of derailed him, although he made another U.S. Open final eventually and a couple of Slam semis.
Andres Gomez peaked late — made his first Slam final in Paris in 1990 at the age of 30, won an upset over Agassi, and then never made it past the second round of a Slam again.
Former Whaler Wayne Babych, Dave’s less-skilled brother, had 54 goals and 96 points in 1980-81. He, of course, played for the Whalers from 85-86 to 86-87 and totaled 28 points during that time. In fact he never came close to the kind of production he had for the Blues that one year.
I only remember Wayne because Dave Babych getting traded to the Whalers was a big part of what little success that franchise ever had.
Khalil Tate showed up in the FBS scene mid- season, rug rushed for a single game ncaa record, then looked for til the next season.
Where he did nothing.
3. Floyd Landis. Remember him? “Finished first” at the 2006 Tour de France and then got popped for doping. To his credit, when he was going off the cliff he at least he reached out and grabbed Lance Armstrong by his one remaining testicle and pulled that filthy cheater off with him.
If ever anyone was born to be a Floyd, it’s this guy.
Wasn’t he raised a Mennonite, and tried to blame his positive test on Jack Daniels?
/checks internet
He was in fact raised Mennonite. I don’t think they approve of alcohol. Not sure where they fall on blood doping.
The Ditka led Chicago Bears. After their dominance in ’85, I thought they’d repeat, maybe even three-peat.
NOPE. Buddy Ryan left and ’85 was it. /sigh
If Buddy hadn’t left for The Eagles?
Jonathan Cheechoo was a big deal, scoring 56 goals for the Bruins in ’05. Four years later he scored 5 goals in 61 games for the Senators and was done.
Nawt really his fault he only had one good season, not sure I can ever forgive the franchise for destroying such a talented and entertaining player
Fuck those particular Patriots this 4th of July
As I was typing. Goddamit. He also caught a TD that game. Never caught anything else, ever.
Clint Longley – The ultimate two hit wonder (Thanksgiving Game 1974, sucker punched Roger Staubach 1976)
Tim Tebow. Somehow, he “led” those Broncos to not only the playoffs but a playoff win.
tim tebow would have amounted to nothing without the help of our lord jesus christ ppl forget that
“Why does everyone blame me for this?! He couldn’t throw with accuracy! Just put 8 guys in the box and put pressure on him!”
Tuffy Rhodes. Hits 3 home runs off Doc Gooden in the season opener in 1994, 5 more the rest of the season and never has another 250 AB season the rest of his major league career.
Made plenty of money mashing the ball in Japan but tuff noogies.
I remember watching that game.
I might have to ask my mom, but I think I may have been at that game….
2. David Duval. Was the hottest name in golf for a couple of years culminating with a win at the 2001 Open Championship (you know, the one without trees and those bunkers that are basically oubliettes) and then like that…[kisses fingers, sexually assaults teenager]…he’s gone.
This one has me stumped. And I’m too lazy today for thinkin.
Timmy Smith. Rushed for 204 yards in the Owl! Won MVP of same Owl.
First and last time I remember him.
Yeah, that Redacteds team was the first thing that came to mind when I saw this draft topic.
Morning. I’m up and picking Yankee 1B/DH Kevin Maas. in 1990 Maas came up for about a half season and hit 21 HRs. He was going to be the next Don Mattingly, (which was odd, since Mattingly was still on the team), but instead hit .220 the next year with 128 strike-outs, (yes, I had to look all this up), and was out of baseball by ’95.
It’s funny because a .220 average would be perfectly respectable in this year’s MLB.
So would the strike-outs. In fact 23 HRs and “only” 128 Ks wouldn’t even be blinked at.
1. Peyton Hillis. His third season in the NFL he busted out for 1654 scrimmage yards and 13 TD’s. In CLEVELAND! Got himself onto the cover of Madden. In subsequent years he never managed to reach even half of his ’12 totals.
I think the sheer number of Cleveland Browns players taken in this draft will be astounding.
Yeah when you’ve got a team drafting that high it’s pretty likely the talent is there for at least one great season before the despair of playing for the Browns completely breaks their spirits.
Plus the generally brutal nature of the NFL makes it prime harvesting ground for ‘one-and-done’
Dan O’Brien, of “Dan and Dave” fame. Didn’t even make the Olympic team. Shame and ignominy!
Well, not quite. He did win a gold in the next Olympics, but for the 1992 Barcelona games he was a complete bust!
With no more affirmative action, I can finally open with Linsanity.
I wonder if he was friends with Fitzy
I feel it obligatory to draft Derek “Horse Balls” Anderson. (https://deadspin.com/jamboroo-week-9-the-budding-legend-of-derek-horse-ba-317720)
He was a Pro Bowler in 2007, won 10 games WITH CLEVELAND while throwing 29 TDs….and never threw more than 9 in any other season in his career.
Mark Fidrych. He got huge press for half a season of baseball for the Tigers then…
57, 58, 59… 30 minutes
Buster Douglas. Whew!
Fuck, that’s the winner right there. No one is topping Buster.
I don’t regard Douglas as a one-hit wonder so much as someone who got paid $24 million to fight Holyfield and realized that he didn’t need to get punched in the head anymore.
That’s the secret to life. Don’t get rich, just be financially sufficient.
RIDDICK BOWE
/ninja smoke bomb
No! The other guy. Agh, I’m bad at this.
One hit wonders and dwarf jokes? I’ll take Eddie Gaedel