EXT. SKID ROW ADJACENT MINI MART – DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES – TUESDAY
CUT TO: a disheveled-looking man standing on the sidewalk.
JIM TOMSULA: I don’t know about this, boys. It’s my last two dollars.
DJ 3000: I’M TELLING YOU, IT’LL BE FINE.
JIM TOMSULA: But what about dinner? A man’s gotta eat.
JOHNNY 2.5: DON’T SWEAT IT, BUDDY. THE CHINATOWN BAKERIES WILL BE MAKING ROOM FOR THEIR AFTERNOON STOCK IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.
JIM TOMSULA: Yeah, but those dumpsters have locks on ’em.
PETUNIA: If you’re going to trust a bunch of extradimensional robots to hand you a set of winning lottery numbers – and you should – is it really that much a step farther to trust that we know the numbers of the combination lock they use over behind Long’s Family Pastry?
JIM TOMSULA: Ooh, I could definitely stand to knock down a few pork buns right now.
DJ 3000: THEN STOP STALLING AND GET ON IN THERE! YOU DON’T WANT TO KEEP THOSE PORK BUNS WAITING, IT’S NINETY-FOUR DEGREES OUT HERE.
JIM TOMSULA glances down at a discarded paper receipt in his hand, on the back of which has been written the numbers “7-10-11-13-24” and then another “24” circled in a spot of grease.
JIM TOMSULA: All right, here goes nothin’. But this had better work, or this is the last time I’ll be trusting a bunch of talking robots from another universe feeding me lottery numbers through a shimmery magic portal in spacetime.
JIM TOMSULA swallows and steps inside the bodega.
—
CUT TO: DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES RAILROAD SPUR – FRIDAY
A disheveled-looking man is slumped among the garbage by the side of the tracks, wearing a ridiculous grin on his face.
DJ 3000: TIME TO GO, JIM-TOM. GOT A LOT OF ERRANDS TO DO.
JIM TOMSULA: [extremely intoxicated] Let me just drink one more toast with you fellas. [holds up a bottle of MD 20/20] And here I was thinking you was a bunch of scary robots when it turned out you was angels! How in heaven’s name did you know the lottery numbers in advance?
RUSSELL WILSON: We didn’t know it in advance. We simply tried every possible combination. It’s a multiverse thing.
JIM TOMSULA: Huh?
DJ 3000: WE’RE TESTING THIS THEORY OF QUANTUM SMEARING; WHETHER WE CAN CREATE A SERIES OF INFINITE POSSIBLE TIMELINES, AND THEN COLLAPSE THE WAVEFORM DOWN INTO THE SINGLE TIMELINE THAT WE WANT.
JIM TOMSULA: [sips MD 20/20 thoughtfully] Uh huh.
JOHNNY 2.5: WE PROVIDED YOU – OR MORE SPECIFICALLY, A BILLION ALTERNATE VERSIONS OF YOU – EACH WITH A SINGLE POWERBALL COMBINATION. THIS UNIVERSE, THIS TIMELINE THAT WE’RE EXPERIENCING RIGHT NOW, HAPPENS TO BE THE ONE SINGLE TIMELINE WHERE YOU WON.
PED-209: THERE WERE ALSO SEVERAL ALTERNATE TIMELINES WHERE YOU CONSUMED INTOXICANTS OF VARIOUS TYPES AND LOST THE TICKET WITHIN THREE HOURS OF PURCHASING IT.
PETUNIA: [helpfully] And another one where you got hit by a bus!
JIM TOMSULA: So I’m the lucky one, eh?
DJ 3000: THAT’S RIGHT! THE FIRST THING WE’LL NEED TO DO IS FIND YOU A LAWYER, AND GET YOU SET UP WITH A TRUST.
JIM TOMSULA: Man, what am I even gonna do with all this money?
RUSSELL WILSON: I hear there’s good money to be made in the ownership of a National Football League team…
JIM TOMSULA: [scratches his chin] You know…
JIM TOMSULA grabs several items that surround him, and wraps them up in his trusty bindle.
JIM TOMSULA: Say, I don’t suppose you fellas could play a bit of music for me to ramble along to?
DJ 3000: WE ABSOLUTELY CAN, IN FACT IT’S TIME FOR REQUEST LINE AND YOU’VE JUST GIVEN ME THE PERFECT IDEA FOR A THEME.
The camera focuses on the piece of cloth JIM TOMSULA is using to wrap up his meager possessions. It then pans over to focus on the winning Powerball ticket.
DJ 3000: RAGS TO RICHES, BABY. RAGS TO RICHES.
Today’s theme is “poverty and wealth”. We’re looking for songs that address either of these topics – bonus points if they address both at the same time. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?g!N63rD1g63r and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. Last week’s puzzle answer of “Rock Lobster” was eventually claimed by SonOfSpam. Let’s get to it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBwAxmrE194
Excellent choice. Might I suggest putting a pin in this one; you’ll want to have it handy again in a few weeks.
Doing all Wu Tang? Far out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-P2qL3qkzk
Love that tune. Nothing but attitude from the front woman.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_32vDElsPE
More Doorcoin please.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4cD8eyWpwQ&ab_channel=BobMarleyVEVO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIAkRVBS-0U
Dammit, I was looking for this one!
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eswQl-hcvU0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=holBS44V5gU
Wouldn’t be a Jim Tomsula post without it…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vTomEuuIZA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlcIKh6sBtc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-BYzaDwNoE
(ill fated drummer is Ed Begley Jr.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2X0JzlO8SM
Greatest song addressing homelessness? PERHAPS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfxvsHpTZWk&ab_channel=lprovidemusic
This might just meet the criteria.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpZgKI97K1M&ab_channel=JayZVEVO
“She’s a rich girl, don’t try to hide it…He’s a poor boy, empty as a pocket.”
/I’ll take my bonus points in the form of newly-minted Doorcoin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WSBSb5NjYI&ab_channel=PaulSimonVEVO
THEMATIC DOUBLE SHOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCuMWrfXG4E
D’oh! Five minute Blair Witch fail.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caQ8a4hLiaM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIGN00DpNR4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz766RbceB4
I love this movie so damn much.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTzH4he7hP8
“Poor Otis, dead and gone.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWXiz99zWAI
I sing that every tine I get in an elevator.
‘Now my
Father used to tell me
Don’t go pissin on the apples
That have fallen from the tree
Cause you’ll see that when yer hungry
And yer backs against the wall
A fallen apple ain’t so bad
To eat’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkEBBIJIWDE
‘Say you don’t know
Where yer money goes
I see yer Abraham Lincolns
Wish I had me some of those
Spent my whole damn wad
On food and pot
Ain’t much more that I have got
Gonna get it and get out of here’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwAMSZFHeZs
Wait, when did you write this? Did you kill Tony Bennett?
This morning. Originally I was going to have Tony Bennet serve as a bit of a spirit guide for Jim-Tom but time got away from me and I had to wrap things up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTP2RUD_cL0
ACTUALLY EVEN MORE APT FOR THE THEME DOUBLE SHOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WPzFnZkZmI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlrqnczLtis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRRP7EaP978
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dimhKln0KBg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dk6Y9uIwiMI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsRk7bboqIg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqmFxgEGKH0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csy4K8jfJRE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51jvfaqiNio
The people might know but the people don’t care
That a man could be as poor as me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ka6yhEUyos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1WUEOhbgbw
NAWT Pink Floyd
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LE4aTMAhNw&ab_channel=puredenizen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_fXbD5heSE
Workin’ so hard like a soldier
Can’t afford a thing on TV
Deep in my heart I am warrior
Can’t get food for them kid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtPk5IUbdH0
Good God!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wh3t49NsWBA
These guys did a different version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwk0emLPZ5A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvSthOIEas4
The Quo!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TbfQPRgcS8
DOUBLESHOT!
When I win the lottery, I’ll have enough of these 3:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2HH7J-Sx80
‘Everybody’s desperate trying to make ends meet
Work all day, still can’t pay the price of gasoline and meat’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAfezK8-s2w
Alas, their lives are incomplete
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qev-i9-VKlY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QInAsizcu08
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3LFML_pxlY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBHZFYpQ6nc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3d6za8LnGU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_iYcJHYzHc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxfZZRRuCPk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lqdErI9uss
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1NgGm3yr0
He’s just a poor boy
from a poor family
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ9rUzIMcZQ
Or is this it, RTD?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm9hySTVKtY
Got it, well done!
This it, RTD?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYn_ybXOfiE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXE_n2q08Yw
Love this one! Almighty dolla!
Don’t let money change you, Gumbygirl, as you’re my favorite!! (Don’t tell the others)
I’m trying to track down the name of the science fiction story that this post was inspired by, I’ll update when I find it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aW7HweAf3o