TGIF! What a great weekend ahead. F1, British Open, TdF, and women’s footy! All happening while most of us sleep. Thanks, time zones!
Survival – Personal Edition
Let’s say you have a few friends around, some oars, a shell (that’s a rowing boat for those the don’t know), and a calm and straight body of water. Well then, you are now a crew team! This is all fun and games, until one of your friends falls overboard. Let’s rescue that friend!
- The first step is so obvious I can’t believe I have to tell you this. But here we are. The first step is to stop rowing! You can’t rescue your friend from afar. You have to be near.
- To the end, coordinate your rowing to navigate toward your friend. You only need to be within an oar’s length of the friend. Don’t run them over with the shell.
- The person closest to this friend should extend their oar for them to grab. As much fun as it would be, don’t hit that friend with the oar.
- Once your friend has grasped the oar, pull them in to the side of the shell.
- Hold that friend against the shell. Do not try to pull them onboard and do not let them try to climb in. That could capsize the shell and put the rest of you in the drink.
- While one person holds your friend, the rest of you should oar the shell to the nearest shore. There your friend can get out of the water and walk back to the dock.
- In the off chance your friend is injured or otherwise unable to be helped to shore with the oar and shell method, you’ll have to do a water rescue. Well maybe not you, but whoever is the better swimmer.
- Swim up behind the friend. Put your dominant arm under one arm pit, reach across their chest, and grab their other arm pit with your hand.
- Now tow your friend either back to the shell or the shore using a side kick or breast stroke.
There you go, your friend is all safe and sound now. Grab a beer and mock them relentlessly for the next year.
Click here to get to commenting
Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
\
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
If Carli Lloyd is gonna recreate the Seinfeld “Man Hands” episode, at least she could do the viewing public a favoUr and suffocate Alexi Lalas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvJjmWTg7Qo
The walk is going to be a challenge the next couple of days.
There’s a race, Oracle Grand prix LA with the fast wind propelled speed boat things from 10 different countries and shit and it looks awesome but you realize that you’re fucking with my walk!
Motherfucker I was here first!
Crazy week at work.
Busy as we’ve been since 2019 and people coming back to the office.
Wednesday was stupid and for no good reason but by Friday things are better than they’ve been in a long time.
Still love my job but vacation is looking better all the time.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38048768/browns-goodwin-miss-start-camp-due-blood-clots-legs-lungs
Browns already payin’ up.
Happy Sexy Friday!
And, yet, I would invite he/she over for a BBQ. Weird.
He/she is bringing a cake!
You’re hired! Starting next week.
Doesn’t he own the Colts?
He looks like my friend Lewis. Except for the tits.
You tell Lewis to man up and grow a pair.
Lady number 5 is just begging me to join her in the tub. We could try a modification of Ayo’s water Rescue bit, this one using BOTH hands.
Who’s laughing now, Vietnam?
This game taught me that the only thing more exciting than soccer is a bunch of women playing soccer.
You don’t see many of the men doin this chit…
Thats 1 leg of the 10 leg parlay I have. Lets go!
Once LaVelle is fully back in game shape, this WC is in hand.
When the USA women’s team has a box-to-box midfielder, it means they’re in an open relationship
They should call that the scissors position.
Bet this looks good on the primatologist’s resume.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-66273598
tl;dr – boy gorilla at the Columbus Zoo had a baby.
Pimping for gorillas?
Ha, psych!
That last goal was called ARC LIGHT
THIS LADY MEGAN RAPINOE I CALL HER HAPPY JACK BECAUSE HER ADVERSARIES ARE SOUTHEAST ASIANS AND SHE HAS A DUMB-LOOKING HAIRCUT.
Simple Jack
Damnit.
You’re thinking of the song by The Who
All this messy talk in Miami reminds of the time I did bath salts and woke up in Overtown with my cock in a mound of mofongo
Crew is pretty harsh, every other type of boating I’m familiar with gets the person back on board, and that includes kayaking which also has a tipping issue. That reminds me, I should retake the kayak self-rescue class I took shortly before the pandemic
Unbelievable finish to Messi’s debut. If it was scripted, well done!
I went to a mall today that had an upscale vacuum cleaner store.
Send that to RTD’s wife.
At the prices you pay for a Dyson, the shopping experience should include a back rub by attractive ladies.
How wild, the español version of the VW “jitterbug” ad uses “La Bamba” instead!
That was a goal?
Some chant USA USA but I chant VAR VAR
I don’t think it touched Morgan when she was offside.
InjuryBall is back!
https://theathletic.com/4708090/2023/07/21/slamball-sport-tv/?source=emp-shared-articl
My second favorite late 90s sport! (The first obviously being robot combat.)
The Viet Cong team looks like mostly dudes. Is that allowed?
Worthy fuckin’ adversary
Welp, just as well to get such a shitty penalty try out of your system, Alex.
Smith or Rodman should have taken that. Both are next level players.
I wish they would broadcast the conversation the referee has with VAR. They do that in Rugby and its awesome
Looks like she got a sliver of ball to me.
Why do our kits look like they are sponsored by Jackson Pollock?
One thing I know about women is that they like to have stuff splattered on them.
Maybe a blind Pollock?
[sniffs] It’s a design technique called smurfkakke maybe learn a little bit about fashion before you criticize it?
Apparently according to ESPN, that’s what they were going for.
Sydney Sweeney is love. Sydney Sweeney is life
Also, the picture of her in the blue shirt might be the most unintentionally funny picture of an attractive woman I’ve ever seen
Agreed
It’ll be nice to get a win over Vietnam after all this time.
Banner, tall edition?
Yeah
“For every missed foul, ve vill drop a bomb on Cambodia”
-H.Kissinger
Go find your glasses in the bathroom, old man.
Peace with honor
I am almost as stoned as if my wife was a Gorgon.
As stoned as Amy Coney Barrett thinks adulteresses should be?
Maybe, but nowhere the level of stoning she deserves.
Me too. Grilling some dogs!
That’s quality service.
Alright, since our flight didn’t go out, we’re going to the Barbie movie. Thoughts and prayers.
You poor, poor bastard.
Worth it for Lady BFC’s first experience at a theater….not in her typical demographic
I was astonished to see that the reviews for it are quite good.
I heard great things about Barbie (it’s much more than a product placement). Oppenheimer is sold out in D.C. through the weekend. I’d still rather see Oppenheimer, but only because I’m a really big fan of nuclear weapons, and quality American nuclear weapons in particular. Good stuff, folks.
Did you check the Angelika market popup and E Street?
No, but I’ll look it up.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyhrYis509A&pp=ygUQYmFyYmllIGFxdWEgc29uZw%3D%3D
You earned this.
BTW, LOVE the double for sets of buns!
I kept reading burns instead of buns and it just brought the image of 2 identical Scottish poets shouting poetry at me in unison.
Wee Willie Winkie rins through the toon,
Up stairs an’ doon stairs in his nicht-gown,
Tirlin’ at the window, crying at the lock,
“Are the weans in their bed, for it’s now ten o’clock?”
I thought you preferred animal style.
That first picture… Whoa
The last picture confuses me
Is it the yacht?
She is just waiting for her boyfriend to rail her on the diving board for the additional motion of the ocean or she is on the gang plank wanting to help her man cum ashore. Now where’s the rimshot playing monkey?
If I was the photographer, I’d title it, “The Railing” and hang it up in a gallery.
Thank you all. “Bows to the trio”
Yep, was favorite till I saw the one on the edge of the tub. Goddamn, I haven’t an erection so fast since I was 14 and got to look down my crushes bra, and since she already had some healthy sized c’s already, it was an amazing view.
What if said “friend” didn’t so much as “fall” off the boat, but more “pushed off” the boat “with weights tied to their ankles.” Does that still count?
I think in that case you just do the opposite of step 1 and skip the rest.
“No, you place stones in the layers of chicken wire you wrap around him. That way no rotting limbs float up giving the game away” – From the “Life and Tymes of Chickenwire Jones”
Chickenwire Jones and Jim Tomsula have a long, checkered history.