EXT. SKID ROW ADJACENT MINI MART – DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES – TUESDAY
CUT TO: a disheveled-looking man standing on the sidewalk.
JIM TOMSULA: I don’t know about this, boys. It’s my last two dollars.
DJ 3000: I’M TELLING YOU, IT’LL BE FINE.
JIM TOMSULA: But what about dinner? A man’s gotta eat.
JOHNNY 2.5: DON’T SWEAT IT, BUDDY. THE CHINATOWN BAKERIES WILL BE MAKING ROOM FOR THEIR AFTERNOON STOCK IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.
JIM TOMSULA: Yeah, but those dumpsters have locks on ’em.
PETUNIA: If you’re going to trust a bunch of extradimensional robots to hand you a set of winning lottery numbers – and you should – is it really that much a step farther to trust that we know the numbers of the combination lock they use over behind Long’s Family Pastry?
JIM TOMSULA: Ooh, I could definitely stand to knock down a few pork buns right now.
DJ 3000: THEN STOP STALLING AND GET ON IN THERE! YOU DON’T WANT TO KEEP THOSE PORK BUNS WAITING, IT’S NINETY-FOUR DEGREES OUT HERE.
JIM TOMSULA glances down at a discarded paper receipt in his hand, on the back of which has been written the numbers “7-10-11-13-24” and then another “24” circled in a spot of grease.
JIM TOMSULA: All right, here goes nothin’. But this had better work, or this is the last time I’ll be trusting a bunch of talking robots from another universe feeding me lottery numbers through a shimmery magic portal in spacetime.
JIM TOMSULA swallows and steps inside the bodega.
—
CUT TO: DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES RAILROAD SPUR – FRIDAY
A disheveled-looking man is slumped among the garbage by the side of the tracks, wearing a ridiculous grin on his face.
DJ 3000: TIME TO GO, JIM-TOM. GOT A LOT OF ERRANDS TO DO.
JIM TOMSULA: [extremely intoxicated] Let me just drink one more toast with you fellas. [holds up a bottle of MD 20/20] And here I was thinking you was a bunch of scary robots when it turned out you was angels! How in heaven’s name did you know the lottery numbers in advance?
RUSSELL WILSON: We didn’t know it in advance. We simply tried every possible combination. It’s a multiverse thing.
JIM TOMSULA: Huh?
DJ 3000: WE’RE TESTING THIS THEORY OF QUANTUM SMEARING; WHETHER WE CAN CREATE A SERIES OF INFINITE POSSIBLE TIMELINES, AND THEN COLLAPSE THE WAVEFORM DOWN INTO THE SINGLE TIMELINE THAT WE WANT.
JIM TOMSULA: [sips MD 20/20 thoughtfully] Uh huh.
JOHNNY 2.5: WE PROVIDED YOU – OR MORE SPECIFICALLY, A BILLION ALTERNATE VERSIONS OF YOU – EACH WITH A SINGLE POWERBALL COMBINATION. THIS UNIVERSE, THIS TIMELINE THAT WE’RE EXPERIENCING RIGHT NOW, HAPPENS TO BE THE ONE SINGLE TIMELINE WHERE YOU WON.
PED-209: THERE WERE ALSO SEVERAL ALTERNATE TIMELINES WHERE YOU CONSUMED INTOXICANTS OF VARIOUS TYPES AND LOST THE TICKET WITHIN THREE HOURS OF PURCHASING IT.
PETUNIA: [helpfully] And another one where you got hit by a bus!
JIM TOMSULA: So I’m the lucky one, eh?
DJ 3000: THAT’S RIGHT! THE FIRST THING WE’LL NEED TO DO IS FIND YOU A LAWYER, AND GET YOU SET UP WITH A TRUST.
JIM TOMSULA: Man, what am I even gonna do with all this money?
RUSSELL WILSON: I hear there’s good money to be made in the ownership of a National Football League team…
JIM TOMSULA: [scratches his chin] You know…
JIM TOMSULA grabs several items that surround him, and wraps them up in his trusty bindle.
JIM TOMSULA: Say, I don’t suppose you fellas could play a bit of music for me to ramble along to?
DJ 3000: WE ABSOLUTELY CAN, IN FACT IT’S TIME FOR REQUEST LINE AND YOU’VE JUST GIVEN ME THE PERFECT IDEA FOR A THEME.
The camera focuses on the piece of cloth JIM TOMSULA is using to wrap up his meager possessions. It then pans over to focus on the winning Powerball ticket.
DJ 3000: RAGS TO RICHES, BABY. RAGS TO RICHES.
Today’s theme is “poverty and wealth”. We’re looking for songs that address either of these topics – bonus points if they address both at the same time. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?g!N63rD1g63r and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. Last week’s puzzle answer of “Rock Lobster” was eventually claimed by SonOfSpam. Let’s get to it!
Ooo. Thought of this one on the way home, didn’t see it…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n06f6et66NQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6gZxg3bOcs
I have sung this tune to my wife and kids so many times-they hate it, as they should given the number of times they’ve been exposed to it against their will.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL_WvOly7mY&ab_channel=WeezerVEVO