Good morning folks.
Welcome back to part 2 of our experimentation with porcini mushrooms.
You’ll remember last week – when we weren’t dodging hurricanes and earthquakes and shit- we discussed the earthy, woodsy, dank gloriousness of the porcini which we featured in a ragu.
That shit was amazing too.
Thought I would head in a completely different culinary direction with today’s meal.
Not that this will be as easy as last week mind you but the preparation is just as simple as the potential to fully fuck up the landing is.
What does that mean?
That means we are going to walk the tightrope and attempt to execute the perfect doneness of…
Our dear friend, the pork tenderloin.
Holy good goddamn do I love a good pork tenderloin. Almost as much as I dislike an overcooked or fucked up pork tenderloin.
You all know how tricky this fucker is to make properly. If you remember I’ve previously given you some simple tricks to achieving a properly cooked tenderloin.
Like this one.
And this one.
Simplest trick is also the most obvious. Just don’t overcook the motherfucker, alright?
I’m pretty sure you astute folks know that pork today isn’t the same as yesterday and you can indeed have a little pink in your pork.
Wait, what?
Don’t be afraid. This will be done, you won’t die of ptomaine poisoning and it will be delightful.
That’s one of the best parts about tenderloin, it’s a very neutral flavor and it takes on seasonings brilliantly. Which is why I cook this shit as often as I do.
Don’t be afraid to get some flavor going around this shit.
Which brings us to the topic of our second menu of our two week experiment.
Porcini mushrooms.
I thought a lovely red wine cream sauce with some chopped porcinis in it would be a dynamite addition to the humble loin and holy shit was that ever a good idea.
When browsing about for various recipe ideas I discovered one that had potential but their sauce just didn’t work in my brain. Their sauce had some of the base ingredients as mine today but theirs had cognac, which I replaced with some red wine, their recipe also had lemon and honey and no. No, I wasn’t going to do that to my sauce. I know a perfectly decent sauce we can make that doesn’t mimic a goddamn cough drop.
I used some inspiration from that initial recipe in the form of a quick marinade but the final finishing sauce was from my very own cooking experiences and preferences.
I did like their idea for a quick marinade and I used that one as stated but adjusted the amounts.
todays recipe inspired by allrecipes.com
You will need:
1 pork tenderloin. Remember that bag of pork up there has 2 tenderloins in it. Use one and freeze the other.
1/4 cup olive oil
1 1/2 tablespoons herbes de Provence
3-4 garlic cloves minced
Let’s let the wikis explain the Herbes shall we?
“Herbes de Provence is a mixture of dried herbs considered typical of the Provence region of southeastern France. Formerly simply a descriptive term, commercial blends started to be sold under this name in the 1970s. These blends often contain savory, marjoram, rosemary, thyme, and oregano. Lavender leaves are also sometimes included, especially in North American formulations. The herb mixture is typically used with grilled foods and stews.”
Folks?
This shit did indeed have lavender. We’ll get to that in a bit.
We will make a real quick marinade with the olive oil, herbs and garlic.
Give our little piggy its spa treatment.
Slather that shit all over. Notice the pan the piggy is sitting in? We will cover that pan with some foil and let the tenderloin marinate in the fridge for about 3 hours. That will be plenty of marinating time.
When thinking about a side to serve with the tenderloin my brain just latched the fuck onto mashed potatoes. Well, because I love the fuckers, I really do, so why not level them up a bit with some roasted garlic?
You remember that shit yes? Slice the top of the garlic head off, drizzle some olive oil, a little salt, wrap in foil and roast in a 350 degree over for about 30-40 minutes?
That type of shit?
Well, do that.
Once again to our featured ingredient.
I broke out the Vigorous Mountains again!
Only half an ounce of porcinis today. Yes, they will again require rehydration. Boil some water and pour just enough to cover the mushrooms and let steep for 30 minutes.
Don’t throw out that water! It goes in the sauce just like last week.
Time to get our swine out of the fridge and let it get to room temperature. This should take about an hour.
See that foil there? That’s the foil that we covered the pork with during the marinating process AND it will be the foil used to cover the pork during the cooking process. Same baking dish too.
Handy!
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.
Since this thing is already coated in oil, you just need to heat up an un-lubed pan or skillet to give this little piggy a sear.
Just 3 to 4 minutes per side and flip over.
Pop quiz time! How many sides do we have to sear?
Four! There are 4 sides to sear. Next get that back into the marinade/baking dish, re-cover with the same foil and into a 400 degree oven for just 20 minutes.
While it cooks we get our asses busy with the potatoes and the sauce.
Boil your potatoes as if you’re making mashed potatoes. Because you are!
Potatoes should be cooking until tender while we address the sauce.
We start here.
Start with one shallot.
Mince up that shallot.
Using the same pan we seared the pork in, to utilize those lovely brown bitsies you see, melt about 1-2 tablespoons of butter and scrape up that fond with a wooden spoon.
Now we check on the soaking mushrooms.
Looking good. I like where this is heading.
Sauté that shallot!
This sauce will require some red wine.
Lemme show you something.
For a wine I bought from the top shelf?
This was NOT top shelf shit at all. Didn’t like it, me. Not at all. Shit was sweet, cloying and just not a good bottle of vino.
I know I’m breaking protocol by using a wine I didn’t like to drink but this shit was expensive dammit. Plus the sweetness of the wine will replace the honey that the original recipe called for.
Or so my own internal reasoning rationalized.
Dump that shit in with the shallots and the mushroom liquid and reduce down for a bit. That’s maybe 1/3 a cup of wine right there.
Simmer and reduce by about half.
Since I’m making this shit up as I go along how about some of this?
Hell yes. A little dab’ll do ya. Get that mustard in there and give a stir. Fucking love what Dijon brings to a sauce.
Chop up your soaked porcinis next.
Very nice, these will just blow your minds in this sauce, man!
Measure out half a cup of heavy cream.
Add the cream and 1 tablespoon of butter into the sauce.
Finally add in the mushrooms, stir and reduce slightly. Just until thickened to a gravy/sauce texture. Season with salt and pepper as desired.
Hol-Lee shit that’s nice.
Slap a quick cover on there to keep warm.
Remove the pork from the oven and let it rest for at least 5 minutes before slicing. Don’t miss this step!
This is a biggie for getting the perfect doneness. You cut this fucker too fast and the juices will run out rather than redistribute then you’ll have a plateful of juice and a dry-ass tenderloin.
Very important shit right there.
Now let’s finish the potatoes.
Butter and roasted garlic go in the bowl of the stand mixer.
It’s a little dark but they’re in there.
When the potatoes have cooked, give them a drain, dump them in with the butter and garlic. Maybe a splash of that heavy cream, a little salt and pepper and give them a spin.
Oh boy, oh boy!
Garlic mashed potatoes!
Shall we dine then?
Well fuck me HARD! That’s glorious.
Look at the doneness of the tenderloin.
Perfection.
Think that sauce didn’t work famously with the garlic mashed potatoes? You must be new here.
That shit was wonderful! Goddamn that was good. The lovely still lightly pink tenderloin with the creamy, wine-rich sauce and those mushrooms mixed in?
That’s a fucking 40 dollar plate of food in a decent restaurant. Full on Five Star Shit!
Now about that lavender. It’s noticeable in a “That’s..What the fuck is that flavor?” kind of way. It’s not bad, it’s just well, lavender I guess. I personally wouldn’t put lavender in my herb blend but then again I’m not French either. It didn’t take anything away from the dish but it also didn’t really add anything apart from a novelty flavor. Neutral opinion I guess.
This meal actually made me mad at myself because I cooked it on Sunday and since I’m vegetarian starting on Mondays I didn’t get to enjoy the leftovers.
My ass needs to start cooking this stuff on Saturdays during football season!
Speaking of…
One more episode to go folks then it’s go time for football.
Come back next week for the Sunday Gravy Season 9 finale.
This will be a fun one.
Enjoy your Sunday and see you next week.
PEACE!
editors note: ready for some gatdamn football and want to join a suicide league? Join our eliminator challenge group here! Play along with the masses!
holy shit, that walk off bomb at the llws
Hell yes! My boys!
Gundo walks that shit off!
Note the sign.
Ha ha!
Unconventional, but everyone is where they’re needed.
“Hey! The line for brake inspections starts back there, asshole!”
Let’s go Gundo!
Bring that world series trophy home!
Mrs. Horatio has been outside for hour manically doing yard work. Currently on a piece of land that belongs to our neighbor.
I am going to have to break out a tranquilizer dart soon.
For the record I’ve done nothing all day beside read the paper and go to the gym. Gonna live off fixing the dryer myself for a good two weeks.
That’s the spirit! I assembled a shelf unit for TangerineJello using a dime as a screwdriver because I foolishly thought we had everything she needed for her dorm already loaded into 2 cars…
I deserve 2 drinks!
Dimes are perfectly cromulent screwdrivers. It is known.
In fact coinage was the socially accepted way of tightening screws for centuries, before someone finally got around to actually inventing actual screwdrivers 😀
Gumby and I still brag to anyone who will listen that we replaced a garbage disposal once. It wasn’t in this century.
Serious question – why are you going to the gym? You using a personal trainer (or specialized equipment/both), or just the habit? I’m curious, because thanks to the coof I finally got around to getting some training equipment and roll my own (and it turned out to cost me less in the long run)
I did the same thing during COVID. A bit of an initial investment but cheap if you know where to look and now I have no need for a gym.
To ogle women, obviously.
Shoot for the ankles and blame it on Lowratio
But you may need two – the dose for Lowratio probably won’t have the same effect on a full grown adult woman.
Adverse possession, eh? The long con, eh?
Men, OH MEN! Let me tell you how my weekend has gone. We moved TangerineJello into her dorm for junior year and are officially empty nesters once more. Then I spent today tending to lawn duties and almost taking a hammer to my goddammed chainsaw because I can’t get it to run even after changing the spark plug, air filter, and fuel filter.
I need a drink.
“Have you tried firing it up over the prone body of a hobo? I find the enthusiasm is often enough to fire it up, oftentimes even without gasoline!”
-Anonymous, Canada
Let Horatio have a look at it.
Uhm, did you turn the air filter around? On some chainsaws that’s how you switch the bugger from warm-weather to cold-weather mode. On others, like some Stihls, there’s a flap around the spark plug, so if you’ve inadvertently turned it around… 😉
I will apply this knowledge the next time I attempt to start that damn thing. Today will not be that day, however.
It’s a Ryobi and I probably should have just gotten the electric one, since I have 3 other Ryobi tools with interchangable battery packs.
It depends on what you’re doing with the chainsaw – it’s for mostly pruning and shit, battery’s better and safer. If you need to cut a lot of wood quickly (ie to prep firewood for the winter) – gasoline’s the way to go. And I just looked at my Stihl – depending on the chainsaw it’s as easy as turning around a goddamn pre-filter to fuck up the fuel/air mixure of the carb
That’s why I went with the gas version, we had a couple trees fall during a snow storm and I needed to clean up the mess. Mostly now its needed for simpler work, like pruning and shaping some of the trees around the property.
Oh yeah, if you went with a battery powered jobbie for that sort of work, you’d have spent more time by the charger than actually cutting the fallen trees, even with several high-capacity batteries at hand. I was in the same boat and I got annoyed enough to grab the cheapest known-brand chainsaw at my local Homeless Despot equivalent. I could’ve gotten a no-name Chinesium for less than half the price, but I’ve seen what fun my next door neighbour had trying to dial in the carb on his (I could literally hear the cursing from a mile away) 😀
You probably don’t hate yourself enough to try to start a 2-stroke chainsaw if it doesn’t want to start. The next one I buy is gonna be a Ryobi battery-powered one, since I’m already in their ecosystem.
Is she going to school somewhere in Georgia, with that sweet, sweet Hope scholarship money?
No, she’s at Shenandoah University, studying technical theater.
And using the last of my GI Bill money.
Dang! I’m looking at pork tenderloin prices in Northern Virginia (not an inexpensive place) and it’s about $3.99/lb.
That said, I love me some pork tenderloin. I put it in a disposable aluminum roasting pan with garlic slices jammed into it everywhere, and then pearl onions and those little potatoes surrounding it in the pan, and then the whole works liberally soaked with olive oil and balsamic vinegar (you’ll appreciate the disposable pan). Season with Herbs d’Provence, then put it into a 400°F oven until it’s done.
yeah right is the only DFOer who I have run into in a grocery store.
Ralph’s in El Segundo!
That’s our secret place!
RTD (I think) put an excerpt from Stephenson’s Cryptonomicon the other day. His line actually pointed to the whole novel, so I figured I’d reread it without having to drag out the hardback I have. It had been about 20 years or so, so lets see if I still like it.
The good: Stephenson can turn a phrase. If you like meandering sidebars in what you’re reading (ex: David Foster Wallace’s essays), they’re there in spades. I like that, so… If you like Stephenson’s other works, Cryptonomicon feels like a lot of his other works.
The bad: It’s long. If you want well-developed female characters, you’ve come to the wrong place; there’s a good bit of, “Women, am I right?” *nudge*. I think his notions of economics are flat-out wrong. Plot-wise it tends to wander, then it just kind of stops.
Would I recommend it? If you want to try Neal Stephenson, read Snowcrash first; it’s a reasonable length, and you’ll get a good example of his fiction. If you like his stuff but haven’t read it, it’s worth reading. If you’re looking for action, it’s too flabby to really enjoy.
If you want well-developed female characters
Sure, I like big tits too, but I’m not how you do that in a novel except by just describing it: “Dr. Alice Johnson, the big-titted scientist who developed the nuclear theory, entered the laboratory wearing a sheer shite labcoat that highlighted her swinging, pendulous knockers. She turned to address the scientists assembled to hear her lecture, her nipples popping out like bing cherries.”
I’d give you an A+ for that fetid bilgewater of a paragraph-the worst mark I can give.”
-Russ Meyer
Funny you mention that, because I was thinking about all the great literature and movies (Catch-22, Lawrence of Arabia, Dr. Strangelove, etc) that have few if any women characters showing up and bogging down the plot. And then you reminded me of the genius Russ Meyer, who had nothing but well developed women characters, and it’s the guys who bog it down. Except for Z-Man he was awesome (or was he?).
It can be done, even in SF/Fantasy. If there’s no other way, just mercilessly apply the Bechdel Test and write it 1950’s asexual style except give the characters boobs.
Yeah, that was me. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it despite the length. I think the discussions of cryptography really hooked me.
The digressions and the comedic parts are better than the plot. I’ve got the hardback copies of his System of the World trilogy, and it is a lot like Cryptonomicon. Digressions are really good, plot okay but drags on, ending kind of stinks.
Perhaps my wife has a bit more emotional intelligence-
Wifey’s tears were flowing last night while the bride danced with her dad. Ok. I didn’t get it. She’s not overly emotional. I’m not familiar with wedding customs so I didn’t realize that my nephew wouldn’t be dancing with her mom because she had succumbed to cancer last spring. I’m so clueless in social situations.
Don’t worry, it’s not just you 🙂 I’ve also long since resigned myself to just taking a cue from my wife when to ooh and aah at such events, all the while my internal monologue drones on and on how the happy new family would’ve better used the money wasted on the wedding proceedings*. Well, that + praying to whatever deity might listen to have me be called to work (or called up for my other duties), since I hate events where I don’t know 90+% of people.
*Marrying with just both sets of parents (and siblings) while the first rays of sunshine shyly start to light up your wife to be’s hair and knowing in your heart of hearts that you never want to greet another day without … Uhhh… sorry, I went a bit off-track there. No big wedding (and a bit of prep work) means that you can spare quite a chunk of change that’d be better used as the down payment on a house. Don’t skimp on the reception, though, since that’s like against the Bible 😛
This looks delicious! I think I have some frozen pork tenderloins from when they were on sale. The thing about only cooking with wine you’d drink came about from when they used to sell the abomination known as “cooking wine” in the supermarket, which is/ was wine that was heavily salted to get around states liquor laws.
Heh, I guess “cooking wine” is different here, lol. Here that moniker goes to the 2 quid a (700ml) bottle. Amusingly,the 2 quid a bottle Hungarian and German wines (forgot the names) I get from my local Lidl are among the few wines I actually enjoy drinking 😀
Where are my other GWS supporters?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Was waiting for you to weigh in!! Congrats!!
BIG WIN!
BIG BIG SOUND
Unrelated PSA: GPS spoofers are sooooo much better than jammers (and go really well with their cell tower brethren). Especially when used to show someone how easy it is to use tech to fabricate yourself an alibi. After all, how can <redacted> be talking with me in the barn and sharing a smoke, when <redacted’s phone> was claiming that he was on driving towards the nearest women’s convent 😀
Takes quite a bit to get me to support Geordie Arabia, but the Redshite have risen to the cunt challenge!
[furrows brow in confusion at how nonsensical this seems]
“Oh! You mean to eat for dessert, like a popsicle!”
– Coach Reid
I’m contemplating making Canadian bacon with the second one.
I always just cook them both at the same time and then eat the second one in the next few days.
Is that the part of the pig it comes from? Makes sense, since it’s round. Or mebbe Canadian pigs have an extra hunk of meat? They might [ politely]call it the “hoser”
Team Knifey thinks they’re people!
(thought)
Knifey/City of Men has gone plaid.
Fyi I’m on like day 5 of your rice soup stuff. It good.
Thanks. That’s really good stuff.
Dude!
Man I love marinaded pork loin. This looks to die for.
I know I should comment on how great the end result looks, or to ask when someone in his right mind ever questioned garlic mashed potatoes not meshing with any goddamn meat dish… Instead I must ask – WHAT THE FUCK!? 20$ (well, 19.84$) per goddamn kilo of pork tenderloin?! Seriously, is that like .. an US thing, or more of a California thing?! I’m curious, because the same costs less than half as much (about half if buying from a specialty butcher, more like 1/3rd to 1/4th the price from a big chain store) in Ireland (where prices are somewhat higher than the EU average)
I asked him something similar a few weeks back. Cali gettin raped at the supermarket.
well cum to COMMIEFORNIA wont let teh FREE MARKET wurk smgdh
After googling Ralphs (as I thought it was a local shop and not a supermarket chain) – yeah, getting the same from someone like Tesco or SuperValu (let alone the discounters like Lidl and Aldi) is ~1/3rd the price . Also, location-depending – good morning/day/afternoon/evenin’ folks.
But you gotta realize what high quality meat Cali is picking up at Ralph’s.
It’s obscene. I bought a pack of bacon. Plain ass Oscar Meyer bacon and it was 13 bucks.
It’s horrible.
Shit, at those prices it becomes almost reasonable to grab a freezer for long term food storage and do monthly runs to somewhere cheaper outside of the LA metro area. Well, that, or develop a taste for human meat and just start using your neighbours as a sustainable food source 😀
Scotchy has joined the chat
freshness is the key to his prize-winning hobo chili!
Am I correct that you minced that shallot with a butter knife / are history’s greatest monster?
Standard kitchen knife. The butter knife was used to…
Cut butter.