TGIF! Football is back! But none tonight, just the JV variety, plus some hot semi tennis action. Unless you have Spectrum, then you get nothing. Anyway, I’m still hungover so let’s get this done and dusted.

Survival – Personal Edition

As mentioned, football is back. And now your weekends are full of nonstop football action. Many of you are in a relationship and this abrupt and selfish scheduling change can cause some tension in that relationship. Well, here’s a handy to guide to end that toxic relationship so you can enjoy your true love of watching football.

• Don’t dawdle. The longer you wait, the more damage your are doing to your awareness of the football atmosphere. You know it’s over, so just end it now.
• Decide on a line of communication. If it’s a short term relationship, consider a voicemail, email, text message, or even a card. Some will call it cowardly, others will scythe end justifies the means. For a long term relationship, have some respect for the relationship and do it in person. If you don’t know how to start the conversation, write a draft letter, and have her read it to you.
• Always be kind. Specifically, express gratitude for the good times you did have. There’s no need to get into the bad things. You’re not trying to start an argument here.
• KISS. No, don’t kiss them! I mean Keep It Simple Stupid. Decisiviely state your decision and don’t leave room for negotiation or doubt. Remember, you’re ending this so it’s no longer necessary for your partner to understand or agree with your stance.
• For once, be selfish. Any discussion of the relationship should be focused on yourself. This is your decision, and it’s no fault of theirs. You’re not the football scheduler, it’s just that it is starting and it’s your problem and not their fault.
• Keep it short. You don’t need to belabor the point. You don’t need to provide feedback. Look, it’s football, and there’s little time left before it kickoff, so scoot.
• Don’t concern yourself with their pain. Remember, this relationship is over, it’s no longer your responsibility to make them feel better. But, don’t be cruel about it. Let them respond and listen, but don’t engage.
• Don’t lead them on. It’s natural to say you’ll reach out later, or call, or text, etc. Do not do this. Let them know if you see them in the future, you’ll say hello. If not, have a nice life.

Now walk away and get yourself on that couch in front of your TV. It’s football season for you and you alone.

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday! Hopefully with no lawyerly intervention this week.

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!