With the dreaded Lesser Footy international break upon us, one is especially thankful for the much improved Week 2 JV NFL slate. Without further a-doo-doo, to the fixtures!
Notre Dame (-7.5) at NC State (Noon, ABC)
People have already started fluffing the Irish, without the very necessary caveat that they haven’t faced anything close to a legitimate opponent yet. Sadly, that will still be the case after today. SIGH.
Utah (-8) at Baylor (Noon, ESPN)
Cornered, wounded animal? That would be Bay-Bay after losing their opener to 27.5-point underdog Texas State (the made-up Necessary Roughness squadoo?). Secular Big Love rolls into town, for a 10a body clock game for BOTH teams. Why the absolute fuck would they schedule this way? If anything, this TV window was already kind of crowded. Mister Mojo might be Rising in time to start this week, though they handled bidness against the Florida Men in his Week 1 absence.
Nebraska (+3) at Colorado (Noon, Fox)
Another week of Urban Meyer holding court on Deion Sanders. Kill me now, please. Poor Hobo Matt Rhule, signing up for the roller coaster of pain that is 21st century Cornfucker FITBAW.
Ole Miss (-7.5) at Tulane (3:30, ESPN2)
70 years ago, this would be an SEC clash! Now, it’s that one “prove it” week for the Green Wave to set themselves up as a backdoor playoff participant, should absolutely everything go wrong in November for the rest of the contenders. EXCITE!
Iowa (-3.5) at Iowa State (3:30, Fox)
Name a worse nickname than “Cy-Hawk Rivalry.” Cornpone and Cornpone State, showing off their punters, no doubt. Unless they got suspended for HAIL GAMBLOR!, too. Watch this as an exercise in self-loathing. You know what you did to deserve it.
Night time thread is up, people. Move it along.
I like to think the Heisman House has a graveyard out back for all the dead winners.
Nobody else likes to think that, but I do.
I’m pretty sure OJ and Reggie Bush share a bunk bed in the basement.
I find it disappointing that Deion went by Prime Time yet wore #21, which in addition to being divisible by 3 and 7 is the number of Emory co-eds Jerry Glanville fucked in his 1984 Chevy Caprice
You already won one banner today you greedy prick.
I would have said that Jerry Glanville’s prick was the greedy one.
“I’ve tried to carry myself with grace throughout this process…” Gauff said. She went on to not say “…and now that I’ve won the title, I can finally say FUCK ALL THAT GRACE AND HUMILTY SHIT. I’M A FUCKING CHAMPION NOW. U.S. OPEN WINNER, PUT DOWN THE TOP RANKED PLAYER IN THE WORLD LIKE SHE WAS THE #4 SINGLES PLAYER ON A HIGH SCHOOL TEAM FROM THE MIDDLE OF BUTTFUCK, NOWHERE. PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT, YOU FUCKING LOSERS. HOW DO ALL THOSE HATERS WHO SAID I’D HIT MY CEILING LIKE ME NOW? HUH? WHAT? FUCK YOU!”
Mrs. Fozz and I have been at complete and total war with one another since we opened our eyes today. Imagine the battle scenes from Braveheart and Gladiator, but they’re all on meth and are hungrier for blood than Andy Reid at a buffet. No quarter asked, none given.
Just a suggestion, but maybe head out to a bar.
Alcohol and yelling at strangers always help these things.
Alcohol and yelling at loved ones also has its merits. She is one of the meanest fighters I’ve ever encountered. I mean, she goes for the throat.
At one point I kept on saying, “What?”
Did this for 10 times in a row, I thought she was going to grab a knife.
Italian women are fucking dangerous.
I might get this framed and give it to her. once she’s calmed down. also, i’m not eating anything she prepares for me.
You should tell her to calm down, too. That’ll help.
[opens his mouth, then closes it again without saying anything once he hears that no quarters will be given] – Todd Marinovich, enjoying his freedom from the time loop
It is weird how much of a throwback Colorado is now under Deon Sanders.
All he has done is run the program like an HBCU. Everybody on that team is brother.
Shit, the last time you saw a black kicking coach, Stom Thurman was a teenager lighting crosses in the parking lot.
It’s old school football baby!
If everyone on that team is a brother, I’d say it’s run more like BYU
We should start calling BYU or Utah the “Technical Virgins”.
I picture Strom in more of a managerial role. Sipping mint juleps, dressed in a designer sheet with a gold-topped walking cane and pointing out to the other retarded rednecks where to place the cross, etc. All while reminding them that it wasn’t cousin fucking time just yet.
Really happy for her. She played a world class match, just incredible.
All of my hate, bitterness, anger, seething, boiling temper is now aimed directly at Deion Sanders. Fuck him with a rusty garden rake.
Sanders? Sanders? Of all people in this world. Really?
Really.
Really though?
Really, really.
You misspelled “Sarah Huckabee”, right? Right?
I mean, Fozz can’t be so impossibly stupid to hate Deion Sanders more than a million other shitheads that have done so much damage to our world, right?
Oh, I hate them too, but he’s just an asshole.
Fozz’s hate is focused like a laser, but one that happens to be pointed at a disco ball. So it probably wasn’t focused at Deion for very long.
You’re right, focusing my hate is kind of hard, but the dude just fucking irks the shit out of me. Even though he’s a former Raven. I understand the cockiness and self confidence of athletes, I’m married to one. It’s like my hate for Collinsworth – he’s a doddering fuckface who I’ll never meet and doesn’t know who I am. But ye gods, he just presses my buttons.
“RIGHT THERE WITH YOU, BUDDY.” – DJ 3000
Coco Gauff has such incredible quickness that she makes Tyreek Hill look like a woman- and child-beating piece of human garbage.
Game over. HGH Portman can’t hit hard enough to overcome Coco’s speed.
So…Colorado is now a thing.
I kind of wish Deon did this like 10 years ago because traditionalists would have been even more overtly racist and pearl clutching.
Cow Alert News Which Is Only Of Interest To Horatio-
Where I live there are several Mennonite farms. Last Thursday morning I crested a blind corner and hit the brakes because Bessie was right in the middle of the road. What I’m trying to say is that cows have figured out how to be “run over” by vehicles for insurance money.
I love this
If Lowratio and the cows had relations.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wrz52nTLRcU
Finn the puppy cow is going to one day playfully and lovingly gore a child and then become delicious grass-fed beefsteaks.
We will not.
Pick Six In Iowa!*
*this comment has nothing to do with primaries or corn, which are the only things I know about Iowa.
That still count’s for Ferentz’s contract, right?
That’s be pretty funny if they deducted defensive points.
Pork. Don’t forget the pork.
/ former Iowa resident
Oof. Hippo, yer wolfpack is shitting the bed. Could be worse, you could actually be there, like over half of Gumby’s fantasy football league
That’s the Wolfpack we know and love.
Folks, we have a new college to pay attention to. The Knox College Prairie Fire! From Galesburg Illinois. D3 program.
Nephew is moving up!
He’s the new defensive line coach.
Knox beat Benoit 31-14 and the D line had 3 sacks.
Go fucking Prairie Fire!
ixnay on the airiepray irefay!!!!
-Hawaii, Canada, probably Siberia, hell really anywhere with a flat expanse, a lot of grass, and lightning.
Wait, that’s allowed?
https://twitter.com/pubity/status/1700539893225828482