[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"I, frankly, am just amazed that someone from the Patriots organization would cheat!" – Dok

Log In

First Proper JV NFL Slate of 2023 Today!

King Hippo

/

, , ,

With the dreaded Lesser Footy international break upon us, one is especially thankful for the much improved Week 2 JV NFL slate.  Without further a-doo-doo, to the fixtures!

Notre Dame (-7.5) at NC State (Noon, ABC)

People have already started fluffing the Irish, without the very necessary caveat that they haven’t faced anything close to a legitimate opponent yet.  Sadly, that will still be the case after today.  SIGH.

Utah (-8) at Baylor (Noon, ESPN)

Cornered, wounded animal?  That would be Bay-Bay after losing their opener to 27.5-point underdog Texas State (the made-up Necessary Roughness squadoo?).  Secular Big Love rolls into town, for a 10a body clock game for BOTH teams.  Why the absolute fuck would they schedule this way?  If anything, this TV window was already kind of crowded.  Mister Mojo might be Rising in time to start this week, though they handled bidness against the Florida Men in his Week 1 absence.

Nebraska (+3) at Colorado (Noon, Fox)

Another week of Urban Meyer holding court on Deion Sanders.  Kill me now, please.  Poor Hobo Matt Rhule, signing up for the roller coaster of pain that is 21st century Cornfucker FITBAW.

Ole Miss (-7.5) at Tulane (3:30, ESPN2)

70 years ago, this would be an SEC clash!  Now, it’s that one “prove it” week for the Green Wave to set themselves up as a backdoor playoff participant, should absolutely everything go wrong in November for the rest of the contenders.  EXCITE!

Iowa (-3.5) at Iowa State (3:30, Fox)

Name a worse nickname than “Cy-Hawk Rivalry.”  Cornpone and Cornpone State, showing off their punters, no doubt.  Unless they got suspended for HAIL GAMBLOR!, too.  Watch this as an exercise in self-loathing.  You know what you did to deserve it.

5 5 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
214 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
WCS

El Assico is underway! Commence your naps!

1
Horatio Cornblower

Massive thunderstorm rolling through here.

The dog is cowering under the desk. Won’t even sit next to me and beg for some of this sandwich.

2
LemonJello

I guess Lowratio is secured in his paddock?

3
Horatio Cornblower

He’s free range. It’s an ASPCA thing.

6
Horatio Cornblower

I’d like to congratulate Coach Prime on beating Nebraska, something that’s only happened, (checks notes), 65 other times in the last ten seasons.

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
3
LemonJello

I HAVEN’T SEEN BUFFALO DO THIS MUCH DAMAGE TO NEBRASKA SINCE 1883!

0
Horatio Cornblower

I see Nebraska is still doing great.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY [SOME ARGENTINIAN] I CALL HIM JUSTIN TUCKER BECAUSE HE JUST NAILED A 60+ YARD KICK.

0
fleshwound_NPG

THIS GUY I CALL HIM ME IN A DAY DREAM WITH NINA HARTLEY BECAUSE HE JUST NAILED A 60+

6
King Hippo

TOPICAL!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dofhp9a54NE

0
ArmedandHammered

Why is Cristy Canyon not available?

1
Gumbygirl

Should have kept Chubby Purdy in there for that 4th down.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Falklands War rugby game is starting momentarily on Peacock, if you have it.

1
Spur

Matt Rhule googling how much corn 70 Buffalos can eat.

0
Spur

Buffs love sloppy corn

0
scotchnaut

The lake is glass again today. Gotta go for a swim.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-GUAC9RkCU&ab_channel=PeterGabriel-Topic

3
scotchnaut

I don’t admire him for it but I’m impressed that Deion Sanders put his ass on the line and went the coaching route instead of being yet another talking head on yet another pre-game show. To succeed at coaching (where he is at this point) requires double-digit hours per day. It would seem that he’s putting in the work.

6
King Hippo

talks a whole lot, but puts money where his mouth is. Agreed.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

And his toe

2
King Hippo

(s)

0
Gumbygirl

They are fun to watch, that’s for sure.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You can say what you want about Deion Sanders, but I’ve never thought of him as a man who lacks energy.

2
litre_cola

Micheal Irvin as well

1
King Hippo

Today shall always be remembered as The Day NC State got Molly McGrath all wet

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Right. Also known as ‘the day that pigs flew’.” – Ben Shapiro, scoffing

2
scotchnaut

https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/canada-taiwan-strait-ownership-1.6961816

Canada, acting like a big boy on the international scene, knowing there will be no repercussions for this hollow, insignificant act.

3
scotchnaut

Rhule freezing the kicker like he’s a totally grownup coach and everything. No wonder his wife left him behind on the family vacation.

4
scotchnaut

Just waiting for the draw play on 3rd and long because he wants to win the “Field Placement” game, down 2 scores. What a fucking losering loser.

1
King Hippo

We need Cider House Rhules, part 2!

1
King Hippo

Hobo Matt Rhule ices the shank

2
King Hippo

NEW HIPPO IDEA – a Metallica covers album, sung solely in valley girl

2
Mr. Ayo

The pills are working today

4
King Hippo

Other Hippo is even pleased, and you KNOW how that ninja be

4
King Hippo

BayBay has hotter/sluttier dressing co-eds than you’d expect.

3
ArmedandHammered

They are costumed sex workers, so the players will leave the actual students alone

6
scotchnaut

Unlike TCU, Nebraska may have actually watched some game tape (gasp) of qb Sanders in preparation of the game.

0
Redshirt

These Virginia Cavileers, I call them the British Military because James Madison is surprisingly kicking their ass.

3
King Hippo

And Dolly is no doubt sucking off a row of dudes under the bleachers

1
Redshirt

(turns on OSU game)

Oh, God, I hope Youngstown State is better than Indiana.

0
scotchnaut

Shedeur Sanders doing his best Fran Tarkenton(!) imitation

/ancient reference noted

2
Redshirt

(several weeks ago)
Redshirt: “Hopefully, I can watch the Bengals first game.”
Momshirt: “What do you mean?”
Redshirt: “Something comes up. Closing your pool. Helping someone move. It never fails.”
Momshirt: “You’re just being dramatic.”

(two days ago)
Momshirt: “Redshirt, can you drive me and your father to a Family Reunion.”
Redshirt: “Let me guess, Sunday?”
Momshirt: “How’d you know?”

5
scotchnaut

As Nancy Reagan once said, “Just Say No!”*.

*this motto is blowjob-exempt

4
Horatio Cornblower

“No, I told you I had plans several weeks ago. Let me show you how to download Uber.”

5
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shoulda had siblings

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Having had our kids drop us off and pick us up after a night of drinking is fun as then you can take 20 minutes to get outside and then be loud the whole way home and blame it on the alcohol. Instead of just being an ass

2
scotchnaut

Buffs bailed out by a really questionable call. The Narrative begins…

0
Downfield Matriculator

This Big 8 game lacks Mike Rozier (or even Rashaan Salaam)

1
scotchnaut

Or Johnnie Rodgers. I only remember him because he told the NFL to take a hike and played three years in the CFL.

1
Downfield Matriculator

T-Storms at VaTech-Purdue gonna soak the fans — not unlike the Utes cheerleaders methinks

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rugby has not been terribly competitive just yet. The Romanian team just committed one of the saddest knock-ons I’ve ever seen and is giving up a penalty every five minutes or so, and Australia keeps getting three points each time. It’s basically Marty Schottenheimer’s darkest fantasy come to life.

0
scotchnaut

Ok, Colorado let’s see what’s going on.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[looks up from bong] – Colorado

4
Spur

Buffs erase 2nd&24 like its nothing

0
King Hippo

Molly McGrath, bare-shouldered, live in West Raleigh. THIS IS NAE A DRILL

2
Spur

last time I saw Colorado stadium that hyped, the Promise Keepers just started their con.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

bk, if you’re still looking for nerd shops, labyrinth on the hill is doing their annual board game auction and then rummage sale this weekend.

And then a friend of mine buys his d&d figures and stuff from Dream Wizards in Rockville.

2
bk109

The hotel’s taking care of that as we speak – dunno where, dunno how, but the guys managed to find me some Zvezdas (including the new SU-76M I didn’t even know was on sale in Russia, let alone over here “behind enemy lines”), Trumpeters and a Tamiya. As soon as those (with the assorted basic paints and glue*) I’m giving those lads some really nice tips. (250 each ought to be a decent thank you)

*I don’t need no tools though, because this is far from the first time I’ve built good kits using only a SAK and a SwissCard 😀

1
Horatio Cornblower

Concierges in high end hotels have connections the CIA can only dream of.

2
2Pack

Ciao tutti

FB_IMG_1694086173003.jpg
2
Spur

Praying for a Meteor strike at the Iowa game.

0
Gumbygirl

That game, I callz it the Iowa Cock-Ass.

0
Spur

Morning Folks

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Greetings and salutations.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m tired.

2
bk109

… then have a rest, or coffee, or a blowie and coffee.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m not that flexible and I don’t drink coffee

2
bk109

In all fairness, I was volunteering Hippo’s services to find you someone for the blowie. Also, not .. drink.. COFFEE?! But.. Coffee’s the sign that there truly is a God and one that don’t like moody and sleepy motherfuckers in his office 😀

1
Horatio Cornblower

I have poison ivy on both feet and am considering euthanasia.

1
King Hippo

start a course of steroids now, if you have any in your meds stash

1
bk109

Even yogurt, baking soda or baby powder can help. If all that fails (and knowing how the US medical system tends to fleece its customers) – use a hollow point and don’t eat the barrel as it’s nowhere near as effective as the movies say.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I have a spray that dries it right up. Had to get it back from my youngest, who had a howling case a few weeks ago.

Based on the smell I’m pretty sure I just doused my feet with acetone, but the itch is gone.

0
Spur

Rex Ryan’s kink is getting out there. How much you get paid for for that cam session?

3
litre_cola

Youth in Asia? Ok, sex tourist.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s absurd. Just amputate both and you’ll be fine.

2
Gumbygirl

That’s a sign you should just let those cows gambol in your yard!

1
Horatio Cornblower

Goats. Goats eat the hell out of poison ivy.

1
bk109

OK, back from the concierge and ..uhh, not only was I not the only nutter that’d rather build kits than enjoy the sights of Washington, he was already about to send one of the staff to pick up some 40K figures and supplies for a couple of other guests XD

1
ArmedandHammered

Wow, where are you staying?

0
scotchnaut

For those desperate, Vandy and Wake is off to a good start.

0
King Hippo

/game immediately goes into weather delay

1
scotchnaut

Not 2 minutes after posting.

1
King Hippo

bk – as our Clubhouse Irishman (ish), do you know the meaning of this fine song?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AoOfJP3r40

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A tribute to Jackie Nevada, perhaps?

comment image

3
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s great lighting

2
bk109

Well, Jackie is a term for someone from Dublin.. Down the line is … combo “free spirit”, “ne’er do well” and in … some contexts “serial cocksman” 😉

1
King Hippo

This is why DFO is the font of all knowledge!

2
2Pack

It’s that level of hustle.

183201063.jpg.jpg
2
bk109

Uhh, question to people here that have been to a “Target”… Uhh, is it true that those actually have model kits in stock.. I kinda need a time waster since, uhh…DC isn’t an area I am particularly interested in exploring

2
ballsofsteelandfury

They do have an extensive toy section. I suppose it depends on your local Target, but yes, I’ve seen them.

0
ArmedandHammered

I have never seen one there, you would be better off checking to see if there is a hobby shop near you, some game stores have them as well, under the Warhammer 40k section, maybe do an ork war buggy.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Second this. SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL NERDS!

2
bk109

lol, I’m bored enough that nothing’s truly off the table. Well, except Star Wars (in general) and nuTrek. Hell, I’m even bored enough to do an Ukrie-made kit depicting an Ukrie-vehicle 😀

0
bk109

Edit: Nevermind.. It’s same day delivery. Oh well, I guess I’ll just the smart thing and ask the hotel concierge where I can find a decent hobby store in the area. Knowing how swanky the place is, my question may be the least morally reprehensible he gets the whole day.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Models? Of course, sir! What colour and age? This is DC, we can get you anything depending on when Congress is in session.

4
ballsofsteelandfury

bk109: We still talking about toys?
Concierge: Of course! You can do anything you want with them!
bk109: …..

1
bk109

lol, as soon as my phone finishes downloading a couple of podcasts I’m gonna pop down to ask. But yeah, I’m somehow expecting the conversation to go along those lines, lol

1
ballsofsteelandfury

If you’re truly bored, you can go watch BFC play baseball in whatever rec league he’s in. I think he said he had a game today. Maybe he’ll buy you a beer for attending…

0
litre_cola

Or whisky!

1
bk109

Not an option, because technically speaking, I’m on call because of my side-gig and despite a higher BAC probably helping me suppress my genocidal thoughts about DC-area drivers… I cannae drink 🙁

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

These types of interactions tend to be a lot less wink-wink nudge-nudge than they used to be, after an unfortunate misunderstanding during Eli’s final road game against the Redacteds.

1
King Hippo

Target is wonderful. I only wish mine were closer. If they don’t have it, you don’t need it.

2
Horatio Cornblower

While I’m picking on Masterson’s attorney for saying things he probably shouldn’t during a sentencing hearing after Masterson was convicted of not one but two rapes, spare a thought for Mike Lindell’s attorney(s), who have to put up with a client who acts like this:

https://twitter.com/joncoopertweets/status/1700494114628805097

For the record the other attorney is being an asshole with that question, but you as a party to a lawsuit have to know that and not rise to the occasion. You can call him an asshole after you win your case because you do not act like this.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, so calling the opposing attorney an asshole in the middle of a deposition is NOT a good idea??

Well I’ll be…

0
Horatio Cornblower

Honestly, after that question you could probably get away with an exasperated sigh and saying “don’t be an asshole” but then you need to stop.

2
King Hippo

off all the Trumpworld weirdos, he just might be the weirdest

2
Horatio Cornblower

He is a bizarre, bizarre man.

2
Gumbygirl

I would bet real money (ok, maybe Canadian money) that he has a Nazi uniform he wears at home, to go with the Hitler hair.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Say what you will about King Leopold, but Belgian soccer wouldn’t be the same without him.

3
litre_cola

Hippo, you forgot one game.

https://www.potatobowl.org/

1
ballsofsteelandfury

And where were you last night for the St. Kilda-Giants final, young man?

1
litre_cola

Didn’t have to work at the resto, went for a bike ride with wee man, then had some wine, a shawarma, couple J’s and was blissfully asleep by 10 pm.

3
King Hippo

Balls needs to find proper cheer squad picks for these Potatoe Bowlers.

0
litre_cola

Grand Forks and Flagstaff are great towns with hipster coeds. Flagstaff especially.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Shoulders for tee Hippo!

comment image

Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
2
ballsofsteelandfury

Who ya got??

comment image

2
King Hippo

NAU seems sweet, UND like they PARTY

1
litre_cola

One on the left is from Deloraine, Manitoba and knows her way around a thresher, one in the middle is from Bismarck and is big into keg stands in that outfit, one on the right is from a farm town with 17 people and a post office. She has a grow op in a shed on the ranch.

2
Redshirt

When I’m done elected Evil Overlord, anyone who plays their phone volume loudly will lose their eardrum privileges.

1
litre_cola

My parents and inlaws still use the noises from their phones. It is a wild notification adventure when visiting. Remember all those years ago when people paid for ringtones???

2
King Hippo

I remember trying to find/pay for one (Weezer’s “Hash Pipe”) but I gave up after like 15 seconds of “effort”

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I had Toxic from Britney Spears. Don’t judge me.

2
King Hippo

too late!

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s also a bunch of Rugby World Cup games first thing this morning. And the women’s tennis final. So many sports!

1
litre_cola

This should be a murder.

0
Redshirt

Tiny Toons is being rebooted? Can’t I have one moment of my childhood not be violated?!

0
King Hippo

My FF team (Grimace Touched My Butthole) says nae.

6
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So on the topic of blown compressors, my stool was bloody last night. That is what happens when you sit on someone’s face at your local needleplay meetup, though.

8
King Hippo

(someone PLEASE banner this perfection)

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Done

1
ArmedandHammered

More like pervfection, wait that sounds more like the process by which you get STDs.

0
Gumbygirl

In this case, perfection is a portmanteau word for perforation+ infection.

1
bk109

Also, uh.. Anyone know who from the 70s show got 30 to life and … for what?

0
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Not my beloved Kurtwood Smith and that’s all that matters

1
bk109

Definitely not. I was just in the hotel gym and I overheard a couple of lawyers talking about “that 70s show creep getting 30 to life” and them discussing how incompetent his defence team must’ve been as it was basically based on hearsay. Given that the last time I got curious why someone (the actress that played Chloe on Smallville) from a show I used to watch, I learned way more about weird sex cults than I needed to know, I decided to be more cautious and just ask the DFOers for a quick (and hopefully PG-13) summary.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apparently he wrote a letter in support as did Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher.

0
King Hippo

not particularly persuasive letters, it would seem

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe Ashton wrote his in character as Kelso. And Mila did her best Lea Michele impression.

0
Redshirt

If that doesn’t describe Hollywood Elitism, I don’t know what does.

“I know he destroyed two lives, subjecting them to a fate worse than death, but we’re famous. Can you help us out?”

1
litre_cola

HE IS A SCIENTOLOGIST!!! DOESN”T THAT MEAN ANYTHING ANYMORE???

1
Horatio Cornblower

It means he’s extremely gullible?

1
bk109

Apparently someone from the church of Rich Hollywood Dipshits actually testified against the guy, so I’m wondering if he wasn’t trying to leave the big Happyology family…

1
litre_cola

I think you are hiding Shelley Miscavige with Lowratio and the cows.

4
ballsofsteelandfury

Thank you. Just changed my FF team name

1
Horatio Cornblower

I am into some sick shit but please don’t ever expand that to include Scientology. I have standards, sir.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

My new FF team name is Lowratio’s Cow Fetish

7
ArmedandHammered

I thought you would go for “Shelly Miscavige sleeps with the Cows”

2
Horatio Cornblower

Danny Masterson got two 15-years sentences for raping two women. Apparently they’re to run consecutively. I don’t know where “to life” came from, probably because I changed the channel.

1
bk109

Well, going by the AP article.

The sentence was the maximum allowed by law. It means Masterson will be eligible for parole after serving 25 1/2 years, but can be held in prison for life.

0
Horatio Cornblower

I’ve been trying to find where they get the life part, out of morbid curiosity. I see the two 15 year sentences, but I don’t see anything about “to life” being added by the Court. Has to be some facet of California law that isn’t being reported.

Also curious about the decision to let the sentences run consecutively rather than concurrently. He’s got some things to talk about on appeal, anyway.

And I’m really curious about hiring an attorney who, during your sentencing hearing for not one but two rapes, tells the judge you’ve lived an “exemplary” life. You know, except for all the rape. Not the time, counselor; not the time.

2
King Hippo

2.5+ decades in the pokey (PHRASING) will give him time to reflect on why rape ain’t kewl guys

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kobe Bryant is very lucky he did his rapin’ before fame stopped working as one of these cards:

comment image

5
King Hippo

though TO BE FARE, I am content with the sentence God handed out to Kobe

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m not a fan of the whole practice of running the sentences concurrently (until someone presents a good argument for it, because it’s not like I’ve thought about it all that deeply). It seems to me that it means if you commit one crime, you might as well go ahead and commit the same crime agan and again, because the punishment will be the same either way. It’s like a BOGOF for crime.

2
blaxabbath

Our AC handler went out Thursday pm. We’re having it fixed on Sunday so wife got us a airbnb to surivive the weekend (the house is still habitable by FEMA standards at night and the public library is a cooling station where we can camp out all day but I guess she don’t like to save money/have adventure).

I am really pushing hard for, “let’s just lay around this place and use their tvs and watch the dogs for a couple days.” but it feels like I’m getting no traction; like I’m one of those dudes hanging on the plane leaving Afghanistan.

3
bk109

Ouch. I always assumed US residential-style AC setups had multiple compressor units, so even if something died, it didn’t fully take out the central air (because who in their right mind would make a system with a single point of failure industry standard). I was going to make an observation about cracking jokes about the tragedy unfolding at Karzai, but in all fairness, I’ve made worse jokes (and observations) about Ukrainians today, so .. Uhh, I guess this entire sentence was as redundant as the US’s overall stay in Asscrackistan 😀

1
Brick Meathook

What third world country are you from?

0
bk109

Why are you asking about which third world shitehole I clawed my way out of ?

0
blaxabbath

Well it’s a wheel/belt thing. Pretty much a maintenance issue.

Thinking of doing the solo units in the rona with the remodel. Might be wise in the summer but, seriously, I’m a man. If i wanted to live like i was in a 900sf apt, I would move in to a 900sf apt.

1
bk109

Good to hear it’s something relatively simple, since I’ve had a run of blown compressors the past couple of years (one because the installers used the wrong oil for the freon in the system, the other thanks to a power spike).

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m like that too. We’ll visit a place and the Dr. Mrs. will want to spend *zero* time at our hotel; she’d rather wander around god-forsaken places like the city’s local sewage treatment plant than loaf around in a room that we’re paying $250 a night for.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Just toss a Roomba into the hotel room. She’ll be transfixed for hours.

6
Gumbygirl

If our AC ever breaks, I’m heading for higher ground (Big Bear) until it’s fixed.

0
Brick Meathook

Hello! It’s 3 AM on the Pacific coast!

I missed the whole AFL live blog because because I was asleep, but it looked fun. I’m still adjusting back to L.A. time so I’m all over the place this week.

In football related matters, here’s a great scene from The Godfather:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCylDFbZLOI

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I, for one, thought the AFL live blog was compelling and rich.

0
1 2
214
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x