[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

Josh Allen X 2:The Londoning. Your Early Morning NFL Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

/

, ,

Welcome, welcome! Has the doggo been walked, the cat’s belly been scratched, the eggs fried and the breakfast beer cracked? Well, you’re all set then.

To The Game!

Jags/Bills:

-Buffalo has been revving the offense to the tune of 5.9 yards per play.

-Your sneaky fantasy pick/streamer today is Dalton Kincaid. Why? The Jags D allows the 2nd-most fantasy points to the tight end spot.

-T’udder Josh  Allen is coming off a three sack performance and is on track for 25.5 this season which also happens to be a contract year. Timely!

-Will the Bills be caught napping like that toothless geezer down at the pub after one-too-many stories of repressing the Irish in the ’70’s/Watney Red Barrels?

-Travis Etienne has slowed his pace this year-after rushing for 5.1 ypc in 2022, he’s just at 3.1 this year.

-I Didn’t Know: That as per PFF, defensive tackle Daquan Jones, despite seeing double teams 69% of the time, leads interior defenders in pass rush win rate.

-So far this year Buffalo is generating turnovers vs opponents at a silly 26.2% pace.

-Jacksonville’s third down efficiency has been troubling. They’ve only converted 16 of 51 or 31.4%. One problem is that Cal Ridley, whose career catch rate is around 66%, is hovering at 54% currently. Is it rust? It has to improve.

More Numbers: These squadoos have played 18 games in total are are equally split at 9-9. Curiously, all but 4 games have been decided by 7 points or less. For this tilt the Bills are favored by 5.5.

Please enjoy the offerings on offer this fair morning.

5 4 votes
Article Rating

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
145 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Doktor Zymm

SCOOOOOOONE

0
Gumbygirl

Quick! Guess how the Jags will blow this opportunity.

0
King Hippo

By returning to DUUUUUVVVVAAAALLLL

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I CALL THIS GAME A BAKERYAS AS THERE’S TURNOVERS EVERYWHERE

0
Brick Meathook

I’m going to skip right ahead to a London lunch:

comment image

1
King Hippo

I mean, we all knew Prison Girlfriend could take a pounding.

2
King Hippo

Why did they have Tractorcito rubbing his nips in that graphic??

1
Spur

The British are TV standards are different then US

3
Sharkbait

Pics aren’t uploading, but I’ve had two shots of Irish Colgate, and 2 beers at the tailgate.

2
Gumbygirl

Jesus Christ, this game.

0
King Hippo

Jesus isn’t even listening to prayers this morning because MANDATORY

2
Gumbygirl

If he’s smart, he’s still in bed.

2
King Hippo

Surely the savioUr of the world has a teevee in his bedroom??

1
Redshirt

God doesn’t allow TV in His Son’s Bedroom.

2
King Hippo

ah, one of those arsehole parents

2
King Hippo

What does Prison Girlfriend have against placement kicks?

0
Spur

The holders family were Oliver Cromwell supporters.

3
Horatio Cornblower

That snort laugh she does kills me every time. Every single time.

1
Horatio Cornblower

For “mandatory viewing” status his Bills-Jags game sure does suck.

2
King Hippo

I have taken the opportunity to do laundry while fulfilling me mandatorium duties

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m watching an entirely meaningless rugby game!

0
Spur

You will watch your assigned NFL game and enjoy it

1
Horatio Cornblower

Bullshit, I’m going to go do the dishes.

0
Gumbygirl

My dishes are done. I did all the laundry yesterday. I’m going outside to smoke dope.

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Dishes done and breakfast cooked for the week.

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Finally turned on the heat, was 18C/64F inside. So a bit brisk. It’s 8C/46F outside with some rain and windy

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Enjoy spending your life savings on your power bill instead of just putting on a sweater like I suggested.” – Mike Brown, glaring at you

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

It’s natural gas, so cheaper than electricity

0
bk109

Quick PSA: As there actually is a difference between getting arrested and just getting escorted by people to a thing – don’t be cunts to the agents. They usually have even less interest in dealing with you, than you with them, so be polite and offer ’em coffee. Not only will they appreciate it at 3AM, but they’ll give you a bit more time to sober up and make yourself semi-presentable.

Also, hi folks.

3
King Hippo

oh wow, you really did go #FullMalort?

2
bk109

Nah, half a Malort (a 375ml bottle) since you guys undersold it and a bottle of Balkan 176 (I was surprised the hotel carried Bulgarian vodka, lol). Two hours later… “We’re sorry, but we have to escort you in to a thing. Thankfully, a shower and a pot of coffee got me right as rain

2
2Pack

https://youtu.be/h0ebd6Ef21A?si=XzaLRCt91YvjDVzw

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY BK109 I CALL HIM CAPTAIN WILLARD BECAUSE THE FIRST THING HE ASKED THE MILITARY ESCORT THAT SHOWED UP AT HIS DOOR WAS “WHAT ARE THE CHARGES?”

3
bk109

Not even close 😀 Since the two lads immediately explained the situation, the first thing I asked is “Any way to convince you that you didn’t find me?” and the second was “Can’t you arrest me instead? ” 😀

1
2Pack

This game deserves a final score of 7-11

1
Spur

Eli wants to know why Football Toy Story isn’t on.

1
Senor Weaselo

THIS TOTTENHAM STADIUM, I CALL IT THE AMERICAN WEST BECAUSE OF ALL THE DEAD BUFFALOES ALL OVER.

4
Spur

Good Morning Blokes!

2
2Pack

Hello

1
2Pack

Sandwiched between the early and late games, the Series A nightcap here, we have Fiorentina taking on Napoli.

Miryam_Calizaya_modella_sexy_maglia_fiorentina.jpg
2
2Pack

And Napoli represents.

marika-fruscio.jpg
1
King Hippo

I am quite intrigued by this Fiorentina shoulder gal

2
2Pack

Gotta admit, she’s lookin real race car there…

2
Col. Duke LaCross

Ded Bills littering the pitch.

0
King Hippo

Jeebus, how many Bills are ded?

0
Col. Duke LaCross

Hail Bleeergh!

0
Redshirt

I was worried about this. The chaos of the Bengals season is spilling over into Burrow’s fashion sense.

IMG_2597.jpeg
6
Senor Weaselo

You never go full Mondrian…

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Full Benetton

4
ArmedandHammered

Is that a quilted sweater?

0
King Hippo

SOMEBODY WAKE UP WCS

0
scotchnaut

Bills escape the half.

0
King Hippo

But not the icy hand of BLEERGH

0
hippofant

#43 is putting on a pretty good demonstration of how he’s not Matt Milano.

2
Gumbygirl

Really didn’t need to see the loogie cam.

0
scotchnaut

I see the “Chunky English Women Half Price” promotion for the game has exceeded the league’s wildest expectations today.

7
King Hippo

This is what the locals call a spot of bother, Bills Mafia

0
Gumbygirl

I smell Gene Steratore too. Smelly, smelly Gene!

1
King Hippo

They replaced Kay Adams with…Jamie Erdahl? That can’t have helped ratings.

0
scotchnaut

Hockey Nugget Time: The Sens finished the pre-season first in the division at 6-2-0. The dreadful Red Wings finished 7th from the bottom at a pathetic 5-2-1. It’s going to be another long year in Detroit.

4
herodotus450

Detroit was doomed the minute they acquired a former Sens player, DeBrincat. The contagion of losing he brought with him may never wash off.

3
scotchnaut

Your comment presupposes that Red Wing players shower on a regular basis and this is a deliberate falsehood on your part.

2
hippofant

This is not the score I expected to wake up to.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

When you say, “So far this year Buffalo is generating turnovers vs opponents at a silly 26.2% pace.”, does that mean that they get a turnover in 26.2% of the opponent’s possessions?

That’s insane.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

And yes, PRESENT.

You can thank my digestive system for this.

2
King Hippo

I missed the placement attempt due to mine!

/could still hear the broadcast though

0
herodotus450

They padded that stat by adding a mcdonalds in their stadium.

1
scotchnaut

I think they were deliberately vague on what type of turnover so you may have something there.

1
King Hippo

Coach Reid demands participating in all future London fixtures

2
scotchnaut

That’s the stat I came across. Do you think I could find it to doublecheck? Nope. Seems high though.

1
Cecil Rhodes

My word! I just heard Rule Britannia during the American broadcast! They know who is still in charge!

2
Senor Weaselo

All hail!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYVIRj99GYI

0
scotchnaut

Ridley doesn’t have a target yet. So far so good.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As opposed to Ismail Haniyeh, who is being targeted with a space laser as we speak.

2
scotchnaut

Did I play my Girlfriend/Zay Jones stack in Freezer Vodka? You know the answer.

0
King Hippo

FUCK YOU, Prudential. I plan no “new life’s passion” if I survive to retirement. I’m just going to do the Big Three (nap, read, watch FITBAW) in even greater quantities than currently.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish I was more into video games. They seem like a truly fantastic time suck for those who enjoy them.

2
ArmedandHammered

Yep. My plan is to read, play my Steam backlog, and stay stoned, in no particular order.

2
BugEyedBoo

You have to find the good ones, though. And you have to figure out what you think you like vs. what you really like.

1
King Hippo

Good to see that BLEERGH made the trip!

0
scotchnaut

Milano out for Buffalo is bad news.

0
Senor Weaselo

They’ll have to rely on Brussels and Chessmen to make up for it.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, Fubo, I am not giving you my credit card number.

0
King Hippo

Kurt Warner calls an excellent game. At least, he doesn’t talk too much.

1
scotchnaut

I doubt he can get three words in at a time at home.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just like Jim Kelly!

2
King Hippo

/jaw hits the floor

//better grab it before the dog does

4
Gumbygirl

You don’t have a dog.

0
King Hippo

(Hippo was assuming the Kelly family would)

1
Gumbygirl

Fuck off, I mean ” good morning.”

2
scotchnaut

So grouchy! Perhaps a little light vacuuming might cheer you up.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Don’t you put that evil on me, scotchnaut!

3
scotchnaut

It’s too late Rikki, the Dyson’s out of the bag.

4
scotchnaut

Idiot Alert: I tossed Ridley to the bench in favor of Jameson Williams in Freezer Vodka.

0
King Hippo

I benched Davante for Cort Sutton, not bold enough to risk a zero (it’s keeper “math is hard” league, so I wouldn’t even have the option of a Monday night desperation waiver claim)

0
scotchnaut

I learned that the hard way my first year in the league. I’d prefer it that there were rules that took into account my incompetency, tbh.

1
King Hippo

Also, hold onto your arseholes, Jest supporters, Hippo’s wearing his mango Superb Owl 50 shirt again!

1
King Hippo

huh, I had no clue Michael Irvin was still employed by NFLN. Hippo does…not enjoy morning shows.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is this game presented by another cartoon character/in their bedroom? If so, I’m hoping for Jessica Rabbit.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ll take Holli from Cool World.

comment image

3
King Hippo

ah, memories of the “cartoons we’d fuck” Monday morning draft!

1
King Hippo

/assumes Marc T. took Calvin and Calliou

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(wonders if “animated boyfriend/girlfriend” would make for a good draft)

1
King Hippo

PRESENT!

1
scotchnaut

I love presents! Did you stay within your budget though?

1
Cecil Rhodes

A very good day to all of you, dear colleagues! Don’t let this Jaguar exposition distract you from fixtures of great importance in the King’s preferred footballing league. It’s Scousers vs. Trashbirds first, and then the King’s African Water Pistols vs. the Bald Man’s Chest Hair City later. How shall I have time to enslave the local undesirables when there are so many palatable sporting matches on my moving-picture box?!

4
Redshirt

Jonathan Taylor leaving the Colts facility each day for the next three years:

IMG_2596.jpeg
5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well, I managed to wake up in time for the last 20 minutes of Argentina-Japan, which didn’t disappoint.

0
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Jag Lag: The Bills will be fighting the five hour time zone difference as well as Trevor Lawrence’s flowing locks. The Jags stayed in London after last week’s game, meaning they should have adjusted, while the Bills arrived Friday morning.

6
scotchnaut

Contrarian Take: The Jags have been eating British food for two entire weeks and that’s bound to catch up with them soon.

4
2Pack

Agreed, that shit impares your ability to operate machinery

2
Cecil Rhodes

This is what the Jaguar exposition coordinator had for the pre-match meal today. The latrines at the grounds will need to be working at peak performance to process the remains of that abomination!

IMG_0192.jpeg
2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jag Bag: The team from Jacksonville has been doing too much shopping and will be more concerned about their luggage than with the actual game.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jag Hag: the women they’ve been sleeping with give them extra motivation to win quickly and jet home.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jag Wag: the players miss their pups.

0
Cecil Rhodes

Jag F**: Trevor Lawrence has been told to try and curb his smoking habit. Does he know that English cigarettes are far more expensive than American cigarettes?

3
King Hippo

Jag Mag – Man’s best friend in the pre-pornhub era!

2
1 2
145
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x