Now the ‘regular’ tilts commence. Let’s take a looky-loo.
To The Games!
Commies/Falcons:
Boy, did you come to the wrong place if you wanted to see adequate qb play. Shoo! Go on with you! Between Ridder and Howell the sack total is 45. Some of that is poor o-line play but a lot of it is the youngsters holding onto the ball too long. The indecisiveness is understandable but they’ve got to speed up their reads.
Seahawks/Bengals:
Look for Seattle to blitz early and often given that it got them 11 sacks last week. Playing into Seattle’s hands is Joe’s calf-under pressure he has a 36.4% completion rate and a paltry 3.1 yards per attempt. He can get those numbers up if he focuses in on Chase again-Seattle gives up the 2nd-most points to wr’s.
Colts/Jags:
Both squadoos are 3-2 but the Colts just doesn’t belong. (as the old song goes, proper grammar be damned) Most figured the Jags O would be in fine fiddle this year but the run D has been a revelation, giving up just 81 yards a game. We’ll see what JT thinks about that.
Panthers/Fins:
Somebody is starting Salman Ahmed in Math Hard! league for the delicious garbage points he’ll collect in the second half. (one hopes) The sneakiest pick for the player that gets the most fantasy points today is Thielen. The guy has become a target monster this year and playing from behind all game isn’t going to change that.
Vikes/Bears:
One team will be halfway to .500 after this travesty is done. Hurrah! The other will be all snuggled in the basement of the NFC North. Addison and Osborn might just see the ball a bit with JJ being out. You could say the Bears have ‘momentum’ but really they just broke a godawful losing streak.
Niners/Browns:
P.J. Walker has his work cut out for him. The San Fran O gets all the kudos/headlines recently but the D is still stifling. The Browns D is nothing to sniff at either, being #1 in defensive efficiency. I’m going with a low-scoring 1st half and the Niners pulling away after 2nd half adjustments kick in.
Saints/Texans:
Do you like free money? There’s this one weird trick that New Orleans has done for 11 straight games-they’ve gone under the total. C.J. Stroud? Third in passing yards? Zero interceptions? These are not your mother’s rookie numbers. The Saints provide a real test because their secondary has picked off 7 balls to date. You should also think twice about inserting Nico into your lineup.
There you go!
I’ve been sleeping and choring this morning. Have I missed anything or should I go back to choring?
What are the odds of making the same typo twice in consecutive sentences?
How do you spell when you’re doing chores all morning?
“BOY! WHAT GOTTDAMMED ACCENT YOU TALKIN’ WITH? WE CALL ‘EM WHORES IN THESE HERE PARTS. WHORES! SPEAKING OF, BETTER SEE WHICH-A MINE ARE READY FOR TONIGHT! YYEEEEEEEEEHHHAAAAAAWWWWwwwwww I AM FUCKIN’ CRAZZZZZZYYYYY!!!!”
Damn it, Geno.
Games like this Cleveland -SF tilt make me think the NFL should be paying DFO, because if it weren’t for hanging our here making dick jokes there’s no way I’d be watching it.
Hiring DFO would be among the least-offensive things THE SHIELD has done in six decades.
DFO receiving a check from the NFL (artist’s conception):
I’m just killing time until rugby starts at noon.
Who’s showing it? It’s either that or yard work.
“DFO-The official ‘Offensive Comment’ producers of the NFL!”
I think if we pitched DFO to be officially sponsored by the NFL, the Ginger Hammer would have a stroke. Fuck him.
Hearing the name “Metcalf” still triggers me.
https://bleacherreport.com/articles/403274-history-remembered-the-day-eric-metcalf-destroyed-the-raiders
I’m five miles into a walk of TBD distance, and it appears this is a much wiser decision than watching the Bears game.
The dog and I did 4.7 miles and now my knee is clicking.
Very excited about this. Hopefully the cure is beer, because that’s what it’s getting.
Horatio: “There was only one set of footprints the last mile of our hike. Why did you leave me when it was so hard?”
Dog: “That was the part where I carried you, pussy!”
Horatio’s dog is Jesus?
And what does that make Lowratio? A cherub?
Can he be claimed as a dependent for taxes?
No, Horatio’s dog read that dumb poem and was riffing on it. I hate explaining his dog’s jokes. Gah!
I guess I could watch the Cincinnati game on my laptop and the Cleveland game on my tablet, but then I’d have to kill myself.
The officiating crew in Cleveland is having a rough day of it.
If this was your work assignment, you’d be wasted, too.
The Paul’s are absolutely drunk and will spend halftime shooting meth.
Houston must be the new Jekyll and Hyde team-they’ve blown out the Steelers and Jags, lost to the Colts and Falcons and are now up on the Saints.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNbBDrceCy8&ab_channel=TheWhoVEVO
God bless Keith Moon, he was Poochie writ real in that he had to get back to his home planet.
Joe Burrow’s calf seems to be doing okay, since he just ran a 5K behind the line of scrimmage on that last play of the half.
These fundraisers for injured o-linemen are getting out of hand.
I don’t think Olave is in the league anymore.
And yet all of you told me to play him….
Tyreekdown. It was just a matter of time.
Wow I just glanced up at the clock in the corner of my monitor and it was 11:11:11
Lottery time!
Apparently the 1.75 billions ticket was sold somewhere near Bakersfield, CA.
Hey I won three bucks on that draw! (for a net profit of -$17)
KHunt down in Cleveland!
Which is the least bad game to watch: Cincinnati or Cleveland?
At least with Cincinnati, you get the chance of them putting a drive together.
Cinci game is entertaining
The niners are the anti-browns. Like the bizarro verse version of the Browns.
They have never been as bad as we are. And we have never been as good.
The 2000s 49ers begs to differ.
beg to Dilfer
ftfy
alamy is so damned annoying
Is Mixon over the hill now?
He’s certainly lost his punch.
Greg Olsen looks like he should be calling an ABC special of “NFL stars challenge ABC sitcom stars” from the 1970’s.
Never trust a Greg with only 1 G at the end.
Reality TV show commericals about the military or “special forces” shows will never not make me laugh out loud.
I’d love to tell everyone what I think of when I hear the phrase “Special Forces” but I like commenting on this blog too much.
https://www.theonion.com/clinton-deploys-very-special-forces-to-iraq-1819565019
“Colonel Gene [Diering] says that if we take out the communications tower in Al Basrah, we can have a pizza party,” Pvt. Josh Paretsky of Dallas said. “Pizza party! Pizza party! Pizza party!”
My brother and I yell “pizza party! pizza party!” at each other whenever the other one does something dumb, (so pretty much constantly), and have ever since this article came out.
Do you mean
retardsdevelopmentally disabled? Go ahead and say it.I think they all look like
gay porno actorsheroes.“You have to clean this room, spend the night here, then get inspected* in the morning. If you pass, you get a day off.”
*no matter what, you will fail and have to clean it all over, when you will fail inspection again.
Look, you’re the one with the jelly doughnut in your locker.
Storytime:in boot camp, one of my platoon mates tried to hide/save for later the Starbursts that were in his MRE. He was unsuccessful, and when they were found, he got to casually eat them while the rest of the platoon paid for them in the sand pit.
Okay. What the fuck. How is this not a first down?
They measured. It was. Then they picked up the ball to “remeasure”.
I hate how every team says the league is against them but what the fuck am I watching?!?!?
Don’t you go to commercial! I want these fuckers explain this!
Okay.browns win the challenge.
And a terrible first and ten play call for a loss. Because Browns.
3rd down. What I confusion. Rage anger. Commercial. This fucking sport!
I guess technically that was a third down play call.
Redshirt, who is this Iosivas fella and who is his favorite East European dictator?
Trick Question: He’s actually from Hawaii, so I would imagine it would be Lorrin Thurston.
1st TD Iosivas! Time to see how NFL Network destroys this pronounciation
Trying this to see if i can make it work
https://flic.kr/p/2p9sS18
“After further review, we got not only the wrong player, but the wrong team. Please don’t key my car”
The Browns secondary celebrating an obvious dropped pass will never get old.
“I was near him. I caused that!!!”.
No…no you didn’t.
“But, but, it counts as a stop!”
MIN/CHI is just as horrid as justice would warrant
I’m loving the Covid commercials from the chiefs guy.
Love that Carolina score for Survivor’s sake.
/no one can cover Rhyming and Theilen
“We should just sell Lamar.”
Now, that’s an insane sentence.
Coming from my mother in law, I can’t help but see the racism in it.
To be fair, the combine is basically the same shit that slave markets were.
“I checked his gums coach. He can work the trenches “
True, but she’s a racist, but a great Christian. Just ask her.
I bet she’s a big fan of the prosperity doctrine.
SHANK’HLOR with the double birds to the 49ers and #thePauls
Niners lose a challenge. That counts as a Browns win right?
Hold our beer! – #ThePauls, Cleveland, OH
Two of my favorite carbon based life forms
You spelled ‘couch-based’ wrong.
If Rex Ryan and Marc Trestman were one person this would be their favorite photograph ever.
A Black Panthers win would sure be nice for thinning out my Loser pool.
3rd and 18. Better call a 3 yard route.
That is a hold apparently in this league now.
Being a Browns fan is so bipolar. The Defense are beasts. In an offensive league.
The offense is just offensive.
Maybe we just need to let Watson rape a dozen or so trainers.
My wife has cut me off from liquor and beer on a couple of occasions – this morning I was cut off from coffee because the Ravens were being fucking morons on the field.
I fucking hate this game.
15 years ago this week
There is going to be a murder in Cleveland today.
To be fair, that’s every day in Cleveland.
That’s twice a day in Baltimore
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePg1tbia9Bg
NINE combined FGs in the opener. Weather was perfect.
And that’s why I’m glad my fantasy league doesn’t roster kickers.
DAMN SKIPPY
Seeing the national anthem always reminds me of superbowl 35 after the 2000 season. The backstreet boys were gonna sing the national athem and my dad chose to change the channel
[sees morning slate of games]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqN41aEzVCM
Alright, time to see if the Bengals righted the ship or if Arizona is just that bad.
it is finally chilly enough to be a robe and slippers day, HUZZAH
FOOTBAWWWW!!
It’s momentum in the woods! Same concept, different smell.
Bearsenschiesse can occur anywhere.