Round Two-Your Next Open Thread

Now the ‘regular’ tilts commence. Let’s take a looky-loo.

To The Games!

Commies/Falcons:

Boy, did you come to the wrong place if you wanted to see adequate qb play. Shoo! Go on with you! Between Ridder and Howell the sack total is 45. Some of that is poor o-line play but a lot of it is the youngsters holding onto the ball too long. The indecisiveness is understandable but they’ve got to speed up their reads.

Seahawks/Bengals:

Look for Seattle to blitz early and often given that it got them 11 sacks last week. Playing into Seattle’s hands is Joe’s calf-under pressure he has a 36.4% completion rate and a paltry 3.1 yards per attempt. He can get those numbers up if he focuses in on Chase again-Seattle gives up the 2nd-most points to wr’s.

Colts/Jags:

Both squadoos are 3-2 but the Colts just doesn’t belong. (as the old song goes, proper grammar be damned) Most figured the Jags O would be in fine fiddle this year but the run D has been a revelation, giving up just 81 yards a game. We’ll see what JT thinks about that.

Panthers/Fins:

Somebody is starting Salman Ahmed in Math Hard! league for the delicious garbage points he’ll collect in the second half. (one hopes) The sneakiest pick for the player that gets the most fantasy points today is Thielen. The guy has become a target monster this year and playing from behind all game isn’t going to change that.

Vikes/Bears:

One team will be halfway to .500 after this travesty is done. Hurrah! The other will be all snuggled in the basement of the NFC North. Addison and Osborn might just see the ball a bit with JJ being out. You could say the Bears have ‘momentum’ but really they just broke a godawful losing streak.

Niners/Browns:

P.J. Walker has his work cut out for him. The San Fran O gets all the kudos/headlines recently but the D is still stifling. The Browns D is nothing to sniff at either, being #1 in defensive efficiency. I’m going with a low-scoring 1st half and the Niners pulling away after 2nd half adjustments kick in.

Saints/Texans:

Do you like free money? There’s this one weird trick that New Orleans has done for 11 straight games-they’ve gone under the total. C.J. Stroud? Third in passing yards? Zero interceptions? These are not your mother’s rookie numbers. The Saints provide a real test because their secondary has picked off 7 balls to date. You should also think twice about inserting Nico into your lineup.

There you go!

 

 

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve been sleeping and choring this morning. Have I missed anything or should I go back to choring?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

choring…

What are the odds of making the same typo twice in consecutive sentences?

ballsofsteelandfury

How do you spell when you’re doing chores all morning?

LemonJello

“BOY! WHAT GOTTDAMMED ACCENT YOU TALKIN’ WITH? WE CALL ‘EM WHORES IN THESE HERE PARTS. WHORES! SPEAKING OF, BETTER SEE WHICH-A MINE ARE READY FOR TONIGHT! YYEEEEEEEEEHHHAAAAAAWWWWwwwwww I AM FUCKIN’ CRAZZZZZZYYYYY!!!!”

WCS

Damn it, Geno.

Horatio Cornblower

Games like this Cleveland -SF tilt make me think the NFL should be paying DFO, because if it weren’t for hanging our here making dick jokes there’s no way I’d be watching it.

WCS

Hiring DFO would be among the least-offensive things THE SHIELD has done in six decades.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DFO receiving a check from the NFL (artist’s conception):

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m just killing time until rugby starts at noon.

Horatio Cornblower

Who’s showing it? It’s either that or yard work.

jjfozz

I think if we pitched DFO to be officially sponsored by the NFL, the Ginger Hammer would have a stroke. Fuck him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m five miles into a walk of TBD distance, and it appears this is a much wiser decision than watching the Bears game.

Horatio Cornblower

The dog and I did 4.7 miles and now my knee is clicking.

Very excited about this. Hopefully the cure is beer, because that’s what it’s getting.

Gumbygirl

Horatio’s dog is Jesus?

ballsofsteelandfury

And what does that make Lowratio? A cherub?

LemonJello

Can he be claimed as a dependent for taxes?

Brick Meathook

I guess I could watch the Cincinnati game on my laptop and the Cleveland game on my tablet, but then I’d have to kill myself.

LemonJello

The officiating crew in Cleveland is having a rough day of it.

WCS

If this was your work assignment, you’d be wasted, too.

WCS

The Paul’s are absolutely drunk and will spend halftime shooting meth.

Redshirt

Joe Burrow’s calf seems to be doing okay, since he just ran a 5K behind the line of scrimmage on that last play of the half.

litre_cola

I don’t think Olave is in the league anymore.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And yet all of you told me to play him….

Brick Meathook

Wow I just glanced up at the clock in the corner of my monitor and it was 11:11:11

Lottery time!

Horatio Cornblower

Apparently the 1.75 billions ticket was sold somewhere near Bakersfield, CA.

Brick Meathook

Hey I won three bucks on that draw! (for a net profit of -$17)

LemonJello

KHunt down in Cleveland!

Brick Meathook

Which is the least bad game to watch: Cincinnati or Cleveland?

Redshirt

At least with Cincinnati, you get the chance of them putting a drive together.

litre_cola

Cinci game is entertaining

JustStopDude

The niners are the anti-browns. Like the bizarro verse version of the Browns.

They have never been as bad as we are. And we have never been as good.

Redshirt

The 2000s 49ers begs to differ.

Brocky

beg to Dilfer

ftfy

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

alamy is so damned annoying

litre_cola

Is Mixon over the hill now?

Redshirt

He’s certainly lost his punch.

JustStopDude

Greg Olsen looks like he should be calling an ABC special of “NFL stars challenge ABC sitcom stars” from the 1970’s.

litre_cola

Never trust a Greg with only 1 G at the end.

JustStopDude

Reality TV show commericals about the military or “special forces” shows will never not make me laugh out loud.

Horatio Cornblower

“Colonel Gene [Diering] says that if we take out the communications tower in Al Basrah, we can have a pizza party,” Pvt. Josh Paretsky of Dallas said. “Pizza party! Pizza party! Pizza party!”

My brother and I yell “pizza party! pizza party!” at each other whenever the other one does something dumb, (so pretty much constantly), and have ever since this article came out.

Brick Meathook

Do you mean retards developmentally disabled? Go ahead and say it.

I think they all look like gay porno actors heroes.

LemonJello

“You have to clean this room, spend the night here, then get inspected* in the morning. If you pass, you get a day off.”

*no matter what, you will fail and have to clean it all over, when you will fail inspection again.

Horatio Cornblower

Look, you’re the one with the jelly doughnut in your locker.

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LemonJello

Storytime:in boot camp, one of my platoon mates tried to hide/save for later the Starbursts that were in his MRE. He was unsuccessful, and when they were found, he got to casually eat them while the rest of the platoon paid for them in the sand pit.

JustStopDude

Okay. What the fuck. How is this not a first down?

They measured. It was. Then they picked up the ball to “remeasure”.

I hate how every team says the league is against them but what the fuck am I watching?!?!?

JustStopDude

Don’t you go to commercial! I want these fuckers explain this!

JustStopDude

Okay.browns win the challenge.

And a terrible first and ten play call for a loss. Because Browns.

JustStopDude

3rd down. What I confusion. Rage anger. Commercial. This fucking sport!

JustStopDude

I guess technically that was a third down play call.

Redshirt

Trick Question: He’s actually from Hawaii, so I would imagine it would be Lorrin Thurston.

Brick Meathook

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Redshirt

1st TD Iosivas! Time to see how NFL Network destroys this pronounciation

jjfozz

Trying this to see if i can make it work

https://flic.kr/p/2p9sS18

JustStopDude

“After further review, we got not only the wrong player, but the wrong team. Please don’t key my car”

JustStopDude

The Browns secondary celebrating an obvious dropped pass will never get old.

JustStopDude

“I was near him. I caused that!!!”.

No…no you didn’t.

King Hippo

MIN/CHI is just as horrid as justice would warrant

JustStopDude

I’m loving the Covid commercials from the chiefs guy.

jjfozz

“We should just sell Lamar.”
Now, that’s an insane sentence.
Coming from my mother in law, I can’t help but see the racism in it.

JustStopDude

To be fair, the combine is basically the same shit that slave markets were.

“I checked his gums coach. He can work the trenches “

jjfozz

True, but she’s a racist, but a great Christian. Just ask her.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I bet she’s a big fan of the prosperity doctrine.

LemonJello

SHANK’HLOR with the double birds to the 49ers and #thePauls

JustStopDude

Niners lose a challenge. That counts as a Browns win right?

King Hippo

Hold our beer! – #ThePauls, Cleveland, OH

jjfozz

Two of my favorite carbon based life forms
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If Rex Ryan and Marc Trestman were one person this would be their favorite photograph ever.

King Hippo

A Black Panthers win would sure be nice for thinning out my Loser pool.

JustStopDude

3rd and 18. Better call a 3 yard route.

JustStopDude

That is a hold apparently in this league now.

JustStopDude

Being a Browns fan is so bipolar. The Defense are beasts. In an offensive league.

The offense is just offensive.

Maybe we just need to let Watson rape a dozen or so trainers.

jjfozz

My wife has cut me off from liquor and beer on a couple of occasions – this morning I was cut off from coffee because the Ravens were being fucking morons on the field.

Brocky

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JustStopDude

I fucking hate this game.

Brocky

15 years ago this week

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litre_cola

There is going to be a murder in Cleveland today.

LemonJello

To be fair, that’s every day in Cleveland.

jjfozz

That’s twice a day in Baltimore

King Hippo
King Hippo

NINE combined FGs in the opener. Weather was perfect.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And that’s why I’m glad my fantasy league doesn’t roster kickers.

King Hippo

DAMN SKIPPY

Brocky

Seeing the national anthem always reminds me of superbowl 35 after the 2000 season. The backstreet boys were gonna sing the national athem and my dad chose to change the channel

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[sees morning slate of games]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqN41aEzVCM

LemonJello

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Redshirt

Alright, time to see if the Bengals righted the ship or if Arizona is just that bad.

King Hippo

it is finally chilly enough to be a robe and slippers day, HUZZAH

Brocky

FOOTBAWWWW!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s momentum in the woods! Same concept, different smell.

LemonJello

Bearsenschiesse can occur anywhere.

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