Enough of those silly games overseas. What’s wrong with the USA besides almost everything? (I kid) Fantasy monkeys call this a ‘Bye-mageddan’, being the silly people we are. Six teams are taking a break and they are Cincy, Dallas, the Titans, the Jets, Carolina and Houston.
To The Games!
Browns/Colts:
Deshaun’s status as questionable covers a helluva lot of ground. His rotator cuff is trending as mending so my guess is that he’s behind center. Cleveland probably won’t need much from him given that his D (phrasing) has risen to the occasion. They are top 5 in pretty much every category except for turnovers. Moss and JT should get bottled up and I don’t think Minshew has enough weapons at wr to get the job done.
Bills/Pats:
The rot on offense runs deep in N.E. Remember when the hiring of Bill O’Brien was going to fix all those problems? Naive times indeed for Pats fans. Rb Stevenson somehow has -85 yards rushing over expectation and three ball snatchers are in the bottom five according to a metric that tracks their ability to gain separation. Not helping? The D has a mere 3 turnovers to date.
Commies/Giants:
Howell looks to be a good streaming option today so he’s a temp on my Freezer Vodka team. The Giants are bottom 10 in yards allowed per attempt and TD’s allowed thru the air. Dimes didn’t take any reps all week so Tyrod is a go.
Lions/Ravens:
He’s playing really well but things are lining up against Goff-away on the road, outside, vs a team that brings a ton of pressure and has the most sacks. And it’s not as though it’s one guy wracking them all up, the 24 sacks are distributed among 11 players. If Detroit gets the W they’ll be 6-1 for the first time since 1956. Standing in the way is Lamar’s record against the NFC-15-1.
Raiders/Bears:
So curious to see what a Bagent looks like in a collapsing pocket. This might end up being The (Maxx) Crosby Show, minus the mind-erasing elixirs. Davante Adams should get back on track target-wise after complaining about his workload. One issue. Who’s throwing him the ball-my vote goes to AOC (Aidan O’Connell). His critics say that he’s a bunny-hugger off the field so I think Hoyer’s the dude today.
Falcons/Bucs:
Ridder threw for 300 yards last week! (he also tossed 3 picks) But wait! Tampa didn’t score an offensive TD or generate a turnover last week! Still, did anyone expect either of these squadoos to be .500 or better at this juncture? Arthur Smith’s ‘run all day and play solid defense’ is being undermined by their -6 turnover differential. Safety Bates is doing all he can with 3 picks and 2 forced fumbles but he’s just one guy.
Do your thing.
Jokes on you if you streamed Njoku.
/hope this holds up
Hey, Devante, if you want the ball you got to catch the ball when it’s thrown to you.
Jaylon Johnson finally doesn’t commit some kind of infraction and plays good defense on a deep ball and gets called for PI anyway.
Aaron Jones will play(ish), DK Metcalf will nae.
You can take the QB out of Cincinnati but you can’t take Cincinnati out of the QB.
The Falcons will never make sense.
DESMOND RIDDER, y’all
THIS BAGENT LEMME TELL YA I CALL JAVELIN BECAUSE HE IS RUINING A PERFECTLY GOOD TANK
Meanwhile at a nearby MASH unit, Tank Commander Fields throws a bedpan through a window due to Sgt. Bagent completely disregarding the battle plans and his orders.
D’Onta Foreman, a healthy scratch from weeks 1-5.
And a fantasy pick up for me last week 😊
Why do the Gigantes even employ Sterling Shepard?
He’s an intangible guy-extremely well-liked, hard worker and he’s already transitioning into a wr coach.*
*according to what I’ve read
I am gonna nap so hard. Maybe 2 hrs sleep on plane, and another couple hours of light sleep in the morning with far less caffiene/fake meth equals sleepy zymmn
I thought it was illegal to jump over lineman on an FG attempt. Am I mistaken?
It’s legal if you don’t touch anyone whilst leaping.
Okay, then Myles Garrett is not human.
Not allowed to use them to boost yourself. I guess doing that Superman stunt was allowed.
(flashback to an 5th Grade Science Class)
“…and that students is how gravity works.”
“To heck with you! I’ll play by my own rules.”
“You’re a fool, Myles! A fool!”
David Lee Roth guest referee
“Bijan Robinson isn’t feeling well” per the Falcons. Neither are some fantasy owners.
“Isn’t feeling well” is a great description of a young Helen Keller as assessed by Anne Sullivan in the early days but this is football, damnit!
it appears im still taking my sunday nap, because most of these scores do not make any sense
Garrett himself is directly responsible for half of The Pauls’ 24 points.
Are you telling me that DeShaun Watson is once again scoring with someone else doing all the work?
oops.
Holy shit, Myles Garrett. MVP indeed
Myles Garrett. Good at football.
Myles Garrett is still pretty good.
That’s some good JV-Throwing-Your-QB-Under-the-Bus Action!
Dabo Swinney says Cade Klubnik didn’t run the play called on failed 4th down in Clemson’s 2OT loss to Miami – CBSSports.com
“Cade Klubnick, not enough Jesus in his heart.”
-Dabo, summing up the season
When that kid hits the transfer portal Dabo will lament his lack of loyalty.
I just had the best nap.
No point here, just wanted to say that.
Once you are past 40, or definitely 50 – a good nap is the best thing that can possibly happen to one.
“Are you sure you weren’t woken by the screaming of the calves, Clarice?”
-A. Hopkins, texting Horatio because he had nothing better to do
“Are you sure you weren’t woken by the screaming of the Tits, Clarice”
-D.Hopkins waiting for Wills game 2
Tyrod saluting Dimes legacy by not throwing the ball away when he’s obviously going to get sacked. Continuity on offense is important.
Goff is only one letter off from Ooff
And only one Enigma Machine crank away from Bart Starr. Weird.
Can Bagent Ave Maria? WHO KNOWS BUT J PETERMEN CANT
IT IS BAGENT BEDLAM
The REDEMPTION of White Mac??
More like belichik’s plans to tank for a better draft pick went over his idiot owner’s head
Johnathon Taylor’s holdout might not have looked SMRT at the time, but he looks great today.
He was just waiting for Irsay to get back to dragon-chasing. It was a calculated bet.
Bijan has nary a rush attempt or a pass target but was not listed on the injury report. My MATH HARD! fantasy team weeps.
I call your Waller advice and raise you MY “take both Falcon backs” wizardry.
BLAPT is the god of NFL audio, so in addition to things like blocked punts, other incidents like the ball hitting the parabolic microphone are also within his sphere of influence.
don’t forget when pylon cam gets KNOCKED THA FUCK OUT!
Now that my fantasy leagues have embraced modernity, I have no goddamned idea who kicks placements for like 2/3 of the league.
It’s kind of a big fat who cares, isn’t it? They all can kick 50+ yards pretty regularly.
Yeah, unless you have the yips or are Justin Tucker – anyone will do.
I might walk back home after this beer foar NAP. Although early slate turning out better than expected
Ah, my old friend “daytime hangover” from similar escapades! But my body and brain hate me, I bet yours think you’re pretty KEWL.
They’re at least tolerant of my hijinks
The Lions house is on fire but not in a good way.
I am telling y’all. MYLES GARRETT, NFL MVP
/monkey’s paw curls
Are you a witch?!
SHAN’KLOR is still pissed off about Arizona State’s offerings last night, and just took it out on the Clots.
Refs absolutely fucked them on that non-PI call late. Can’t imagine it had anything with the PAC-? wanting to remain relevant in the play-offs discussion.
Why would NCIS have an office in Sydney? There isn’t a permanent US Navy base or presence there. Hawaii 5-0 run them out of Pearl Harbor?
NCIS: Five Eyes
The coaching staff in Tampa doesn’t get enough credit. Media groupthink was “it was all Brady” but they’ve got BAKER MAYFIELD running the offense better.
Against expectations, the amount of scoring in the Browns/Colts tilt makes it look like a Jersey Shore high school prom night.
With the addition of this spicy garlic butter sauce, Papa John’s pizza has earned the name “hot garbage.”
They lost Kevin.
I don’t recall exactly, but I think I predicted the WFT might be swept by the NFC East so I assume Los Gigantes are just fufuilling my bidding
So me Padre bit the bullet and got a trial subscription to fubi.
Unfortunately we’re on a delay, and I can’t turn off the play by play on my phone because of fantasy
Saquondown!
He looks quite spry, and y’all are clearly fighting harder for Tyrod.
When Balmer gets it all in synch, they are beastly. Just can’t be consistent with it, but it’s amazing to watch (at its best) for the neutral.
Let’s go Buffalo, to near extinction at the hands of white dudes from the east
glad my need to speculate on JSN this week caused me to drop the lions D this week at last minute
Rut-roh! NAWTY words from the Stillers pre-game radio guys!
(In reference to something about the Rams’ offensive line)
“Oh, I don’t give a shit about that…. er, I mean, sorry, I don’t…”
Years ago Billick was on a radio talk show live and clearly said, “Heinz Field is a piece of shit.”
Takes one piece of shit to know and understand another.
Fuck Lions reverting to being the Fuck Lions
I am so glad the Bears already have a win this season so it’s not possible for their win over the Raiders to be their first.
C’mon, you always remember your first piece
Ginny made that abundantly clear.
Holy scxhisse, Marcedes Lewis is still alive
My dad said the same thing last week
if you wanna throw to my Marcedes boy!
What’s with the dots on the back of the thighs of Bears pants?
Is it for grip? Or chemo targets?
“preventative chemo” should be the new horse de-wormer for CRITICAL THINKERS
Espeshially for the dreaded HAMMY CANCER
TEH SILENT KILLER TEH LIBS DONT WNT U 2 NOE ABOUT
Sniper?
Deshaun was 1-5 for 5 yards. The injury was actually a blessing.
-a Contrarian