Enough of those silly games overseas. What’s wrong with the USA besides almost everything? (I kid) Fantasy monkeys call this a ‘Bye-mageddan’, being the silly people we are. Six teams are taking a break and they are Cincy, Dallas, the Titans, the Jets, Carolina and Houston.
To The Games!
Browns/Colts:
Deshaun’s status as questionable covers a helluva lot of ground. His rotator cuff is trending as mending so my guess is that he’s behind center. Cleveland probably won’t need much from him given that his D (phrasing) has risen to the occasion. They are top 5 in pretty much every category except for turnovers. Moss and JT should get bottled up and I don’t think Minshew has enough weapons at wr to get the job done.
Bills/Pats:
The rot on offense runs deep in N.E. Remember when the hiring of Bill O’Brien was going to fix all those problems? Naive times indeed for Pats fans. Rb Stevenson somehow has -85 yards rushing over expectation and three ball snatchers are in the bottom five according to a metric that tracks their ability to gain separation. Not helping? The D has a mere 3 turnovers to date.
Commies/Giants:
Howell looks to be a good streaming option today so he’s a temp on my Freezer Vodka team. The Giants are bottom 10 in yards allowed per attempt and TD’s allowed thru the air. Dimes didn’t take any reps all week so Tyrod is a go.
Lions/Ravens:
He’s playing really well but things are lining up against Goff-away on the road, outside, vs a team that brings a ton of pressure and has the most sacks. And it’s not as though it’s one guy wracking them all up, the 24 sacks are distributed among 11 players. If Detroit gets the W they’ll be 6-1 for the first time since 1956. Standing in the way is Lamar’s record against the NFC-15-1.
Raiders/Bears:
So curious to see what a Bagent looks like in a collapsing pocket. This might end up being The (Maxx) Crosby Show, minus the mind-erasing elixirs. Davante Adams should get back on track target-wise after complaining about his workload. One issue. Who’s throwing him the ball-my vote goes to AOC (Aidan O’Connell). His critics say that he’s a bunny-hugger off the field so I think Hoyer’s the dude today.
Falcons/Bucs:
Ridder threw for 300 yards last week! (he also tossed 3 picks) But wait! Tampa didn’t score an offensive TD or generate a turnover last week! Still, did anyone expect either of these squadoos to be .500 or better at this juncture? Arthur Smith’s ‘run all day and play solid defense’ is being undermined by their -6 turnover differential. Safety Bates is doing all he can with 3 picks and 2 forced fumbles but he’s just one guy.
Do your thing.
…and the sun is now shining. In a domed stadium.
You cannot tell me God isn’t pleased that Watson got an un-happy ending.
Leave it The Pauls to absolutely waste Myles Garrett.
He still has Hippo’s MVP vote, which will surely be decisive.
the Browns Note drowning out his career
/watching a Canadian ad
Who carries a block of cheese in their purse? This isn’t Wisconsin!
Wallerdown foar Hippo!
Hippo greatly appreciate!
Good window (so far) for the left for ded P*ts, Vertically Enhanced Persons, etc.
EAST COAST RULES!
Watson is ded, again.
“Back strain. He’s Probable to return.” – MIA Training Staff
/God looks down and grins
/Jesus and the Antichrist high fives each other
If #ThePauls lose and the P*ts win, my Loser Pool will be down to two. I took the Yinzers, somebody else has Vikes.
#ThePauls!!
Bears fans RN
/DOOR FLIES OPEN
Today marks 29 years* of the Lady LemonJello regretting her decision to say “I do.” to my stupid self. We will be heading out for some afternoon drinks and a nice dinner shortly to celebrate our anniversary.
/DOOR FLIES SHUT
Nice! My anniversary is this Friday. Guess I gotta do something nice.
Give her a Sweet Dee/Charlie Kelly Spaghetti Day!
I’m doing a special dance to “Let it Whip.” I have my black cowboy hat, sparkly jockstrap, and cowboy boots ready to go. Gonna be a great anniversary.
Mrs Fozz is a lucky lady
This just makes me think of how last October I had three weddings to attend
Happy happy happy happy
https://youtu.be/WFAZ3aMwmsM?si=b3eAtkZH2OLAhvNQ
Looks like they popped Saquon’s elbow back in. Good for him!
DirectTV Creative meeting
“How can we make Kelce look like a bigger douche?”
Marketing Weasel
“We got it covered.”
Hey, Hoyer has 48 yards passing and Adams has 48 yards receiving. Weird!
And the Raiders have zero points!
Taking care of my father, had a wipe and diaper change.
Does anyone have any heroin?
BROTHER!!!!
yo! gotta be sober today, sucks
reminded of black tar?
I’ll take any grade you have, gonna slam it right into my neck
That diaper business. You or him?
His, smartass.
Thanks for clarifying that on this dick joke blog.
Ratbirds look pretty damned good when Fozz skips gameday!
Be a true fan, Fozz! Support your team, damn it!
I started reading a history of rugby and within the first chapter I learned why a try is called a try (used to be a try scored no points, it just gave you a free try to kick a goal) and why a mark is called a mark (when catching a throw in after a try for a kick the player would mark the spot in the grass with his heel). Also why in most folk football derived sports we kick over the crossbar rather than under – in original Rugby school rules people could charge the kicker so he had to clear them).
You can still charge the kicker; South Africa’s margin over France was due to charging a conversion down.
Sure, but the original Rugby school rules are what originated the over the crossbar goal in all modern derivatives other than soccer (and the name soccer derives from asSocciation somehow cuz english is weird)
So the antenna I bought doesn’t pick up Chicago signal, but it does pick up south bend, despite me being closer to Chicago.
South bend plays colts and lions.
Hmmmm
You’ll get all the Notre Dame games? You’re the luckiest guy ever.
We all get the Notre Dame games. We are all lucky.
Wow, Thurston Howell III is nawt good at foot-the-ball
Of all the games to get cursed with, I get Indy’s black helmet game? Because an all-black uniform on a horse-named sports team would make no sense.
Hey, you saw how pointless all black unis worked out for the WFT a couple Thursdays ago
#allblackhelmetgamesmatter
Ha! Hoyer has 29 yards passing and Adams has 29 yards receiving. Weird!
Gnu with the Doink!*
*in English? Sure. Graham Gano bounced a field goal off the upright
Moar like Graham GaNO. Wait…
Gary Gnu? GUH, NO!!
These Raiders I call them the Sackville-Baginsses because they are getting after Bagent.
“Goddamnit!” [takes hand out of pants, clicks on Wiki]
-Me
This is such a huge nerd comment.
God I love it.
A D2 undrafted QB and a line that can’t runblock for shit? This might just be the team that brings the Bears into the forward pass era
Oh yeah, the city loves him now
The Bears backup QB is ALWAYS the most popular guy in town.
That’s Rikki’s Raiders!
Giants: [summer] “Hey, we think you’re good enough to play offensive line for us.”
Giants: [fall] “Hey, you’re not good enough to play for us.”
/is signed to Philly’s practice squad
/Giants suffer innumerable injuries to o-linemen
Giants: [last week] “Hey, wanna come play for us? We think you’re good enough to start for us now.”
-The Ballad of Right Tackle Tyre Phillips
Either there are a lot of people with Davante on their fantasy team or the Bears have really lost their fanbase
WOO, ZayZay is starting for both my squadrons
/it wouldn’t be believable if I made this up so I’m not
//oldest kid came home for Reading Week, went out with old friends and came home at 5 in the morning with (this may sound familiar) 12 stitches in his head and a concussion
Wifey: [crying] “Are we failing as parents?”
Me: “Well, we’re sure as hell not getting an ‘A’ this semester.”
Wifey: [laughs, continues crying]
Hey, at least they aren’t sniveling, risk-averse wusses!
Time was, you send off a boy to war and it fixes him right up. But there ain’t even anymore wars no more.
Jesus Christ, man! But no blame to you or Mrs. Scotchy, that’s just the stupidity of boys (and we aren’t really men until at least age 30).
We are wise adults in part because of the stupid things we did in our youth.
I had an amazing stupid youth, with only some cosmetic scars, no major or nagging internal injuries!
“I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Scotchnaut, but I’m afraid your son has been diagnosed as Trent Green. There is nothing science or medicine can do. Maybe someday we’ll find a cure.”
Purple monkey dishwasher!
What the fuck was he reading!?
My team doesn’t play until tomorrow. I don’t have to make dinner because I’ve got an enormous mushroom, black olive and extra cheese pizza from yesterday.
And I’m on day 2 of a 4 day weekend.
Guess drunken debauchery it is.
So we went to an apple orchard this week and while they make it very clear that it’s stealing to pick fruit off the trees and eat it without paying for it, it’s much less clear whether it’s okay to pick apples up off the ground and feed them to nearby horses. Normally I ask myself “What Would John Elway Do?” but it feels like he’d need to recuse on this one.
They aren’t selling those and horses have a barter economy anyway
They might use them to make cider. I didn’t feed the horses, because I figure they get as many apples as they need. It was tempting, though, since about ten of them came across the field to say hi over the fence.
You resisted their adorable begging faces? You are stronger than I
My brother’s horse Sonnet would run along her fence when she saw me coming. She knew the apple lady!
There weren’t any apples immediately underfoot. They were a good hundred yards away. If they had been right there I could not have resisted either.
I hope you got stung by a thousand bees
This place is hideous, I love it. TAKE THAT, baseball heritage!
This place is gonna be my spot for first half. They have cocktail and beer towers which is exactly what you want a bunch of drunken midwesterners to have access to first thing after waking up to watch their shitty team
Julian Edelman, still an annoying douchebag
Packers jersey and plaid pyjama pants, I’m in Chicago alright
As is the way of our people.
Whoa, apparently there is a DraftKings sportsbook built into Wrigley now. Might have to check that out on the walk over, it looks like an actual sportsbook tv setup so could be fun to watch Bears fans seeing their team’s continued crumbling in excruciating detail
Last sportsbook I was in, drunk, and I was placing bets on women’s pro and college basketball, with no clue as to what I was doing. I won $50
Let’s see what I get on the Early PM slots of Cincy’s bye week:
CBS: Cleveland @ Indianapolis
FOX: Paid Programming, Carcass, Paid Programming, PBA Bowling
Well, at least I can get some chores done.
Rob Gronkowski is the human equivalent of a brain damaged Irish Setter
I hope it’s mostly an act. Otherwise, he’s living right in that Forrest Gump way.
Looks happy about it though, so can’t really fault him
Yeah, You love him and play with him, feed him good food and curl up with him at night. Then he takes a massive shit on your carpet 5 minutes before your friends come over to watch the game.
I will take a guy who leans into the “I’m just a big fucking doofus” thing over one who wants you to think he’s smarter than he is.
Most of the time they kinda are and they’re fun to be around, tbh.
I have often wonderwd what kind of guy is your type, Dunstan!
I saw mention of a DFOcon in Vegas. Has that already passed? Details?
First weekend in November
Will these guys be there?
I left Marika as the banner pic otherwise Redshirt’s soccer comment wouldn’t make any sense.
/[in Jon Lovitz’s voice, “Yeah, that’s the ticket!”
Ok, plan – gonna walk over to Nisei around 11:30. They don’t have food because they are old enough to have a taver license though they might bring in snacks for football. Looks like the nearby Steelers bar is closed, so no extra enternainment there. Apparently the dive with good BBQ over on Southport is a Chiefs bar, but will save that for another day
Fixed that for you.
The Rikkis gonna Rik, Rik, Rik…
It’s BIL’s birthday today. My daughter got us a reservation at what has been rated as the best pizzaria in the region. No small claim around here, it’s hard to find a bad pizza place. So we will see.
Let us know what a belly full of pineapple feels like.
/runs away laughing
NEVA!
Pineapple. The Cincinnati Chili of pizza toppings.
RITE? You might as well put that candy corn on one’s pizza.
I may however go with the Under 18. That looks good. And not at all pedo…
M. Gaetz has left the chat
Gumby loves the acciughe. Me, not as much. They can be a bit overwhelming.
Not on pizza. I do like is with spaghetti or with greens.
I love them melted, but whole chunks, not so much.
Neva was the first name of my most massive (PHRASING) engineering school crush. God, she was amazing. Better environmental engineer (ENE) than me, too.
“It’s…fine. Really, it’s fine. We love pineapple, it’s totally fine that that’s all we got to eat.” – other attendees of a luau whose guest list included Coach Reid
The only bad place is one who things grease is an ingredient to add to the pizza. A little grease is good, but if your slice is sagging due to the grease dripping off the end and the pizza box is threatening to give way, that’s a bit too much.
The approved MO here is wood burning brick oven, so that’s a dry bottom, with a bit of olive oil on top. So a greasy pizza would be rare.
Ah, the Election Season begins. Where creative minds bring up thoughts of “Who the Hell is __________ and how did they get my phone number?”
Taking care of my father today, sent my mom to the Ravens game with the Middle Fozz Spawn, my only consolation is that he can’t get served there. Hopefully.
Served alcohol or a summons/citation?
Actually, both. He is our compulsive, “I’ll take that bet,” son.
Apparently this summer he and his buddies walked to a golf course, and my son went swimming in the pond. At 3 am.
Then he would not be above conning Grandma into buying him beer. My kinda kid.
He might have a chance. My other indulges her grandsons. Plus, she raised me without murdering me, so she’s used to it.
My family would approve of that. The only restriction is you stay inside. Its a voluntary grounding, but with beer and TV and video game privileges.
In Chicago. Do I check out a nearbyish Raiders bar, try to find somewhere with all the games on, or head to an old-school bar with not the best TVs but cheap with a good crowd?
Also on the table but less preferred are my corner bar which won’t have the sound on and will be filled with people getting wasted on bottomeless mimosas, or couch at home with Red Zone.
I’d go old-school, simply because you can expect terrible football and you don’t need to see it in high-definition.
The bar I’m thinking of, assuming it still exists after Covid, is also right by a Steelers bar, which could be interesting to peek into while the Steelers are just barely a .500 team
If you go to the Steelers bar, tell them Fozz said: “The Immaculate Reception was an incomplete pass. Terry Bradshaw was overrated. You won Super Bowls in the Middle Ages. Fuck you.”
My favorite hobby is to rag on an obnoxious Steelers fan at work. I have no problem with Steelers fans. I actually enjoy the playful teasing, and I do acknowledge the Steelers are the better team overall do to the history, championships and overall quality of the organization, but this guy takes everything personally and can’t handle any criticism of the Steelers. At all. He makes a Patriots fan look humble. My go to favorites:
-Vontaze Burfict would’ve been celebrated in the 1970s.
-The Steelers would’ve lost in 2005 is Carson Palmer didn’t get hurt and Bettis wouldn’t have gotten his Storybook Ending. (And
Chris Henry, too. He got hurt, too, on that play, but its obviously overlooked due to Palmer).
-Ryan Finley.
i will copy and paste your post and keep it handy
actually, at ravens games we’ve met some seriously nice steeler fans
with the exception of the guy I almost fought in the stands.
Last thing my father said to my friends, “He’s drunk. Don’t let him do anything stupid.”
Then hack the cable system so that the TVs show nothing but episodes of Emily in Paris.
You are evil incarnate. I’m still in the first season. I am astounded by the stupidity of this show. Now, all of a sudden her friend is a world class singer?
Also, I’m far from being up to date on fashion, but the fucking outfits these dipshits wear are horrible. I guess.
When in doubt, you always go with the good crowd.
The BEST crowd would probably actually be walking down to Delilahs to the punk rock whiskey bar that turns into a Bills bar on Sundays to watch them beat up on The Legend of White Mac. And I am starting the Buffalo D in vodka league. Hmmmm
I think you’ve answered your own question here.
COUCH COUCH COUCH!!!
(inserting cat picture)
I only have a fake cat to hug though
probably shits a lot less, though!
Truth!
There have been numerous times when I have forgotten to roll up the car windows when parking it in the garage and my cat has subsequently slept in there.
My cat is more likely to sleep in the garage than my car is.
Dare to be different. Raiders bar, followed by a full report to the Clubhouse.
Old school. People getting wrecked on mimosas are bush league. What the fuck kind of hangover does that drink give you?
Probably not worse than the one they already have, this is in Boystown so I would also be able to hear stories from last night’s Grindr hookups
But overall yeah, it’s nawt a great football Sunday bar. Fun for Cubs games though and a killer BLT with sweet potato fries
Is bad enough that Grimace Touched My Butthole is rolling with Friday Night waivers dart toss Wan’Dale Robinson. Alongside starting TE Darren Waller, Hippo has not one but TWO pieces of the vaunted Vertically Enhanced Persons’ passing attack.
Probably the worst piece of advice I’ve given anyone is to tell you to keep Waller in Math Hard! league.
He’s had reasonable enough performances in 1 or 2 close wins. I’ve made waaaayyyy worse mistakes of my own full volition!
Till the cows come home (for your home invasion).
Our neighbors were loose again this morning. There are now two calves added to the group, for a total of five.
Situation is getting truly bizarre.
“Mmmm. Veal.”
-yeah right, probably
Neighborhood cows gettin jiggity in your yard now. Film at 11.
If they had those calves in your yard, they are now citizens of Horatioland. Your sovereign subjects!
Oh, any of you SeaTruthers (or Boris) have any insight on if DK is gonna go? That 415 start means if he’s a late scratch, I have to roll with Mattison.
Looks like he’s a true game-timer.
I suddenly love soccer, but I can’t understand why.
Because Chicks dig it.
Why love bomb when you can sing about your
https://youtu.be/FhO_jnKl4pk?si=WS-F8ZbNnn8MLyIV