12 Nov 2023 Mandatorium Session #2 NFL Thread

Hello, y’all.  The half-assing it substitute teacher is IN!

These is your early afternoon offerings, crafted lovingly in Ginger Hammer’s kitchen FOAR YOU:

Texans (+6) at Bengals (1:00, CBS)

Both these squadrons come into Week 10 shit hot.  But there’s “oh fuck, they look Owl worthy again” hot, and then there’s “that’s really good for them, you know?” hot.  Still, CJ Stroud has been a stone cold killer, and deserves this semi-spotlight.  If you want to play WR and will do so for team store coupons?  Please see Mike Brown, post haste.

Saints (-3) at Vikings (1:00, Fox)

Hide the knives at casa del yeah right, as we gets a meaty right brothers’ Derby!  There’s also the whole “Emo Carr v. Black Powder” aspect, which makes this quite the spicy meatball.  No Justin Jefferson this week, but he’s IMMINENT, ah says.  Founding Fathers gets a second chance at the bellcow role in the Bird Murder Dome, and YES Hippo is stupid enough to start him.

Packers (+3.5) at Stillers (1:00, CBS)

All you need is Love?  Residents of Wisconsin would beg to differ.  Coach Epps scoffs at caring who is playing quartered back.  He’ll go 9-8 or 10-7 with pretty much any jackass off the street.  Even Sunny‘s Uncle Jack!  Nobody is breaking the 20-point ceiling here, kids.  Too bad we don’t get snow.

Titans (+2.5) at Bucs (1:00, CBS)

DonT’s Magnificent Tits will try not to melt down MRSA-way, but I wouldn’t make any promises on that front.  Start #3 from Future Meth Cook Will Levis, and we will see if he hits the wall or continues on with Cromulence Plus.  Have you asked YOUR doctor if Cromulence Plus could be right FOAR YOU??

Tomsulas (-3) at Jaguras (1:00, Fox)

Damn, that’s some kind of RESPEK on the Santa Clara name, coming in on a 3-match losing streak AND going on a “body clock” road trip across three time zones AND facing a 6-2 Jacksonville team that looks like they could sneak away with the 1 seed in the much tougher AFC?  I guess because it’s in DUUUUUVVVVVAAAALLLL, not the true home confines of London Towne.  But one still has to like Prison Girlfriend in this spot.  Not just because of her flowing blond locks, but they don’t hurt none.

#ThePauls (+6.5) at Ravens (1:00, Fox)

It’s not easy to have a full 6-pack window, with no games so much as a full TD spread.  But here we are.  Two best defenses in the NFL by a long shot, but I’mma take the home team featuring Lamar! because I am just a HAWT TAEK artist of that calibre.  Hippo could sure use a KHunt punt or two, so long as Poe’s homeys win the day overall.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Horatio Cornblower

SUDDEN CHANGE IN CLEVELAND, AND THIS TIME IT’S NOT A RIVER ON FIRE!!!

Doktor Zymm

Ordering food, then setting up the mouse death field

Mr. Ayo

THE BUNGLES!

Mr. Ayo

Coach Epps cannot lose

ArmedandHammered

It’s all in the contract with Satan.

WCS

HIGH END TALENT STILLERS GANTA SUPERB BOWL

Also, hello.

Brick Meathook

I’m in a Dave & Buster’s, here to get another Veteran’s Day freebie. I’ve never been in one of these before. I really kind of hate it, it’s sensory overload, but let’s see what happens.

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Brick Meathook

I got this for almost free, and it wasn’t too bad. This place is full of NFL fans wearing jerseys, however, so there’s always that negative.

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Mr. Ayo

There’s one KHunt punt Hippo!

Don T

Chig Okwonko catch. The moon must be on Capricorn!

Don T

There’s madness. After it, counting on Derek Carr garbage time fantasy points.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aaaaaand he’s hurt

Senor Weaselo

So some shit apparently went down at NHRL Finals this weekend!

Mr. Ayo

Prison Girlfriend is already getting Brady calls? Damn.

Don T

Mike Evans carried K. Fulton piggyback 5 yards for a TD. TEN 3 – 17 TB, Red Zone beckons.

jjfozz

Ravens doing their best impression of the browns. holy christ

Mr. Ayo

You were just criticizing bad touches, Other Hippo!

Mr. Ayo

TheShaun hurt?

One can only hope. May his toes touch his knees.

Senor Weaselo

Cotton Hill?

Gatoraids

CALL THIS GUY HILL THE A-10 WARTHOG CUZ HES A TANK KILLER.

Redshirt

I’m listening to the radio so I’m ahead and I still reacted to that hit

2Pack

Hippo, I like the Ravens fan you featured here today. Marika is sorta pissed, Napoli lost today.

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2Pack

I would certainly let her vent on me.

Redshirt

Trap game is trapping

Mr. Ayo

The fun, Other Hippo, is making your friends happy when they kick your ass.

You’re welcome, Don T, BTW.

Don T

Not yet. Yahoo % poibts are nail-polish volatile. Total weathervabe.

Gatoraids

cosigned
-Mariah Carey (too much all i want royalties to leave the home)

fleshwound_NPG

yep, niners are back

Mr. Ayo

Chase Young and a Bosa? How could they not be.

fleshwound_NPG

more importantly deebo is back to stop purdy from fucking all this upcomment image

Horatio Cornblower

The Chelsea-Man City game went full plaid. Far better use of my time then whatever that thing in Germany was that the NFL was doing.

I do regret missing the apparent benching of White Mac, that I must admit. The sports radio this week shall be marvelous.

Gatoraids

worst fumble by a Texan since the Aggies athletic director signing Jimbos contract

fleshwound_NPG

with all the wars going on oil futures look okay right now, so they can easily afford that buyout

fleshwound_NPG

packers are “matt canada offense looking good today” levels of bad

Senor Weaselo

TJ Hockenson thanks you too!

/Okay, fine, he doesn’t care

blaxabbath

I ain’t saying don’t post a blue square.

I am saying, I notice those Parkland kids didn’t need a Sunday ad campaign…

jjfozz

I’ll admit when I’m wrong. That French restaurant was great. I asked the waiter, “Look, I don’t know anything about French food. Your recommendation will make or break my night. Should you choose wrong, the vengeance of my house will be visited upon you.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The French are very good at food and arrogance, game recognize game.

Mr. Ayo

So can Chelsi.

Sigh, Chelski.

blaxabbath

I got busted for showing a pic less risqué than that on the homepage.

Don T

LinkedIn sucks at beefcake

Redshirt

Burrow to WR5. TD!

fleshwound_NPG

purdy showing his inner gunslinger early and DUVAL doing jack shit with it

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good, I’m starting Aiyuk and Purdy

Mr. Ayo

#ThePauls!!

Redshirt

Houston is trying get in Burrow’s head…by hitting him in the head on the 1st play.

Brick Meathook

Trevormania!

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jjfozz

welp, my hangover just scared otu of me

Don T

Skyler White!

Horatio Cornblower

Goddamn Ted, man.

fleshwound_NPG

“support our troops…not those that misled them”

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fleshwound_NPG

(that is indeed what is on the sticker. shame she sold it recently, wouldve loved to have that, even with that damned bigsby tremelo)

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jjfozz

I know more than a few of my coworkers would have a problem with this.

jjfozz

THIS GRONK I CALL HIM A MID AIR ACCIDENT WITH THE TOILET CAUSE THAT’S A LOT OF SHIT FALLING OUT OF THE SKY

jjfozz

I can confirm that person in the photo is not a Ravens fan. She has never been within 1000 miles of Baltimore.

ArmedandHammered

Maybe at one of the higher end strip clubs, I can say for a fact she looks too attractive to work the ones near the inner harbor.

Mr. Ayo

As can Chelsi

Mr. Ayo

Sigh. Chelski

Don T

Will Levis is solid son-in-law material (if you’re into normie shit), AND is a Finance M.A. Future Meth Cook is libel. Meth Capo or better, please.

Don T

Nah. It’s just kidding. SIL is a solid citizen.
Full disclosure: he is also a drummer.
Saving grace: a kickass drummer

Horatio Cornblower

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Mr. Ayo

Is Meth Capo getting high on his own supply?

ballsofsteelandfury

Haaland just scored with his testicles.

Not a joke

Brick Meathook

While you’re waiting for more futbaw:

Here’s the frontispiece to fantastic book about Volkswagen repair that was originally published in 1969, and since updated. Whether you have ever owned a VW or not, this book is a treasure just for the illustrations by Peter Aschwanden. They are not only technically accurate and clear, but are done in the pen & ink styling similar to Gilbert Shelton of Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers fame. And they’re funny too.

(An earlier post mentioned the comics Sgt. Rock and Ghost Tank. Those, plus The Freak Brothers, were the only comics I read as a kid, in addition to the great movie/TV parodies in MAD by Mort Drucker and Angelo Torres)

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Mr. Ayo

Fun Fact: I call my pcar an Aero Beetle.

Because the engine is in the back.

Brick Meathook

This book is also good for Porsche repair, because they are the same.

Senor Weaselo

Paging Richard Hammond!

Mr. Ayo

Took care of both earlier. NAWT at the same time, mind you.

Redshirt

Don’t kinkshame me!

Redshirt

Winning streak? Team is hot? Facing a supposedly lesser team? Rivals next in the queue on a short week?

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