12 Nov 2023 Mandatorium Session #3 NFL Thread

Just 7 MOAR hours to go.  Come on y’all, we GOT THIS!! (unrelated Silversun Pickups song follows)

Falcons (-2.5) at Qards (4:05, CBS)

Oh my, the ARTHUR SMITH Falcons giving points on the road?  I almost don’t even care that it’s the Qards they’re playing.  Wee Kyler is back, even!  I mean, it’s not like they will give their Top Ten pick Bijan Robinson 20+ touches or anything.  That would just be catering to the NEEERRRRRDDDDDSS who play fantasy.

Lions (-3) at Chargers (4:05, CBS)

Now THIS one, I get.  Baby Buster pseudo-revenge game?  Against the city of angels, I guess.  We need these Lions to FUCK HARD, kill any Spanoi-to-the-playoffs momentum in the crib.  I worry Detroit is due a stinker, though.

Vertically Enhanced Persons (+17.5) at Non-Gendered Cowpersons (4:25, Fox)

The line that won’t stop growing and you STILL wouldn’t touch it with a stolen dick.  I’m not saying you have a substitute today because Scotchy pre-drank himself into a coma to avoid watching this one.  I’m just not NOT saying it.  Horatio can probably do “chores” with Lowratio today, instead.

Commies (+6) at SeaTruthers (4:25, Fox)

Rise FOAR Anthem, fellows of the Comintern!  Rebecca Malone will throw you the ball regardless of uniform coloUr.  Coach Carroll is just asking questions, y’all – and this is the kind of game he fucks up.  I’m just saying…

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Doktor Zymm

LIOUNS!
HE’S GOT LEGS AND HE KNOWS HOW TO USE THEM!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I haven’t seen giants have a tough time in Texas since the Mexican national basketball team got lost in Denton

WCS

Yeah, we’ve got BANANACAKES in the making with the FUCKLIONS.

Doktor Zymm

More of a soggy fried plantain, but I’ll take it!

Mr. Ayo

I didn’t realize I hated Keenan Allen this much.

*spits at Don T’s shoes*

Mr. Ayo

#EvenKeel

WCS

Diet Speedball

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Train delayed, order a cocktail from the bar in Moynihan and have some regrets.

Doktor Zymm

Uh oh, they can’t seem to get ridda Ridder

WCS

FUCKLIONS-Spanoi is güd.

Doktor Zymm

Powder blue v. Aqua, A BATTLE FOR THE AGES

Mr. Ayo

I can’t wait to see how the Spanoi Rot loses this one

Mr. Ayo

Not as entertaining as anticipated. But still lol

Doktor Zymm

I just realized, Thursday is Bengals@Ravens. With both teams coming off an upset loss on a short week, this could be interesting

jjfozz

If by interesting you mean “a real piece of shit showing by the Ravens” then you’re right

Mr. Ayo

HOX!!!

Doktor Zymm

Aw, that’s sweet that the giants got some garbage time points! Garbage time started somewhere in the middle of Q1

ThePirateSloth

FINALLY

WCS

We’ll somehow end up with Commies/NYG next SNF.

WCS

offsetting BLEERGH is the most confounding BLEERGH

Beerguyrob

This game I have chosen to attend is rapidly becoming an ordeal.

Doktor Zymm

There’s no shame in leaving early to beat the traffic

ThePirateSloth

You gonna be there for Thxgiving night? Ayo and I are going!

Beerguyrob

I am! I will be with my buddy who works for the BC Lions.

ThePirateSloth

You should meet up with us for beer!

Mr. Ayo

Then we have to meet up. MANDATORY!

WCS

BOLTMEN IN EXILE are kicking the Knee Biters in the teeth.

Doktor Zymm

I was just thinking the same thing, savannah cats best nawt screw this up

Mr. Ayo

lol NFC West.

Wait, not you SF.

Doktor Zymm

DOWNED ELBOWS CAN’T MELT STEEL BEAMS PETEY

litre_cola

Is Walker injured?

Mr. Ayo

APPARENTLY NOT! HOX!

WCS

Bobo?

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Bears will have 2 picks before them though

Mr. Ayo

But the funny thing is there are only two scenarios there:

1) They pick Penix and he sucks

2) They don’t pick Penix and he’s the HOX new Charmslinger

Doktor Zymm

Absolutely. And I’m voting for scenario #1. They trade Fields, draft Penix, and they both eventually go on to have successful careers with other teams

Doktor Zymm

And the gambit of pointing at the defense to try and avoid a false start call fails again!

Doktor Zymm

They need to give the Gigantes punter hazard pay and overtime

Doktor Zymm

I’m glad that Bobo is a white guy so I can make monkey jokes about him without sounding super racist

Mr. Ayo

The grittiest ape

Doktor Zymm

It’s kind of amazing how the bored ape nft people managed to injure their clients in such a way that they can’t view the nfts they massively overpaid for
https://arstechnica.com/health/2023/11/bored-ape-creator-says-uv-lights-at-apefest-burned-attendees-eyes-and-skin/

Mr. Ayo

Such a fitting tribute to them, though. They obviously can’t see shit, so might as well make sure they can’t see actual shit.

Doktor Zymm
Doktor Zymm

I put a bait station and some traps under the kitchen sink where the mouse is getting in, and sprayed all around the edges of the kitchen floor with a rodent repellent. The repellent smells kinda minty but also makes me gag so I’m both holding my breath every time I walk by the kitchen and hopeful that the spray is effective.

WCS
litre_cola

So my broken shit phone save all of my contacts to the device, not the sim. Any ideas folks?

Mr. Ayo

As long as the old phone can turn on, you can recover them.

litre_cola

You see that is the thing. We can nae tell. I am bringing it to a phone medic this week to pay to get the contacts transferred. I am furious at myself for many reasons. I am in my basement pub staring at the bar. I said I would take 2 weeks off after Vegas and BC Dick got the clap flu and couldn’t make it.

ThePirateSloth

You should be able to transfer them over to the sim. Might have to do it one at a time though.

Doktor Zymm

no cloud backup? You should be able to go into a store and have someone transfer them

fleshwound_NPG

the last few minutes of giants/cowboys was enough for me to give up on the rest of today’s football. fuck that game, and i wont even ATTEMPT raidaahs/jests

play some video games with the 3 year old once she comes back from visiting grandparents in an hour

Doktor Zymm

My buddy in Chicago has informed me that he’s only getting that botched abortion of a game

fleshwound_NPG

thats all i got, too

litre_cola

Well I am assembling an exercise bike and man is the Kevin Kolb jersey going to look good hanging off of it.

Doktor Zymm

yuuuuup

Horatio Cornblower

Just checking before going to the upstairs bathroom with the Sunday NY Times and recreating the Giants offense.

Mr. Ayo

Oh, BTW, thanks Redshirt. I’m now out of my last Survivor Pool.

Beerguyrob

Spotted this in the wild at the Seahawks game.

IMG_7387.jpeg
Doktor Zymm

Oh that’s great, I gotta get me one of them

jjfozz

French restaurant for my birthday dinner
Ravens fucking shit the bed
In laws coming over for dinner tonight

Can you Door Dash heroin?

Gatoraids

absinthe wasnt on the menu?

Beerguyrob

It is now.

ArmedandHammered

Talk about the Texas Bishop the Pope kicked out of his diocese for being too conservative and how it is a good start.

jjfozz

Damn, missed that one. I’ll do some research and bring it up at dessert.

Doktor Zymm

This whole game is just going to be the LioUns running 4th and goal drills, isn’t it. Nawt that I’m against that or anything

Gumbygirl

And now, the Derpmeister!

20231112_135820.jpg
ThePirateSloth

I am reaching Darrell Bevell levels of hate with each failed 3rd down “let’s call 30 yard pass plays”.

Gumbygirl

Behold the Chocolate Eater, in all her glory!

20231112_134416.jpg
Doktor Zymm

Ah, a redhead, that explains it!

Redshirt

“He’s right. Its 90% of our running plays and look at our successes!”

-Zac T., Cincinnati, OH

Doktor Zymm
ThePirateSloth

I’m really starting to hate Shane Waldron and his supposedly genius play calling.

Doktor Zymm

Goddamn, that’s a fancy Ceedee!

ArmedandHammered

This game is like a Math bowl between MIT and the local special needs group housing.

hippofant

Why does every sideline have those brown team hoodies now?

Doktor Zymm

Because SHIELD LUV R TROUPS

hippofant

And brown is to remind us of the sands of Iraq and Afghanistan?

Doktor Zymm

Something like that, although I doubt they put that much thought into it. Maybe brown was on discount.

jjfozz

Dried blood

ThePirateSloth

Dog walked, thc syrup drink mixed, bowl backed. LET’S DO THIS

ThePirateSloth

*sigh* of course

Gumbygirl

Lookit the Brownies!

ArmedandHammered

Pray for Fozz’s liver.

jjfozz

I’m so fucking mad that as soon as the alcohol enters my body it is vaporized by my boiling anger. I love the Ravens, but I just can’t ever believe in them actually fucking going all the way.

Redshirt

I’m now rooting for the rapist. Fantastic.

Doktor Zymm

Ew

Redshirt

Its easier when you lie down and purposely depersonalize.

WCS

ALL YINZ HIGH END TALENT BELONG TO STILLERS SUPERB OWL BABY

Gumbygirl

It’s a W. Well, more like w, but I’ll take it!