Your Regular NFL Sunday Football Open Thread

Hey, welcome back! After last night’s failed Lemonade Experiment (the sugar-centric hangover this morning, god!) I don’t feel like doing this but obligations are obligations.

To The Games!

Steelers/Bengals:

Cincy will start a guy (Jake Browning) that sounds like an early Industrial Age process. I come from a long line of Jake Browners-it’s not done anymore because carriage technology has progressed so rapidly. A positive change in scoring fortunes for Pitt will allow everyone to do what they’ve always wanted which is to Blame Trudeau! Er, Canada.

Jags/Texans:

Stroud has thrown for 300+ in 5 of 10 and in three straight. What to do vs a Jacktown team that gives up an average of 254? Y’all should be fortifying your team with a Tank Dell is what you should do. If the Texans win this shootout (calling it) they’ll be atop the division and have the tiebreaker. P. Girlfriend is 1-4 and owns a 4-7 TD/INT number against this team.

Bucs/Colts:

[throws up in mouth a little] Indy? A playoff frontrunner? Well, they’re 5-5 and have the league’s easiest sked down the stretch. Do Better, NFL! I don’t think Irsay’s heart or his dealer could survive a playoff game so something has to be done. Kidnap Minshew maybe? Cade Otton came good when I had to stream him a few weeks ago and should again given the Colts inability to defend the position.

Saints/Falcons:

New Orleans needs some help in the passing game and with Thomas out (naturally) the answer is staring them in the face. Carr and Shaheed, when they do hook up, create an 88.8 QBR number which is top 20 in the league. Ridder gets another go at starting because Arthur Smith has coached himself into a corner.

Pats/Giants:

This one’s for all the (draft pick) marbles! If the Giants lose their odds of getting a top 2 pick rise to 47%. If the Pats take the L their number rises to 37%. Such excitement! Play your Stevenson’s and Zeke’s and don’t think twice about it. On the other hand, these teams can’t generate anything (DeVito’s cromulent outing last week aside) offensively so it should become a Stalled Drive Celebration.

Panthers/Titans:

A run-happy team vs another that has given up a league-high 17 TD’s to rb’s? Yes please. In deeper leagues you may even entertain playing the future, Tyjae Sharp. He’s splitting carries and gets the passing down work. Just a matter of time. Say a prayer for Bryce Young-the guy must want to close the book on this season and start a new chapter in ’24.

See you in the comments.