To The Games!
Jets/Fins:
Tyreek is a game-timer and he would put serious pressure on a Jets D that deserves much better qb play. (yes, I know Mother Lover played well last week but it was a one-off) That Wilson kid has never thrown a TD vs Miami, by the by. Oof! The Jets are in the midst of a 10 game division road losing streak. If they win their chances of making the playoffs jump to 1%.
Texans/Titans:
Good grief Noah Brown, it’s up to you-Stroud, Nico and Tank have left the building so we get to see if it’s the system or the talent that makes Houston’s O go. My bet is the latter. Levis went for 300+ on Monday but everyone knows that the bread and butter and cheese slices and Black Forest ham and crisp Boston lettuce of the Titans offense is King Henry.
Bucs/Packers:
In theory I should be interested in this fixture but I am not. Your sneaky streamer of the day is Tucker Kraft, tight end of Green Bay and maker of artisanal wasp jellies. He’s getting a lot of targets recently and the Bucs can’t defend the position. Mayfield should be able to pass with impunity because Tampa has all of 6(!) INT’s this season.
Giants/Saints:
There’s plenty of good things being said about non-bedmaker DeVito but he’s experiencing the same trouble that Dimes underwent-he’s getting sacked on 19% of his dropbacks. How has the o-line coach not been fired yet is a mystery for the ages. Despite the fact that the O runs through him, Saquon has rushed for 100 yards all of one time this year.
Falcons/Panthers:
Carolina has focused on the run game more in order to take pressure off the beleaguered Bryce Young but Atlanta defends well in that area, having given up only 5 rush TD’s all year. Seriously, that’s crazy. The tilt might be a close one though-the Panthers have been within a score in the 4th quarter in their last five games.
Bears/Browns:
Cleveland’s D has an absurd -.11 Expected Points Added per play which is the 3rd-best figure since the stat was first tracked in 2014. Fields is in for a test despite the fact that he’s led the Bears away from a top draft pick since he came back from his injury. Flacco Beware! He’s tossed an INT in each of his starts and the Bears have been a takeaway machine, forcing 8 turnovers in their last 3 tilts.
Chiefs/Pats:
Zeke pulled off something unique in the usage stat world-he’s the first rb in at least 20 years to be involved in 100% of a team’s running plays. Mahomes play this year has been less than “all-world” and there are a few factors, including the league’s highest drop rate of 5.9%. (insert obligatory Kadarius slander here)
Type away.
Tunsil still making the plays
When he retires from pro football he should announce it via a recreation of said photo.
Bane style cept planting a field of weed underneath a stadium and lighting it up
Tractorcito must’ve switched to steam ’cause there’s zero explosion.
Tits slashed his tires in the game by giving Levis the 1 yd sneak touchdown
THANKS, Sleepy Joe!!!!1111
I would watch a cooking show hosted by Jabril and Julius Peppers
Pats qb turns ball over again, probably should stop eating tomatoes.
Found a funny
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0t-zHcrneR/?igshid=MzY1NDJmNzMyNQ==
It’s weird to see the Chiefs getting calls against the Pats, we really are in a new era
Best rices?
1-Basmati
2-Jasmine
3-Rashee
4-Brown
Gotta have coconut rice up there. Mango sticky rice might be a bit niche, but still really good.
Jerry should be one or two, Ray at the bottom, January apologizing for not having made this list in time.
“I have a question for you, Doktor. Do you put the lime in the coconut rice?”
-H. Nilsson
–
got to bump up Saffron
You forgot the GOAT, Jerry.
1. Jerry
2. Medium grain
6,787. Par boiled
Hey, wait a Minute!
😖
No love for sushi rice? That seems fishy.
The Giants o-line claims yet another victim. They’re batting 1.000.
How deep is Canadian media’s love for the Leafs? There’s a biopic out now for a player that never won a major award and was suspended for admitting that he indulged in cocaine. Skakar Mitt Huvud…
All of Canada’s national newspapers and television channels are headquartered in Toronto.
Yup. I call the city “Circle Jerk Central”.
/so funny that news programs will air a Toronto-specific problem and portray it as a national issue.
YAY, backup placement kicker time!
DeVito is DeDedo
Does he still have DeVital signs? He’s only mostly ded.
Ugh, I have to go ‘outside’ at some point to take out the trash and get the mail
Life is very hard. That’s why I’m high most of the time.
Gumbygirl: [gets sued by Timbuk3]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeA20ydkjKM&ab_channel=ClassicVideos80s
Ooops, flopped too hard
Dr. Mantis Toboggan, heal thyself?
*gets home from running errands, turns on P*ts game, sees score*
Me:…typo?
Mr. Nel: No, we’re just in time to see the Chiefs score, obviously.
….aaaand there it is.
Amari Pooper on the Browns is way funnier than Cooper
This Jets/Fins tilt is an interesting contrast with respect to what teams can do with imaginative play-calling and a modicum of talent.
Oh and NOW Waddle gets an impressive long TD, where was that all those weeks he scored under 10 on my Freezer Vodka team?
Waddledown! is more than something Drew Carey says to a large housewife.
Mimiiiiii
I randomly selected between the 2 brands of frozen onion paratha value packs available at my local supermarket. Seems pretty good
Like a Good Neighbor, that LB was there!
Me existential dread of the day, the wife is downstairs stomping around and I hope it is not something I did that has triggered her.
Text her “u ok?” plus optional emoji. Then hear if things start breaking.
don’t forget the menstrual cycle query!
Nope, post menopausal for the win!
I don’t know about the post part, haven’t had a visit from Aunty Flo in 12 years and I’m still pissed off and sweaty.
It was work related, than goodness.
https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/kyle-mccord-transfers-to-syracuse-ex-ohio-state-qb-gives-new-coach-fran-brown-early-recruiting-splash/
From Ohio State starting QB to Syracuse? That’s the football equivalent of running away and joining the circus.
away
Home.
Witchita.
Hey, I’m just doing what you told me to do!
Anchors?
Love those old Oilers unis. This is what comes to mind. (notice how Campbell is holding the football like a ham)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43-t357CQYs&ab_channel=FlintGiven
redzone should just enforce blackout rules in the Carolina Atlanta game
(Fire alarm is pulled when they derp themselves into the red zone)
“Blackout rules? Really? Goddamnit, I had plans for later on!” [starts to chug freezer vodka]
-Falcons and Panther fans
That attempted hurdle was a helmet-to-helmet hit, lol
scotchy nails the Tucker Kraft shout
500s playing their ex, and said ex wearing their favourite concert t-shirt.
Yeah, but if they had any guts, they’d do it when they visit the Texans
Acting nonchalant in the midst of a crime. The “merchandise” is right there to see.
I’m looking at the video again and it’s terrific. I need to edit it a bit to protect the innocent but it really is funny. When it SFW I’ll post it, maybe later today (unless I completely forget to do it).
Giants Update: Saquon has 3 rushes for -1 yards. Leading rusher DeVito has 2 yards and that’s probably because he was flushed out of the pocket and was running for his life.
Hmmm, haven’t watched anything yesterday or today, might I become one of those “I don’t watch the NFL anymore” people that Rikki tried and failed to become?
Offer not valid if the Bears or my fantasy team get good again.
Eh, I’ll believe it if you don’t watch the playoffs
I didn’t fail! I’m not watching right now!
Kraft slices in for the TD!
SHAN’KHLOR determined to keep this match at nil-nil in Foxborough
NFL Deadzone
Is it just footage of Xmas presents floating in water?
https://youtu.be/RhcEXk_pJ9c?list=RDRhcEXk_pJ9c&t=61
I’m not getting the Sillycuse game nor the Giants game. As Coach Lombardi says in old footage, “What the hell is going on around here?”.
Look out your window, is this the view?
Rover!
I should re-watch that but I won’t because it was so amazing the first time around and I don’t want to ruin that memory.
I’ve found it holds up to a re-watch, but you’re probably good either way
Wait, I know what this is!
Hanson subtly telling us he (i) made the playoffs; and (ii) is a Mostert-owning GM.
That Levis dart off his goddamned BACK FOOT??
Somebody just bought Whoppers Jr. for the entire house!
Total weight of chocolate bars only: 5 lbs, 4 oz.
Eli right now:
Robble robble
SHANK’LHOR makes her presence known in Foxborough
https://twitter.com/JayGlazer/status/1736438158135550258
C’mon sketchy Android emulator, stop crashing! I’m trying to watch cut-rate Red Zone in a way that probably violates T&Cs!
Fins up going belly up with waddle down
Zappe: Still Crappe.
BUZZER-BEATER BY BUTLER BEATS BULLS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sXNoRohhkc
Heat Culture Killed My Dog?
aaaannnnd I don’t think it’s fair
Listen if you were trying to ruin my Christmas by making me think about dogs being stuck in hot cars, you pulled the trigger way too early. There’s no way my diminished memory capacity hangs onto this thought all week.
Really, I was just making a They Might Be Giants joke.
If it makes you feel better, that asshole Bowie (from the grave, no less) put me out of the LDBC on Friday night.
For the 1st time in Century XXI, I’ve tuned in to a pre-game show on purpose. Testament to both FF vestedness and weed quality.
And helloooooo🤪
If you MUST know, NFL Network. Eisen and Mariucci are fine, just fine. And players who retired not more than 15 years ago are welcome.
I like Kurt Warner as both an analyst and a game announcer. He understands when to keep his mouth shut.
His wife makes damn sure of that.
I was happier and skinnier in Century XX. Let’s go back there! Zymm, get on it!
#MeToo
I think my best decade was probably 2000-2010. What a crazy coincidence, those years included a decent chunk of my twenties!
I think that’s most of us. Somewhere, there was that perfect medium of having enough youth to feel ok, enough money not to be stressed 24/7, and technology was developed enough not to feel like it was going back to caveman times.
I think for me it was just because I got laid the most.
Also I lived within a stone’s throw of really nice beaches for 3 of those 10 years.
College and grad school #1? Those were great! My first year in Chicago sucked goatass though
I don’t like rooting for ManUre, but at least I can take some solace in rooting against Liverpool.
Aren’t they just the most hateable fucking fucks who ever lived?
For me it’s always going to be Tottenham, likely primarily because of Fuckface Harry Kane, but today Liverpool will do nicely.
It’s not very creative, but Harry Fuckface Kane was perhaps my most apt nicknaming jerb.
“You might want to reconsider that. I used to be prejudiced against pools, and just look at where it got me.” – Ryan Mallett, via ouija board
Another December Sunday, another day at the friggin Christmas markets following ladies with poor senses of direction, and even worse methodical search skills around. And another metric ton of bag hauling… Uhmmm… In the bag. Lift with the legs team.
Rain came earlier than expected today so no horseytime today. On the plus side that means I can watch all of the morning Red zone, which may not suck today. On the minus side I could have changed my flight and watched in Chicago, but oh well.
It’s absolutely pissing down in Cakalaky, which hopefully presages CHAOS for all 1p fixtures.
MUDGAMES!
– excerpt from Catherine the Great’s journal, circa 1795
If you had two folks named Rikki-Tikki-Deadly and the Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esq (Ret.), which one do you think would be more likely to put the cacao powder hidden in the back of the fridge on the shelf where leftovers are normally kept instead of in the drawer with all the other chocoloate* where it belongs? I’d say Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong, though. It’s the Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esq. (Ret.).
*Seriously though where the fuck did all this chocolate come from? There’s so much in there we should have
Doug MartinI mean an Oompa-Loompa guarding it.Do you keep the house too warm to store your apparently massive chocolate hoard outside of the fridge?
Not at all. But our outside-the-fridge hoard tends more towards the granola mixes type. I’m tempted to take an inventory of chocolate later this morning just to see how much we have (especially with Coach Reid distracted by playcalling duties).
Huh, I would have thought the Doomba would be Castle Deadly’s preferred defense system.
I wants
Or put a hand grenade on one and call it the Boomba.
Put a suicide vest on your above mentioned Oompa Loompa and you’d get a Boomba Loompa
Personally I’d never question how much chocolate I was facing. You simply accept those things.
Yeah but there’s less room for meat and cheese.
That’s a dilemma.
Well, that’s another flawless victory in the books against the avian scourge from the south coast! I dread having to root for the Mancunian forces of evil today against the Merseyside Red Threat, but as I always say, “the enemy of my enemy is my friend!” Onward to glory!