So much going on, let’s head on over to…
Fallout:
-Birds Are People Too!: James Audubon would be pissed! The Niners have beaten the Seahawks, Eagles, Seahawks again and the Cardinals the last four weeks. Up next week? The Ravens.
-As per his namesake, King Henry made some history yesterday-by running 16 times for 9 yards and catching 4 balls for 1 yard, he became the first player ever to get 20 touches and not reach 15 yards. Asked how he’ll prepare for next week he said, “We’ll stiffen our sinews, and summon up the blood and go once again into the breech!”
-Post-Game Injury Report: Truth Biscuit has come down with a contusion of the ego after discovering that Mason Rudolph gets the start next week.
-Here’s some fantasy nobodies that grabbed precious scores helping you to lose your fantasy tilt-Keith Kirkwood, Ko Kieft, David Moore, Jimmy Graham, (he was something a long time ago) and Elijah Higgins. Banish them from my sight!
-Arthurs Protect Their Own: That must be the explanation why Blank hasn’t fired Smith. Despite his on-going befuddling player usage (Bijan with just 8 carries, no passes to London in the first half, staying with Ridder long past the expiry date) the Falcons head coach was still in the running for a playoff spot. Not any more. This rush-first team averaged 1.7 vs the 1-11 Panthers. What a travesty.
To The Game!
Eagles/Seahawks:
-Hey look, it’s the Philadelphia Slumpers vs the Seattle Strugglers!
-Hurts has flu-like symptoms, but it’s not the flu! Geno’s groin makes him a game-timer as well and practice squadder qb Sean Mannion has been activated so I don’t know what to tell you about the starting qb’s.
-Matt is Back, Baby!: Retread Patricia will make the defensive calls because Sean Desai is to blame for 3/4’s of the secondary being 30 or older. One thinks that this is the first move before Desai is shuffled out the door post-season.
-Seattle is ninth in the playoff race, having benefited greatly by losses by the Packers, Vikes and Falcons.
Bring it.
Late night matzo ball soup tonight
Canter’s Deli
https://youtu.be/JGaBlygm0UY?si=1RUF9eXpzPuocWa3
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/FljGi6jzDmM?feature=share
The Jets have already called Lock’s agent with a five-year, $90 million fully guaranteed deal.
And a fluffer.
Congrats to Weaselo for beating me in FF by 0.10 points. Now please excuse me, Imma commiserate with year 2000 Al Gore. He lost Tennessee, I left Keenan Allen on my lineup. Same thing.
Wait for the Scoring Correction
Don T’s about to beat the shit out of a cardboard cutout of KidVid.
Lucky for him, the power doesn’t come back for another two days.
Hope that screenshot drained your battery. Additionally, 🖕🏼
I’m half-expecting to wake up to an angry WhatsApp message tomorrow morning with swears that I have no idea about, and Google Translate will return me an error message.
Nah. My stickers game is strong
2023: The Year of the Backups!
Like the softest of touch
GAME. SET. MATCH.
HOX!!!!!
YES HE DID
Dragon Status – you know teh drill
Hahahaha fuck Matt Patricia!
Live vote!
This season, parity or parody?
Yes.
Can I take option 3, parroty?
It’s a party with all yinz, that’s the important thing! Happy Keith Richards’ 80th birthday to us all, cheers, my dears!
I’ll allow it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXKIwwtGvhw
NEVER A DOUBT!
Drew lock clock schlock otjher things rhyme with lock
Drew Lock has the touch of a just reanimated Frankenstein
Max is best boy, NO ONE DENIES THIS!
Got ’em right where you want ’em, Petey. All Horse Cock Lock can throw is the deep ball!
Hilariously true.
Drew Lock is Russel Wilson’s true successor.
Well, damn. Looks like the only thing I have to eat is this leftover charcuterie plate. Whatever shall I do?
Don’t eat a plate, man. If you’re short of cash, just buy a tin of tuna, or even cat food if money’s really tight.
You’ve given me a lot to think about. While I drink this glass of wine. The glass is really sharp and crunchy and ouchie though.
You made me have the salami from Thanksgiving! Okay, just the Calabrese salami.
Throw the gotdamn ball Pete
I think he must be reading the scoreboard wrongly.
Well, he has no choice now.
My little brother playing his wife and it’s way closer than it needs to be.
Loser sleeps in the shed?
He could’ve been ruthless and picked up Lock himself off of waivers this morning, but wanted to at least keep the prospect of him moving into the shed in doubt.
I need to figure out how to do this thing where it’s actually mostly my fault but somehow I still get to be rightfully upset by it
I’m trying to be calm and rational.
Petey’s just coaching from the future, apparently. He knew that was going to happen.
Where is y’all? No enjoyment of Petey’s minor humiliations?
Eli’s doing good work this game, but already won my consolation bracket for the week. Still mad had to start Howell cuz of Hurts questionable questionability
The KRAKEN actually made it to overtime, so I was watching that.
They lost in OT of course. But a much better result than awaits these HOX.
Also, Ole Petey needs to hire two new independent assistants:
1) Red Assistant. Only responsibility is throwing the red challenge flag.
2) TO Assistant. Only responsibility is calling time outs.
Petey has no say, authority, or override ability on either assistant.
Fixture is still on, but I am mostly Football Managering
Faire
I was hoping for a major humiliation of Patricia, so this is just disappointment for me.
Petey’s been huffing jet fuel tonight, and it can melt brain cells.
Evenin’. I see Hurts has recovered ably from scrofula.
THROW IT TO DK GODDAMMITT
Yup, I giggled.
Ok, yes he’s in a lot of pain, but also got a nice quad stretch in there
Philly with the achilles push
Lock kinda tried to run but just ran into dudes
Better than Nick Mullens fetal position-meets-pillbug version of the Tush Push.
I want to know the backstory on that chunky santa dude in the seahawks underpants onesie
Also that chick with the foam bird hat! There was crafting time spent on that
I want to know how Santa Claus trained a young Bruce Wayne while he was training to be Batman.
DC Just Revealed Batman’s Surprising Connection to Santa Claus (comicbook.com)
(not good enough for Edit privileges)
Peyton Manning looks like he’s viewing this game in Room 101.
When Christian Mc Caffrey was on earlier, he looked like one of those Old Masters paintings, it was so dark where he was. Looked like a talking Rembrandt.
Old Master painting?
Chiaroscuro McCaffrey
His greatest fear is his little bro having moar rings
Pearl Jam bumper music. Where they from again?
Flannelville, Oregon?
There’s the Eagles D I expected.