Your “Gravity Always Wins” Jets-Browns Open Thread

It is hard to fathom The Narrator’s cruelty, sometimes.  Most fans of moribund franchises approach the season with glum resignation, knowing that draft picks and free agent acquisitions will have little effect on the team’s fortunes, and by mid-November they can comfortably relax and enjoy the feats of more competitive squads, or take some entertainment in off-field antics like the controversy of whether Greg Olsen deliberately sabotaged a turducken so that Jordan Love wouldn’t receive his due trophy, and The Narrator’s machinations cause them little pain. But during the 2023 offseason, in a fit of pique, or perhaps out of boredom from the lack of deviations from his own meticulously plotted storyline for the next several years, The Narrator decided to give fans of one of these teams – the New York Jets – a particularly poisonous gift: the gift of hope.

While the dashing of Jets fans’ hopes came almost immediately as soon as the season began, the kernel of hope had been planted deep.  So deep, in fact, that these hopes began to blossom again the instant Aaron Rodgers was witnessed back on the field, tossing a football once again.  The Jets entered their bye week with a record of 3-3, and with significant momentum.  This momentum carried them to yet another victory, and the hopes of a miraculously rapid recovery for Aaron Rodgers in time for the playoffs began to glimmer.  But as is mentioned in the title: gravity always wins.  I actually wrote this post in late November for the Black Friday game, but I’m confident that nothing has changed in that time frame except any playoff hopes that Jets fans would be harboring have been entirely extinguished.

Also worth mentioning that at the time I originally wrote this post the Cleveland Browns were sitting at 7-3.  They had fallen to 7-5 as of this update, and I have a suspicion that by publication time the theme of “gravity always wins” will very much apply to them as well.

POST-CHRISTMAS UPDATE: I could not have been more wrong about the Browns.  They currently sit at 10-5, with a calculated chance of greater than 99% to make the playoffs.  Apparently Joe Flacco really is 2 ELITE 2 QUIT.

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Subscribe
Notify of
191 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brick Meathook

191

ArmedandHammered

MST3K Marathon for the next few days : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnlPpQ_vkuc

bk109

I’m pretty sure that’s been running since Christmas at least Also, this is a yearly tradition, I think.. Now, I’ve got to go to the other thread because all of you loons seem to be terminally bored 😛

Redshirt

Holy shit, Ohio Gov. DeWine did the right thing and vetoed the anti-trans bill.

Don T

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

With this reply we’re at 182 each, and with a tWBS favoUrite no less.

Good night ladies and gents; don’t forget to tip your servers!

herodotus450
WCS

Congrats, Blax. Welcome to the Big Something.

Gumbygirl

A rilly big shew!

raf,360x360,075,t,fafafa_ca443f4786.jpg
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcpN0NaOlw0

Having Pop-Tarts while waiting for the BANANACAKES to finish in the oven.

blaxabbath

That commercial makes Oklahoma University look pretty good. I wonder why it fucking sucks then…..

bk109

Uhhh, at what time is it socially acceptable to do an engine run-up of a V12? Or alternatively, what percentage of the people (including “honoured holiday guests”) at home should be awake before I can see if I’ve rebuilt that bad boy correctly?

blaxabbath

We got back from Maui this morning. I can only say this much about the trip:

I had never stayed at an American Red Cross Relief Shelter before but, if this is how nice they all are, I can see why everyone wants to steal into the country illegally.

blaxabbath

Also, I finished my Dark Tower Book 3 today. Think I need a break before diving into 4 — it’s long and, until I have more plane rides to Hawaii planned, I don’t foresee having a considerable amount of time to churn through this at any kind of decent clip.

blaxabbath

Also, it is a fucking crime that the Maui, Hawaii airport code is OGG.

ballsofsteelandfury

Alamo Bowl is all tied up!

blaxabbath

Kill OU and take their spot atop the Big12!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

We’re at 156 for both! No one comment anymore. Shut down your computers and await further orders!

bk109

…. which would’ve been a valid suggestion, if you didn’t post that comment at 157 and 158 comments, right? Since just like <insert loved one here’s> period, you’re a wee bit late, you’ve got other problems now 😛

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

bk109

And now my day is ruined, because you reminded me of that shitty movie*. Then again, that was to be expected from the lad that gave us crap like Basic Instinct and Showgirls.

*Shitty, because it had nothing to do with the book (so basically, just like WWZ), with the director freely admitting that he lost interest in the goddamn source material. If it was called something like Interstellar Marines, I probably would’ve liked it more.

WCS

comment image

bk109

Ooh, look, ’tis the only good part of Pauly’s Mecha-Jesus.. The granddad from that 90s show!

WCS

comment image

BugEyedBoo

IIRC, Verhoeven was convinced that the novel Starship Troopers was full-bore Fascism, and was dead set against what the Moral Philosophy parts of the book were espousing.

As for the movie, not having the armored suits was a flat-out crime.

bk109

He told Empire he stopped reading the book after two chapters, finding it “boring and depressing,” and asked Neumeier to fill him in on the rest. “It is really quite a bad book. I asked Ed Neumeier to tell me the story because I just couldn’t read the thing.

No, Verhoeven was a prejudiced (because Nazis *) twat with the attention span of a goldfish that had someone else try and feed him the plot of the book.

Hell, a case in point in missing the (pardon the tautology) point of the book is the scene with the recruiter in the movie – basically depicting a broken man so indoctrinated by the system to be thankful to State for being so horrendously crippled. Meanwhile in the book same guy was specifically chosen, because of his injuries to scare off people from going into the service both by his physical state and because of his demeanor. Cherry on top is Rico meeting the same guy later outside of office hours and discovering that the same person’s had prostesis almost indistinguishable from the real thing.

tl;dr: Decent idea, shite execution and all the while using a renowned IP instead of trying to make it on its own merits

*while I’m not saying the Dutch didn’t suffer under the Nazis, what they endured is incomparable to the French’s experience, let alone countries with a proper resistance/insurgent movement (ie Yugoslavia or the occupied parts of the USSR)

bk109

Edit: By the way, anyone know where the “now my day’s ruined” meme/gif actually came from? Some burger review or I’m more off target than usual?

Mr. Ayo

Yes, sir!

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9SGrNuJj9U

Future Big 12********* Blaxi reaching pre-BANANACAKES.

Gumbygirl

I just took an antibiotic. It’s kind of exciting, because I am allergic to several kinds. Because I rarely take them, I can never remember which ones cause a reaction, and which don’t. It’s been about 10 minutes, so far so good.

bk109

Uhh, I hope you’re not self-medicating? Though again, with the cost of american healthcare….

Gumbygirl

Nope, prescribed. If I were to self – medicate, it would be with something way more fun than Keflex, or whatever these are.

bk109

Ah, good. Because self-medication (and self treatment in general) should be left to the professional idiots like me. 😀

ballsofsteelandfury

At least your food poisoning is gone?

Gumbygirl

That’s better, now I have something completely different. Massive bacterial infection, yay.

Mr. Ayo

Dude! Be careful princess.

Gumbygirl

Eh., the worst that usually happens is hives. I have Benadryl.

TheRevanchist

With that O line, it was inevitable that Rodgers would have been in crutches this season.

2Pack

Not posted yet? What a disappointment.

73729963-0-image-a-72_1690568663924.jpg
2Pack

So dueling threads are a thing now?

bk109

Either that, or we’ve all gotten so drunk on New Year’s, that we’re just seeing double in advance?

TheRevanchist

Just like playing swords with your cousin in Arkansas. Yeehaw!!!

bk109

Geeewd morning Vietnam DFO. Just wanted to pop in to wish all you filthy animals fine folks a happy New Years’. May all your wildest wishes and your enemies wildest nightmares come true. Ah, and a belated “Merry Christmas” for all of you that somehow managed to survive the day

ballsofsteelandfury

Say the same thing on the other thread to even things out!

It’s a thing.

Last edited 10 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
bk109

Which one, the Thursday Night one? But… it’s Friday morning here (way too fucking early o’clock to be precise)

Gumbygirl

The other one is where our evil twins are hanging out. Especially Redshirt’s. You need to aim your tank over there.

bk109

*confusion intensifies*
I.. I think I need moar coffee. Also, pshhh, tanks . I ain’t no hippie pheasant (not a typo) to only have one, lol

WCS

The one with Other Hippo.

ballsofsteelandfury

The Thursday Night Football thread with the goatee

Horatio Cornblower

Fucking Arsenal, amirite?

JustStopDude

Playoffs baby!

Gumbygirl

Bless your heart

WCS

comment image

The Alamo Bowl is off tomorrow.

Horatio Cornblower

28 straight losses? How is that even possible?

Mr. Ayo

Look, this isn’t the time or place to discuss my dating history.

JustStopDude

JCPenny post game show.

That is a thing.

Why?!?

Brocky

comment image

litre_cola

Does Mo Saleh keep his job?

Mr. Ayo

Ask A.A. Ron. His opinion is the only one that matters.

Gumbygirl

.

keegan-michael-key-substitute-teacher-commercial (1).jpg
Horatio Cornblower

Is this beer I’m drinking spiked with LSD, or did this really happen?

https://twitter.com/rodger/status/1740560719295447491

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Redshirt

2023 is ending weird.

Senor Weaselo

I CALL THAT MARSHIE FROM HOMESTAR RUNNER BECAUSE THAT MONSTER’S GONNA GIVE ME NIGHTMARES

The Maestro

In these desperate times, it’s good to know I still have the physical, mental and intestinal fortitude to eat an entire Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready pepperoni pizza in a single sitting. Some things never change. Cholesterol is not one of those things.

Horatio Cornblower

eh, that’s what statins are for. Get to work you little bastards.

Gumbygirl

You are the hero we deserve!

ballsofsteelandfury

Don’t encourage him. He thinks Pizza is a sandwich.

Mr. Ayo

If you fold a pizza, you may be persuaded to think it’s a sandwich, but all you’ve actually done is make a slice into a calzone.

And no, Maestro, a calzone is not a sandwich.