Fetch Your Parkas! Are You Ready For Some Frozen Football?

The Weather Channel tells me that the windchill-aided temperature is going to be -18 in your fairinheight. So bust out your dumb-looking balloon coats and your warmest pantaloons-she’s going to be chilly.

To The Game!

Fins/Chiefs:

-TYREEK REVENGE GAME ALERT: You’ll hardly hear anything about this.

-Frickin’ K.C. is playing their 15th straight home playoff game.

-The Fins need to get pressure but how? They’ve recently lost five starting defenders and those guys are being replaced by recent coach potatoes Bruce Irvin, Melvin Ingram and Justin Houston. Things should be better on O right? Welp, Waddle and Mostert are hobbling on tender ankles and Achane is just coming back.

-The beleagured and (rightly) heavily criticized Chiefs wr corps did exactly as you suspected-led the league in dropped passes. Kadarius-if he bothers to play-will be good for two oopsies. Mark it down.

-Sneaky Difference-Maker?: If footing is an issue my vote goes to downhill, one cut runner Jeff Wilson Jr. being utilized more than usual. Given the gap in talent between the co-starters and the 3rd stringer it likely won’t happen. But McDaniel is one hell of a playcaller that tries to find an edge and I wouldn’t put it past him.

-Starting cb Xavien Howard won’t be answering the bell this evening.

-Cliches Exist For A Reason: Everyone is saying Miami can’t play in the cold. The game/weather stats back this up-the team has lost the last ten games played in below 40 degree temps.

Let’s do this.

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Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN TUA-OVER!

WCS

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Spur

Good looking drive for the Fins.

ballsofsteelandfury

Not so fast my friend…

Spur

and we have an INT

litre_cola

I love Mike McDaniel. I want to play lego with him and listen to his hip hop collection. That is all.

Brocky

I’m too lazy to pull up peacock.

Where does this game rank on all time coldest games?

I assume the freezer bowl is still #1

fleshwound_NPG

ice bowl was 1, freezer was 2

i think this is 4

litre_cola

Still colder up here. It legits takes me 4 sessions to finish a zig zag papered joint because it is so cold outside.

/BC Dick will now show up and call mea soft canoe bark smoker.

LemonJello

“Canoe bark? Where could I score some of that?”

-T. Marinovich

King Hippo

they said #4, the CIN/SD “Ice Bowl” was #2 (which I do remember as a child – my little brother was/is a Bungles fan)

fleshwound_NPG

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jjfozz

Another reason why boobs rule

jjfozz

what is this fair maiden’s name?

fleshwound_NPG

pamela gardner

formerly indianapolis meteorologist, now BAWSTAHN

jjfozz

Just saw the commercial for Tropical Smoothie Cafe, guess I gotta firebomb the local franchise at half time

LemonJello

The local franchises* shouldn’t be held accountable for corporate HQ’s shitty choices.

*I have no frame of reference, never been to a Tropical Smoothie Cafe

litre_cola

You were in Canada the whole time

yeah right

The coldest temperature that I’ve experienced was -29 in Milan Illinois in 1980 or 81? Wind chill was-71.

It was cold.

Brocky

Was that the same weekend as the 1981 afc championship? Aka the freezer bowl, Jan. 10 1982

yeah right

I think that was a couple of years later?

Maybe.

fleshwound_NPG

yes hahaha YES

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ThePirateSloth

haha the high/low in Portland is 15/13.

ArmedandHammered

Were they able to round up the homeless in time? Although cleaning up frozen corpses would be easier.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is the first thing that came to my mind when I heard they postponed the Steelers-Bills game:

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King Hippo

I would have loved the shit out of that 4-2 masterpiece

WCS

I can’t figure out where Mike McDaniel got his winter clothes from…
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Col. Duke LaCross

I wonder if there was something else that cold Seahawks v. Vikings game was known for…

King Hippo

I forgot how fucking funny that was. Were we all still at KSK then, or had we migrated here? My sense of time sucks.

Col. Duke LaCross

That was 2015, so I believe it was the last playoffs before we all became #upforwhatever.

Brocky

We had migrated by that time.

The milestone I always remember is the Malcom butler interception was February 2015, all the off season drama with Brady was in 2015, and his first four game suspensions of 2015 were the first on the new site

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

yeah right

Oh goddamnit.

Col. Duke LaCross

You can almost see the formaldehyde leaking from his eyes.

LemonJello

How bad does it hurt to punt a frozen football? Because that looked like it hurt a lot.

jjfozz

Waiting for Tyreek Hill to catch fire. (Too soon?)

King Hippo

ah repeat, I ain’t too proud to beg, no!

hippofant

SHOW US TAY TAY YOU COWARDS

King Hippo

I bet punting is gonna be a bitch and a half.

King Hippo

goddamned ball landed like a shot put

Doktor Zymm

kickin’ rocks

Doktor Zymm

If only they had gone with orcas for the team mascot instead of the common bottlenose

Brocky

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Brocky

This was supposed to be in response to spurs comment:

Every time Kelce drops a pass Taylor has to take off a piece of clothing.

Cecil Rhodes

Those Dolphins look like the accidentally migrated too far north.

TheRevanchist

Miami must hate the cold. And playing defense.

yeah right

That was sudden.

yeah right

Goddamn I love to watch Pacheco run.

TheRevanchist

Me, too. And Tay Tay, also.

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

GRATEST NAVAL STRATEGIST UV OUR TIMES

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Mr. Ayo

YAAS KWEEN!

The Maestro

Evening, folks. Looks like I should’ve watched the Texans game earlier. Ah well. The shovelling is finally done and the marking is partly done. I have some ice cold beer, two pounds of wings in the oven, and the edible should be kicking in probably twenty minutes from now. Time to relax while home alone.

Spur

Every time Kelce drops a pass Taylor has to take off a piece of clothing.

Gatoraids

Kelce scores and Taylor gets her tongue stuck to the window blowing him a kiss

jjfozz

Do you really want to see that?

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

Enjoy the moneys, Mrs. Mahomes. Because THIS is your future.

LemonJello

Is he allergic to bee stings?

Doktor Zymm

Just like the postal service, racist chants won’t be stopped by cold or snow or dark of night

Spur

Andy Reid has a nice natural insulation

King Hippo

Stadium NAWT full? BLACKOUT TEH KC NBC STATION

fleshwound_NPG

baseball town

Gatoraids

PROTECT DA SHIELD

King Hippo

WHERE IS ROB LOWE WHEN U NEED HIM

fleshwound_NPG

the fuck did kaylee do to get this assignment

Mr. Ayo

I, for one, will offer my services to keep her warm this evening.

fleshwound_NPG

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Spur

Kaylee proceeds to gut Mr. Ayo like a Tauntaun
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Spur

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Gatoraids

Miami hasn’t played a game with this many lines of snow since the 80s

King Hippo

yikes, I don’t want spunky little Kaylee to die!

WCS

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FACK YOU YOU FACKIN FACKS THIS FACKIN WETTAH AINT JACK FACK BELICHECK WOULDDA HAHD THE GREATRIOTS HERAH IF IT WAHSN’T FOAH THAHT FACK MAHC NO ONE DENIES THIS

King Hippo

MAH NIPPLES GOT STUCK-AH TO HOUSE-OH. FACKIN QUEE-UH!

King Hippo

Stream quality is at least good/way better than Prime Video. SO FAR.

yeah right

Just got the “Share your data with the NFL” Option too.

Why?

ThePirateSloth

So the execs can have the supporting data that justifies forcing every NFL fan to sub to a new streaming service, so future games can be app exclusive.

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

Good news! Cris chickened out of this deathly assignment.

Bad news! Princeton Red steps in (at least he talks less, I suppose)

Brick Meathook

Collinsworth sent his dumbshit son instead

King Hippo

just as part of the sideline jackass brigade, thank fuck

Spur

The nasty weather is keeping away the fair weather fans so ticket prices are dirt cheap for the diehard fans to attend. Drink those beers fast or they’ll freeze.

Senor Weaselo

Considering the video I saw, better that than water, which flash froze.

Doktor Zymm

With both an AFC and a NFC game on Monday, do you think they would schedule both 1 seeds to play Sunday if the lower seed teams both win on Monday? It would be pretty shitty to make a team play Monday then Saturday

Mr. Ayo

Of course not. Ratings are way more important than player safety. Plus they have to make up for a Monday afternoon game this week.

Brick Meathook

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ThePirateSloth

I honestly thought La Brea had been canceled during the first season, much less getting a 3rd.

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKTKXA6U_O8

My only complaint about this track is it ends.

Doktor Zymm

Looks like NFL+ gets the Spanish broadcast. Works for me!

Doktor Zymm

Oh, I get the English too, but it’s just prudently listed after the Spanish broadcast

fleshwound_NPG

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WCS

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Doktor Zymm

That’s just bros being bros, not like changing the diaper of a baby you fathered through heterosexual intercourse, which is totally gay

ThePirateSloth

Is this from the upcoming Dune: The Christmas Special?

Doktor Zymm

I’m guessing that receiver gloves are nawt that warm, and chilly fingers are nawt conducive to catching, so expecting even moar dropsies than usual tonight

LemonJello

You wouldn’t think Nosferatu Dungy would be susceptible to the cold.

Mr. Ayo
WCS
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