Saturday Preliminaries Thread

Everton have been playing dreadful footy since the calendar flipped to 2024, but hey – at least I caught wind of another beautiful woman (Giulia Bould, of BBC Merseyside) who shares my Toffees life sentence.  At least we’ve built ample character these last few years!

And thank Mother of Fuck, we have actual fixtures to look forward to again.  DST is still askew, so early morning is not-so-early, when the Bonesaws meet the Hammers (8:30, USA).  The Toolshed Derby?

Your 11:00 window is jam-packed with mediocrity, USA maybe picking the worst of the lot to show (Robins Hood v. Palace).  Everyone should stream the yeah right, Hippo! Derby (Cherries welcome Everton to the South Coast, presumably for another dry bumming session).

As if to make up for that dross, you get an Afternoon Delight doubleheader.  Sadly, it’s just Villa/Wolves (1:30, NBC) and Men Untied pilgriming off to Praise Beesus (4:00, Peacock).  Still, it beats watching paint dry.

Big NBC is back for Easter Sunday glory, with the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols invading City of Men (11:30, NBC).  Nothing much at stake, just the Title.  No pressure, lads.

5 5 votes
Article Rating
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Subscribe
Notify of
222 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brick Meathook
yeah right

As is required by ancient law.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFtrq9vy9UM

Last edited 7 months ago by yeah right
Horatio Cornblower

Kim Mulkey is just a total piece of shit.

yeah right

We have zero qualms.

yeah right

No,no!

Now we got “Pay Attention” rain.

Someone should warn the prairie states.

On second thought, let’s not warn them.

Horatio Cornblower

Rockies will take most of the energy out before it gets to the prairies.

yeah right

This system is kind of scattered but it’s got a couple of real mean clouds.

Did anyone else read Piers Anthony?

yeah right

It’s a proper rainy motherfucker outside right now.

yeah right

I’m about 20 miles? As the crow flies!

I can’t even watch them on my TV.

Dodgers and the OC are blacked out.
Every game.

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta pay extra so Ohtani can make up his gambling debts, uh, I mean the millions of dollars he paid to an illegal bookmaker to cover his interpreter’s gambling debts!

main-qimg-5440637422b8febb62e7f7fd062beed2-lq.jpeg
Brick Meathook

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Brick Meathook

I’ve seen kittens do this, and I always liked watching a creature who was in a perfect state of joy.

yeah right

It’s taken me 2 full days to even process the Laurie Anderson show.

That was one of the most perfect things I’ve seen in my life.

Me and TAJ did tai chi with Laurie Anderson!

I had something happen that never happened to me at a show.

She played a song, the visuals got going and a flood of tears started pouring down my face.

This was the song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfOK0evCqZY

Redshirt

The latest viewing of the Ten Commandments seemed eerily familiar to me for some reason. In 33 or 34 centuries, the people have gone from rejecting the Golden Calf to doubling down on the idolatry.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oooh Aussie footy on live at a reasonable hour on a Saturday night. That’s good!
But it’s the West Coast Eagles. That’s bad.
The rookie Harley Reid actually looks like he’s living up to the hype. That’s good!
But that margin….that’s really bad.

Can I go now?

yeah right

yes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Happy Easter, you goyim!

comment image

Last edited 7 months ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Redshirt

Plus some theorize that Jesus went down to Hell, or proto-Hell, and collected the souls of all those who died before He died who were worthy of Heaven but couldn’t enter because they were cursed by Original Sin and couldn’t enter Heaven without Jesus paying the cost for their sin, and sent them all up to Heaven before he returned to life on Sunday.

THIS SON OF GOD, STEPSON OF A CARPENTER, AND SON OF A BITCH GAVE UP HIS WEEKEND TO HELP PEOPLE HE’S NEVER EVEN MET IN HIS LIFE MOVE!

If he doesn’t meet the worthiness of being someone’s savior, I’d like to see someone who does.

BugEyedBoo

At least as obligatory on Easter weekend as The Ten Commandments.

https://youtu.be/JFJYPrMNQLk?si=aqUYMyzYEjQZWarv&t=43

yeah right

You speak with conviction and I respect a man who speaks with conviction.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh good, Chris Weidman is fighting.

Love seeing senior citizens with two bad legs getting the absolute shit kicked out of them.

Stay in school, kids.

Horatio Cornblower

This fight is not helping my argument that MMA is not gay porn at all.

AT. ALL.

Brick Meathook

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

(Note: The same cinematographer (Karl Freund) who shot this German Expressionist film in the 1920s also filmed every episode of “I Love Lucy” in the 1950s)

Brick Meathook

comment image

Gumbygirl

Metropolis!

Brick Meathook

It’s actually “M” and was in fact shot by Fritz Arno Wagner, but the sentiment is still the same. My mistake.

Brick Meathook

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

yeah right

No. The one in my head!

rockingdog

Found a funny:

DOG GENIE: you have three wishes
DOG: I wish for a big ham
*two big hams appear*
DOG GENIE: lol me too ok this one’s on me

Horatio Cornblower

#4 on Clemson has serious money on the Alabama money line

Horatio Cornblower

Usually when a coach says this nothing happens. In this case, hoo boy.

https://twitter.com/NoEscalators/status/1774265421245427889

Horatio Cornblower

Announcer: “Boy I’ll tell you, Reese can really take an elbow!”

Me: “OK, yes, but the object is NOT TO DO THAT!!”

Horatio Cornblower

Now to watch some UFC or, as Mrs. Horatio calls it “your gay porn.”

scotchnaut

She’s not wrong.

yeah right

Get a room guys!

Brocky

I’m of a similar feeling towards purdue

We’ve seen a black president and a cubs world series win. Never say never

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been to purdue and I’m still not convinced it’s an actual university

scotchnaut

I haven’t been there and I feel same.

Brocky

It’s for computer needs, mechanical nerds, people who couldn’t get into IU, and the occasional vet

The vet is my brother

yeah right

Is it in Wyoming?

Horatio Cornblower

“I haven’t watched much film of UConn…”

Goddamn, Underwood: did you watch any!?

WCS

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

UConn women have give up 13 points to Duke.

At the half.

Brocky

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Someone nearby explaining RFK to their kids. Can’t tell the politics as yet, kid is teens

Horatio Cornblower

I took my wife out to dinner, since Saturday is date night and having a bunch of 18-22 year-olds ruin that seems silly.

But I did keep track of the game and how in the hell does any team put a 30-0 run on another team in the Elite Eight? I saw Illinois’s coach say they were going to keep going at Clingan when they were down 5 and I thought he was just being misleading but holy god I guess not.

Mr. Ayo

Before Jesus can rise, I must Release the Kraken!¡!!

comment image

fleshwound_NPG

ice donks playoff bound

(something the regular footbaw donks arent gonna know for quite some time)

WCS

About those UCONN fans’ prior nervousness….?

Horatio Cornblower

Suffice it to say, they covered the -8.5 spread.

fleshwound_NPG

now if a college player takes taco bell as their NIL youd think that would be detrimental to performance

paige bueckers built different

fleshwound_NPG

uconn men playin like the uconn women used to do at their peak

Mr. Ayo

Just hand them the title now. Oof.

scotchnaut

It only took 24 years or so but wifey has come around to the fact that her mother is a manipulative sociopath. I’d run around the living room in my underwear in celebration but I sprained my ankle and it really hurts.

scotchnaut

As an expert in the field, I’m looking at Hydromorphone, Tylenol 3 and Tramadol. What say you?

Doktor Zymm

Limping around the living room or half sitting up from the couch in celebration are also totes acceptable!

Game Time Decision

What trivial thing did you do to sprain it?

scotchnaut

Stepping down from the last step of my loft and thinking there was one more step. Fuck Sakes!

Game Time Decision

Hate when I do that or when going up I think there’s another step
Hope you heal soon

Horatio Cornblower

Oh yeah, that’s a fun one.

Doktor Zymm

It’s Illinois so may be the other sort of offensive

Doktor Zymm

It’s all the Midwest