There is nothing that can make me leave this house ever again, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
“What? Who’s coming to town”?
“Laurie Anderson?”
“No way! Here?”
“Orpheum Theater downtown Los Angeles.”
DAMN FINE SHOT
“I haven’t been outside this house in five years but just that name alone changes all thought processes. A chance to see God, live (live not live) again?
A spark, a light, I can’t explain it but I can feel it, everything has changed. Going to let this fantasy come to fruition I am. Is that a horse?
Off to the Weirdo A Go-Go I wiggle.
Now I haven’t been to a show since the Slayer farewell tour at the Forum in LA, November 2019 and now you feel safe giving my sensitive foundation a tug do you?
Trying to tell me I’m ready to jump back into the overcrowded concert scene? Just think of all the strangers you’ll be mingling with.
This is something that I must, no, have? Lame.
Imperative? Jesus, you really are already dead.
I’m not dead, I’ll show you, it’s time to rise and drink the blood of victory as my foretold glorious reward.
Dear lord give him a tissue and perhaps a tampon.
She will only be doing 5 shows for this leg of the tour, strange no?
She blessed my city with a date. Which began conversations about tickets. Discussion of her age and her infrequent live appearances came about. Getting closer to the real meaning that this might be the last time we may ever have a chance to see her perform.
As the stench of my own near coffin wafts through the air.
We have a directive from above, (guy upstairs told us about the show) to seek out this most holy of events.Tickets for the balcony were 80 bucks each. Want to sit in the orchestra pit? 350 per will come out of the boodle!
What would you do? Let me tell you what I did.
Fourth row orchestra pit for us it shall be, upon further review a rather brilliant maneuver.
Another bright spot for the evening is to be no drunk driving which means a couple of rides in an Uber, damn it. Yet another chance to get squishy and personal (in their car) with another total outlander, swell. Nothing matters, this is going to happen. I’ve smoked A LOT of weed and it’s been about an hour since the 40 milligrams of edible that I’ve ingested making me fully prepared for most anything.
My soul has been cast to float towards downtown Los Angeles where this irrational, intentional madness is to take place, let the absurdity of chance have it’s way.
Super nice driver “Daphny,” entertained safely and got us there in perfect time to enjoy all of the alchemy.
Not to brag but that might be the best photo I’ve ever seen, no really I mean it!
First though, “Where’s The Fucking Bar John?” Roger Waters said that but you knew that already.
Nice place, don’t you think?
SPIN UNTIL DIZZY
THE COLORS ARE TRYING TO EAT MY MIND
Crushed an ice cold PBR 24 oz then grabbed another for the show and into the gates of heaven I did float, thaumaturgy filled the very air. I could feel the voodoo in my breaths, the divination in my eyes. My heart felt alive for the first time in years. Blood pounding, pulse jerking back and forth. I was plugged into an unknown high power circuit and I thrummed with electricity. The lights flickered once, then twice. Something big is coming, the lights go out, suddenly the balloon behind my eyes popped filling my chemistry with over perception.
What color is it that marks the passage of time
No cameras allowed – all shot on my Iphone.
GOD HERSELF WILL BE GRACING THAT STAGE IN JUST MERE MOMENTS
There she stood, proud, beautiful in complete control. You could feel the power vibrate from her very being, then the music started and I went with the sound to wherever it was that I was meant to be.
She played two songs from her first album (Big Science) then walked to the front of the stage where the applause roared. She took a moment to acknowledge the audience thanking everyone then she paused for just a moment , took a breath and said just one simple word, “Hi.” The crowd was in rapture, no one stirred, no one spoke so I took this silent moment to mean that I was supposed to respond back, So I say “Hi Laurie”
Then God smiled turned right to me and said “Hi.”
My heart is still missing every 16th beat and will continue to do so until the light fades from my life’s candle.
She asked us all to do the Yoko Ono scream therapy, that’s where you scream for 10 seconds nonstop. She said, “Scream if you’re happy, scream if you’re sad.” We all stood as one and screamed in unison, In a way I’m still screaming.
When the show was over the crowd was out of its collective mind and refused to leave without hearing at least one more song. She comes out to a massive cacophony saying “Thank you and I would like each of you that can, to please stand and join me.”
Again rising as one to listen to her every word, she says “I want each of you to do as I do, as I am going to teach you some basic Tai chi movements.”
She extended her left hand and the audience like a congregation as one did likewise, “Now your right hand out to your right side” she requested all the while turning slowly at the hip.
“Now take one, just one slow step to your right.”
I was so taken, it was as if I was stupefied, so instead of trying to follow her motions I turned instead and looked at the crowd. I was astounded to see 2500 people all moving as one following her every move as if smoke.
Now I’ve been to a lot of (third time I’ve seen Laurie) shows but I have never seen a Tai chi lesson being taught! And to see the crowd sway and move as one? The feeling of wonder? I was being thrown through the motions of being reborn.
SAYING GOOD NIGHT
Now another Uber back to the wastelands of home. This guy was cool enough but he got on the wrong freeway so he made a couple of suspect moves to try and force his way to going the right way in a rather shocking display of silly driving. Thankfully he made up for it by driving terrifyingly fast on the 110 south bound.
Having just had the Lord of All Things speak to me? Even if it was the smallest of greeting, I felt liquid. I felt demented with magic. You ever do acid? It’s like that. The next day you always feel like your brain was? I don’t know? Cleaned? The sound has become richer, the sky vaster and I can still feel that change to this day.
Changed forever by musical notes.
In my lifetime there has never been anything that moved like music. The first time I heard Pavarotti? I felt the love and beauty of what life really could mean. To still enjoy that perfect bewitchment of music performed live? Music is my one true life blessing!
Well that and beer.
DJ Lar 03/27/2024
I did not shoot during the show, we were asked not too. All shots were taken during the encore, well maybe not that one. As always I did this to myself please do not blame others as I deserved this one.
In the last four months I have gotten on airplane and flown to (story is in the works) Maine, now I’ve gone to concert and next month off to Oklahoma.
Hold on, wait just a moment.
I know Oklahoma?
I will make you a sordid promise that I will be ass to face with a bacon cheese Whataburger! I’ll do it for you, not for me. I’ll take some bawdy photos.
Someone said up next a trip too Ireland?
Me? Get the fook out of here with that!
I feel sort of certain that it’s time for me to put this whole awful Covid thing in a box and store some place safe for future disenchantment.
Looks like Lowratio kept The Boss up all night….
I wish it were that interesting. I just forgot.
Karen Carpenter’d one up there.
I saw this on Glassdoor today:
Q:My preteen is getting a job as a caddie at the local country club. He wants a teen Venmo account. I currently only have a junior savers account for him with our local bank. I do not want to give him access to that account to debit from. I think I’d like to open a separate account for him to access his earnings. I am curious what other parents do for their children with jobs and earnings? There are so many choices, and I’m overwhelmed.
Preteen? JFC, has this guy ever seen or picked up a golf bag? And are kids allowed to work before age 15? Where the fuck is this country club at, anyway? Somalia?
My happy ass was in the corn and soybean fields of Illinois at age 13…
I have a picture in my mind of some 10-year-old double-bagging, carrying two of Rodney Dangerfield’s Caddyshack bags.
I’m not sure about a PREteen being allowed to work, but I know you can get permits for minors to work. A quick check of California law reveals that a kid as young as 12 can get a permit. I guess twelve is PREteen….
When I was a kid I was working down in the coal mines of Arlington Virginia, and only after my shift was over was I excused to go the local potato fields to scrounge food for my family’s subsistence. Only after that was allowed to attend my kindergarten studies,
The judge in the cooking show we are watching just asked one of the female contestants if she is on Plan B.
In some localities, that could get you a stint in state prison…
I just saw an ad featuring Alan Iverson, and he looks pretty rough. Better than Kobe, though.
Sorry been busy all day (I mean kinda but whatever) but thanks to Taj for the pix. I saw a show there about 15 years ago and loved the place, and your post really brought me back.
You DFO guys and not-guys are alright.
Taj’s posts are always awesome! I love a fancy theater like that too.
Profar with the HUGE double!
Padres score 3 more runs!!!!
Now Padres lead 6-3!!! 💯
That’s Rockingggg!
Padres win! And a series win! That’s ROCKING!
Does a series win count for anything real?
Momentum! But, no. Just means you won more than you lost which is key to making the playoffs.
Remember “Joementum”? It’s actually makes me happy to think about because it’s a reminder that Joe Lieberman is now dead.
Padres vs Dodgers is kinda Rocking! ⚾️
Goooo Padres!
Unnamed Goose Game is possibly the best co-op game ever made
Balls and I have met socially in Los Angeles on a few occasions, and we have discussed the idea of writing a story together for this website. Balls still had no concept of just how lazy I am. But we both agreed (and I still believe) that regardless of what story we wrote together (and it would be a great one) is that DJ TAJ would have to be the illustrator.
That’s a non-negotiable!
Yes! Also, a brutal high wind hail storm just rolled through Playa Del Rey. Film at eleven.
Do a Rams v Chargers game. Cheapest seats available crowd people study.
Cheapest seat is probably over $100. I’m not spending that to see the Rams or the Chargers.
Besides, it will be 30% Rams gear, 10% Chargers gear, 40% people “dressed to impress”, and 20% fans dressed in gear of other teams
Exactly. Such a broad based study pool.
Just imagine the possibilities.
Plus the chicks. I hear L A has some chicks.
The best time to see an NFL game in Los Angeles was back
when the Chargers played in a junior college stadium in Carson.
If you want to see pro football in L.A. you go to a Trojans or Bruins game.
OK a burlesque show then…
I’ve been to an LA-style burlesque show before. Too much singing for my taste, but I didn’t really like musicals.
Also, not a big fan of pasties. I’m a nipple man.
Burlesque in L.A.? I used to go to the Liquid Kitty bar on Pico near Centinela (it no longer exists). However, back in the 90’s, before most of you were born, they used to have an occasional and unscheduled burlesque show. This did not feature strippers but rather lingerie dancers (a different thing altogether). One night dancer Kitten Natividad pulled me over (because I was the shyest guy in the room) and she pulled my palm over and dropped one of her boobs in my hand. It must have weighed 20 pounds.
And your buddies didn’t get a picture of that? I’d have that shit in my resume.
This was the days before iPhone cameras
I went to a strip club once and met Christy Canyon. She was dancing there and selling Polaroids for $10.
So, I fork over the tenner and she grabs my hands, puts them over her bare boobs like a hand bra, and tells her assistant to take the pic.
She was also incredibly sweet and nice.
Alas, that picture was lost in a fight with an ex. But the memory remains.
Do you see, folks? These are the stories Balls and I can tell, and we’re not even making stuff up yet. Add some DJ TAJ illustrations and we have ourself a NY Times bestseller.
Just do it.
We do.
Damn I thought Iron Dome was when the chick with a cranioplasty went down on you
I can chime in and say this was one of the most incredible shows I’ve ever seen.
A good combination of venue, crowd, set list. Just spectacular.
I’m feeling really good about seeing live events post COVID. There’s absolutely a vibe of people finally cutting loose and it’s wonderful.
AJ McCarron’s wife: still a smokeshow.
Pics or it didn’t happen
You asked.
Found a funny:
[finding out we are all part of a big computer simulation and doing my best not to explode with rage] any chance we know who wrote the code for my hair
That’s Rocking!
The Finnish women win the Bronze at the World Championships! You should see the smile on the face of Liekkimerisovhi Haatajaieskolaho!*
*Jr
I wonder if it is raining at Coachella.
That’s a shame…
I’d prefer acid rain at Burning Man.
Like the acid rain on Venus, I mean.
I’d settle for a previously undiscovered chasm opening up underneath Coachella and swallowing everything and everyone there.
It’s right next to the San Andreas Fault, so that will probably happen at some point
Or a hell mouth, seeing what drops in from our world discourages any denizens from wandering out.
It has not rained out here, but it’s been verrrrrry windy. Roads closed all over the place, and nasty stuff in the air. My eyes have been running like I’m boohoo bawling all weekend. Those posers and influencers are getting sandblasted, you hate to see it.
There was hail and ferocious winds in Playa Del Rey earlier today.
I love a good storm at the beach!
…bad ol’ Grimey?
https://www.sfgate.com/sf-culture/article/grimes-set-technical-difficulty-coachella-19402352.php
Those technical difficulties, artist’s depiction:
Today’s MVP is the girl at Del Taco who gave me nine – nine – packets of Del Scorcho to go with my cheeseburgers.
Unsung heroes….
Sheesh, it takes all of ONE of these before Bud Light strays into problematic territory.
http://budlight.whipnet.com/
“Makes sense. One packet per cheeseburger.”
-A Reid
Our intrepid Pretend Invincibles have taken their unbeaten run into February of 2243 (64 matches). Just FIVE MOAR before I can text scotchy!!
It’s unfortunate that Sherman didn’t burn down all of Cackalacky as well.
As Sherman’s army group proceeded north from Savannah, their goal was to hook up with Grant in Virginia, but they really set their sights on South Carolina, which was considered “the cradle of the rebellion,” particularly Charleston. However, Charleston was too far off the beaten path for Sherman’s advancing army (now present-day Interstate 95), so instead they destroyed Columbia as they advanced, as well as anything else in South Carolina they found. North Carolina was considered much less belligerent in the rebellion and was largely spared of unnecessary damage.
North Carolina was considered much less
belligerentintelligent in the rebellion and was largely spared of unnecessary damage./get your historical facts straight for once, Brick
Scotchy, I will go on a
hobo killing spreefly fishing trip with you any time you want, but please, my friend, be careful about correcting me about American history. North Carolina was largely spared. South Carolina (home of the “fire eaters”) got fucked and fucked hard and they deserved it. I grew up in Washington DC (and I was a museum rat and that’s where all the history is) and was stationed in Charleston when I was in the military. I know the facts, sir.Okay Scotchy? Now let’s go
kill some vagrantshave a beer.but please…be careful about correcting me about American history
You’re hilarious.
I love you Scotchy. You’re one of the best writers here and I hope to one day meet you and
not be killedget a beer. Let me know when you can vote in this country.I think that was a dig at North Carolina, not a correction of your facts
Next updates at 69 and 420.
Worst porno movie cast ever:
The “four on the floor” scene was still pretty HAWT
Looks like the front cover of the monthly “Power Bottom Report”. no of fence
Gentlemen and others…I am at a complete loss for words. Why does our Spanish manager think that he can stick with the same tactics for 90 minutes against a good squadron like Villa?! What’s more — why does he continue to trust players like Jesus and Zinchenko when they clearly aren’t good enough? Another monumental bottle job by the Water Pistols, who will not be regaining their “true” name any time soon. Drat!
Zinchenko in particular got exposed in the second half.
Frankly, I’ve always had my doubts about Jesus. 12 loaves and 4 fishes feeding that many people my ass.
Love the strategic thinking of “We need two quick goals to save this game and probably our season…GET ME EDDIE NKETIAH!!”
Can’t help laughing at the “MY ARSENAL REWARDS” billboard in the background. Yep, this is my reward for getting my hopes up.
Arsenal have always had a warped perspective when it comes to offering “rewards” to their supporters. For instance, I’m sure that a visit to Rwanda is a vacation package that commonly gets offered to esteemed long-time season ticket holders.
All of that without even a shot towards the net.
The thing about Arsenal is that they always try to walk it in, despite their pants-full-of-shit making it difficult to do so.
Yeah, the reaction to the gut punch has to be concerning.
Of course no shot was taken — Thomas Partey was on the bench!
That’s never stopped Partey before.
This would be hilarious if it wasn’t so pathetic/the new reality. They love saying it because it’s alliterative despite not knowing the meaning of that word.
Those people are so stupid and deserve to be shunned and ignored, except they’re probably going to tilt the election to Trump, who of course will be so much better for the Palestinian cause.
Horseshoe. Theory. Ain’t just a theory, mind.
“Imagine if the seagulls in Finding Nemo were a significant voting block in the next election. GO!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-3e0EkvIEM&ab_channel=as0k
“You know those pants-shittings that are, like, double pants-shittings?”
Throughly outplayed in the second half. Aston Villa deserved that goal.
yeah I was expecting a reaction out of the half, but was Villa who provided it
oh holy mother of bottle jobs…that shit was coming
Ho. Lee. Fuck.
That man was a good pilot. Mostly.
Really nothing to say, just a piss-poor job for pretty much the whole second half. Aston Villa made adjustments to what Arsenal was doing in the first half, (where they played very well), and Arsenal did not.
Does each hit on the post today qualify as a miracle, and if so, who on Arsenal is granted sainthood as a result?
that was one funny muthafuckin’ bit
think that one tickled the crossbar and BOTH POSTS
This is a great morning to lounge around in bed, then maybe have a beer outside later
No chem trails, so this is fake
Connie
You think español sounds incomprehensible under normal circumstances? Try dueling audio feeds!
Adjusting for Spanish comprehension, Imma guess the accents are Argentinian and Telemundo extra Mexican.
God forbid there’s a Cuban in the mix.
It was some weird thing my Amazon Fire was doing. It was the Telemundo feed, though it may have been the same feed just doubled up with a two second delay between them or something.
What a fucking match this has turned into. Massive chances each way, foiled by a gnat’s public hair each.
I’ll gladly take a hard-fought tie as the final result.
I’m fresh out of ties. Can I offer you a devastating second-half collapse instead?
[begrudgingly] “Ok. Fine!”
You’re supposed to listen to this while reading.
Sorry about the God Damn typos, I suck at this!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_JQshF4MK8
👌🏼
Seems Diamond Joe has successfully de-escalated the Iran mess. But go ahead, call him a genocidal maniac if you want hipster credibility (and serve an actual fascist’s interests in the process).
Love me a DJ TAJ post!
I still haven’t gone to a concert or sorting event since COVID.
Granted, it has more to do with the outrageous pricing and my ongoing boycott of Ticketmaster, but still.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen my last live event. MAYBE if NC State ever hosts a JV NFL playoff fixture.
Arsenal with a chance to go top of the table and pull away from Liverpool.
Man, if this doesn’t say ‘Arsenal are about to trip over their collective dicks and land face-first in a pile of pig shit’ I don’t know what does. But I’m watching it anyway.
Me: “Is it too much to ask for Arsenal to lose as well?”
Narrator: “Yes, way way too much.”
Narrator for the Narrator: “The Narrator was wrong.”
And now it’s time for my favorite Premier League show ‘Jurgen Klopp Forgets He Speaks Fluent English After A Bad Loss’
Everton didn’t even lose, making this a perfect weekend on Merseyside.
Scandinavian tourists will has a sad, though.
Liverpool losing late to Crystal Palace?
Sounds like grounds for a questionable card and free kick to Liverpool!
Wake and bake time.
West Ham pressing is a little like a mule with a spinning wheel!
They’re disappointed fans in Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook…
Such a great episode, and perhaps Conan O’Brien’s best work on The Simpsons.
(Also incredibly prescient here. Fulham scored on the counter before I even published the fucking comment!)
Speaking of Roger Waters…
In one hour’s time…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgAEaFhHb14
*phone dies overnight*
[relies on circadian sleep rhythms]
[fails self]
[staggers into clubhouse late for derby; cow-licked, thirsty, sheepish]
“HAVE AT YOU, LITRE!!!!”
[opens game in fresh window]
[sees score]
[frightens cats]
I’m glad you had such a great experience.
Marika and I have been crunching the numbers, and after today’s draw, we don’t think Napoli will make it into Champions League this season.
I volunteer to give her an experience, while short, will also give her a sense of unfullfillment and disgust to outweigh Napoli’s failure.
Atta boy!
Okay, but what did she make to eat?